First ...... No wonder he cherished me so much for the first time, it turned out that my appearance just soothed his originally manic heart. I can't help but think of his "multicolored" drawer and the girls who haunt the night and dance wildly in front of him, perhaps these are all the means he took to vent after this incident.

In all fairness, compared to the temperament of most swingers, Jin Yan's true feelings are indeed commendable. Maybe it's because he didn't have a mother since he was a child, he was extremely lacking in love, and every girl he met couldn't do his best to love. Thinking of this, I feel very sorry for him.

But after thinking about it, the reason why he is so affectionate to me is that he grafted all kinds of feelings for Shen Ziyan onto me? Could it be that I just made up for his emotional void? Could it be that he is not in love with me, but just an unconscious transfer of emotion?

The book says that every man can't forget his first love, and every woman he meets later has more or less the shadow of his first love. But if this is really the case, then this emotion, which was originally precious in my eyes, is not at all the kind of taste I want, so there are all kinds of inappropriateness between us, so I always feel ethereal, so I can never feel Jin Yan's sincerity.

My heart suddenly became sad, and this sadness was like a good weather when it suddenly rained, and my heart was wet and there was nowhere to hide.

Unaware of my emotions, he continued: "There was a long time when I couldn't forgive her, but then I got to know you, and I suddenly felt that she wasn't important in my life at all. I hadn't noticed a girl like you before, but I realized it was good after I got in touch with it. You don't look stunning, but you look ugly; You don't pay attention to dressing up, but you have a natural temperament; You don't worship money and don't be material, you don't want anything I give you, which makes me like you more, if it's a woman who can be sent by material, I won't put too much thought into it; Another thing is that I feel very comfortable with you, and you have a smell of home in you, which makes me feel at ease...... In short, I just like you, and you give me a feeling that no other woman can give. I don't know if you can understand me when I say that, but haven't you always wanted to know my mind? I've said it all now, it's the first time I've ever spoken up to someone since I was a child. ”

"Didn't you talk to Shen Ziyan about your heart before?" I couldn't help but ask. I think they used to have such a good relationship, and they grew up together, so they must know each other's things very well.

Unexpectedly, he shook his head, and said: "I didn't like to talk about myself since I was a child, and I don't like to listen to other people's thoughts. When we were together, we only talked about where to go and what we were going to do, and we never talked about what was on our minds. ”

"You don't have a friend to talk to? If you don't confide in your heart, won't you feel depressed? "I was amazed that even a more silent person like me had one or two people to talk to.

"Boys and girls are different, you girls always like to chat together, we don't need to say so much. Besides, do you think I have any real friends around me? The group of people who usually play with me call me big brother on the surface, but in fact, it's not that my family is rich, I have already seen it clearly. I've met you so far as a fool who is willing to suffer with me stupidly, and do everything he can to be nice to me, and not want my family's money. After he finished speaking, his eyes touched my face lovingly, but the expression on his face was a little vicissitudes, as if he had seen the warmth and coldness of this world at a young age.

"And what about later? How did you feel about me later? I dodged his words and asked my question again.

"The first time I realized that I was going to protect you well was when you had an unplanned pregnancy. When I heard that you were beaten in the box, I didn't expect it to be Shen Ziyan at all, let alone that you were pregnant. I flew back on the fastest plane, and when the doctor told me that the baby was gone, I couldn't believe that you were pregnant with my child, and it was so inexplicably gone. Xiaoshu, I ......" mentioned that incident, he choked up again, his words were not smooth, and his eyes immediately turned red.

"I didn't think about it, I didn't have any experience, I didn't even know I was pregnant." I said softly, and suddenly I felt like all my strength was drained.

"I was really sad to see you lying on the hospital bed so weakly that day, I think I hurt you, you were living a very stable life, it was my appearance that made your life like this. I silently swore in my heart that I must be responsible for you, and I could not watch you be ruined by me. I went to Shen Ziyan, I wanted to ask her why she did it, she knelt down for me, she said she didn't expect me to fall in love with a girl like you, she felt very unconvinced, she said that as long as I can forgive her, she can do anything, so I asked her to apologize to you, I didn't expect her to change after she came to the ward to see you, what she said was different from what she said to me before, and threatened me with my dad. He smiled wryly and looked at me.

