He looked at me incredulously, and he asked me slowly, "Are you serious?" Don't see me again? ”

His painful appearance made my heart twist, and while my tears rained down, I finally made up my mind. I nodded: "Well, I've thought about it for a long time, even if there is no Shen Ziyan, you and I are not from the same world." Besides, you're getting engaged to her now, and there's no chance we're going to do it. You don't have to take such a big risk to come to me, and I don't want to suffer the humiliation and guilt of this affair. So, while we're still feeling good about each other, it's better to separate early. ”

"Humiliation? Guilt? Pan Rushu, it turns out that you have always thought so? He looked up, his eyes revealing a kind of desperation, and he added, "I can walk away irresponsibly when I'm done playing, and I can completely treat you like a mustard and don't have to take it to heart at all." But I didn't. And you, I've done so much for you, and now you only feel humiliation and guilt? ”

"You didn't understand what I meant. It's not that you make me feel humiliated and guilty, but from now on, you and Shen Ziyan are real lovers, legitimate boyfriend and girlfriend, and if I continue to be with you, that identity will make me feel very guilty. We are still too young, and even if I wait, there may not be a happy ending. We weren't destined to be possible from the start, so ...... Jin Yan, I thank you for your sincerity to me, but we are not suitable, I hope you and Shen Ziyan will be together in the future. I choked up, and when I said these words unconsciously, I realized what was the root cause of the anxiety that was bothering me these days.

It was we who chose to be together when we were too young, we met when we couldn't decide our lives at all, two people who were destined to not intersect but intersected, and we loved each other when we shouldn't have loved each other...... So, I'm anxious, I'm hesitating, I never feel the sweetness of love, I'm tormented by all kinds of thoughts. And when I made up my mind to say these words, although it hurt, I felt an indescribable relief.

But Jin Yan didn't understand the true meaning of my words, maybe the perspective of a man and a woman's perspective are fundamentally different, my words did not make him feel uncomfortable, on the contrary, his misunderstanding of me deepened, he sneered and said: "I said, my relationship with Shen Ziyan is not what you imagined at all, we are just boyfriend and girlfriend in name, have you ever treated her well when you see me?" Pan Rushu, what ending do you want, let me ask you? Whatever you want, you ask, I can do everything I can for you now. What do you mean that we are not possible? I ask you, you love me, I love you, why can't we be together? How is it not possible? Aren't you happy or unhappy with me? ”

I kept shaking my head, I felt like our mindset wasn't in the same country at all, he had his understanding of his opinion, I had my understanding and my opinion. He thought he could give me all that I wanted most, but it was precisely the form that I needed most and proved our affection that he could not give at all.

He shook my shoulders and asked me hoarsely, "Why do you say separate at this time?" Are you going to part with me just because I'm about to get engaged to the woman I hate? Why am I with her for the whole reason, don't you understand? Why do you give up when you know the cause and effect? Pan Rushu, tell me, why, why? ”

He didn't listen to my explanation, and he was now emotionally broken. In his world, it seemed so natural to get and own. He has the whole world, and there is nothing wrong with owning me. But I, even if I am owned by him, I also have nothing, how can we empathize?

With red eyes from crying, he dragged me deep into the small garden, where I sat on a chair in the bushes, and endured mosquito bites together. I said I wanted to go, but he wouldn't let me.

He took my hand, his tone softened again, and he said, "Pan Rushu, don't part with me, okay?" I don't want to be separated from you, and when I think that I won't see you from now on, life will have no meaning to me. ”

"The first time you rushed into the box in the clothes of a waiter, I really annoyed me, you were the first person who dared to accuse me of being wrong in front of me. I had a temper tantrum, and I thought I had to treat you well and let you know how good I was, so I took you to my house. However, when you change into your pajamas and come out, I am tempted. You stood there trembling, your eyes hiding like a panicked deer, your body was like a small aspen that had just broken through the ground, standing in the cold wind, which made me want to protect it. He didn't know why he suddenly mentioned it before, and his tone was full of sadness and melancholy that he had never felt before.

It was the first time he had spoken so frankly and honestly about the deepest emotions in his heart, no longer in the oily tone, nor in a flickering way of talking about him. He seems to have changed from an unruly and vulgar boy to a sincere and frank innocent teenager.

