I'm so unlucky, really.

People go through history to claim the king, and the most conservative can also return to the Ming Dynasty to be a prince, but I can only be reversed, yesterday Liu Lao Liu brought back this guy is actually Jing Ke.

It's him, the guy who assassinated Qin Shi Huang and liked to sing before doing things.

We have to start at the beginning.

On that day, I walked without inviting anyone and without provoking anyone, and when I passed by the outer wall of the park, a dirty old man beckoned to me his very post-modern dirty hands: "Children, you have a hexagram ...... today."

As the so-called "boredom gives rise to disaster", I am a big idler, squatting in front of the old man with the mentality of being idle and idle, and the main reason why I am not afraid that he will lie to me is: I have 5 yuan in my pocket.

I smiled and said, "Then you first calculate what my surname is, how many years old, what I do, and I will give you money when I calculate it correctly." ”

The old god pretended to shake his head: "Those are all tricks of charlatans, and I am an immortal - let me ask you: do you want to be an immortal too?" ”

What a good opening remark, if you were you, you wouldn't be willing to leave.

I didn't want to leave anyway. I suspect that this old thing might have coded out a row of books: "I see that your Bone Essence is a peerless master...... In the future, the task of maintaining world peace will be entrusted to you. ”

But a master is a master, and he said something amazing to me, which caused me to worship him with all my heart, so that I had a series of bad luck later.

He said to me, "The white sand you smoked is fake!" ”

As soon as these words came out, I felt at the time as a starting point jack-of-all-trades reader wrote: I only felt that a flower and a flower did what happened to me......

I smoke and buy cigarettes at home in a small cigarette shop, today on the street only to find that there is no smoke on the body, who knows that buying a box is actually TM fake, no wonder people say that for men, buy a box of fake cigarettes and its depression is second only to the newlywed wife is not a virgin.

0.01 seconds after the old man said this, I felt that I couldn't keep the five dollars in my pocket.

What happened after that can be described as a peak and a loop.

"You could have become an immortal, but just before the Ministry of Immortal Affairs (at the same level as the Ministry of Personnel) was about to approve it, you fell in love with a female goblin, this matter was not big, but it brought immeasurable public opinion pressure to the fairy world and the problem that has been faced and difficult to solve: what kind of moral yardstick should be used to measure a person who will become an immortal but has not become an immortal?"

To tell the truth, my first instinct was that I thought that the professor of Peking University was disguised as a charlatan to do scientific research on spirituality, and I even secretly looked around, but I didn't find anything that looked like a camera camera.

"The Jade Emperor is very angry, the consequences are very serious, he originally intended to blast you to the top of the Nine Thunders. But that day happened to be the seventh day of the seventh month, and it was changed to a thunderous thunder under the kind words of the seventh princess......"

I interjected and asked, "What's the difference between nine thunderstorms and one thunderstorm?" ”

"It doesn't make a difference, you're dead anyway."

Me: "......"

"Later, the fairy world discussed your problem and came to a conclusion: that is, falling in love with a goblin when you have not yet become an immortal should not be punished."

Me: "......"

"So they decided to make up for you, and now you have two choices: the first is to use your life to do something for them, and when it's over, it is logical to make you (this word makes me very uncomfortable) to become a god."

I was curious and asked, "What about the second option?" ”

"The second choice was put forward by the Queen Mother, this mother-in-law means that since you like that little goblin, you will test the three of you, and if you can be together for the rest of your lives, let you become immortals together."

I straightened up and said, "It's a great story, but I haven't eaten yet, bye." However, the old god grabbed me: "What can I do to believe that I am an immortal?" ”

I said lazily: "If you don't let go, I'll lift your front face with a brick!" ”

"Why don't you try it—I mean, why don't you say something for me to prove that I'm a god?"

"You don't turn Lao Tzu into a woman!" I glanced at Zhang Ziyi on the advertising poster of the opposite building (this Yi character is too difficult to type): "Turn me into Zhang Ziyi, Lao Tzu will believe you." ”

I'm so stupid, really (Xianglin's sister-in-law). actually made such a perverted request.

This old guy pointed at me.,I don't need him to say anything, I don't feel right.,My brother, who isn't as "good" as an AV actor, disappeared like a rice husk in a 12-level typhoon! I covered my crotch, and this old bastard actually pushed me down the street and shouted, "Look at Zhang Ziyi!" ”

The first to spot me were two "dinosaurs" hovering in the street, and the two women combined were at least 300 kilograms. They inadvertently glanced over at the old man's shout, and then screamed like an unfamiliar hand stuck in his crotch. Fortunately, it was more than one o'clock in the afternoon, and fortunately, I was wearing a black silk shirt and 7-point pants, and I lowered my head to avoid attracting the attention of others.

