I put my hand on the back of Chen Tu's hand, pressed his hand on my face, chuckled, and said in a self-deprecating tone, "Still, you are like other men, you just like my clean-looking smiling face." ”

As if stung by an insect, Chen Tu hurriedly withdrew his hand, his hands held my shoulders in pairs, his eyes widened, and he shook me vigorously: "Wu Yi? ”

Raising my eyes, I glanced at Chen Tu lightly, as cold as a crane: "If you just like my clean-looking smiling face, I advise you to end this ridiculous relationship." Because even though I have a clean face, in my heart, my whole person is dirty. I'm dirty. These filths are like piles of wrinkles in my heart, and no matter what method I use, it will be difficult for me to smooth them out again. ”

It's really funny, it turns out that Mr. Chen Tu, who has seen the world, also looks so frightened that his face is full of confusion and pale.

The hand shook my shoulder weakly again, and Chen Tu's voice trembled a little: "Wu Yi, don't scare me." ”

Wiping away the few tears left on my face, I continued to chuckle: "Chen Tu, do you want to know why I ran out to find Lu Zhou that night." It's still in your heart, I'm okay to take out and talk to a male classmate. I don't want to say that I was by you, even if I was beaten by your buddy for two rounds, I deserve it, right? ”

The corners of his mouth twitched a few times, Chen Tu's face was dazed, his eyes were like a pool of lake water that I couldn't touch, and he was even more powerless: "Wu Yi, did I uncover your scars?" ”

Empty eyes swept over him, and my gaze finally fell on the ceiling, which would surely reflect all my grief and despair.

Without Ying Chentu's words, I continued to say to myself: "I have a father, a mother, a brother and a sister, but I don't have a home. ”

After a pause, I smiled hard: "My parents don't want me, put me at my aunt's house." When they didn't want me, I was 5 years old, just remembering the age. It was raining lightly that morning, and my mom boiled me two eggs for the first time, and my dad dropped the bowl halfway through it, and the bowl of slag shattered to the ground, and I was so scared that I cried, and then my mom took me to my aunt's house, and she gave my aunt a bag of my clothes and a wad of money, and left. After that, I lived with my aunt and uncle. ”

Running my hand through my hair that had suddenly fallen out, I continued: "I don't have a childhood, because my childhood was nothing but scolding and beating, and my cousin was a troublemaker, and he loved to pick my clothes and make fun of me since I was a child. I was already ashamed, and I told my aunt that I was despised by her. Later, when I went to middle school, my cousin finally stopped picking my clothes, but it was my uncle's turn, and as soon as I had taken off my clothes and took a shower, he came over and kicked me in the door to get something for him. At that time, the school uniform was a skirt, and I didn't dare to wear pants with loose pants at home, because my uncle was a rotten man, and he would pull my pants and touch my ass while I wasn't paying attention. My aunt will turn a blind eye to him, and he will be unscrupulous. Finally, one day, he became a beast completely. That day he tricked me home, and as soon as he closed the door, he picked my pants, and I got up in a hurry and hit him with a hammer, and I knocked him on the head, and he would not let me go until he bled out. I ran out of the house and was completely cornered, and after thinking about it, I thought about it before I thought about calling Lu Zhou. ”

After I babbled a lot of words, Chen Tu pounced on me again and hugged me, he said: "Wu Yi, don't say it, don't say the rest of the things, I'm wrong, I'm a bastard, I'm a scumbag, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, don't torture yourself anymore." ”

I slowly broke Chen Tu's hand, my eyes wandered on the ceiling, and I continued: "You think that I escaped the harassment of a rotten person, but I didn't escape the tragedy that you and Lu Zhou directed me, it was tragic enough, right?" No, no, no, my life is too bad. Worse is yet to come. ”

Exhaling lightly, I said numbly: "That day, when I came home from Lu Zhou's house, my aunt and my aunt teamed up to beat me, saying that I seduced my uncle, and my aunt also gave me a passbook, saying that it was the tuition fee my mother gave me, and told me to get out." I took my luggage and went to the China Construction Bank at the general market, and when I was waiting in line to check the accounts, my uncle came over with a few people and took me away without saying a word. He went to the police at the Public Security Bureau and reported me, saying that I was a prostitute and that I had gone out to sell it. I was taken back by the law enforcement officers who acted quickly, and they asked for a forensic medical examination for me, and the results came out quickly, because of the fresh wound on my body with a ruptured hymen, and out of nowhere a middle-aged woman accused me, I somehow became a prostitute and was locked up for several hours. The rotten man in the back didn't know how to use it, and he came at about nine o'clock in the evening to take me away in the name of the guardian. I knew that I was going to die with someone like him. So I ran while he wasn't paying attention, and who knew that I ran to the other side of the canal, and my foot twisted, and the rotten man pressed me to the grass, and he went crazy and stripped me of my clothes, and I was quickly stripped naked, and I didn't have a fig leaf on my body. ”

Chen Tu's hand covered my mouth at a speed that caught me off guard, and he said, "Wu Yi, it's okay, it's really okay." ”

