During this period, S got married.

It was as if I had become friends with him who talked about everything. Through getting along with D, I gradually understood the reason why S postponed the marriage contract in the first place.

Once we talked about a man's views on cheating after marriage, and he, a former flowery man, said something very philosophical: "Feelings have no boundaries, it depends on everyone's ability to control." ”

"Under what circumstances would you cheat or refuse?" I asked him.

"Look at the feeling." He looked at me as if he was saying to me, "Wait for you to take the initiative."

I sneered in my heart: it turns out that men are all the same.

I look back on the beginning, and I was shocked to find myself childish and ridiculous. But I don't feel bad about this craving, at least so far, L hasn't had a chance to make me passively sad. Maybe I'm just looking for thrills? It's time to liquidate your stop loss.

I've been in contact with L for 4 months.

D often comes to my residence for dinner, and we have had physical laughter and touch, but we still can't find a feeling other than friends. Sometimes I think that if I just push him down immediately, I will laugh. We are similar in age, personality, and upbringing, and we are transparent and boring to each other without fatal attraction.

I don't think I'm going to marry him. But I'm still grateful to Little M for introducing him to me and helping me through this difficult time.

I didn't have contact for four months, and I thought that my fate with L was over. Except in the middle, their company used to poach me.

I've been avoiding missing him, and it will be painful at first, but then I've gotten used to being cold and cruel to myself, and it's gone. L is like a Titanic that is silent in my heart, it is good to be sealed and not moved, and it is impossible to disappear completely. Especially when I heard the colleagues we worked with talk about other things we used to look like, and especially when I heard the background piano music on the radio from our first official date at the hot spring inn, I felt like I had been stabbed.

My relationship with D is officially positioned as friends. This matter barely came, and they knew each other. Little M is more anxious than my mother: "What a good condition!" What a man! But she understands that she seems to have some confidence in me since I lifted L's alarm.

However, I really didn't expect that the strange caller ID four months later would be L.

I still remember that it was a late spring evening, I was watching a movie under the covers, and when I picked up the phone, the other party only said "hello", and I was silent.

I'm all too familiar with his voice. I couldn't hold back the tears that were about to fall.

"It's me. Are you listening? L's voice could not be heard to fluctuate.

I didn't ask him where he went, I didn't hang up directly, I didn't pretend to be surprised, I held back for a long time and finally only asked: "Why did you change your number?" ”

"To get in touch with you." He explained briefly.

I didn't seem to understand, but I didn't ask, just an "oh" and fell silent again.

"I couldn't tell you on the phone for a while," L's voice was slightly tired, "you come down, I'm downstairs from you." ”

In the distance between I hung up and walked to the door, there was a fierce conflict in my heart. A voice said: When you meet, ask what is going on, and then make your attitude and position clear, and make a decision immediately, because this is the outcome you have been waiting for for a long time; Another voice said: Actually, it's over, don't see it, besides, why should he see it if he wants to, he was the one who didn't hear from him at the beginning, and it's really cheap for you to go down.

My mood also changed from shock and sadness to anger and excitement.

Yes, four months have passed, and although L was passively cut off by me at first, he hasn't taken the initiative to contact me since he changed jobs (even if it's his inertia not to take the initiative), and I haven't been given the explanation I deserve. Now he came back as if nothing had happened, still without taking the initiative to explain, apologize or coax, and still treat me as a person who comes and goes as soon as he is called, just to satisfy his own selfish desires. Even if I really want to find a lover, I can't find such a lover!

In fact, I myself understand that the above truth does not make sense at all: it is obvious that I deliberately snubbed the other party to cause others to retreat, and now I have to put it on the shelf. So the logic of women's thinking is really weird.

But since he came to me on his own initiative, I decided to fight for a breath.

I sent a text message to his new number: "My friend is at my house and it's inconvenient for me to come down right now. ”

A few minutes later he called again: "Is it down?" ”

I pretended to be cold and said, "It's inconvenient to have friends here." ”

"Just say you're going out and buy something."

