I sat in the water, my back pressed against the wall, my arms around my body.

The water temperature wasn't too high, but the fog still blinded my eyes, and I couldn't see the expression of L on the other side.

The walls of the pool are cold.

It wasn't until he slowly paddled over that his evil smile reappeared in front of me that I knew I had nowhere to run. I reached out to push him away, and he grabbed my hand.

The two adults tacitly face each other, and the matter has come to this, and the next development is the logical love between men and women. He didn't give me any memory to stay, everything happened very quickly. He is very good at handling and dexterous with his fingers, but there is no foreplay. Sex with a man, much the same. But having sex with someone you like will remember more interesting things.

"If you don't wear a T, you can't give in!"

"How do you wear it in the water?"

"Anyway, it just won't work!"

"Wearing a T in such hot water reminds me of steamed sausages!"

"Then I'm home!"

He had to climb ashore in a depressed mood and go back to his room to get the TT. I looked at his back and laughed. stripped off his clothes and walked, still looking like a hanger. I remembered how he looked when I first saw him, his suitcase in the corner, his messy hair, his haggard cheeks, and his sparkling eyes. Now he leaves me with an inverted triangular back and a firm hip.

L went back into the water again, not going to let me go.

"You let go of me......"

"Look there's a bug over there!"

"Don't ......"

"Look at that bug laughing! I really didn't lie to you, see for yourself! ”

As soon as I turned my head, he turned me over.

Still, he refused to do a little foreplay. I had been waiting for his kiss.

"I'm not ready ......," I said.

"I'm ready."

I complained, "Please! Don't you never do foreplay? Don't think about other people's feelings at all, no wonder you can't get a girl! ”

The last conclusion was based on the thought that he was an iron rooster. I don't know why he said it at this point, apparently he thought it was a provocation.

In fact, I know that he has never lacked lovers.

It just depends on whether he wants to find it at this stage.

"I'm not going to do foreplay." He repeated my words one by one, "I can't make a girl." "While teaching me a hard lesson, to be honest, his skills are better than all my predecessors, and the point is that from the hot spring to the bedroom, a full three hours, which is a lot of physical work for a man who runs around.

As an older single woman, I can clearly distinguish between liking someone and ML satisfaction indicators. Actually, I didn't expect L to surprise me before, I was only willing to give him my body because I liked him, so I didn't have any regrets for myself, and I didn't think about asking for any sensual pleasure from him. But afterwards, I felt that I hadn't been so hearty for a long time, from the object to the process, so perfect, very rare.

"Monkey ass......" he suddenly laughed.

That's the result of his hard slap when I GC.

"It's so intoxicating......"

I blushed at his teasing and covered half of my face with the quilt without saying a word, revealing only my eyes.

"How many boyfriends have you had before?"

This was the first time L asked about my private life.

I feel very emotional.

The first time he wanted to know about my past, L really didn't know me at all. I also don't know anything about him. We were bedmates, and I finally compromised. Whether it's to escape the pig's head on a blind date, or to give yourself a feast without regrets. I finally tamed as he asked.

I asked rhetorically, "How many women have you had before?" ”

He said, "One." ”

I smiled slyly, "Me too." ”

He pinched my waist and said, "Two." ”

I said, "Me too." ”

He said, "Ten! ”

I said, "Then I'm still two." ”

I didn't lie to him.

L then asked, "Which of us has the best skills?" ”

Hearing his conceited and stinking questions, I didn't want to satisfy his vanity and desire for conquest, though he was indeed the best. I thought for a moment and asked, "Me or your wife, who is sexier?" ”

Without thinking about it, he said, "You." ”

I rolled over with the quilt and stared into his eyes, and he touched the hair on my forehead:

"The first time I met you, I never thought there would be a day like this......"

I was suddenly moved inexplicably.

Since that day, my relationship with L has been no longer burdensome, and both parties don't have to think and guess anymore. I don't need to shy away from and hold back my emotions anymore, and he doesn't seem to have to worry about it. We have several "rules": we can't call or message L after work in the evening and on weekends; We see each other two or three times a month, and so on.

I think it's ridiculous to think about it, especially when he seriously talks about "not affecting both families", I think to myself: It's just that you have a family! I should be annoyed to hear a man say such a thing, but I acquiesced, and I never thought of marrying him - in my concept, a man who cheats after marriage, even if he wants to marry me after divorce, I won't want to, because you can't guarantee whether he will cheat again.

