The darkest night since the beginning of spring is tonight.

The moonlight was still there, sprinkled from the cracks of the leaves that had just sprouted a little bud in the first place, and it seemed that spring rain had fallen outside, and I heard the dampness dripping from the ground and smelled the pear blossoms.

I sat on the bed, looking at the night as cool as water, the starry sky was very dim, the moon was half covered, I looked at He Qu lying next to him, he turned his back to me, I don't know if he was asleep, steady breathing rubbed the scars on his back, after just tossing, he probably broke some more, as if the flesh was very painful, his eyebrows were never untied.

He did it anyway, but was interrupted by me at the most emotional moment, and I knew he was frustrated and angry, and I had no reason to comfort or explain.

He's right, I can't put it down.

He was not satisfied with my silence, he could not open my mouth that I did not want to speak, he could only sleep with his back to me, taking away all his thoughtfulness and tenderness.

I hesitated for a long time, I didn't want to get into a stalemate with him over this, I leaned over him, avoiding his injured back, I whispered his name, he still had his eyes closed, only a soft hum, I said to him, "Are you still angry?" ”

His thin lips furled, "No." ”

"Then why don't you speak."

His hand under his head reached out and patted the back of my hand on his shoulder, "Aren't you tired, rest early." ”

He left no room for continuation of his words, I was speechless for a while, we were silent for a long time, his steady breathing became heavier and heavier, he seemed to be asleep, I quietly retreated to my place, lay down and stared at the ceiling all night sleeplessly.

I didn't blink for six or seven hours, I was really tired of lying down, and my heart was heavy, so I got up before dawn, I turned my head and glanced at He Qu, he still maintained that posture and fell asleep, and he didn't move, I covered him with the quilt that fell to the ground, and opened the window to let in a gap, and then changed his clothes and walked out of the bedroom lightly.

I closed the door and turned around and my eyes inadvertently fell on the opposite door, there was no sound inside, about not yet, I suddenly appeared in front of my eyes and Ji Rongke's male and female love scene, although the number of times, but every time it was in full swing made me remember, when the woman in that scene changed from my face to He Run, I couldn't help but clench my fists.

She enjoys his gentleness, his madness, all his breath and traces, the world says that I am a shameless thief, but who really sees through it, in the end, who robs whose love is me and her.

I pushed the door open again, and He Qu turned over and lay flat, he seemed to be looking out the window with his eyes open, but when I looked at it again in a trance, he was still asleep, as if I had just seen it wrong, just a momentary hallucination.

I said tentatively, but he didn't respond, I don't know if he woke up and didn't want to face me or if he didn't wake up at all, I wasn't in the mood to dwell on this, I took out the cigarette case and lighter from my coat pocket, and then withdrew to close the door, leaning against the wall and trembling and lit one.

My fingers were cold, my lips were cold, it seemed to be a cold breath coming from the blood in my body, I groped to aim the rising flames, and extinguished them before I could burn them, and so on three times, the cigarette butt was barely lit, I quickly took a big puff to make it burn more vigorously, I swallowed the clouds and looked at the closed door opposite, I wondered what posture they fell asleep in, and what a beautiful posture they woke up, whether she was shy and cowardly in his arms, whether he was naked and hugged her, Was it a good morning kiss accompanied by the morning sun, or looked at each other and smiled, he scolded her for being red-eyed like a rabbit, and she blamed him for being too affectionate yesterday, and never mentioned it since.

I spat out a big puff of smoke, but I still couldn't numb the boiling pain in my body, I didn't care, I really didn't care.

But I desperately wanted to know if his and her hearts were tightly connected except for sleeping in each other's arms.