Even the reason is made up for me!

"I don't want to see you." I say.

He paused, and suddenly his voice was much softer:

"Don't be stupid."

I've never heard him say such gentle words, and that's his way of coaxing women.

I hesitated at the door for another ten minutes until his third call came in, and I pressed it and texted him back: "Wait for me for ten minutes." ”

I went to the bedroom and pulled out a skirt and vaguely drew my eyebrows in the mirror.

When I went downstairs and saw his car, I pulled the door open, but stood still.

"Get in the car." He said.

I really wanted to explode: "Where are you going to take me?" ”

"Go to my house."

Why is it that things always go against the grain! I was instantly blindfolded again.

I got in the car and emphasized: "I told my friend to come out to buy food, I can't stay too long." Just find a place to sit and sit. ”

He skipped my request and turned around on the steering wheel while asking, "Which friend?" Little M? ”

I was slightly shocked. I only casually mentioned Little M once during my date with him, and he can even remember it.

I turned my head to look at him, and his face was still as handsome as a Greek sculpture, still as ghostly and uninhibited, and I could even smell his breath right away—though there was only one skin-to-skin kiss, but I still remembered his body odor: a scent similar to sandalwood. Every man has a unique taste, and I don't know if I'm sensitive to that.

When he turned his head to look at me, I immediately turned my face away and looked straight ahead coldly.

"It's not little M," I said, "it's my boyfriend." ”

"Boyfriend?" L's tone was smiling in disbelief, "You have a boyfriend?" Wow. ”

I turned my head to look out the window and said no more.

He still drove the car as usual, and didn't seem to plan to ask more.

Soon we drove into a quiet neighborhood and he drove straight into the basement.

"This is your home?" I was a little anxious, "Why did you come to your house?" ”

L didn't answer, he parked the car, turned around and looked at me, his eyes revealed unspeakable grievances, firmness and fierceness, a little afraid of people. He quickly leaned over and kissed me.

I struggled to push him away and jumped out of the car.

"Follow me." He locked the car and said to me lightly.

The location of this community is very good, but it is an old community, and the property is very neatly maintained. When I got on the elevator, I couldn't help but ask L, "Isn't your family at home?" He looked at me and said, "My wife and children live in another house, which used to be my parents, and they went back to their hometown at the beginning of the year." I might want to rent it out in the future. ”

That's right, of course, people don't have only one property. I thought to myself.

When the elevator went up to the 15th floor, he took out the key and opened the door, which was very simple, with three bedrooms and one living room, which seemed to be the first house he bought in the city.

When he closed the door, he pushed me against the wall and kissed me without saying a word, and I tried to push him away, but I didn't have enough strength to turn my head to avoid his kiss. "You let go of me!" I shouted a little angrily, "Do you know you're annoying!" ”

I wanted to see him in my heart, but I wanted to sit down with him and make it clear.

L ignored my protests, and could tell that he just wanted me madly, in his house, right now.

"I don't want to see you again!" I shoved him hard and tried to get out of the door.

"Why don't you want to see me?" He grabbed my hands and easily dragged me into the room. His parents' former master bedroom had a hard bed with freshly changed sheets but only a pillow.

He pressed me down on the bed and lifted the hem of my dress to take off my panties.

I really hate him, and I don't have the lust to think about ML at all. But what can I say to him now? Ask him why he hasn't contacted me for four months? Ask him if he has forgotten about me? Ask him what he is looking for me for today? Doesn't these questions still only show that you are unwilling? Now that I've come out with him, there's still room for maneuvering.

Then I suddenly remembered the good excuse I had made up: "You stop! I already have a boyfriend! ”

L's body shook slightly, as if he had just remembered this, and then he let go of me, erected his upper body, and began to undress himself.

Seeing that he showed no signs of stopping, I gritted my teeth and said, "You're a mad dog." ”

He remained silent, but it looked like a bomb ready to explode, and his hands trembling as he quickly unleashed his belt.

