Before I had time to leave the stage elegantly and calmly, Zhang Minglang had already rushed up, hugged me behind him, and seemed to say firmly: "Chen Sansan, I promise, I only love you now." ”

Well, yes, it's guaranteed to love me alone right now.

The implication is that you Zhang Minglang, in the past three long years, you can also quickly forget Chen Sansan, forget the Chen Sansan who was once cowardly and cautious in front of you, and you can forget the Chen Sansan who played thousands of dollars in the coffee shop but once touched your heartstrings, you can forget the Chen Sansan who loves and remembers you wholeheartedly. You can forget the Chen Sansan who appeared in your world like a gust of wind and disappeared in a hurry after a year, and you can also forget the Chen Sansan who loved you like a fate and fell into the dark abyss, and fell in love with someone else.

So should I snicker, did you choose to be me?

But why is my heart so painful and so 'messy', it's like someone is holding a knife and wielding it indiscriminately, and then someone is sprinkling salt into it, layer after layer, and the pain is like a weed that grows madly in a summer swamp, it is lush and arrogant, it is crazy and bound. But the saddest thing is that I know I don't have a right to be sad.

After the breakup, can I still care who is in love with whom?

If you really want to show a calculating look, it's just to get the infamy of a slut who is blind and hypocritical.

And today, I can still give full play to my imagination and reach the pinnacle.

That's right, I think so humbly, or Zhang Minglang, he actually doesn't love me much, all kinds of entanglements after the reunion are just unwilling, and all kinds of good things about me later, are out of debt and guilt.

The pain came up from the deepest part of my heart, like the unquenchable waves of the sea, drowning me.

I finally mustered up the courage to ask the person behind me, and I said, "Do you love me?" ”

Zhang Minglang's hand trembled slightly, and then I heard him say, "Love." ”

But damn me, I still have to ask, "Do you love her?" Ever had one? ”

After being silent for a long time, Zhang Minglang suddenly let go of me, quickly moved to my face, stretched out his hand to hold my shoulders and said, "Chen Sansan, don't be like this, I went with her." ”

In my mind, because of his words, there seemed to be someone with a hammer knocking around, buzzing.

Suddenly, a certain lyric sung by Faye Wong appeared.

Every ant, who passes by, is so neat, what does it matter. Everyone, when they meet their loved ones, has lingering palpitations.

And you Zhang Minglang, when you see her again, you may not have palpitations, but I can feel your slight movement.

I think, if at this moment, I have to be older, I have to be a few years older, I have experienced too many gains and losses and too many broken, or I will be smarter, just stop, no longer entangled, with more mature ideas, no longer to be unreasonable, no longer to ask about right and wrong, no longer to plant thorns in my heart, maybe our end will not be so miserable.

And my mistake is that I am still young, I think love is beautiful, I think falling in love with someone is either earth-shattering or long-lasting, no matter which one it is, eternal loyalty is essential.

I was wrong and wrong, I thought it was impregnable, it was indestructible, but it was unpredictable when the enemy was overwhelmed, and I didn't even have the strength to hold on.

So under the witness of the cold starry sky in Shenzhen in winter, I asked word by word: "I want to hear what is going on with you and her." ”

Zhang Minglang was stunned, withdrew his hand a little embarrassed, and said curtly: "Don't make trouble, Chen Sansan." ”

I sighed, and then dropped the earth-shattering sentence lightly.

I'm still the kind of vulgar little 'woman', and the questions I can ask are still the ones who come and go.

I said, "Did you have anything to do with her?" ”

It was as if for a moment, I felt that all the people around me were gone, and the sound of vehicles coming from far and near in my eardrums had also faded away, and it seemed that there were only two of us left in this vast land.

I looked at him like this, and kept looking, until I saw him, and it seemed that a word was squeezing out of my teeth.

He said, "Yes." ”

I groaned again, trying to say something, but I felt like I didn't even have the strength to speak.

Taking a step back, I lowered my head and whispered, "I see." ”

After speaking, I wanted to leave, Zhang Minglang quickly grabbed me, sped up his speech and said: "Chen Sansan, listen to me, it was three years ago, when we just broke up, my mother had an accident again, and it happened that she flew over to Shanghai to accompany me before Huang Simin, and my thinking was a little 'chaotic' and 'chaotic' at that time, so I did something wrong." After that, I regretted it, and then I broke up with her, and now it's really just an ordinary colleague and alumni relationship, nothing else. ”

"How many times?"

I didn't pick up on what he said, but I threw another question.