The skylight in the corridor did not open, I finished smoking the cigarette, the strong smoke that came out of the smoke could not dissipate, the nanny and the maid who had just woken up walked out of the room while rubbing their eyes, they smelled the smell and immediately came to their senses, thinking that there was a fire, after finding the cigarette butt under my feet, they breathed a sigh of relief and came up to persuade me that pregnant women should not smoke, I ignored it, I fumbled and wanted to smoke another one, the nanny snatched the cigarette case from my hand, she was very helpless and begged me, "Young lady, for the health of the fetus, you still don't smoke." ”

I was upset, she was chattering next to me, I was even more irritable, I suppressed the irritability in my heart and said yes, turned around and walked downstairs, they were busy, I asked the servant for a shovel, carried to the outside courtyard under the roots of the tree to scoop the spring mud, sure enough, the pear blossoms bloomed, the plum blossoms fell, and a large number of plum petals were sprinkled on the ground, overlapping and overlapping, stained by the damp sludge, I looked at them and suddenly had a little emotion, the branches were so beautiful and bright that who didn't want to, but there were beautiful and clean, there must always be dirty and dirty, This society can balance the constraints, and I have always lived on the ground, and I long to fly on the branches, and what a terrible price I will have to pay, devouring my own incompetent flesh and blood, and growing a stubborn new torso.

I used a shovel to pile all the remains under the roots of the tree and covered them with soft soil, as if I had buried my own ashes. I don't know if they'll be able to turn into new flowers and be reborn next year, but at least I've worked hard for them, and I can't control whether they live to be as gorgeous as they are.

I don't know how long later, the nanny suddenly pushed open the courtyard door and called me to eat, I looked back at her, "Are you all up?" ”

"The young master and the young aunt are both in the restaurant, and they just asked about you, saying that you are so interested. If the master doesn't come down, I'll send it to him later. Oh yes, Madame will be back tomorrow morning. ”

I threw the shovel to the ground, dusted off the dust and rust on my hands, I followed her out, all the way to the living room, He Qu sat in his place drinking milk and reading the newspaper, he was very attentive and serious, he didn't look up when he heard the footsteps, but asked me very gently, "Why do you get up so early?" ”

I replied to him because I heard the sound of rain and wanted to come out and see.

He smiled and said, "It's still like a child, what's so nice about raining." ”

He Run held Ji Rongke's arm, she smiled like a flower, and the sweet pear vortex bloomed on her lips, although she was not very beautiful, but she was so sweet that it was unforgettable.

She seemed to be in a very good mood, I wondered how it all disappeared this night, if it was me, I would not be able to untie it, but when I saw the eye-catching kiss marks on Ji Rongke's neck in the next second, I understood everything.

Not only did I understand, but my mind went blank, and I heard the crunch of my heart suddenly collapsing, and hundreds of pebbles piled up on each of my veins, congesting and coagulation, suffocating me.

The whole world is dark.

I knew that.

It's not that I haven't thought about it, it's not that I'm not prepared to accept it.

But when I saw it with my own eyes, what I said, how I said it.

I have never imprinted such a mark on his body, I am afraid, I dare not, it means taking an oath, it means proclamation.

I'm afraid he'll doubt my ambition, I'm afraid he'll hate me for being rampant.

But the line of defense of greed and longing that I had stubbornly guarded was finally completely broken by another woman.

My hands and feet were cold for a moment, as if ice water had been poured over my head, I sat there, and I couldn't hear any more sounds, the nanny brought the food out of the kitchen, and the same two portions were placed in front of the four of us, He Qu drank the last mouthful of milk, and put it on the table along with the newspaper, and the servant cleaned it up, and he picked up the knife and fork and put some food that was not easy to clamp into my bowl, I had no appetite at all, but I couldn't help but eat what he gave me, and I already had a huge rift with him, although he woke up one night as if it had never happened, But I know I can't get through it unless I take the initiative to make amends, but I don't know when I'll be able to do that.

I scooped the food he gave me on a spoon and put it in my mouth, it tasted like chewing wax, which was really tasteless, because eating was a kind of sin. I stared at Ji Rongke's bright red kiss marks near my collarbone, there was only one on my neck, but what about my chest and back, I didn't dare to think about it, I was afraid that he and other women had reenacted the madness and fierceness between us, my last thing, my last memory.

Why plunder, why did He Run plunder.

I clenched the handle of the spoon, I wanted to kill her.

It was the most terrible thought I've ever had.

I know that I shouldn't have become so brutal and bloody beyond recognition, but there are too many things in this world that I was familiar with, what can I get in exchange for keeping my authenticity, if Feng Jin hadn't become like this, I would have died in Gaozhuang, under the hands of the Kowloon Society, and I wouldn't have survived now. If you don't want to be eaten and chopped meat, don't resist being a bloody eater.

