Once upon a time - to sacrifice youth in the most beautiful years

This year's winter was so short that it was hard to adapt. The melting of the last snowflakes soaked into the residual warmth, making the originally vague breath vivid and clear.

It's still that time, that place, it's still that campus, but the protagonists and supporting roles have changed too much, it's still the crowded snack street that day, or the movie theater that still shines, and the station where midnight will suddenly be depressed, everything here has carved too many beautiful but sad times, and memories seem to be put aside.

But why, I can no longer feel a trace of the warmth that belonged to the past, a scarf, a string of bracelets, a hug, and even a simple greeting began to gradually overflow with indifference, and the chill made my heart tremble.

Tears were flowing but I didn't know it.

I've finally decided to go back to my old ways.

Even though I know that there are too many impossibilities.

It was like a snow at the time of parting, spreading through my numb heart, burying our memories in the deepest time and place.

It's like you were naïve to me, and I was shy and shy to you.

"When time fades, will you remember me?"

...... "I'm sorry, I really don't know how to answer.

It's just that there is a long and difficult period in my ears, vaguely revealing my fantasy, or reality:

It turned out that I was too naïve and too greedy

It's that you're too persistent and too ruthless

It turns out that we are far away, even close to the end of the world

You wander away with that vast time

After all, I still can't hold back, only cold thoughts are left to soothe someone's heart

Who else would you be with me

Who will I be to her?

If I were to recall our past far away,

I think it will be at the end of the world, the place we have always dreamed of.

Light a cigarette and learn to look like an adult, naïve but vicissitudes.

The road behind him was as blurry as smoke spitting out.

part1

I look at you through the Milky Way

I've never thought of you like this

In a dream

I can finally hug you deeply

Sucking greedily with a faint blur

Even if you put me out of your world again

I'm still the same as I was at the beginning

The wind was blowing, and the sound of vehicles still being heard from time to time on the street at midnight, rumbling into the loneliness of the city. More than ten years ago, when I was just a child, I only remembered that the beach of this small coastal town would faintly hum quietly, which seemed to belong to another world. It made me believe for a while that there were mermaids in this world. So, I followed the song and slowly approached the beach, only to be wet by the sudden waves, and then what? Forgive me, there are always some details in my memory. I grew up here, and there was always a lot of fun on the beach, and the family who lived together, the best friends from elementary school to the present, they were also closely connected to the beach, and of course, the mermaid in my memory.

Unlike other fishermen's children, my father was a music teacher, and a large part of my musical talent was discovered by him step by step, and I still vaguely remember that when I couldn't memorize the stave and fell on the piano, he helped me calm my mind and regain my self-confidence. And my mother, she is great, at least as I have always believed, and from her words there seems to be a special magic, and those exhortations of "eat hard, for everyone" made me accustomed to the fatigue and misery of life.

The morning sun wrapped around my sleepy-eyed self like silk, and I closed my eyes and put the ringing alarm clock into the bed, and fell asleep. The door opened, "Ah Chen, your friends are calling you again." I opened my eyes in a daze, my mother was wearing an apron, holding a knife in her right hand and a pan in her left hand, and I said, Mom, what do you want to do? Suddenly I found that the phone rang, I hurriedly went to pick it up, and accidentally slipped again, "I said I wouldn't go to the book city today, as for carrying it like this?" After answering, of course, there was a familiar and underwhelming voice in the phone, "Mochen, did you fall into the pit, what time is it, hey, my brothers have been waiting for you at the Tianheng Road subway station for a long time, hey, Zhang Tianyu, don't mess with me, you are really enough..." I sighed helplessly, put on my shirt, put on my rimless glasses, rushed out of the door without breakfast, and behind me was my mother's hysterical voice: "You haven't eaten yet..."

It is said that the coastal town is a relatively poor city in China, but the urban area where I am located is just the opposite, the street is full of traffic, the flow of people is surging, the crowded buses have to queue up, the surrounding white-collar workers, blue-collar workers or something are carrying briefcases and muttering on the phone, occasionally a few beauties will look at each other and let go, because a high school student needs to study hard, my father always teaches me like this, I nodded vigorously, but I thought about the plot of the TV series that will be broadcast in the evening...

I even got lost during the rush hour, accidentally scraping something off someone's hand, and the snow-white A4 paper spilled all over the ground, like some kind of butterfly that had lost its texture, fluttering in the early morning sun, beautiful and lonely. Ah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I hurriedly bent down and picked up the A4 papers scattered all over the ground, which turned out to be resumes. Xia Yun'er is a girl. "Ah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I hurriedly bent down and buried my head deep in the collar, my eyes went straight to the ground, the sunlight was too dazzling, and the reflected silver-white light reflected into the stockings under the short skirt, it was a girl, miserable. I thought so to myself, and put back the book that I had spilled out, but I was still attracted by the stark title of the book: "The Wind Takes My Thoughts", which is the new work of my favorite writer Ah M, and I haven't had time to read it yet, but I have been looking at it for a long time. "You like his books too?" The unknown girl tapped my wet back with her fingers, I instantly shivered, looked against the light, stunned, Bai Hao's face had a pair of eyes covered with long eyelashes, and I could even see a little gentle anger from it, even the shirt was white, revealing a distinct collarbone, the summer wind blew her long hair, and the fragrance was also permeated all around, I didn't seem to dare to look down at her face anymore, and instantly lowered my head again, but I was a head taller than her at that time, and stood up, Just right to her eyes, her face instantly turned red, she is really difficult to feel blasphemous, her face is like snow, even the whole figure is white, I am like a panicked child who is fixed, I don't know what to do. Or did she hand me a tissue like a sister, "Am I that scary?" Her muttered little mouth could probably be described as "kawaii", "Ah, no, you're so beautiful, you're beautiful, uh, you're beautiful..." She turned from angry to laughing, "Do you want to take the subway at 8 o'clock?" "Well, uh no, I'll go first!" I didn't dare to turn my head back, so I got up in embarrassment, hurriedly threw it away, and it seemed that I almost fell halfway. "What an interesting guy." She chuckled, but I was too far away to hear.