Zhang Minglang was still holding my hand, but his head was lowered abruptly, and he said half-loudly: "About a dozen times." ”

I let out a sigh of relief, wrenched my fingers, and pretended to be calm, "And then you love her because of 'sex', do you like her, and then you fall in love with her again?" ”

Zhang Minglang was stunned, and very suddenly, he raised his voice and said, "Chen Sansan, don't do this, that's a thing of the past, don't turn it over again." ”

I sighed again and said, "Okay, then I'll go back first." ”

With that, I made a gesture to leave.

However, Zhang Minglang grabbed me again, and this time lowered his voice and said, "Don't be angry, it's not good for children to be angry." ”

One by one, I snapped his fingers open and said softly, "I'm not angry. ”

In fact, what I want to say in the next sentence is, Zhang Minglang, I'm just a little sad.

I feel like I've walked into a dead end, and when I think of becoming so miserable because I fell in love with you, and let my pure white 'spring' turn into a gray 'cloud' and 'cloud' shadow, I humbly thought that I was not worthy of you and ran away, and you just had other opportunities after breaking up, and you could still fall in love with other people, use the hand you held my hand to hold other people's hands, you kissed and hugged others, you were 'naked' with others Lu' On the other hand, if you give the heart that once belonged to me to others, I will be so sad that I can't help myself, and I am so painful that I am about to die and come back to life.

I'm still so greedy, I still want all your love.

However, like the air that has been 'pumped' inch by inch, at this moment, I feel that the love I had with you has actually disappeared with the summer of the year I was 20 years old.

The screams I left in that empty house became the last epitaph of this love.

I've never felt so sad as this day when I felt like I was going to lose you.

Yes, Zhang Minglang, at this moment, I have a hunch that I am going to lose you.

The sweetness of this time is still vivid, all the love words are still fermenting in my heart, but they are still volatilizing, I am still so humble, I still can't keep up with your footsteps.

The thought that I'm going to lose you scares me.

The more scared I was, the more I wanted to escape, I was afraid that I would lose control, that I would say something that would be irreparable, and that I would cry out loud.

So I finally pretended to be casual and said, "I want to go back and rest first." ”

On the way back, we didn't talk again, I didn't look at him, I turned my head to look at the lights on the side of the road, and the bushes that looked hideous beneath those lights.

The only time I thought about how nice it would be if there was a traffic jam on the road.

Then I can pretend to spend a little more time with him quietly, even without saying a word, while he is still by my side.

But damn it, the road was in a particularly good condition on this day, and he was speeding all the way, and the oncoming wind even blew my hair 'messy'.

When I finally got downstairs, I finally felt discouraged, took out the door, and said to him, "Thank you for sending me back." ”

After speaking, I was about to open the 'door' to enter, when he suddenly rushed up and pressed me against the cold wall, and his 'kiss' was over, domineering but cold, I couldn't break free, so I had to look at him with wide eyes.

In the end, he let go of me abruptly, his hands were still clamping me, and his eyes were gloomy and he said, "Chen Sansan, you tell me, what do you need me to do, I really don't know what to do." You'll just forgive me for once. I can't change the past, I can't change it no matter how much I regret it, you forgive me, okay? ”

God knows, I waited for him to say these words, and I have been waiting for him since the return trip, and I feel that if he dares to say it, I will dare to throw away those so-called stubbornness and compromise for him for the last time.

So I looked up and stared at him as well, and I opened my mouth and said, "I ......."

However, before my words fell, Zhang Minglang rang out abruptly.

He still pressed me against the wall, reached out and took it out, and after glancing at the screen, he picked it up and said, "Lao Lin, what's the matter?" ”

I don't know what the other end said, Zhang Minglang's face suddenly became a little depressed, and after hanging up the phone, he was still a little anxious.

I finally relented to him, so I lowered my head and said softly, "If you have something to do, go ahead and get busy." ”

Zhang Minglang hesitated for a while, and then said to me: "Open the 'door', I'll send you up first, and then I'll go." ”

I hummed, obediently brushed open the 'door', and then walked forward with great courage, until I walked to the 'door', opened the 'door' again, leaned on the edge of the 'door' and said to Zhang Minglang who followed behind: "I'm here, you can go." ”

As Zhang Minglang's footsteps disappeared into the corridor, I took it out and called Lin Qicheng.

Lin Qicheng picked it up for a long time, so I asked, "Lao Lin, what did you just look for Zhang Minglang?" ”

Lin Qicheng hesitated for a while, but finally said a word

Listening, I sat down on the bed, my hands and feet cold.

, ..

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