Lu Xue left, and moved away that afternoon, and I didn't go to see her off, and she didn't inform me, so she moved away, as suddenly as she came, and as naturally as she was supposed to do. The next night, Zhou Ying handed me a set of tea sets, saying that it was left by Lu Xue, which was a set of antique Dingyao white porcelain tea sets, slim, exquisite, in the sun, when the tea drops splashed, it will transmit a translucent shadow halo, clear and flawless, beautiful, like its people. I put it in the deepest part of the closet, buried in the deepest part of the closet, along with my unfinished model.

Two days later, Zhou Ying also moved out, and she said that she wanted to live closer to the unit, and such a sentence, true or false, became her reason for moving. And I'm back to the way I was a few months ago, not being disturbed by external objects, not intruding on external objects.

Life always has to go on, no matter who comes or who leaves, life always has to go on. Has she been here? Sometimes I ask myself, if the ending is the same and if I've never been here, then why bother? That's how I convinced myself. Use this seemingly stupid but effective method to convince yourself to give yourself up of extravagant hopes.

When I was off work on Sunday, Sun Hao and Zhang Hui came over and said they were for the weekly meeting, but I knew they were here to comfort me. This time, fewer people came, and neither Zhou Ying nor Feng Xiaolu came, saying that Feng Xiaolu invited Zhou Ying to go shopping for the upcoming marriage to alleviate her premarital phobia. But I think it's just an excuse for them, and I shook my head helplessly, I guess they didn't want to see my frustrated ugliness.

Sun Hao and Zhang Hui brought a table of wine and food, and the party without women simply turned into a drinking party.

"Xiaoshuai, that kid originally wanted to come, but he hurried but didn't expect it to snow, and the flight was grounded, or the people in our 216 dormitory were really together." Sun Hao raised his glass and gestured to me, "Come, salute the 216 bedroom." ”

"Respect 216." Zhang Hui and I also raised our glasses.

"Speaking of it, it's really fate to be able to live in the same dormitory with my brothers for four years, think about how we all have different lives, different experiences, and different places, but we can meet and know each other in the same dormitory, it's really fucking fate." Sun Hao shook his head and said, but his tone was full of his usual cynicism.

Fate? I shook my head silently.

"Xiaoshan, don't be too sad, there are some things that you can't say." Zhang Hui glanced at me and sighed.

"Come on, come on, today we only reminisce about the past, and don't talk about sad things." As he spoke, Sun Hao raised his glass again.

"Yes, today we only reminisce about the past, speaking of which, Xiaoshan, don't be angry, when you were in school, you were regarded as a fierce rival by me, no matter what, I am also the champion of our where, but compared with you, I know that I am far behind, and I was very strong with you at that time." Zhang Hui also raised his glass and smiled at me.

"Cut, if you still want to compare with Xiaoshan, then you have to be as stupid as him, it's all fate, don't talk about it, come on, drink." Sun Hao scolded with a smile and drank the wine in the cup in one go.

"Yes, yes, this is fate, fate, all things are destined, and it is not up to anyone." Zhang Hui sighed, raised his glass, and drank dry.

Fate, I pulled the corners of my mouth self-deprecatingly, and also drained the wine in the glass.

"Xiaoshan, do you believe in fate?" Sun Hao asked with a smile, and then waved his hand to himself, "Come on, I know you don't believe it." ”

Fate, I shook my head slightly, fate, I really don't believe it. There is a theory in psychology called determinism, which believes that all human activities are the result of some or several previous reasons, and that human behavior can be predicted according to previous conditions and experiences.

"I believe it." Zhang Hui said unusually firmly.

"You believe it?"

"Yes."

"Have you ever been disappointed?"

"Who hasn't been."

"I thought it was impossible for someone like you to be a decent and successful person." Sun Hao said with a smile.

Zhang Hui smiled self-deprecatingly and shrugged his shoulders.

"Luxue, are you alright?" I looked down at the wine in my glass and asked softly.

"It's fine." Sun Hao put away his smile and nodded lightly, "She was placed under house arrest by my aunt, saying that she was going to fly to Stanford in a few days, so don't worry too much about her." ”

"That's good." I nodded slightly.

"Xiaoshan, your business, actually"

"I understand." I looked out the window and took a silent sip of my wine.

"Xiaoshan, don't be sad, the ancients always said that starting a family and starting a business, but the truth is often always the opposite, you have to start a business before you can start a family, in fact, your ending is not necessarily bad, otherwise there will be many difficult things in the future." Zhang Hui said, but it sounds like this, I don't know if he is persuading me or himself.

Starting a family? I never dared to think that determinism, also known as the Labras creed, believes that there are objective laws and causal connections in nature and human society, and that all human activities are the result of one or several previous reasons. I know my situation, I keep alerting myself all the time, telling myself that there are some things I don't deserve, telling myself not to indulge, don't get lost, I seem to have successfully hypnotized myself, successfully deceived myself, made myself seem to be light, but, it just seems to be true.

Luxue's mother was right, although I was a little unwilling, but she was right.

I took the cup and took another big sip.

"Xiaoshan, don't be like this, it will always get better."

Get better? How to get better? Things happen, they pass, they end up being memories, and finally they don't remember anymore. Everyone is the same, they will experience something, there will always be something engraved in the depths of memory, slowly, when the time is getting longer and longer, people begin to forget, no longer recall the past. In the crowd, pretending to be decent and free, smiling, as if he had never been disappointed and sad, and would no longer think about feeling lonely and being left out of the cold. Is that good? The boundaries that used to make people feel as desperate as the thunder pool, after being swallowed up by time, can they be considered better?

I looked at Sun Hao and Zhang Hui, I knew that they came today to comfort me, but they didn't know, I might feel lost, I would feel sad, but I never felt that I was ashamed.

We drank a lot of wine that day, and I seemed to see Lu Xue again, and I saw her come to the small house I rented for less than 30 square meters, and saw her sitting next to me, smiling at me, and whispering to me, Brother Xiaoshan, drink less, it's not good for your health.

But that voice, that smile, was so far away.