As the summer wore on, the air was not scorching, sweat soaked my T-shirt, and I made a phone call as I weaved through the crowd, "Where did you go?" There was a hint of anxiety in Xie Lichuan's tone, and I said in annoyance, what would you do if you got separated. He also said unharmed, find the police uncle. I scolded directly, if you are sick, just say it, I am now asking for directions to the station near the X trademark, come on, or your brother and I will be embarrassed like a person who asks for food... Tianyu next to him echoed, I was about to become a grasshopper in a hot pot, and they were still leisurely. At the station, I watched them wave at me from afar, and I said I wasn't blind with black lines, how funny are you two? They were laughing and looking a little obscene, and I walked straight to the carriage and embarrassed them, yes, embarrassed them.

The speed of the subway is very fast, and it will take two or three minutes to arrive at the station, and I dragged Tianyu Lechuan to the gate of the book city, "Meet here in 3 hours, OK?" The two of them nodded, and turned to look for the book. I yawned, I really had a race over the living immortals, I complained, and walked to the -1 floor, there was air conditioning inside that was open all day, the cold wind was really swishing, and the heat of the body was temporarily blown away, I found the Ah M column, sat down on the spot, scattered the bangs in front of my forehead, and opened the book "The Wind Takes My Thoughts", the beginning was a sentence that made me gurgle, "If time goes back to yesterday when we met, I still can't let go of everything and look at your face deeply, and all the overlapping plots have become thoughts, How can your innocent smile reappear in my mind..."

I inadvertently found that the time had come, and when I walked back, the white figure was still blurred in the crowd, it was too blurry, I was in a trance for a while, but Lethe woke me up, "The young man is so sad, where is Sichun?" After saying that, he laughed, laughing very obscenely, I said that your brain let the door clamp or was mentioned by the donkey to a certain nerve, and then I solemnly provoked his smooth chin, "I have liked you for a long time, marry me..."

It's still so hot, the three of us are sweating profusely, and finally broke into an air-conditioned room, it's still a KTV, I'm about to take a few red Grandpa Mao to pack a room, and the woman wearing heavy makeup next to me stretched out a hand to show her charm, "Little brother, come on, it's only xxx one night..." I gave him a blank look, "I'm pure!" Lethe next to him was meaningful: "How can we go back?" "Brother is rich and willful!" "How much money do you have...""Uh, let's squeeze the bus!" "No, then I can also consider walking back..."

"you!"

I have to say that the bus is too crowded, and I sighed at China's huge population base while secretly scolding the loud voice of the aunt next to me. It wasn't until the bus ran out of black smoke that I choked on a breath of black smoke that I realized that it was dark, "Why don't you sit down, just get off the bus and don't bury us together!" "It's been a storm. The night sky is very clear, under the street lamp, we are walking one by one with our heads down, the young shadow is infinitely elongated and then cut short and spread, spreading over the soles of my feet, I said don't I have a mobile phone, they took out the phone and a whole black screen, only mine has a half grid, and finally I asked my dad for help, in the long wait Lechuan said to me if there was a girlfriend shush cold and asked how warm it would be... I smiled, but I felt a little lost...

Yes, it's a pity that I forcibly erased that memory, and even if I think about it again, it will only make my heart hurt again.

I used to be not a person who was always sad at every turn, but I was forced to do it, but some words were difficult to say, but some were difficult to let go. Time was wirelessly extended on the day of my despair, and along with the gloomy heartache, I also asked myself if it was just a mistake to do this, making each other more embarrassed and more depressed, maybe I was too self-inflicted, and that embarrassed and depressed person, in her eyes, must be me.

Approaching the entrance examination, on a whim to temporarily put down the tense atmosphere, at that time, because we were too young, what was popular to make friends, in fact, it was just to get a spare tire boyfriend, I laughed at myself, but I still couldn't stop this sudden wave, Haruko was my classmate in junior high school for three years, and she has always had a good relationship, one day I desperately helped her clean the stains on the wall, "Mochen...", she murmured softly behind me, "Huh? "I wiped my wet hair." Be my blue face. "What?" I can't believe it. She twisted her cheeks and flushed slightly, "I said... When I'm blue-faced, okay? "I said that if I had any bad thoughts, I would say it directly, she patted me, I laughed, she also smiled slightly, I vaguely remember that I still said in high spirits: "No one will dare to bully you in the future!" She said forget it, she didn't expect me to do anything earth-shattering, I raised my hand and carefully stroked her soft and clean medium-long hair, and there was an inexplicable warmth in the classroom.

