I hesitated, stood on the side, flashed out of the door, and Su Jianjun pushed the motorcycle into the yard.

After plugging in the courtyard door, I returned to the house, and Su Jianjun parked his motorcycle and followed.

I found the quilt and sheets in the cupboard of the hut and put them on the cot.

"Have you had dinner?" Su Jianjun asked me.

“……”

"I was just waiting for the car to be repaired, and I bought a wonton, and it's still hot!" Su Jianjun held up a bag in his hand to me, "I'll go get a bowl." ”

Su Jianjun said and went to the kitchen, and I went to my mother's room to take out the money under the pillow and put it on the table

After a while, Su Jianjun came in with a bowl of wontons, "Eat quickly, while it's hot." Su Jianjun put the wontons on the table, saw the money on the table, and was stunned for a moment.

"You kept the money, right?" I asked him.

“…… Well. ”

"Take it, I have it."

"You haven't touched the money in the store, how can you still have any money?"

"There's still some in my mother's passbook, it's enough."

“…… You'd better eat first, it's been a day, and you can't eat it. ”

I glanced at the wontons in the bowl, sat down at the table, picked up the spoon on the side of the bowl and took a sip of the soup.

Su Jianjun found a bench in the corner of the house and sat down, took out a cigarette and lit it. No one spoke again, only the sound of me eating wontons, until I finished eating, Su Jianjun cleared his throat and said, "You, what are you going to do next?" ”

“…… If you haven't thought about it yet, let's get a job first. ”

"Where can I find it?"

"Right here, I don't want to go back."

"Oh,...... Is it? Is it okay for you, alone, to live in this yard? I mean, it's not safe to be close to the road? ”

"What's not safe? It's okay. ”

"Oh."

Speechless again, I stood up, "If you're not in a hurry, I want to wait for my mother's Wuqi to go through the formalities, and the relatives in my hometown are here, I don't want them to know, you can not come, I said you have something to do......"

"I'll come then."

"Thank you, the quilt is on the bed for you, I'll go to sleep."

I pushed open the door, and Jianjun suddenly stood up and stopped me: "Xiao Nan." ”

I stopped.

"Can you not leave?"

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I took a deep breath, "No! With that, he pushed open the door and went in, quickly closing the door.

The lights outside were on until I fell asleep.

When I got up the next morning, Su Jianjun had already bought breakfast, steamed buns and millet porridge on the table with bowls,

"Up?" Jianjun was fiddling with his motorcycle in the yard and greeted me when he saw me.

"Hmm."

After I finished washing, Su Jianjun also washed his hands and came over and sat down together.

"I'll go back after eating?" Su Jianjun said.

"Hmm."

No one ate much breakfast, cleaned up, and Su Jianjun was leaving.

“…… Call me for something. ”

"Hmm."

"Be sure to fight, don't be reckless."

"Yes."

“…… That's where I'm gone. ”

"Hmm."

Su Jianjun pushed the car out, turned around and said to me, "I'll come when it's five or seven." ”

"Okay."

I closed the courtyard door and listened to Su Jianjun's motorcycle gradually drift away.

No one will bother me anymore, Brother Wei Min and his family will think that I followed Su Jianjun back to the city, it turns out that the local classmates have long been out of contact, and I have a different kind of loneliness in my hometown.

In the kitchen, I found that Su Jianjun bought me a bunch of food, I couldn't figure it out, he was that kind of person, why did he do this to me? Have pity on me? Or is it still unresolved?

If I had done something like that, would I have asked for forgiveness? I won't! I wouldn't do anything like that!

Why do you bother to repair glass when you know it's fragile?

If I were Su Jianjun, and there was a woman who was so obsessed with me that she could even give up the right to be a mother, I would cherish her, but Su Jianjun didn't.

I spend most of my time lying in bed, not eating or drinking, dreaming when I am asleep, dreaming of my mother, Jianjun, and Sun Juan, when I wake up, I think about myself, the more I think about it, the more I feel that I have lived a wrong life in the past 30 years, as if I am always working for others, and in the end there is no good end, my mother saved money to repay the commune, compensated for the money of the food stamps, I went to a technical school on my own initiative, in the end, my mother still only remembered this one thing in her head, and took the surname, Su Jianjun owed foreign debts, I accompanied him to save money to pay off the debt, and did not have children, I volunteered to carry his reputation for him, and in the end, he rewarded me with a dirty disease.

I was wrong, it should have been wrong from the beginning, my mother wanted to pay it back, let her pay it back, it was her responsibility to be wrong, I lived my own, Su Jianjun didn't have children, then he didn't give birth, I should have divorced and started my life again, maybe I would have been a mother a long time ago, if that was the case, maybe it wouldn't be the situation it is today. However, she is my mom, he is the only man I have ever loved, and if I can really do it all over again, I will do it again.

Now that my mother is gone, Su Jianjun and I have nothing to do with it, thirty years old, it's still too late, I want to live for myself!

I rarely eat, I get up when I'm hungry and eat a little biscuit snack that Su Jianjun bought, even at night, I don't turn on the light, I am numb to the surroundings, even the fear of the dark is gone, I walk around the room, like a ghost floating in the night, the silence of the night gives me guidance, and the memories in this courtyard are alive.

There will be a clear picture in every corner, recording the bits and pieces of this courtyard, and I, like a spectator, look at the irretrievable results of the characters on the picture, I can also see the stubbornness of my youth, and I can see the forbearance and honesty in adulthood, which is obviously the convergence of my father and my mother's two different genes in my body, my father's genes make me tolerate and obey everything, and my mother's genes make me jealous and hateful, these two forces are like intolerable water and fire, one after another.

Jianjun in the picture made me cry, he was so young, so clean, his eyes radiated a sparkling light, we hugged and kissed in the picture, and gave each other what we didn't reserve......

Why is it the way it is today? What is he after? Can you really have that much joy sleeping with different women? At the cost of ruining your life?

Am I bad? What's bad?

I turned on the light in my mother's room, the bright light pierced my eyes, I closed my eyes for a while, when I opened my eyes, I saw a woman with a cloak standing in the mirror of the closet, I was startled, the woman had a pale face like an anemia patient, a tall and thin figure, I approached the mirror, close to the woman, I reached out to touch her face, but touched the cold lenses.

She and I watched for a long time.

The next day, I called Brother Wei Min and asked him to take the time to come to my house. (To be continued.) )