42. What is love?

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It's come to this point, when Xiao M offered to meet Y, I didn't refuse.||

The place to eat is set by Y, and Xiao M happily said that he wanted to bring X with him, and I reminded him while looking for clothes for Y: "This is my best friend for many years, you have to make a good impression." ”

Before that, Y also took me to meet some of his friends.

I felt a little embarrassed and reluctant to get too much contact with old friends he and his wife had in common. Having an ex-girlfriend is not the same as having an ex-wife, even if it's a short marriage. are all old friends who have sent blessings with their excesses, and now the new people are replacing the old people, and there are still some emotions floating on their faces. Y comforted me and said, "It's okay, it's okay slowly." "I think I'd better keep a low profile until I confirm that I'm going to marry him.

It's been a long time since I've eaten out with little m.

It was also the first time I had seen X since their wedding.

The lights of the restaurant are very ambiguous, and everyone's faces are red.

Y has never met these two people, but he behaves down-to-earth and generous, and is still much more mature than X in comparison. There was a detail that everyone noticed, Y poured tea for everyone, and then reminded that it was a little hot. I was a little proud, sitting quietly and smiling, listening to Y and X chatting about the macro situation and each other's industry dynamics.

When I went to the bathroom, Xiao M caught up, grabbed my hand and said, "Hey, this man is good!" Looks pleasing, suitable for being a husband! ”

When I got home, I praised Y, and he laughed at me indifferently: "It's like a little girl." What do you want to eat on the weekend? Let's go to Walmart tomorrow morning. ”

After living with Y, I seem to have really gained weight, and I have the confidence to call my mother. But I haven't planned to tell her that I have a boyfriend, and with what I know about my mother, she will definitely come over to see Y as soon as possible, and then calculate a good day to urge us to get the certificate next month.

At night, before going to bed, I found a bottle of body lotion in the corner of the dresser that was about to expire and took it out to wipe it. "What does this smell like?" Y asked with a frown as soon as he entered the room. I smiled and said, "The smell of coconut oil, you still dislike it when it's so fragrant?" "I don't like everything that's rich in fragrance." "And you're going to buy me perfume?" "That's not what you like."

I rubbed it on my calf as I thoughtfully fell into the memory. I'm wearing sporty pajamas, shirt and shorts&mdah, and my sexy nightgown has been tucked away since I was separated from L. I didn't do it deliberately, but gradually reverted to my old habits and found sports pajamas comfortable and resistant.

That day, I was in a state of interest.

He was a little dumbfounded when I appeared in front of Y in a dark purple translucent suspender nightdress.

"Why do you still have clothes like this?" He asked.

"How?" I glanced at him implicitly.

"Hmm......" Y said, touching his chin, "this color doesn't suit you very well, it looks a little old-fashioned." ”

I almost didn't catch my breath.

Yes, his tone is not a little frivolous, and it is a very sincere suggestion.

I lost interest for a moment, and changed out of my nightdress with a look of pride. Y lay on the bed and continued to read, as if it was a book about online finance.

I think maybe he's tired today and doesn't need it. I don't want to admit that I'm not charismatic enough.

Later, through deeper understanding, I found that Y's aesthetic for women is still stuck in adolescence&mdah;he likes pink lace edges and small floral bows, and he is not interested in simple and sexy mature women's clothes. No wonder I never got bright in his eyes, it turned out that his dream lover was not mine.

I've seen photos of Y's ex-wife on the computer, very thin, with slender eyebrows and eyes, flat facial features but a fresh look. It can be seen that during their relationship, she was a sweet girl who matched Y's appreciation style. I suddenly felt unusually inferior, and then I became a little angry&mdah;because I was powerless to change Y's standard. I also thought about whether I should do what I liked and change the dark colors in my closet, but I couldn't hold a plaid skirt at my age.

Although you can't just look at your appearance when you fall in love, it's a pity to fall in love or even get married to a woman you don't think is attractive, right? In case I meet the "goddess" in my heart in the future and throw an olive branch, even if I don't accept it, I will regret it in my heart, right?

Just like me and l.

I was dumbfounded, as if I had suddenly woken up: it turned out that L and I were in such a mutually satisfying relationship. In addition to a simple date, they also happen to be each other's "dishes": I fell in love with L at first sight, and he once said that I was like his ex-girlfriend &mdah; this statement is difficult to distinguish between true and false, but I can indeed sense that L's attachment to my body is extraordinary. Perhaps, like Y now, he married a wife who was not very charming, and then met me again. So we hit it off and fell into an inexplicable obsession that was out of control.

Although this is not a reason to cheat either. It can only be said that the feelings between people are really inextricably linked and complex.

My mood became more and more depressed, and I thought: even if Y is upright and will not split his legs in the future, I still don't want to see him contend with his own inner torment. Having experienced l, I can understand. If there is a woman who fascinates him in the future, I willingly quit. I don't want this kind of substitute-like love.

At this moment, I finally saw my immorality from another angle: I did hurt L's wife.

What worries me even more is that I want love as pure as intuition, and I am not happy that Y decided to love me just because I had a high "overall score", but I also chose Y based on complete rationality.

In this real world, is marriage based on unconditional love and attachment really a luxury?

My understanding of love is even more confused now. What does true love look like? Is it the drunkenness that is willing to be humbled into the dirt despite everything, or the ordinariness of raising eyebrows and respecting each other? Are the two poles where the magnetic field never touches?

I have imagined more than once that if the myth that God split the original two-headed and four-armed humans and left them to find their other half on their own was true, L and I must be the one who was split. Halfway through my life, I was able to meet, and I smiled at each other: even if I found it, it wasn't that we couldn't be together.

I comforted myself and said: men are different from women, they have no intelligence in passion, their infatuation with my body is actually very superficial, he does not see me as the lover of his dreams, and he does not empathize with me. We're just friends, so he'll quickly forget about me, return to his wife's arms, or find a new love. Anyway, he won't fall into it, so I don't have to bear the burden of his wife for it.

And, it's all over anyway.

I closed my eyes, closed the book thoughtfully, and kissed me before turning off the light.

I still felt very warm at that moment.