It was late in the evening, a gust of wind was blowing, and I felt very cold. He took off his coat and put it on me, then said, "I know it's late and it's cold outside, but I don't want to let you go." I'm really scared for you to say break up, and I can't imagine what it would be like for us to lose touch. Little book, don't say it's good to be separated? ”

He looked at me with a pleading gaze, I looked at each other for a moment and quickly dodged, his true feelings touched my heart, but the gap in reality was clearly in front of me. Tomorrow, he'll be someone else's fiancé......

My silence made him sigh leisurely, and he said, "Then it seems that you have really decided, right?" I can't help it anymore, I can't help but get engaged. When I ran away, I thought we would leave this place forever, leave my dad, leave everyone behind, and go to a strange place to start over. But when I was moving bricks with a group of workers, I realized that I was nothing without my dad, worse than waste. Xingfeng is right, you can only endure until you have no ability. Little book, I've already planned my future. If you're willing to wait for me and stay with me, I'll work harder, okay? ”

After a long time, I shook my head with difficulty, and I said, "The harder you try, the farther away you will only be from me, you are a bird in the sky, and I am a fish in the water." The bird and the fish fell in love, but it was just an accident. We're not going to be able to, don't you understand? ”

"What's impossible, my dad was a poor boy with nothing, but my mom didn't take a fancy to him!" Jin Yan shouted angrily.

But what happened to them in the end? It was your mother who died in childbirth, and your father and you were driven off the boat by your biological grandfather! I said aloud, suddenly realizing that it was a great disservice to him, and I didn't continue.

He looked at me faintly, and he said, "So it seems that you have really decided?" There's no room for recovery? ”

I said "um".

"You're not afraid that I'll fall in love with someone else in the future? I love only once, and once I give it, I don't have it again, so you think about it. He suddenly changed his tone and began to threaten me.

"Well, as long as you live happily, I will bless you." I smiled wryly.

"Okay!" He pointed at me, his lips trembling slightly, and then turned his head to look at the sky: "You dumped me, didn't you?" ”

"No," I was made laughing and crying by his words, "we didn't start at all, so how can we be dumped." Only love bathed in the sun will have a bright tomorrow. ”

"Didn't start? Hehe, what is everything we go through? Do you know what I paid for elopement with you? You know...... Forget it, I don't want to say anything. If you really decide, then you can go, I'll be here at night. He suddenly gave up and fell straight on the wet grass, his shirt wet with dew, and I felt cold when I looked at it, but he was unmoved.

"Then I'll go, you can go home early." When I saw him like this, I gritted my teeth, turned around and left.

I thought, if he can't be the one who is ruthless and go first, then let me do it, let me bear all the blame, and let me end all the past.

He didn't expect me to really leave, and when I walked about a hundred meters, I heard him shouting behind me: "Pan Rushu!" Don't leave me! ”

My heart ached violently, but I still didn't look back.

"Pan Rushu!"

"Pan Rushu!"

"Slut!"

"I hate you!"

……

He was like an impulsive and willful drunken teenager, constantly calling my name, crying out like a lost lamb to his companion, from love to hate, just for a moment.

I walked very slowly, and I often felt the urge to turn back and hug him desperately, but I managed to control my emotions. Later, when I couldn't hear his voice, I suddenly felt very annoyed with myself, and I finally mustered up the courage to turn back, but there was no trace of Jin Yan except for rows of low green plants and the flat grass behind meadow!

For a moment, how I wished he would catch up, and he would hold me as presumptuously as before, and coquettish like a lion cub and order me not to leave his life; How I wish he would rush over and melt the wall of my heart with hot tears, so that the wall that I had so hard built would collapse on all fronts, and I would be with him without hesitation or hesitation...... But he didn't.

He disappeared where he was. In addition to sadness, I also have a trace of happiness, although my heart is not pretentious, but I understand that this is the best ending for him or me.

There is no kind of love in this world that allows three people to walk side by side. Not before, not now, and not in the future. If there is, it must be just a compromise of life, not an attachment to love.

,..