"Get up! We're done! I cried out, "Please let me go!" ”

But I knew he wasn't going to stop. No matter what I say, I will only continue to provoke him.

Eventually, I let go, or I'm sure my bottoms would have been ripped off. For the last time! Even if it's the last humiliation! I bit my lip and thought. It's not like I don't want to kick him to the root of his life, and I can't bear to hurt him until now. I'm still thinking about how I'm going to break up with him so I don't hurt my feelings...... After all, I still like him, not against a stranger I don't know.

"I'm a mad dog?" L repeated my words vigorously, turning me over in three or two clicks.

I don't know if it's because I've become a tool for him to vent his desires, or because I've waited so long for this day, I cried.

He held me down, and I could barely breathe, except for him to lean into my ear and whisper, "Do you know how much I miss you?" I see the status of your new WeChat every day, and I don't dare to reply. You ignored me for so long, should I beg you to let me go? I bit my lip, but my breathing became rapid.

He flipped me over again and lifted me up on my waist. In his hands, I was at the mercy of others like a fish on a knife. I stood motionless like a dead fish, trying to restrain any sounds that might have been.

"Call it out." He commanded.

I tilted my head hard to the side and didn't look at him.

I don't have any tears anymore, but now I'm fighting against my body.

"Say you like me." L said loudly. He suddenly lifted my waist with force, and half of my body was dangling, leaving only two elbows as support points.

That's when I realized he was wearing a T, even though I don't know when he did. My heart softened. I remember the first time he was reluctant.

I was stopped awkwardly, he was bad and waiting for me to beg. But in fact, I was not in the mood to devote myself to the sea of lust today, so I quickly cooled myself down and said to him, "I don't want it." ”

Now it was his turn to be dumbfounded. L put me down, lay down on the side in a depressed manner, and muttered to himself, "It's all a lie on TV." ”

I was suddenly amused. I also know that the atmosphere is very discordant in an instant.

"What kind of TV?"

"Island country action movie."

As soon as the atmosphere eased, L showed his habitual dead skin and began to hug me and make jokes: "Hey, why do you always deliberately tempt me......" I was so angry that my face turned red: "Who deliberately tempted you!" "You tempt me with PP every day." He hadn't seen me in four months, and I realized he was just kidding me. I had been lying with my back to him, his hands around me, pinching the flesh on my stomach and playing with it.

"Your bottoms are transparent?" I heard him say behind me with interest, "Did you wear it to see me?" ”

"Hey! Give it back! I angrily turned around and grabbed it. Actually, it's a lace one.

"Your boyfriend bought it for you?"

"My mom bought it! That's it! ”

L quickly hid my underwear under his pillow, hugged me smugly, and said, "Give me a souvenir." You can watch it when you think about it. ”

"Get out! You pervert! "I choked him angrily.

"Your newly permed hair is for me, too, right?"

L is like that, always narcissistic to conceited.

"It's for my boyfriend." I deliberately him off.

"Your boyfriend?" Suddenly L dragged me up again, and I knew he was coming again.

"How long can he do it? Can it satisfy you, chick? Then I was pumped hard on the buttocks, and I screamed in pain.

I remembered the expensive bead I bought for L earlier, which I originally wanted to give him as a farewell gift. Sometimes people's willpower is fragile, and perhaps it is the impetuous and wet atmosphere of the city that makes my firm belief in breaking up more and more corroded.

"L, let's break up." I finally said it lightly.

"Why?" He also responded to me calmly.

"I have a boyfriend, I'm going to get married in the future."

"So what?"

That's right, this is the logic of their men: the lover relationship has nothing to do with whether the two parties have a family or not.