He Run is right, love is not wrong, the love and hate between me and her and Ji Rongke are entangled in grievances and grievances, true and false, false and false, and the manipulators have never been me and He Run.

My heart is constantly sinking, constantly sinking, killing He Run is easy, it is as easy for me as crushing an ant to death, Wei Kun is half a victory over 10,000 He Run, it is not to become a ghost under my gun, I just want to know if He Run dies in my hands, Ji Rongke will kill me and shoot me in order to avenge her.

It's the only way I'm trying to see who is more important in his heart.

But I also knew I couldn't do it.

He Run has never hurt me, no matter how sympathetic she and Ji Rongke are, they are all justified, and I have no qualifications to be jealous at all.

The nanny saw that I kept stuffing sweets into my mouth with a pale face, and there was no room for it and did not stop, the white scum of pastries overflowed from the corners of my lips, I was choked and blushed, she came up from behind me and handed me a glass of water, I gulped down all the things that choked in my throat, she took the empty cup, changed the farthest untouched vegetable platter to my reach, and took the plate of pastries that were left, she softly admonished me, "Young lady, don't blindly eat sweets, it's not good for fetal development, I stirred these vegetables with a sweet sauce, and it should also taste you. ”

I looked up at her, it was still the babysitter who told me not to smoke in the morning, she seemed to be on a bar with me, I looked at her face, my expressionless eyes were particularly sharp and frightened her, she was at a loss, I suddenly burst into a smile line after half a sound and asked her, "We have no relatives for no reason, why do you care so much about this fetus." ”

She was very puzzled by my question, she frowned and said, "Do you still need to ask, the fetus in the young lady's womb is the blood and blood of the He family, the eldest son and eldest grandson, not only me, everyone in the He family cherishes it very much, and his health is more important than anything else." ”

I laughed oh, but I couldn't help it anymore, I burst into laughter, laughed until tears rolled down, the nanny was laughed at by me, she reached out to hold my arm, asked me what was wrong, I squeezed my tears and waved at her, "It's nothing, you go get busy, I just think it's funny." ”

The nanny's words pierced the laughter in my heart, and I couldn't control myself from laughing.

This child's father can't recognize it, and his stepfather has a dislike for me again, whether anyone can love him after birth, I don't know myself, except for my He family, where else does anyone cherish him, and who treats him as a person.

He is simply a wild seed that cannot be left in the eyes of the world, burdened with the deviant love of the previous generation that has not seen the light and thousands of infamy, I stubbornly gave birth to him, maybe I will not get anything, only one more burden and fetters.

I lay on the table and laughed, because my body trembled violently, and the dishes placed on the whole table also trembled slightly, colliding with each other, making a harsh and crisp sound, He Qu held a knife and fork and stared at the food on the table in front of him motionless, the green tendons on his forehead and temples were very terrifying, He Run looked at me who was laughing, and He Qu who had a bad face, I didn't know what was going on, but she smelled that something was wrong with the atmosphere, so she sat there and was silent.

Only Ji Rongke, after a moment of silence, reached out to pick up the bread and the knife like no one else, I touched my stomach, He Run saw this and wanted to ease the stalemate, she said to me, "It's a little bigger than before." ”

I looked at her, "Really?" ”

She nodded in agreement, "Must have been born strong." ”

I swept He Qu and Ji Rongke with my residual light, "As long as no one dislikes him, it's good that he is strong and smart, weak and stupid, I don't mind, I am his mother, how can I mind." ”

He Run frowned, she pursed her lips and said no more.

Ji Rongke's hand holding the bread froze, his deep eyes glowed with pitch black and crystalline light, and then continued to move, he smeared the jam and put it on the empty plate in front of He Run, she came back to her senses, picked it up and took a bite with a smile, and kept praising him for his improvement in smearing skills while eating, and every corner could be touched, not like at the beginning, which was squeezed in the middle.

Ji Rongke smiled and touched her hair, "It's just that this little thing has improved, how do I think I've made progress in everything." ”

He Run didn't know what she thought of from this, her face suddenly flushed red, and she muttered a little nonsense, then lowered her head and raised it embarrassed.