Then, like a boyfriend, I said good night or something every day, reviewed together, went to the library together, helped her cook at noon, and was extremely thoughtful, she only emphasized to me from beginning to end, "Don't let them know about our relationship, okay?" "I didn't hesitate to agree, I never thought at that time that I really couldn't do it, it was difficult.

One day she pulled me to the back door of the next class and pointed at one of the young boys with short hair and handsomeness, "Actually, I have met him since elementary school, he was not very tall at that time, and I laughed at him for being short when I first met, in fact, he was several months older than me, and it was difficult to see him again in the future, until one day I found out that I liked him, hey, did you listen carefully?" "Huh?" I looked carefully at the boy in the classroom who was taking his homework seriously, and pouted slightly. She was a little angry, "You are not allowed to treat him with such an attitude in front of me!" "Childish!" I said this, but there was a faint sense of loss in my heart. I didn't want to show it, so I silently walked away from her and passed by, piggybacking on her not looking at me, dousing all my expectations. It's a spare tire, it's so thorough, I said in my heart.

She and he got closer and closer, and of course became boyfriend and girlfriend, and I secretly laughed at myself that I was just a passerby, the kind of passerby who let you do whatever others wanted, and she never saw my tears, because I always avoided her, trying not to make her sad for me, it turned out that I thought too much, and the reality was always completely different from what I imagined. I still know it very well until the moment when I couldn't help it, the moment my eyes wanted to burn.

When I was fetching water with her at the water dispenser in the corridor, I heard the sound of the elastic band of the clothes being bounced and vibrating, and I got up directly.

A punch came directly at the goods, "Zhou Xiansheng, you fucking bastard!" "The two of us are fighting together, in fact, I still have the wind, how can such a small body be a fighting material," enough! She slapped me right at me, so loud that it made me look like a fool on the spot, and my eyes widened in disbelief, "What the fuck are you here, this fucking indecent assault, sexual harassment, you're sick!" I shouted out all the foul words I could think of, and the atmosphere around me became more and more intense, and I could see her blushing face with anger, and I couldn't see through her more and more, and she gave me a special kind of indifference: "You don't have to worry about my business." She also tried to keep her mind down and said to me calmly, "Fuck, you're a bitch, why don't you just go to his house and sleep for the night?" Straight to make you cool enough, this is fucking fart! "Shut up! You get out of here, get out of here, the farther away the better, I don't want to see you in my life, get out! "I know, she's crying, she's finally going to cry for me, no, it's crying for this last stupid thing, my brain is hot, "Okay, I'll fucking fuck off, I'm going to fucking disappear, you're satisfied, you're happy, hehe..."

Later, I relented and wrote her a letter of apology, I guess she didn't even look at it and threw it in the trash, the truth was a little better than I thought, she tore the letter to shreds after looking at it, I know, the two of us can already be described as strangers. Xinyu said to me, Mochen, you are such a fool, you have been a grandson for so long for such a cheap and unworthy person... I said I just wanted her to care about me a little bit as usual and look at me more, but I woke up and I was nothing, and I sighed deeply, "You're crying." She said. I smiled, but tears piled up. I wondered if I was too hypocritical to keep someone but it backfired, quietly looking at the thin but temperamental person in front of me, she was my partner, and my friend, a friend who was more than a red face, "Maybe that's why you don't agree to me to be my blue face, right?" She asked me the other day, "Well, but not quite." I smiled slyly at her, "Let's go, it's time for us", my back left a dull landscape in the wind, and I knew, I cried again, "Maybe it's too wet...", yes, it's so wet that I want to cry." She gave me a tissue angrily, "No, wipe it, the big man is crying like this, are you funny?" I took it and wiped away my tears, and smiled softly, but the ton of boulders in my heart grew heavier and heavier.

The rain was beating the leaves outside the window, the smell of earth wafted in the air, and the sudden rain wet my vision, and I shook my head: It's been so long, and it's time to let go. I don't know how it came over in the past few years, for three years, every day and every night at midnight, there will always be an inexplicable loss in my chest, which makes me feel painful, I took the quilt to cover my head, and tried to make myself think nothing, when I found that I couldn't do it at all, Lethe threw a pillow directly at me, "Ya is too late to let my brother sleep?" "Big brother, I was wrong!" I smiled at him. Tianyu slept like a dead pig, and we didn't bother to wake him up, "I can't sleep anyway, my brother will take you somewhere." The two of us sneaked out of the dormitory, there were two more black shadows on the campus in the middle of the night, I curled up, my heart was full of anticipation and excitement, the feeling of climbing over the wall for the first time is generally like this, the ground after the rain is wet, sticky, and the rusty burglar barricade He patted me deeply on the shoulder, "Young man, be careful not to let the Su family cut off their grandchildren!" "I said you, look at yourself, little short-legged. And then we laughed, and we laughed heartily. If someone is peeking, it must feel like two fools are pretending to be ghosts at school. ", look at your long legs, I don't see you crawling every day!"