I couldn't say because I couldn't accept the fact that I was a junior, and I knew that it was a waste of effort to convince him with the bottom line of social morality (he had laughed at him several times before), so I turned to say, "You enjoy it, and I'm tired." You always look at things from your own point of view, never take into account the feelings of others, and I don't think I need a lover like you. ”

"Why don't I care about your feelings?" L said, "I'm pretty nice to you, you see I'm going to coax you." Are you angry because I didn't buy you that LV bag? ”

Hearing this, I couldn't help but complain: "LV bag is a fart!" By the way, how did you coax me? You're a stinky and arrogant person, you can't coax people and you're very angry, I really don't want to see you again. This is the last time we'll see each other! After speaking, I suddenly felt that the tone was a little inappropriate, how could it sound like complaining. So I paused, and finally added calmly and affirmatively: "I won't see you again, L." ”

He grabbed me by the ankle again, and I tried to refuse, "No, I don't want it......" but he just leaned into my ear and called my full name — he never called me by my name when I was alone, always pronouns like "Hey" and "You" — and then he said, "I really like you." I love you. He didn't need my response, and then he kissed me and gagged me, as if he was a little afraid that I would say something else.

I was speechless.

We've said countless times since we liked each other, but we've all been careful to avoid the word love. Both of them are very eye-catching and truthful people, and they will not lie and coax for the sake of fawning over the moment. It's good to be a lover until you like it very much, and if you love it, you will get into trouble - this is the philosophy of L and many men. In fact, I still don't dare to say that I love L, because I think that loving someone can only be said when you have a deep understanding of him and are convinced of his values and character.

I'll just think he's coaxing me.

But then every day and night, I kept thinking of the sincerity of this confession, when it came out of L's stubborn mouth. It's like every time I am forced to ML with him, it will always take a day or two before my body burns and becomes sensitive, and I begin to crave his caresses infinitely. Women are like that, there is no cure.

That night we lay in bed, and L quietly carried me to sleep. A restful sleep that lasted all night is very rare. I looked at his baby-like expressionless side face and liked it so much that I couldn't help but kiss it gently. The feeling of liking someone is pure, just like a mother loving her child, and if it weren't for the constraints of social rules, I don't think I would have struggled with whether I could like L or not.

At about four or five o'clock in the morning, L got up at night to go to the toilet, and I woke up too.

"What, woke you up?" He asked.

"How are you doing?"

I opened my eyes and looked at him in the dark, and for the first time asked a normal word.

L got into my arms, closed his eyes, and said, "I'm tired." ”

I didn't ask what he had been doing for the past four months, and what was the reason why he missed me so much and didn't reach out. I think since he doesn't want to explain, most of the reasons he asks are also false, so why bother with it. I didn't bother to think too much about it, and now the temperature in the crook of his arm was just right.

This time I fell asleep first. I don't know if he secretly kissed me on the cheek too.

Much later, when I learned that his father-in-law had died and that he was busy with everything at that time, I suddenly felt that there was no need to blame him. However, it made me feel even more guilty - he returned to me at a time when my wife still needed his care and thoughtfulness the most. L said he couldn't control it, and it was a reflection of how true he was to me. But if I had known about this at the time, I guess I wouldn't have accepted him.

When I woke up the next morning, I hugged L and said calmly, "I guess we should not meet again." I'm serious. It's been a pleasure to spend time with you, thank you, but I don't think I can handle some of the pressure that comes from myself. But I want to leave me, and you'll still be happy. ”

"It's hard to find someone you like." L held my head and muttered, "I know you won't believe me now, but I'm not lying. I knew he was referring to the phrase "I love you."

But I'm not in love with you yet! I shouted from the bottom of my heart. Now that the situation seems to have reversed, I don't really have the consciousness to get away with it. Now it was I who had the upper hand and the initiative to make him obedient – as has always been the case with men and women.

"You left your boyfriend at home overnight and he didn't call?" He smiled slyly suddenly.

I'll have to admit that I lost a few notches to him in terms of IQ. I had no choice but to be silent.

"Get up, go downstairs and have breakfast, and I'll send you back." L doesn't have a habit of sleeping in, "Have you been on fire lately?" The breath is so heavy. I'll get you some fire-lowering tea later. "In the eyes of his machismo and smelly personality, he is really considerate of me.

Of course I can't tell Little M about this.

She's going to have to beat me to death.