I took his hand off again, the corners of my mouth grinned, and I smiled mockingly: "Chen Tu, don't worry, that rotten person didn't succeed in violating me." So last time, Chen Tu slept with a clean body. ”

After a pause for a few seconds, as soon as the conversation box was opened, I had been holding these things in my heart for so many years, and I was incoherent like crazy: "Or I should be grateful to my cousin." Although he used to be ignorant and love to despise me, if it wasn't for him that night, I might not even have the courage left to live in this world. It's better for me to be raped by a stranger than to be violated by that rotten guy from my uncle. Even if he doesn't have any affection for me as an elder, in my heart, he is an elder. If I am violated by him, I will only be ashamed and embarrassed to die and be freed. My cousin, when I was kicked out, he noticed me, he wanted to protect his family, he took several of his buddies to follow behind, rushed over when my uncle was about to succeed, he dragged us away, but he slapped me in the face, scolded me, and seduced men. His slap completely dispersed all my strength to resist. Among my cousin's friends, some of them have a good family environment, bought a point-and-shoot machine, they are young and vigorous, and they always feel that they collectively insult and humiliate me together, just to be angry with my cousin, so they laugh at me, take pictures of me, and constantly insult me with those dirty words, under the watchful eyes of so many men, I can only panic and cross my legs and hug my arms to cover those ** parts, but I can't block it for two minutes, my cousin dragged my uncle away, and his friends surrounded me, Laughing and looking at the excitement, they pulled my hands away, kept touching me, they touched my chest and poked my lower body with their fingers, I originally thought I was quite clean, but those men's hearts, their hands were naturally dirty, they touched my body, and completely trampled my self-esteem to the ground, and completely hit my courage to continue living, so I jumped into the canal naked. I came into this world naked, and I became a floating corpse so naked, or maybe that's my end. But my life couldn't end completely, and Yang Rongmeng, the unlucky guy, saved me. ”

Looking at Chen Tu again in distraction, I smiled bleakly: "He saved my people, but he couldn't save my soul." I became hostile to men, and I was left with a deep psychological shadow. For a long time afterward, I was afraid of physical contact with anyone. When I was in college, a girl in the dormitory accidentally touched my hands, and I washed myself with soap in private until my hands were peeled. I lived like a monster, without family, without many friends, and I built myself a castle for those pretended arrogance, and I couldn't get out, and no one else could get in. Later, I met Wu Yidi, who, like Yang Rongmeng, was a good person. It's just these two good people, I feel that there is still some hope in life, I slowly become less monster, I slowly put on armor and masks, and live like a normal person. But Chen Tu, in my bones, still hates those rotten people who have a bad character and try to attack a woman who has no power to restrain the chicken. I met you again, I told myself at the time that you were a scumbag, but I couldn't help but be attracted to you, I couldn't help but like you. Later, you told me that you are not a scumbag and that you like me, and I believed it. You make me a cake, you buy me an induction cooker, you call me to urge me to eat well, I may be a little too demanding, there is a man who clearly expresses his kindness to me, makes me feel warm, I can't wait to put my heart on it. When I was extremely sure in my heart that you were not a rotten person, you came to tell me again that you used to be an accomplice, and you assisted Lu Zhou in his intention to mistreat me, and you were indeed an out-and-out rotten person. Chen Tu, I have encountered a lot of things that have chilled my heart over the years, but compared to now, I feel that all the chills I have experienced before are not one-tenth of what you give me now. You've always had a way of crushing the self-esteem I've built up so hard. ”

"In front of you, I feel like I'm living like a joke." After saying this sentence weakly, I sat on the ground with my whole body soft against the door, I knew that I was ugly and ugly when I cried, but I couldn't help it, and finally I grinned very ugly and cried heartbreakingly.

Before falling in love with Chen Tu, I didn't think that I would eventually collapse this day, I didn't think that there would be a day when I would no longer lick my wounds silently by myself, and I didn't think that I would have the day when I would pour out these things that were fermenting and rotting in my heart.

But I was defeated.

It turns out that love does not only bring sweetness, it also brings wounds, even if it is just a small opening, it is enough to tear my heart apart.

I think Chen Tu and I can probably only go here.

I may not have love, but I can't lose the self-esteem that keeps me alive. I am willing to forgive him for the mistakes he committed to me when he was drunk, but I can't forgive him for his depraved character and helping Lu Zhoulai to violate me. Although there are mistakes in the back, these are two different things.

He made a mistake in principle.

Unforgivable.

I was still so calm that I felt terrible to myself, my howling and crying, after ten minutes it was completely still, I quickly wiped away those worthless tears, as if I had never cried, I stood up, slowly opened the door, I said to Chen Tu, "You can go." ”

Chen Tu also grabbed my arm, the emotions on his face were too complicated, too complicated for me to pick out, he opened his mouth, and finally said with some stubbornness: "I won't go." Wu Yi, don't try to drive me away. ”

I desperately tried not to let my eyes turn red again, and I pretended to be nonchalant: "Chen Tu, let's break up." ”