In a wave of shaking in the mountains, two dinosaurs rushed towards me, I had to put the tip of my tongue on the top of my teeth, and the dantian screamed to make a dry land pluck onion kung fu jumped (climbed) into the park wall, through the railing, I begged the old god stick: "Quickly change me back!" ”

At this time, the two dinosaurs were only separated from me by a wall, and one of them only grabbed the railing and shook it slightly, and the whole wall began to fall to the earth, and I put one hand out of the railing, and cried out miserably, "Ruhua, go and leave me alone......"

…… After a long period of confusion, the old god finally turned me back, and then he put on a pair of sunglasses, took out a pen-like thing, and said to the two dinosaurs, "Look here......" After a click, the two dinosaurs were stunned (see "The Man in Black" for details). But after staying for a while, "Zhang Ziyi! One of the dinosaurs shouted. The old god stick waterfall Khan muttered: "It seems that Western goods are just unreliable......"

Gossip is less and the book is back to business.

"Believe it or not, I'm an immortal?"

"What do you want me to do, tell me." After recovering the man's body, I still maintain a reasonable tone to a certain extent, even if he is a fairy, I have 5 yuan in my pocket, what can I do?

"Don't be emotional, I'm here to help you, do you remember what I told you? As long as you do things for them, they will make you an immortal. ”

"What do you say first?" Actually, I'm not interested in becoming an immortal, how about mixing into a five-star general? Flirting with Chang'e still becomes a pigman on a moonlit night.

"The underworld has not been very peaceful recently, the reason is that the judge drank too much when he attended the wedding of Hades' brother-in-law, and increased the life expectancy of a large number of people in the book of life and death by one year, in order to make up for it, Hades had to introduce a policy of 'short one to two' or even 'short one to three' to make up for this year in their next life, but you must know that those passers-by A and B are easy to deal with, and some people are unwilling, such as those historical celebrities, emperors, these people have a background, and Hades dare not offend and die, I had to promise them that they would return to the world and live another year. ”

"What does this have to do with me?"

"You don't want to think about what would happen if you put them back in their time. What will happen to Liu Bang and Xiang Yu in this year, what will happen to Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi, will Li Shimin kill Wu Zetian, and can Genghis Khan change today's territory? Not to mention these people, Li Bai Du Fu spent more than a year in the world, who knows what things they will write that will affect future generations, and what strange and strange things can Cai Lun invent - can you understand when I say this? ”

"Pretty much, it's a domino effect, and any one of them could go back and reshape history, so you can't let them go back to their time." As soon as I said that, I thought things were going to get worse, "You're not trying to get those people to me, are you?" ”

The old god stick smiled proudly, he smiled proudly: "Who said no, the king of Hades deceived them to get them to the 'Outer Wonderland' to make up for a year of yang life, and this 'Outer Wonderland' refers to you." ”

Now that the king of Hades is under the shit, the fairy world is looking for someone to carry the black cauldron, it seems that this thing has to be done if you don't do it, otherwise it will become "why do people and why I have something"?

I pretended to be embarrassed and said, "Do you have any activity funds?" Let's get hundreds of millions of flowers first, since it's a 'fairyland', I have to get two young ladies in cheongsam, and then a few cranes or something, right? ”

I thought that the old god stick would be full of promises, but the crossing written by others, such as money and beauty, are just worthless props. I don't know that this hateful old god actually said: "I don't care about those, the fairy world was supposed to test you, you can figure it out yourself, and those people have seen everything in the world, don't bother, if you promise me, I will bring you the first customer back in the evening." ”

"But I ......"

"Because this is a deal: you make peace for them, and they make you immortal, so we will call these people customers in the future, you can agree or not, if you don't agree......" The old god stick took out his sunglasses and put them on, and took out the pen, "I'll take care of you, but I declare in advance: this thing is not very useful, and it is very likely to make you forget many things, including what your surname is, who your parents are, whether you are a male or female, etc......."

"You might as well say I'm going to be mentally retarded!"

The old god looked up and thought for a moment, and said, "Yes, you summarized it precisely......

I pointed to the old god's nose and told him sternly: "As an ordinary person, it is right to do something for the immortal world, how can you doubt my enlightenment?" ”

That's the way it is, when the old god stick left me, he said to me: "Don't call me the old god stick anymore, my name is Liu Lao Liu, and besides, I'll bring the customer to you at night......"

Then, Liu Lao Liu led a tall and strong man dressed like a turtle to me and introduced, "This is Jing Ke." ”

……

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