It's hard to see in the dark. While the two of us are hiding from the surveillance, they are like underground workers in the tunnel war sneaking around, I said that it's not good for the two of us to do this kind of foundation in Lechuan, I'm sorry for the fathers and villagers across the country, how can we see **? He made a silent gesture at me: "Quiet, we're breaking through the last blockade!" "You really think you're a martyr..."

Out of that dark alley, is the alternation of high-rise buildings, nightclubs are often the most lively place in this season, almost every store has noisy music, Lethe pulled me into the most vivid discotheque, I helplessly easy-going, the outside world and the scene inside is really upside down, there is no previous heat, only the dynamic sound of dance music, I even heard "Miss, you are so sexy..." Move... I was confused, I thought there was something wrong with my three views, so I walked away, "Lechuan, what are you bringing me here for!" "I just turned my head to slam him hard, this second guy didn't even reply to me, and I had a good conversation with a woman dressed like a young lady, I looked at the woman with heavy makeup in front of me, and I could see that she was not very old, but her small breasts were looming, and the ultra-revealing clothes of the black silk skirt made my face full of doubts." Hey, don't look at it, let me tell you, this is my brother, Su Mochen, Mochen, this beauty in front of you is my current girlfriend, Liu Sixun. He smiled at me, and I gave me a disdainful glance in return, and then smiled and said hello, and I even thought I was smiling too brightly, "This is the first time!" I whispered to him, "Mochen, I'm going crazy first, you can go shopping here first, and call me if you want to go back." "You fool of heavy sex and light friends!" Before the two of them finished scolding, they disappeared into the vast sea of people, I looked around, almost all of the women who were similar to Liu Sixun were sitting next to the uncles and drinking with them, and they were harassed from time to time, but they still had that charming smile, I shuddered, "Or, Mochen is also with me?" "I finally found them, heard Liu Sixun's soft voice, no wonder Lechuan will be his boyfriend, any man may not be able to resist this temptation, I still remember asking Lechuan one day what is the point of asking so many girlfriends to break up, he very calmly pretended to be a stupid fork who has experienced the vicissitudes of life to me: "Somehow, I like them, and then give up, I think I have been trained in this semi-frustrated love, you see, I am level 100, you are only 30..." I said go aside. I turned my mind back again, and while waving my arms and legs awkwardly, I asked the two of them to teach me how to jump, after all, I am a novice, this young man is really bold enough, even such a woman dares to touch, I am tired of jumping, Lechuan handed me a bottle of drink, I tasted it, spicy, I said what poison did you give me, you want to kill me? Liu Sixun told me that this is wine. I just threw up. In the end, I was poured a few mouthfuls by this guy, I was dizzy, I couldn't remember anything, I even forgot how I got back, only the small memory of the nightclub in my mind was blurred. "You're still so young, isn't it a pity to do this?" I was almost drunk and looked at Si Xun, who was beginning to divide the figures in front of me, and asked, she took a breath very calmly: "If your family background is the same as mine, you know why you want to do it, for the sake of tuition, it's still good to drink with a few fools in this shitty place every night, you look at me, I've only been here for 1 month, and my pocket is enough to last for half a semester... Don't look at me like that, I still haven't done anything out of the ordinary... Don't look at me dressed like this, my mother has never been touched by a pig's hand so far..."She said very easily, in fact, I know how much grievance she endured, after all, who would be willing to come here if they are idle?

"Drunk, really drunk," I said slowly to Lethe. Then I thought a lot about my past, and what they said about drinking and spitting the truth was really powerful, and the next day I found that Lethe began to look at me with strange eyes, and I said that I said something I shouldn't have said last night. He shook his head directly: No, really not! I knew I had told all my sorrows that night, because when I brushed my teeth, I noticed two distinct tear streaks in the corners of my eyes. "Okay, you don't even call me for such a powerful thing,!" I quickly wiped my face and gave him a wicked smile back

Anyway, I'm just a freshman in high school, and I haven't experienced much wind and rain before I have begun to think about pretending to be mature, but I will always be broken by the cruel reality to break my illusions, I still remember writing in my diary that I was a child who loves fantasy, Tianyu laughed directly after reading it: "Just like you bear, still fantasizing, funny!" I slapped him, "It's not your turn to be funny." ”

Actually, I separated from her after that, because of that incident has been difficult to let go, my grades plummeted, the teacher said that I had reached a bottleneck, I nodded and acquiesced on the surface, but secretly scolded in my heart for farting, if you are like this. But the actual efforts have not achieved any results, and I think I am so failed that I think of her in everything I do.

The summer heat gradually receded, the teacher is still strict, but it is very good to take me, good grades are really good, I said secretly, maybe because I love to ask too much, even if the grades are not in the top class, but also in the rank of the department soaring, the head teacher also praised in the classroom: You look at people Mochen, run the office all day long, will not ask, how positive! I pulled my hair down, and the province became the target of the public, and when I looked back, dozens of pairs of eyes swept in unison, and I was embarrassed, and I was low-key or something, and it was already shown from my face, "Students, next week's sports meeting will begin, you plan for it yourself, sign up on your own volition, remember, you can't lose your place in Class 7." "I listened very seriously on the surface, but the fact is that I can't get up at all, and after the class meeting, I will be out of school, Tianyu patted me, "I said that you are so calm, ready to become a monk, and the Sprinkle family will help you shave your degree first, come, it doesn't hurt, it's painless and traumatic..." "Lethe said you really don't plan to report something? I shook my head, "Forget it, I still want to be my beautiful man quietly, if you want to submit it, find me..."

