Forty-six, the unknowable gentle township
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"Now you know?" l asked me, "Can you come back?" ”
He looked at me with a smile, like a patient angler and animal trainer, waiting for my wildness to wear off before returning to me. Baidu search
"There are some truths that you have to experience to understand. If you understand it yourself, you will come to me to talk. l spread his hands and leaned back on the sofa with a little emotion.
I lowered my eyelids and drank tea quietly.
I know he's talking about his casual tirade, his bizarre confession about his infidelity, summed up in one sentence: half sea, half fire. "You can't find another feeling in your wife or husband. But as the object of marriage, they have their own precious points. There may be people who feel very much for each other who are married, but very few and very hard. Why are men prone to cheating&mdah;Of course, there are a lot of women cheating now&mdah;Because it makes no sense to like someone, and if you are lucky enough to meet them, it is as valuable as a married partner. Unfettered feelings, lacking in longevity, but often more free and beautiful. It will leave you with great memories in your life. ”
"But people can't live in memories, can they?" I say.
"So you don't have to give up your other half of the sea. You have to learn to navigate between the sea and the flames, and that's what you win in life. L smirked again.
"Not everyone has the qualifications or wants to be what you call a winner in life."
"Wrong. Everyone has a desire to do it, it's human nature and instinct. It's just that some people have never met it, and some people have encountered it and missed it. L nodded at me, "You can." We tried. ”
I didn't want to fall into his trap: "L, but it's different now, I'm not single anymore, I have a boyfriend, I can't lie and hide it like you do......" I thought about the wording. "I can't bear the debt of conscience, and sooner or later I will collapse and be exposed." I can't laugh at this kind of dialogue, I don't know how much more ruin the three views can be.
It was raining sporadically outside the window of the tea room. When L and I went to the hot spring inn for the first time, there were still autumn leaves on the trees. It's winter, and the cold rain is making everything look depressed.
In order to help my ex-wife's sister find a job, I had a big fight with Y, and he still used his usual cold violence. On the weekend, I ran back to the company to work overtime. I'm not stingy, how can I confess that I can't see Y's heartfelt caring eyes for her&mdah; that look has never been to me. The little girl, like her sister, has a flat front and a weak back, and her thin eyebrows and eyes smile like a willow in March.
Xiao M took annual leave early and went back to her hometown&mdah;She has to go to X's house for the Chinese New Year this year.
I was sitting in my office in a daze, and there was laughter and conversation in the porch, and then I saw S and L walking in together.
When S saw me, he was obviously taken aback, he exchanged a few words with me, made an excuse and planned to leave: "Let's go to dinner together!" Don't be so desperate on the weekend! Of course I wasn't that stupid, I smiled and shook my head: "You and L always go, I came after eating." ”
It seems that L also came to find S last time.,The reason for this is that a fool can guess three points.。 It's really unfortunate that I hit the muzzle of the gun today.
"Why do you look so bad?" l said casually, I lowered my head and smiled, not daring to look him in the eyes.
And then they were gone.
Fifteen minutes later, I received a text message from L: he didn't eat with S, and sent the address of a nearby tea room to ask me to talk.
I pinched my phone and looked at it for a minute, deleted the text message, and then decided to go to the appointment.
In a state of mind like the one I have now, I have put danger out of the way&mdah;because I am not in the mood to risk my life at all. In addition, it is a kind of revenge.
I didn't say anything about y. But l is not stupid at all.
Even if it's an ordinary chat, I have to be led by him. Actually, I didn't want to discuss my outlook on life and cheating with him at all, I was just tired and wanted to talk to someone. When I asked him how he was doing, he ignored him, which was annoying.
But there was no sense of anger on this day. He was gentle and gentle with me, patiently speaking of the rational existence of the dark side of human nature, like a hypnotic teacher who was full of nonsense and could justify himself. There is no strong and coercive in the past, but every word knocks on the wall of my heart, and I can hear the skin of the wall peeling off little by little. These bizarre theories are obviously ridiculous, but they are extremely true. You can't question their existence, just as the dust you can't see has been wrapping around you. You have to close your eyes and see the world through intuition.
It's real.
There are things that the eye can't see.
For example, the desire that sinks in the bottom of the heart, the depression that struggles on the verge of despair, and the indifference behind the singing and dancing.
Even the vines that entangle the most primitive desires of mankind are not unbridled &mdah;l say: you cannot be inseparable from a person you do not like. "I've had similar relationships before, based on loneliness, curiosity, impulsiveness, and desire, but it ended quickly. After a long time, you will get tired of it, because the pure flesh attracts the freshness of the very short period. Especially for men, the nature of the relationship is relatively simple, but you women will think a lot. If you're harassed by a woman you don't know, you'll want to get out quickly. ”
For the first time, I was struck by L's honesty.
"I don't know when I started realizing that maybe you're not like everyone else. I'd love to stay in this relationship. I'll admit I'm selfish, and I want the relationship to go my way," L looked up at me with a earnest look, "but that's because I think you're getting pleasure from the relationship as well." ”
I'm not good at lying, so I can't refute it.
L's voice was gentle and full of power that hit the heart: "I have never had a relationship with anyone like you. I don't know why I want to possess you completely, tossing you in bed, beating you, I don't want to wear a t with you, I like to see you suffer all kinds of grievances&mdah;Of course, I won't really bully you, and then make you happy. Because I want to make sure you like me too. ”
He has always been able to see through my heart, but this is the first time I have heard his heart.
I bowed my head, and my heart rumbled. I knew it was a huge anchor in the dust of a ship, and it was starting to be pulled up by the gears.
"But you never respected me!" I shouted, "Summoned and gone, never cared about my feelings, never replied to my messages, played and disappeared when I finished the shot, and came to me again when I wanted it after a while&mdah;I'm your tool, right?" You said it yourself! ”
I burst into tears.
With L, because he wanted to be "sensible", he had hidden his grievances and incomprehension for a long time, and finally had a channel for pouring. I know that whatever lame explanation is given, I will immediately believe and forgive him&mdah;all I need is a little attention. The love that is low to the dust, and I haven't grown up at all.
l saw me stubbornly wipe away my tears, and did not hand over tissues or ask for apologies, he just kept asking, "Do you miss me?" Well? ”
Our relationship can't be described as tacit.
Yes, I'm that cheap. I knew that I was talking about his selfishness, and I knew that this was the unchangeable mode with L, and I knew that L didn't intend to change (or occasionally appease me out of mood and sympathy), so I was easily recruited again.
I've never been able to really get angry. It's nothing short of a miracle.
Love blinds people and loses their minds. But the love between me and L is invisible with my eyes.