My relationship with L, I only want the present and not the future. This is also one of the reasons why he reassured me to be his lover, a woman who doesn't need you to be responsible is so beautiful. In addition, I am very sensible, because I am considerate of him, rarely vexatious, and will strictly abide by the agreement. In the end, because of my inexplicable self-esteem, I never inquired about his family, and I was never interested in everything about his wife.

Sometimes I also think of Xiao M's words: "I don't understand what you want from him?" ”

After I officially got together with L, I didn't mention me and L to Little M again, and she seemed to tacitly never ask.

In addition, my relationships with other single men were suddenly more spontaneous, as if I had become a married woman, confident and peaceful in front of them, and no longer had to pretend to please them. When I ate with S again, I seemed to notice my transformation in his eyes.

After the first time, although it was agreed that they would meet at least once a month, L was suddenly sent out on a long errand. But it also gave me the opportunity to call him every night to tell him how much I missed, and I had a very sweet time, but when I called, I often talked for five minutes and then there was no topic. Both sides say "I miss you", but the end result is often speechless and sullen.

He doesn't know my life, and I don't want to know about his. In the past, the relationship between superiors and subordinates could not communicate too much, but now in order to hide people's eyes, they dare not meet for activities. Although our interests and values are similar, we have too few common experiences, and we can't even catch up with any fox friend. As a result, the bedside relationship can only be maintained in bed for the time being, waiting for the slow grinding and fermentation of time.

In the last week of my business trip, I saw a book on Buddhism in a bookstore, flipped through it, and didn't buy it, but one of the sentences stuck in my mind: "The cause and effect of this life will have retribution after death." "I was suddenly stunned: I seemed to be doing the role of a junior who was spurned by everyone.

I used to read books like this and I always felt bored, and I didn't know who would believe it. Nowadays, true religion is indeed a cage for the sinful. I tossed and turned that night, wondering if I could get forgiveness in the future if I knew that I could correct my mistakes.

L once laughed at me: "What age is it, and you still care about the so-called moral issues of this matter." ”

I can forget it when the passion burns, but I still can't be at ease in the nightmare of the night. I thought how sad my parents would be when they found out about it.

Turning away from the blind heat, I seemed to see the other side of things like a child who had just woken up with a fever: L was a person who was not very responsible. His moral bottom line is not even half of mine.

I bought an expensive string of Buddhist beads to give to L as a final gift for me to quit the relationship.

The day he returned, I was silent.

When I went to work the next day, he called me.

"You've forgotten me in a month?" He complained, "Then you go and get busy, I don't want to call you anymore." ”

L is like this, he will never take the initiative to tell that he misses, and he has to wait for others to coax him. Xiao M said that he sometimes looks like a woman, no, he is a resentful woman. She said that such a man is simply so weird, do you love him to exercise your endurance?

I was stumbling on my phone, unable to say anything about the breakup, and I still couldn't bear to make him angry or unhappy.

L hung up the phone, and after a while he texted over: "Let's meet tonight." ”

It's a weeknight night, and he's a crime against the wind, and he can't stay home all night.

I refused: "It's not convenient to meet lately." ”

He thought my period was up.

I've been doing a fierce battle of minds, shifting my focus to work or something else. Whenever I think of the desire to kiss when the two of them are intertwined, I immediately recall the sentence in the book: karma. Cool yourself down instantly.

It's really self-inflicted, and you can't live.

A few nights later, L rarely took the initiative to call me a few times, and I was shocked when I saw that it was his number, and I didn't dare to answer. He left me messages online, and I didn't reply.

At this time, I was completely panicked, and even Little M could not be the object of confiding. I know that the advice she gave me must be something I can't do: what are you hesitating about! So it's a vain question to ask.

I knew that even if I saw him again, I would continue to fall. Looking at the Buddhist beads in the box, I found the address of his office in the company's address book, and I planned to send it by courier. I wanted to attach a breakup letter, but after thinking about it for a long time, I felt too hypocritical. So I was going to sit back and wait for his call after receiving the goods. But I soon gave up on the idea that he didn't receive it or didn't know that I sent it if he didn't get it...... After all, this gift is worth a lot of money, and I think it's better to find a suitable risk-free (no meeting) opportunity to put on his office desk. Soon I will have this opportunity, next month I have a business trip to their place, go the same day and return on the same day, the business trip has nothing to do with the business under L's jurisdiction, and I don't need to notify L in advance.