The next week of recess exercise time was spent in the sun, I glanced at the classmates with my spare eyes kicking the right step, hey, really neat, looking at the brother class on the side, I'll go, it's even more awesome. I complained, and the head of the physical education squad directly called me: "Su Mochen, give me a good kick!" "I got a cleverness, but fortunately I wasn't discovered by the head teacher, otherwise it would be miserable. Fortunately, I didn't get distracted when the entrance ceremony officially began, "Hey, Funny One!" Lethe Chuan joked at me, and I didn't even think about it back: "Roger, **Silk No. 2!" Tianyu also said behind me: "Silly No. 3, when will we be able to go back to Mars..."

Back in the stands, as soon as the gunshot rang out, I heard the girl on the announcer reading the script I wrote in that bewitching voice, and I forgot what it was. "I bowed my head in humility. Then I heard the dot everywhere and asked me to go to the dot, I was directly depressed, and scolded the people behind me: "Which damn one reported the project to me, stand up, I can leave you a whole corpse!" "Then I saw Tianyu and Lethe Chuan snickering, and then let out laughter, I said, what about you? They pointed to my right, and my hairs stood on end, and the head teacher's face was gloomy, as if he owed him money, "Look what, get out!" He yelled at me angrily, I immediately knew something, lowered my head and ran everywhere, and then I realized that I wasn't even wearing shorts, isn't this looking for trouble, I won't wear these pants to run, then it's a shame, I'm very embarrassed, or Lechuan dragged me to the toilet for a good time before changing my pants with me, I said thank you so much, big **, he stared at me for a good look, "No, why are you so small there, won't it really break?" "Fuck off!" He laughed hey, quite lewdly.

I went to see the project, I wiped, 5000 meters, it was too ruthless, I scolded directly, so that the people around me looked at me with the eyes of treating stupid people, made me have a black line, the runway, I looked around at a group of thin poles that were as black as if they had just come back from Africa, sighed, and then the gunshots rang out, no way, I could only bite the bullet, after the wild run was the time of prostration, I was full of exhaustion, walking and jumping step by step, my face was hot and red, I felt that something on the ground was draining all my physical strength, Drained away with the blood, but unfortunately I couldn't do anything, I could only be speechless, my vision became more and more blurred, I thought I was really going to die on the runway, and I accidentally looked at the stands for the last time, there was a white face with a concise ponytail, big eyes squinted at me, I thought my intuition was not wrong, she seemed to be still snickering, and it was so familiar, oh, we had seen it before, that is... The girl who made herself very embarrassed by the station suddenly felt stronger, maybe she was used to moving her steps slowly, I actually walked more and more, the rhythm was quite steady, and the runway was dripping with countless sweat, most of which flowed down from my head. The moment I rushed to the finish line, the whole 7th class was boiling, Tianyu Lechuan and the two grandsons came to support me, one poured water and the other wiped the sweat, I was not in the mood to talk nonsense to them, I finally walked to the seat and fainted directly, and at the moment before fainting, I kept muttering, "I said that you two were so damaged like this, did you sleep at the beginning..."

"It's cold, it's cold..."The first feeling I felt when I woke up, my body was still shaking, and when I opened my eyes, I found that my grandchildren were lying in bed. I wanted to stand upright and suddenly my head was clouded for a while, and my sister in a white coat in front of me, oh no, it's a teacher in the infirmary, so she took out the thermometer under my armpit unceremoniously, "Well, 39 degrees, this classmate has a cold, Yun'er, don't do your homework yet, help me get the fake note." "Oh." Why is the voice so familiar, my head seems to have countless stars, my head hurts more and more, and the girl in front of me is already standing in front of me after I finish rubbing my temples, even if I am wearing that dark blue loose school uniform, I can't stop her slim figure, I am confused, this must be a dream, I think. "I think the person lying on the bed is a little familiar, it turns out to be you. What, how does 5000 feel? Her voice seemed to come from the sky, making people fall into it, and I was confused, "You can see such a shameful thing, alas." "I felt that my blood pressure was a little high, and my face was a little red, and it became more and more transparent, so I pulled the white quilt down." Do you two know each other? The teacher asked her gently, and it seemed that the relationship between the two of them was not ordinary. Uh-huh, he helped me pack up the materials before..."I'm even more speechless, that's clearly what I knocked off..." Is school out? I timidly asked the person in front of me, "Ah, that's right, you've fainted, now the evening self-study is over, I was supposed to study at school today, I happened to stay at my aunt's house for one night, and I was going to leave after work." I nodded, still a little dreamy, "Oh, by the way, the two boys who carried you in have already gone home, and they told me not to rush to them when you wake up..."

The night was getting darker, and because the early autumn of this year was still lingering in the atmosphere of late summer, I didn't even realize that the teacher had a phone call out to answer it, and the waiting time was both short and long, as if it was like a moment, but also like an eternity. "Are your parents not there?" I asked. "Well, they went to other cities to do business, I have been living in the school, occasionally going to my aunt's house, and children like us who have been almost abandoned have to support themselves." Her words seemed flat word by word. "Or, tell me how you insisted on running down the entire 5000 with such a ** look, right?" "Uh... Say...."I told the whole process from being hurt by the head teacher at the beginning to running desperately at the end, and my head didn't hurt anymore, of course, I wasn't stupid enough to shake out the stupid thing of using beauty as motivation. She said that your homeroom teacher is really a beast, I shook my head, and praised me before...

