It is said that a fat girl coquettishly asked her boyfriend to carry her, but the cowardly accidentally threw the girl on the school square, and the thin boyfriend took a long time to pull her up and send her to the hospital to be diagnosed with buttock burns.

The cowardly boyfriend wondered, why it wasn't a fall but a scald, and then I took the thermometer and measured it in the square, only to know that the bluestone slabs on the square were sunburned to more than 80 degrees, and the eggs could be fried and a piece of pork belly?

Everyone else is looking at jokes, but as a science student, I can see the essence through the phenomenon, I see more than just a simple problem of burns, I can deduce that the girl is not wearing stockings, and she is wearing a thong, it's very simple, you know!

Today, I have been discharged from the hospital for almost three months, and when I was first discharged from the hospital, I had the same dream every night, and a sad cry floated in the distant bright starry sky. I had this dream every day, and I couldn't sleep well at night, so my eyes were red like rabbits, and my classmates patted me on the shoulder and said, "Young man, the coming day is long, take care of your body, don't fight so hard at night!" ”

Luo Yongqing did not live in the dormitory as always, and continued his career of "being naked to the end", and he swore that his promise to me was still valid, and I could ask him for reimbursement with the invoice. The third and fourth fools still can't soak in the girls, and after knowing the old liar's "boy theory", they continue to sprinkle their enthusiasm on the toilet paper in front of the computer monitor.

I'm not as stupid as they are, and I'm squatting on the steps of the school library looking at the scenery, admiring with relish the beautiful legs of the stockings under the skirts of the girls on campus, which are too short to be shorter.

It costs money to soak a girl.,It's not a cost to look at a girl.,You say that's worth it?

How can there be so many girls in the village wearing stockings? In the summer, both men and women, young and old, are big shorts and big sweatshirts, and there is no beauty at all. Personally, I have always believed that stockings, bras, high heels, and miniskirts are the greatest inventions in the history of women, and that the inventors deserve the Nobel Prize.

I think some girls wear stockings to show that they have a good figure, long legs and a warped buttocks; Some girls wear stockings to show that their socks are of good quality; There are also some girls who wear stockings to show that they have a good mentality; The rest of the girls wear stockings, all to cover their faces! Right?

I looked at the girls on the street and the beautiful legs on the street, and I was a little hungry when I looked at it, who said that it was beautiful and delicious? Why do I get hungrier the more I look at it? I swallowed a pound or two of saliva, and I still feel **!

The girl's thighs are not for nothing, but I am for the combination of work and rest. The old liar Xu Fu's handwriting is really hard to recognize, I skipped class every day, stumbled and read for more than ten days, and finally remembered these thousands of words in my heart.

These three "Miao Zi Scrolls" written by the old liar completely subverted my worldview, every sentence could not be explained by science, I didn't know what use I had read for so many years, of course I skipped class more actively.

First of all, I said that I should sense the aura of heaven and earth, and then introduce the essence of the sun and the moon into my body, and also said that the higher the place, the richer the aura, so that I secretly ran to the top of the school library and exposed it all night, the temperature difference between day and night in the Han River was almost more than 20 degrees, and I was frozen and cold on the roof, and hung the bottle for a week.

Then say what after the aura enters the body, it runs along the meridians in the body, and finally resides in the dantian to form a sea of qi. I didn't understand what it meant, and I wanted to ask the old liar, but the phone number left by the old liar couldn't get through. In the end, I was finally picked up, and I was actually passing by, and I realized that the old liar left me the number of the public phone booth on the street, Nima!

So I fumbled on my own, risking pneumonia, catching dew on the roof like a flower every day, and finally feeling a little aura after staying up for a few months, but it gathered together and remained motionless in my body, and I still talked about fart running along the tendons.

I exhausted all kinds of postures such as running, handstands, push-ups, and sit-ups, and finally I felt that the air mass began to move slowly in my body, moving little by little, and then moved a little back to my abdomen, and I didn't move anymore.

You don't understand the abdomen a little back? Rectum, rectum, you know? Then I began to be constipated, constipated for more than half a month, just like Pixiu, I only went in and out every day, squatted in the toilet like a little nurse for a few hours every day, lost consciousness in my legs, and finally just farted at most, and my belly was getting bigger and bigger, as if I was pregnant.

Well, speaking of the little nurse, I don't know what she's doing now, I haven't contacted her for months, and whenever I think of her, I always have that face with two lines of tears in front of my eyes, so I have to hurry up and think of something else.

Luo Yongqing went back to the dormitory one day, looked at me dangling in the bedroom with a big belly, was stunned for a long time, and held back a sentence: "Is this baby the third or the fourth?" ”

I was so angry, I said to Luo Yongqing viciously: "When Lao Tzu is born, let it have your surname!" ”

Half a month later, the fetal gas finally began to move, and the sewer system in my body was unblocked, and I rushed to the toilet as if I was dying, and suddenly the lightning and thunder were mixed with wind and rain, and the toilet was almost flooded, and the entire one-story dormitory was filled with the smell of my body.

After these tribulations, I now have quite a bit of experience in the use of the water drop amulet.

I can now turn any part of my body into liquid crystal, and I can change into various forms, but I don't estimate that the total weight can exceed 20 kilograms. The most important thing is that I can melt it into my own body, in this state, I can actually breathe in the water, Bi Xijue is like an oxygen tank that continuously supplies me with oxygen, and it can't drown me at all.

I made the best use of everything, so I decided to sign up for a school swimming club. As long as I am in class, I sink at the bottom of the pool to watch the beautiful legs of my senior sister, and the white flowers are shaking in front of my eyes. I sometimes secretly reach out and touch it, people still don't know what's going on, and think it's because the water is flowing too fast, it's really happy like a fairy, no, better than a fairy, how can an old liar have this kind of treatment!

But good things don't last long, once I didn't sleep well in a dream, I looked at the bottom of the pool and fell asleep, when the teacher called the teacher at the end of class, there was one less point, my clothes were still in the locker room, and no one saw that there was a naked outing, and I sank to the bottom as soon as I watched the class.

Frightened, the swimming teacher almost pulled over, and hurriedly asked the pool manager to drain the water in the pool, and the group saw me lying on my back at the bottom of the pool.

The teacher, a middle-aged man with yellow teeth, saw my "corpse" lying on his side, and without saying a word, rushed up and pressed me the chest. Before I could wake up and figure out what was going on, a large mouth of blood filled with smoke and dirt was already pressed against my mouth, and a mouthful of turbid gas containing the smell of scrambled eggs with leeks poured into my chest.

I struggled desperately to finally get rid of the ravages of my swimming teacher, but my first kiss was lost forever! I was heartbroken and wrote a poem nostalgic for my first kiss:

"The Coquettish of That Kiss"

you

It's as simple as that,

It's so rough,

into my body,

Turned into a puff of gas.

I

So weak,

can only moan and groan,

But he was powerless to resist,

can only bear in silence.

Farewell,

My kiss,

My innocence.

The last of my rest,

Only my chastity,

bequeath

My lover.

wife

Where are you

Can you accept this broken soul of mine?

The poem was named one of the top 10 literary works of 2014 at Hangang University, and since then, there have been no swimming lessons at Hankang University. Everyone knows that there is a student named ** who goes to the swimming pool every Valentine's Day to commemorate his inexplicably lost first kiss.

Later, many years later, the little nurse reminded me that the poem was not right, that my first kiss had been lost long before that.

/* If you like it, please collect, recommend, reward, all kinds of requests! A little finger will be the biggest motivation for the creation of the old flying demon! Thank you*/