I'm still an overly ritualistic person, and there's no cure. In fact, you can leave without saying a word, but what kind of gift do you want to give. Obviously, L never gave me anything (I haven't had time to buy the promised LV bag yet), but I always feel a little bloody and feel less guilty, after all, I took the initiative to break up - as if I took advantage of him - but from the perspective of secular morality, it is indeed me who took advantage of him, more precisely, I took advantage of his wife. But of course, I can't give this gift directly to his wife.

I'm such a person who likes to be more serious, as if only when something arrives can it mark a real break.

While I was still thinking about it, L didn't give me this chance.

One day I was working overtime, and suddenly there was a sound of footsteps in the empty office, and I looked up and thought it was a colleague who came back to get something, but when I looked up, I saw that it was L.

He walked straight over, as calm as he had never left the office, and smiled smugly at me. Before I could come to my senses, he turned me over the head and kissed me.

"It's in the office," I shouted softly, "maybe there's surveillance!" ”

He got up and stroked my head and said, "I made an appointment with a client tonight and left first." Tomorrow your boss will arrange for you to come to me on a business trip, and I will tell him about it. ”

The next day, the leader really let me go on a business trip, and I took a leave of absence under the pretext of being unwell, and he changed to another colleague.

I didn't get a call from L.

I think he was probably angry.

But it won't be long before he comes back, and I'm going to be mentally prepared.

It's an uphill tug-of-war, and I'm going to win for my dignity.

Little M jumped out at this time, and she stretched out her hand to pull me. I will be grateful for this good girlfriend for the rest of my life.

She introduced me to a boy who was two years older than me and was named D. Although he is a hard-working IT man, he has achieved middle-level management, and he is not a tall person, the key is that he is still pleasing to the eye, and his family conditions are not bad, he has a car and a house, and he can directly deal with my mother.

Xiao M secretly said to me: "Clearance sale, people are standard rich second-generation background, I didn't dig up the source of goods with great difficulty, you won't have this store after this village!" ”

D feels more like a normal friend to me, but that's fine. From the first day we met, I never asked him what he thought of me, and it was natural to interact. We can legitimately meet on weekends to play ball and eat hot pot, and his presence has gradually brought my activity circle into line with the normal same age and opposite sex, and I don't have to go in circles in strange office romances anymore.

My life and emotions are getting back to normal. I started to pick up books and study, and I also started to plan my career. While I never thought about how far I would go with D, I admit that he was a lifesaver for me at this stage. I gradually shifted the remaining thoughts and energy that I couldn't drain to our new relationship, and whenever I wanted to text L, I changed his number to D.

At first, L still had the occasional phone call and text message, but I tried to ignore it. Slowly, I got used to my indifference. It's just that sometimes when I see the string of Buddhist beads that can't be sent, I still feel dazzling.

Perhaps it was Heaven that wanted to give me a chance to self-determine, and this time accidentally cut off all opportunities for me and L to meet on business. My planned business trip was cancelled, and L gradually stopped harassing me.

In this way, more than three months passed unconsciously.

I felt that I was about to be liberated, until one day I saw that the group's post prominently stated the appointment and dismissal of L: he had resigned.

The shock, the sense of loss, and the sense of shock that I felt when I learned that he had just been promoted filled my heart again.

I resisted the urge to call him, and asked him about the inside story through the side of the crowd: L had been poached by a rival company to be the general manager. Until the new leader takes office, S is also the manager (S has been promoted to director before L).

That's for the best.

It's over.

A few days later, S came back and joked on WeChat: "You have a good relationship with L, huh?" ”

I was shocked, but I had no idea what he was referring to, maybe it was just hearsay. I just laughed and continued to play dumb.

This is a familiar phrase.

A long time ago, when S and L were still department managers, L ate S's dry vinegar for my sake, and asked me the same thing online.

I remembered that L had hinted to me that he had had a lot of women's affairs, though he had always denied it. In the big city, the marriage relationship is still suspenseful, not to mention the lovers who meet in Pingshui. Dew love, but so, why take it seriously. Because of his work, L has been stationed in too many places, and he spends several times more time outside than at home, and the nature of such work inevitably creates feelings of loneliness and conditions for seeking new passions. In his opinion, almost all of his circles are in this state of life, so he is at ease. The family needs to be maintained, and the feelings outside are used to relieve depression and stress in the heart, which is a necessary hardware for a "successful man".