"Will we see you again?" The devil blurted out the gods. "Maybe, just go to class 12 and find that person named Xia Yun'er." I scholar her tone said that there is no need to be hypocritical, if you don't have to find the one named Su Mochen in class 7... Then we all laughed, and I felt an inexplicable warmth in my heart. "Alright, let's go, hopefully so." "Hmm."

I looked up at the stars in the distance, flickering and flickering, as if there was a real longing in it, or there could be an illusory superficiality.

Whew, I'm starting to have a headache again.

I was so caught by a cold that I stayed at home for 2 days and began to can't help learning, and I really had a good praise from the head teacher: "Look at Mochen, I ran bravely for the honor of the class and won the 5000 and won the award, and I still insisted on class even though I was sick..." I suddenly remembered, she seemed to be in class 12, I asked Tianyu if there was a woman named Xia Yun'er, Tianyu looked at me with puzzled eyes, as if looking at a fool, "Fuck, it's still a girl!" It's just a goddess, I said is your brain in the water, what, do you want to chase it? As if he had really become a goddess, I narrowed my eyes, "Go aside!" Lechuan said, Xia Yun'er has been transferred from a far away place in the past two days, I asked how far it is, he said what are you doing so much, I gave him a blank look, "I want to study at night." "I can't hear what you say...""I said... I... It's going to be late... Self... Practice! Then I heard the sound of high heels, and the director of the department approached me and gave me a good lecture, "What are you doing on your own study at night, President of the country?" In view of your good awareness, let's go back to class first. I nodded on the surface and agreed, my heart must be full of dissatisfaction, master, I still need you to take care of my self-study at night, and besides, I have to take a nap and the bell rings for 2 minutes, let me go back and add the word "first"... Under the eaves of people....

I like to quietly stare at the window at night, and then secretly take out a book, read and read until I fall asleep, I like to keep some diary every day, the Chinese teacher said that there is a big writer in the class, I am always shy and blushing, and at the same time I wonder if she will go crazy if I add the romance part I wrote... In addition, I am not very good at romance articles, I don't think I will have a favorite person now, Lechuan said I don't understand life, I shook my head, in fact, they will never understand, I just don't want to express it, I don't even understand what love is, but the truth is just the opposite, everything I do seems to be full of this thing. On the eve of the exam, I was lying in bed, "We... So be it... Don't come and go, don't think about redeeming it, it's only going to make me hate you more..."Let your mother fart, my eyes are red, they really won't understand my goodness, and they will always misunderstand my goodness," I think I'm very high, but the fact is that I'm a fucking green tea bitch, scheming bitch, you really don't need to be so uncomfortable anymore, there's no need for such a stupid. "Sister comforted in QQ, my sister is a famous eldest sister in the school, I don't know how many times I led the fight, and I always didn't punish her, I asked her why this one day, she sneered, "Your so-called friends, it's used to betray, maybe one day, I'll shake you out, sister, it's called preemptive, understand, and let that group of little bitches don't even dare to fart..."

I just have a busy job in my first year of high school, Teacher's Day is coming again, the class is really busy and thorough, I volunteered to say that the teacher this time I got it, lest I lie down and be shot, the teacher gave me a special grateful look, as if grasping the life-saving straw, I smiled very happily, but I was looking forward to whether she would be there, I think I seem to have a special feeling for her, is love? Isn't it like, dependent? Not quite, why does that innocent smile appear in my mind from time to time recently, I will correct my mind and continue to listen to the teacher's lecture.

When I saw my sister during the rehearsal, I cut my hair, "Come, Mochen, see if my sister feels enchanting?" She circled around me, and I said, Sister, are you from the dance team? She patted me, "You idiot, what did you have in your sister's bag yesterday... By the way, Yun'a, this is my brother..." I thought I misheard, "Hey, we're meeting again." She wore heavy makeup, but I could still recognize the innocent appearance, I lowered my head, "Sister, do you two know each other?" "It's right to think about it in the end, maybe I'm really dizzy, with the old lady's communication skills, can that woman not worship her camp? I laughed at myself, "It's our turn, I'll see your performance later, sister." "I've had a chill, it's been a little cold lately, I wiped the cold sweat from my head, and I really won't let go.

There are indeed beautiful women everywhere in the dance team, I look far away, all of them dance with soft bodies, I look a little drunk, simply close my eyes, and then, I feel something gushing out of my nostrils, and it is not a surge, I suddenly feel something, I covered my nose and ran to the toilet, I didn't pay attention to the eyes next to me looking at my embarrassment and secretly smiled...

Well, I had a nosebleed.