My whole heart sank into it, I wanted to hear it so much, I wanted to know what he really felt in his heart, I wanted to know why he fell in love with me. Fireworks lit up in the sky not far away, and the sound of "bang bang" seemed to explode on the tip of my heart, and I couldn't help but feel palpitations.

"That night, I just wanted to tease you, but I didn't expect you, who looked soft and weak, to provoke me and dare to really bite me. I thought to myself that I must make you pay for this mouthful, but in fact, it was not only that, when you were gone, I saw my face red and my heart was beating, and I couldn't control myself at all, and I didn't even think about asking for you. I think a waiter like you who works in a clubhouse should have had a boyfriend early like everyone else, or has already experienced personnel, so I was dumbfounded when I saw the blood on the sheets at that time. I don't even dare to think that you are actually a chu girl, but looking at the expression on your face, your body's reaction is so clumsy and unfamiliar, I don't think you are pretending. Do you know how excited I was that night? I actually became the first man in your life, do you know how fulfilling that is for a man? As he said this, his tone became agitated, and his eyes sparkled, as if it were a precious memory of this life.

"The first time you appeared in my life, you took all my firsts away." I said quietly, and with a slap of my hand on my leg, the life of a mosquito ended, and a huge red envelope bulged on my leg.

Seeing this, he took me by the hand, took me and began to walk slowly along the path of the little garden, and said, "I know that your kissing skills are very rusty, and your body will tremble when you are embraced by me, and it looks like a wasteland that has never been explored. ”

"You're the wasteland." I replied with a smile in my eyes.

"When I woke up the next day, I felt very guilty, and when the wine also woke up, I also asked myself, Jin Yan, what's wrong with you, how can you do such a thing to the employees in your clubhouse. But when I think of the first time you gave me, I feel a little inexplicably excited and happy. I think I should do something for you, but I'm not too embarrassed, I've never done anything for a woman. So come to think of it, I guess I'd better give you money. Since you work so hard, you should be quite short of money, then I give you money, you should be happy, so that you don't owe, and I don't have to feel sorry for you. He said again.

"So you're going to ask Applejack to give me a check for $100,000? At that time, in your eyes, I was only worth 100,000 yuan? "I knew that he was doing this to alleviate his guilt, but I couldn't help but irritate him.

"No, that 100,000 is my pocket money for a month, and I will have no money for a month if I give it to you, who knows if you don't want it. I was very surprised, I thought this little waiter was quite tall, so I was a little more interested in you. He laughed again.

100,000 yuan may be my father's salary for a lifetime, but for Jin Yan, it is just a month's pocket money. This gap made my heart tremble, and I felt that the feelings that had just risen were destroyed by this speechless reality for a while.

"You were still with Shen Ziyan at that time, right? I saw her in your car. I couldn't help but ask.

His eyes flickered obviously, and he said a little unhappily, "At this time, why do you want to mention her?" ”

"Whether we run away or admit it, she's there, isn't she?" After I finished speaking, I subconsciously shook off his hand.

He squeezed my hand again, and he said, "She and I have grown up together, gone to school together, played together, fought together, and have always had a good relationship. The day you saw her in my car, she came to me for the first time after we broke up, saying that she couldn't let go of me and wanted to get back together with me and be with me. ”

"You've loved her, and maybe that love is still there, isn't it?" The woman's intuition told me that it seemed to be so, and my heart suddenly felt like a needle pricked again.

"Once loved." He admitted it very frankly, and said, "If there is no betrayal, maybe I will always love." But with betrayal, everything changes. ”

"How did she betray you, I want to know."

"One time she had an argument with me, and she carried me to a bar, where she met a man and was with that man that night. The next day I learned that when I went to slam on the door, it was too late. Jin Yan's tone sounded unfazed, but I clearly felt the wound in his heart.

"That's also because of you, why can't you forgive?" I couldn't help but ask.

He kicked the stone under his feet so hard that it flew forward with a "boom" like hatred in his heart, and he shook my hand a little tighter, and he said, "Because it was her first time!" You know how many times I've shared a bed with her, how many times I've endured impulses, but I've never been willing to spoil that beauty. We had said that we would stay until the wedding night and get married as soon as we were of marriageable age. But she, hehe, she didn't cherish it so much, so rashly gave it to a man she had just met in a bar......"

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