Of course, I've seen successful men who seem to be more honest and peaceful, but since I experienced them, I've become even more distrustful of men. Are there eight men out of ten men cheating?

left all of a sudden, and may not have been heard from since, and a fate that I thought would be unforgettable was just gone.

It's been half a year, and I still haven't confirmed the relationship with D, in this relationship, I'm not in a hurry, and D is obviously so quick to confess, we still feel that we still owe a little fire.

I also rarely learn about D's heart and the past, and I'm not interested, and if he wants to say it, I'll listen. D occasionally touches on my privacy, and I keep it secretive. He laughed at me: "It's more attractive to say that women are more mysterious to keep them mysterious, but you're too mysterious, you can't be an FBI spy, right?" I smiled and said nothing, thinking he was still quite naïve. L is also naïve, but not a type at all.

I can't say I'm innocent, but I'm not an innocent woman. In such a state, if there is no man who can understand you directly, it is very difficult for you to explain.

In the past six months, I have actually obtained a small qualification certificate. A little relieved.

My relationship with Little M has reverted to what it used to be. One day we were shopping in the mall, I received a call from a headhunter, a good opportunity, let me be promoted to a level directly as a department manager, the treatment is not bad, but I asked the name of this company, and my heart was cold.

"It's L's current company, and it's going to poach me to be a manager." Hung up the phone, I told Little M.

She snatched my phone and threw it back into my bag: "Of course you can't sell yourself for glory. ”

I agree with her.

Another thought is that even if L wants to continue the frontier, it would be too insincere to let the headhunter call me.

I've developed a good network in this company, and my future is not bad.

It's just that it seems to be difficult for me to talk about a serious relationship again.,I finally understand the mentality of people who are married on a blind date.,I can't have the same passion for D anymore.,The kind of psychology that will be nervous when you see it.、It's entangled when you can't see it.,I don't have it at all in the face of D.。 If we get married, we will directly enter the stage of family affection! I feel like that's true for him, and he's not very obsessed with or dependent on me. Two independent individuals need each other to become boyfriend and girlfriend for their own reasons, but this has little to do with who the other party is - this kind of "love" seems a bit sad, but it also seems to be a common reality. At least, better than the pig's head my mom found.

It's a man who knows that the end is not so easy, L is a really stingy man, in recent months he has just been busy changing jobs and adapting to a new position and has no time to pay attention to me, and when he is free, he will not break up and let me go if he doesn't ask in person. I'm his prey, and I've only tasted it once, and the freshness hasn't passed yet.

I'm mentally prepared, not sufficient, but the direction is clear. There were a few more repetitions in the middle, and finally that was the end. Even if D and I don't work out, even if I haven't met the person I love, L and I won't be entangled any longer, I said to myself.

The more time passes, the weaker I miss L, but the rejection of him is not so strong. I know goodbye is, but I don't reject goodbye. There are many things that need to be made clear, even if there are dangers and variables in the middle of this, they cannot be avoided, otherwise it seems to be holding their breath, and it will be difficult for both parties to break up without worry. I waited for this day, and now I can finally allow myself to be non-proactive and refuse, and it is my turn to wait for him to come to the door with peace of mind. But I have to be responsible for each other, and that is to break up. L didn't know what had happened to me during this time, he thought I was just a simple, and when he had time to coax me, it could be done in minutes.

However, I am no longer the same person who was submissive to him. Groveling love is gone. Although I still can't bear to treat him coldly, my heart has become as cold as iron. I waited for him to ask me out, for my showdown day.

During this period, Xiao M found a post on the forum and showed it to me: "This woman is also entangled with a married man, how do I feel that this person she wrote is very similar to your stinky fart?" ”

It's really similar, I was terrified for a while, thinking that the actor was L. Just as I was speculating about which mm in the company was the handiwork, I found that some details did not match.

It turns out that there are many beings in the world, and there are many people like me.

Then I laughed at myself: L may really have many lovers at the same time. Then I'm really self-contemptuous, self-righteous, and self-inflicted. One less for me, no less. These are his exact words.

At this moment, I suddenly had the courage to speak coldly to him. Even if I was self-defeating, I was willing to believe that I was not the only one who was indispensable to him, and that I was not the first choice even if it was a lover I met—this belief helped me forget him more quickly.