In the bathroom, I looked in the mirror and looked at the blood stains on my face, "It's so interesting..."There is a song how to sing, "The weather is dry, be careful of the fire candle...", shook off the wet hair, and went back to practice, I looked at her in her spare time, she was still standing on the stage, forget it, I picked up the bamboo flute, there are few people who blow this thing in this era, but I still practiced under the drive of Mr. Wang, pasted the flute film, I gently closed my eyes, took a breath silently, turned my back and practiced quietly in the corner, I just opened my eyes I have the right Xia Yun'er, I turned around again, and she leaned over again, and I was so scared, and ran so far away, until she said what are you running, sister, don't I just want to see a piper? I said, can you not really get close? When the teacher called my name, I felt relieved. When I got off the stage, I couldn't find her, I asked my sister, she said that she would change clothes in the classroom, why, I wanted to see girls change clothes at a young age, then sister, I sacrificed it,... "I looked at the door, almost didn't listen to what she said there, just a faint sense of loss.

For some reason, I've gotten used to being alone, humming softly, falling asleep alone, writing alone, as if some people are destined to be just a passerby in life, no wonder I'm often a little hesitant.

Tianyu has been busy with his band recently, and Lechuan is also accompanied by Sixun, only one of me is left, alone in the study room in a daze, fortunately, Xinyu didn't leave me with those two who have no conscience, because the home is not very far from school, the two of us often learn seven or eight points in the class, and I am used to writing articles every day I showed her the novel I just conceived, she said that I can be a writer, I know she is encouraging me, so I am cheeky, "If there is any flaw, just say it, I accept it." "And then there was a raging storm..."I said you're here, why are you so naïve?" And this, your character descriptions are all eaten by dogs? Look at the paragraphs you look like this, I advise you to go home and forget it..."I took the book back with a black line on my face, "I told you to really criticize it..."

That day, it was raining, and I didn't bring an umbrella, so I simply brought it later, so I pretended to be unintentional and asked, "What do you think of Xia Yun'er in Class 12?" "Uh, you're not going to like her, are you?" Her eyes widened with brown eyes, and I could see how incredible it was, "I have a girlfriend who is in the same class as her, and I heard that she is not very honest..." I calmly opened the kettle and poured it into my mouth, "Would you believe me if I said she wasn't a bad person?" "Poof!" I squirted, "That's not how the joke is made!" "Yo yo, the young man is very excited, don't worry, it's just that there is no first kiss." "And his first love?" "Well, I don't know..."As I spoke, the self-study bell rang, I was ready to pack up, and rushed out of the teaching building with a hard head, Xinyu was like a spy, and secretly stuck his head out of the door frame, "Hey, your goddess is here to fetch water, since you like people, don't let go of such a good opportunity!" She whispered to me, I guess the people outside had already heard it, and shook her head, "I said, I really don't like it, I don't want to talk about it now, besides, will she look at me?" Don't be sentimental, I'll withdraw first. "I carelessly carried my bag and took off my glasses." You don't cherish such a good opportunity for me to fuck, do you know love or not, everyone is leaving, are you a stupid melon...""What are you talking about, so energetic. Xia Yun'er poked her head out of the door, and let Xinyu, who had been scolding in front of me, start to stammer, "Uh, nothing, nothing, the rain outside is lighter, Mochen, I'll go first..." What are you doing here? I finally held back a sentence to relieve the embarrassment, I silently looked at her face, even if the lights in the classroom were not very bright, it still couldn't be covered white, she flashed her long eyelashes at me a few times, as if admiring it, "Oh, I see that there are a lot of awards in your class, come in and visit, aren't you welcome?" "Uh, warm welcome, warm welcome!" I rummaged through the hole in the table, and I didn't realize that the volume inside was too messy until now, and then I heard the sound of the book opening, "Is this what you wrote, let my sister see it tonight, and return it tomorrow." "I'm really—" "Well, the writing is good, that's it..." I was secretly glad I didn't include her in the article, "I... I have to go. "Well, good night." Her voice was soft, and in the moment I was dazed, she had already left, and the whole classroom was so dark that I didn't seem to hear her say, "Turn off the lights for you, bye-bye." "It's just that in the blackness in which only the moonlight shines, there was silence for a long time.

It's just that... There seems to be something that I forgot to say, not that good night, but...

"I like her." I think this sentence is only something I can understand, but I can't let go of it, and I only start to reflect on it every time after she leaves. It's still raining outside, I don't even know how Xinyu got home, I forgot to borrow an umbrella from Xia Yun'er, I'm such a fool, can she borrow me? Shook his head. I put on my coat and disappeared into the alley leading to my home under the knock of raindrops.

I don't know what's wrong.,Yun'er borrowed my book for almost a week and didn't pay it back.,Sometimes I want to get it back myself.,But I don't think it's appropriate.。

"Hey..."I looked back expectantly, "Why are you...", the face suddenly became gloomy, Xinyu asked me who she was, I said that I liked someone I don't know how many years I didn't dare to express, and he didn't give up on approaching me. "Are you coming to our class for self-study?" "Uh-huh." Xinyu's treatment of people is really amazing, and she immediately turned her original sneering face into a smile, if it weren't for me in front of her, I wouldn't have been able to see it at all. "There are too many self-study people in the class, so I came to your class for refuge." "Will it be the same in the future?" She smiled more kindly. "Ah, I forgot to tell the head of the department, let's talk about it tomorrow." Damn, that's all I had in mind. Then I said, "You have to study hard here, and it's forbidden to speak, understand?" "I know, Su Da class leader...", they all said that the girl's smile was bright, but I only felt a little uncomfortable cold.

