"I know." My voice was hoarse and full of tears, I covered my face with my hands, my throat was about to suffocate, I couldn't scream, I could only say intermittently, "I know what I'm asking." I wonder if the man I love madly loves me too, a little, even a little, or a play made for use from beginning to end. ”

I cried out in a low voice, from shallow sobbing, to breaking down and crying, this is the third time I have lost the bottom line in front of him regardless of dignity, like a child who is lost and can't find a home, I really want to pull his collar and ask him, that day at the dock, you and I faced the sea, you told me that you want to return no matter how late you are, there is a light left for you, there is a person waiting, I said I do, I am willing to be that person, why do you clearly get to the door, but refuse to go inside.

Suddenly, a strong wind blew outside, blowing the wide open window to the point of collapse, and the curtain flew up and ran parallel to the frame, like the devil in the dark night showing his teeth and claws.

The wind that poured into the living room blew the lampshade swaying, the light began to flicker, sometimes bright and sometimes dark, the wall reflected the shadow of me and him, his face was so calm, but the undercurrent under his eyes surged, setting off a storm and waves, he didn't seem to believe what I said, I would really say that, I really said it.

I finally lost the force on my neck that wanted to Ling Chi, Ji Rongke let go of his hand, his brows furrowed, "Why did you betray me." ”

He paused, "It can be anyone, why you." Feng Jin, do you want to break this special in my heart? ”

"I hate you for taking advantage of me, I hate you for keeping me in the dark and letting me immerse myself in your kindness to me, like a fool, after the outline of the eyes."

Forced to the end of a desperate situation, no matter how cowardly a person is, he will be full of courage and grow edges and corners, I admit that I shouldn't have moved my thoughts, it will cut me with a thousand knives and make my flesh and blood fly, but if I can even control my feelings, just like him, no matter how superb the acting is, you can quickly withdraw and distinguish between drama and reality, how indifferent and cruel this will be.

When Ji Rongke heard my answer, he was a little dazed, and he asked word by word, "Don't you know that there is a beginning between us?" ”

I shouted at him with red eyes, "Exploit, in your heart, you can use the people of the whole world, and you can't allow one or two fools in this huge group of the whole world to take this seriously?" I can accept anything, I can not care, but why do you still deceive me! It's all fake, the most ruthless truth and the most moving truth in the world, what do you choose? You tell me what you picked? ”

He suddenly began to fall silent under my frantic questioning and strong persecution, he looked at me hysterically, I tried desperately to restrain and forbear, but my throat seemed to be cut by a sharp blade, and there was constantly burning blood oozing out, I opened my mouth to vent, and I would burst into a terrible cry, and I let my most embarrassed face be unconcealed in front of him.

I slapped my chest hard and stared into his non-caring eyes, "Am I a fool, is this my weapon?" When you are good to me, when you look at me and moved, when you look at me and I want to live and die for you, and regret and regret for the mistake I made, are you laughing in your heart, how can there be such a stupid woman who forgets to fall in love with you, am I worthy? You don't have a heart, they all say you don't have a heart, I hate them for slandering you, I have to fight for their insults with a word, I can't see anyone slandering and smearing Ji Rongke, who is omnipotent and warm and beautiful in my heart, but are you really that beautiful? I thought that if you continue to fight like this, you won't always win, how many people are eyeing you to bring you down, I don't have a father like Uncle Jiu, I can only fight one day when you can't fight, you are disabled, you are down, and you are still standing by your side. I don't deserve you, but I can always take care of you in any capacity, even if it's a babysitter. But Ji Rongke, why are you so cruel to me, since you have no feelings for me, why are you so tired of acting for me every day! ”

I rushed over and smashed his shoulders and chest with my fist, I didn't care where I was hit, all the emotions that were pressed on my heart exploded at this moment, I knew that I and he could never go back to the past, even looking at him felt that spring flowers bloomed, when a person is no longer perfect in your eyes, when his shortcomings are shortcomings, his ruthlessness is ruthlessness, and it is impossible to be redeemed.

He didn't hide from my fight, he didn't take my hand until I was too strong to vent, he held me so hard that I was slowly calmed down in his arms, his chin against my head moved, and I heard him say, "You shouldn't love me." ”

I closed my eyes in despair, I tried to push him away, but he hugged me too tightly, in such a tear, I didn't even have the strength to breathe for the last time, my arms hung down, my eyes were empty and dull, staring at the window behind him, the wind outside refused to stop, the leaves were shaking desperately, I didn't know how many flowers would wither when I woke up tomorrow morning.

I asked why.

"Because it's not worth it." ”

It's not worth it.

I have always dared or not, whether I am willing or not, who is still worth it in love.

It was one of my darkest nights.

I seem to have said goodbye to the whole part of my life.

I can't taste joys, sorrows, joys and sorrows, and I'm just living a life.

I lost Ji Rongke in my life, and there has been no light of day ever since.

Where is the light, in the red dust, or in the wind and snow?

I locked myself in the room and wrapped myself in the quilt, crying uncontrollably, I cried for a long time, I wiped away my tears and told myself that this was the last time I Feng Jin cried for a man.

I stuffed everything in the guest room into a suitcase, I dragged it down the stairs, the nanny grabbed the corner of my coat and asked me where I was going so late, her eyes were red, I could recognize the reluctance and worry from her tears, I hugged her, and moved my eyes to Ji Rongke, who was standing on the terrace with his back to me, he was smoking, the light blue smoke spread from the top of his head, the cigarette butts were on the ground under his feet, and during the time I was upstairs, he smoked a lot.

The nanny shed tears, I didn't say anything to her, I pulled the suitcase to the entrance and opened the door, the early winter night wind was as cold as a sharp knife, cut my face at once, and cut me to the ground.

Is it cold? It's cold, but it's not worth mentioning in front of my already frozen heart.

I looked at the empty and dark air, "Three million give me a year, a year at most, and I will pay you back in person." ”

Ji Rongke didn't respond, he was still smoking, I heard him choke, he suppressed his cough, didn't make a sound, I felt a tug in my heart, and in the end he didn't turn around, and I didn't look back.

It was probably the coldest night I've ever experienced in southern China.

I didn't seem to be wearing a coat, I couldn't resist the cold north wind at all, the manor behind me was getting farther and farther away, in front of me was an empty and lonely long street, occasionally one or two cars passed by, speeding away from me, bringing the withered yellow leaves piled up by the roadside, the trees in South China have a long lifespan, they are verdant all year round, but there are also cold, I stared at the leaves that circled and flew in the low sky, and stared blankly at the half-sound, empty streets, I was homeless again.

I am only used to the warmth of Ji Rongke's side, but I am about to enter the years of wandering alone, if I pretend to be stupid, I still have a home, he will be good to me from time to time so that I want to cry, but I am wrong in my heart, so my proud love finally can't rub a little sand under my obsession.

I couldn't help but look back, I said in my heart that this was the last look, it was really the last look, I put the suitcase down and stepped on it, rubbed my feet and rubbed my hands like a fool, I saw that the first floor of the manor was pitch black, and the lantern in the courtyard still had a trace of fire, which could not shine more than half an inch. The living room was pitch black, and I couldn't tell where the window was and where the wall was, and the master bedroom on the second floor was also dark, but the guest room I stayed in had a hint of orange light.

I covered my heart, and the fog was thick in front of me, and a figure flashed through the faint window, holding a wine glass, facing the distant lights, but unfortunately he couldn't see that I hadn't gone far, because I was standing in a darker place.