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I was the only one standing in the elevator when I went downstairs

I looked at the camera in the corner of the ceiling of the elevator hall, and suddenly remembered the scene a long time ago when L was still in this company. At that time, we were in an endless relationship, but I was always dodging him. The occasional few times when the two of us ride the elevator together, we are silent side by side, listening to each other's breathing, and you have a nervous hormone in the air. I peered into him out of the corner of my eye and saw that he seemed to be looking at the camera. After we got together, we took the elevator together in a remote hotel, and L still habitually avoided having intimate actions in front of the camera. Nowadays, when I see a camera in any elevator, I always think of him.

l There are still a lot of marks left in my life. But I had to forget about them gradually.

I sat directly in the back seat of L's car. He asked me to sit in the front passenger seat, and I didn't agree.

At that time, L's face was very bad.

Along the way, we chatted with each other, and whenever he tentatively teased me, I refused to respond. In this way, he drove faster and faster, and I couldn't help but whisper: "Be careful when driving." "Ignore me. The road became familiar, and I mustered up the courage to say, "I'm not going to the hotel." ”

"So where are you going?" l disagreed.

"Let's go to the river." I propose.

"Go to the hotel." l confirmed.

The dull air pressure in the carriage rose suddenly, and there was a wrestling.

"Then you let me get out of the car." I whispered. I've always been afraid of disobedience because I can't bear his displeasure and sadness, but I'm not cowardly&mdah;the day of tearing my face should come.

l was on fire: "What the hell do you want to do?" ”

I was looking at him from behind.

"L, I have a boyfriend."

"I know that. And then what? You don't want me anymore? ”

I was stunned. But I had expected that he might say anything. I explained a little embarrassed: "I'm different from you, I can't ...... with two people at the same time" I found that it was extremely rude in the middle of the sentence, and I guess I was going to explode. I sat in the back and couldn't see his face, so I hurriedly searched for the right language: "I...... I felt like I was responsible for my boyfriend, who was also very nice to me, and we wanted to get married. I can't stay like this anymore after marriage, I can't do it, and I won't be happy. At the end, I added a nonsense sentence: "L, thank you for taking care of me for so long." ”

"You've only known him for a long time, and you're going to get married!" I heard a tone of resentment and reluctance.

"I mean, maybe get married in the future...... We've just established a relationship. But ......"

"As I've said, our relationship won't have any impact on both people's lives!" l reprimanded him impatiently.

"But it affected me!" I finally couldn't help but explode, pouring out the depression in my heart, "It doesn't affect you, but I'm different from you!" If I want to fall in love and get married, I can only like one person! I'm with you because I like you, nothing else, but I also want to live a normal life! I can't deceive my superiors and deceive, that kind of life will make me schizophrenic! ”

"Schizophrenia! Don't talk about yourself so intimidating. "l unmoved. He also seemed to have anticipated the reason for my justification, and began to persuade at length: "You are not married, and you have not yet realized it. Marriage is very dull, and the passion between you and your husband will wear off in a few years. My relationship with you is to add excitement and fun to the dull life, and to relieve stress, so you don't have to think too much about it, and you don't need to have a heavy psychological burden......"

The speaker has no intention. And I sat in the back and cooled down, as if someone had poured ice water from head to toe.

Is it still the same?

From the disgust of being asked out to rub oil for the first time, to the stupid sitting in the hospital waiting for the results of the examination, to the crook of his arm that hugged me every time I went out for the night...... Nothing can be proven. Even if he liked me, it was only to relieve his loneliness.

I never asked him to love me, but I always thought that after all this time, he had more or less stopped using me as a mere tool for sexual desire. I'm overestimating myself.

l I couldn't have imagined that his high-sounding rhetoric would have an absolute counterproductive effect. I was not the same kind of person as him, and I was utterly disappointed, questioning almost hopelessly about the chaotic lustful entanglements of the past two years.

"Stop." I commanded.

He tilted his head as if he hadn't heard me.

"I told you to stop!"

"You're sick!"

"Stop!" I kicked him in the driver's seat in a fit of rage, "I'm going to get out of the car!" ”

l Quickly change lanes and brake sharply on the side of the road. I jumped out of the car door and sped away through the green belt.

Behind him, there was the sound of the engine going off, igniting again, and the engine roaring.

I'm too lazy to look back. I know that L has already stepped on the accelerator to the end, driving all the way around, and this idiot is angry with his life every time. I didn't know where I was going, and before I took a taxi back to work, I plunged headlong into a mall, bought a giant ice cream and ate it until I had a stomachache. I wanted to take the opportunity to shop to comfort myself, but I didn't feel in the mood to go shopping at all, so I had to calm down and go home.

When I ran away, my eyes were red with anger. But after only two days of rest, I gradually calmed down.

I think L just can't accept that I proposed to break up, and he was unwilling to be dumped by others, and he was as proud as he was. His ideal outcome should be to wait until he is tired of playing before finding a chance to leave me, if I cry and grab the ground, he will persuade me with good words, and say that it is good for me. Unexpectedly, I took the army ahead of schedule, and he was completely unprepared to finish at such a time and in such a form, which did not conform to his perfectionist assumptions, and he was a little embarrassed, and it was inevitable that he would be angry for a while.

So I'm going to change my strategy the next time I negotiate. For a reason that he is more "acceptable", give him a step down.

I carefully twisted the bead that never came away.

If L and I hadn't started with such an abnormal relationship, we might not have endured each other for that long&mdah;If we had followed the normal path of love, I might not have been able to stand his tyranny and willfulness, he might have disliked my sensitivity and eventfulness, and we would have quarreled so much during our relationship that we were very likely to break up. Our personalities are too strong to be a good fit, but when the focus is only on mutual flirting and coaxing and brief physical attachments, we feel seamless.

Don't blame me for being unrighteous if you are unkind.