Tianyu recently finally put his band together, I really admired his dedication, I clearly remember that the drummer in it was a good refusal, and finally he was pestered by him to talk about the benefits of physical education class and the benefits of noon recess and even one day I heard in the bathroom "Xianlian, I said you see, the whole band is left with you alone..." "Fart, you're still pretending to be a little brother when you're full, you really don't know when I'm here?" Lethe Chuan muttered, "I don't know how to do this, Mochen, I can't miss such a good opportunity..." I really don't want to be chased by the god Tianyu, and I don't even have a toilet at ease, so I came to a conservative answer. He started chanting again, and I was told to think about it, and I said that the school was so big that there was no shortage of keyboardists for me. He is a good ideological education, and his education really makes me feel moved.

The basketball game is also over, and I will hold the championship trophy and Tianyu Lechuan them high, so much effort has not been in vain, I sigh. In the end, I regret that the last thoughts of high school can only be temporarily closed.

The final exam is also starting to approach, I am still studying in the classroom at night as usual, of course, Chu Xundan is also in the classroom, so that Xinyu and I really dare not say anything, for fear of letting her hear, she has recently begun to make new tricks, first in the self-study string a few colorful bracelets, and then began to take the rag doll that children only play with, and finally took out a music box, I really can't help it, "When do you want to be naïve!" Xinyu snickered on the side, as if she wanted to see how this farce ended, and then filled the classroom with the smell of gunsmoke, and what was even more ridiculous was that she also commented on her diary to Xinyu, Xinyu opened it and glanced at it, and smiled at me, "You can comment." "I opened it boringly, and I was speechless, it's all love poems, don't you want to confess that you don't have to be so funny? I glanced at Chu Xundan, who was bowing his head. But her writing was really good, and I cleared my throat, "Are you kidding?" If you don't learn to write love poems at a young age, you can pay it back when you grow up? And it's so badly written, who is it for? I guess I can't understand it for an idiot, right? The two of us laughed, but I was directly pinched to the ground by Chu Xundan, "What the are you doing?" "I'm returning the book." Xia Yun'er walked in quietly, maybe I was pinched and I really didn't hear it, Xinyu volunteered to help me resist, "Yun'er, you're finally here, but our family Mochen has been waiting for several days and nights." Yun'er smiled slightly, "What's the matter, it's just that there are some small flaws in his writing, I helped him change it, but he didn't pay attention to it and missed the deadline..." She asked gracefully, approaching in my direction, "Ah, I remember telling you." Then she saw me who was in pain and blew my arm blue, I greeted him apologetically, and glanced at Chu Xundan fiercely, "You still dare to disagree?" "Ah, it hurts!" A scream came from Class 7. "That's... It's going to ring the bell, I'll go first..."She turned her head and smiled at Xinyu, who looked at my embarrassment and nodded slightly. She left again, and I got up and scolded Chu Xundan: "If you are fucking sick, just say it, don't fool around here, you have the ability to find someone else!" She stopped, and the corners of her mouth twitched back to her seat, and I looked at the notebook on the table for a long time, stunned.

It wasn't until after Chu Xundan left that Xinyu secretly told me, "Do you know Mochen, before Yun'er left, her face was directly full of disgust, and I seemed to hear her muttering 'slut with pain', there is a situation, there is a situation..."

In the future, Yuna and I will often meet, in the cafeteria, in the playground, and sometimes even just watching her laugh at herself will have a kind of alternative satisfaction. Suddenly remembered,Class 12 seems to be a top class,I saw her in the ranking list 10 places in front of me,I was a little amazed that the original school bully is not necessarily all dinosaurs,Boredom on the weekend to accompany Lechuan Tianyu to K song,I will even look forward to seeing and meeting her on a certain street,Then I began to explain helplessly,Follow her behind her with a chuckle to help her get all kinds of big bags and small bags,Tianyu saw me in a daze at the white shirt in the store one day,"Damn,Big brother, are you a man, Girls dare to watch things so with relish, little brother really admires! I punched him back, "I don't think you're going to do anything!" He then squinted and asked me, "Do you have someone you like?" "Why are you like a matchmaker, go aside!"

I'm a left-hander, adults say left-handed people are smart, my mother modestly said that it was just that I didn't change it when I was a child, I was playing with my mobile phone on the side, and then I learned that it was just the right brain developed, "I heard that people with a developed right brain love fantasy, Mochen, are you often that?" "Which one?" "It's just... Frequent weird dreams? Lethe asked me secretly that day, "It's just... What do you dream of with a woman... And then you find that it's sticky underneath? "Fuck, fuck off!" I can't imagine that such a quiet good boy has begun to scold, in fact, I often have some strange dreams, such as dreaming of marrying someone, but the next day's shy confession was rejected very miserably, such as who to xx, only to wake up in the dream to find that I was doing that with a man, for example, when I was a child, I dreamed that my grandfather jumped into the river, and I had already seen it well... Recently, though, I dreamed of her again... I don't know what that means, I don't dare to make assumptions, I'm afraid of losing all my memories of it, I'm afraid of being cruelly rejected, I'm afraid of too many things, maybe it's cowardice, okay, I'm not very confident.