Recently, the weather has been cloudy and rainy, and every time it rains, the temperature drops a little, and the smell of autumn is getting stronger and stronger. I often feel desolate in the depression, but fortunately, I have become accustomed to this mood, thanks to the number of times I have fallen out of love, to paraphrase a pretending sentence, that is: I am used to it!

But am I really used to it? I can pretend to be nothing during the day, but what about at night? At night, I still can't get rid of the life of cigarettes and alcohol, I often light a cigarette, grab a bottle of beer, shut myself in the bedroom, and stare at the closet that is always open.

I would repeat the number of clothes left by Mo Han in the cabinet, sometimes it was 23, sometimes it was 27, and once it was 29, in fact there were 21 pieces of clothes in the closet, I never counted right, and the time I counted 29 pieces, I was so drunk that everything was ghosted, and I counted 23 pieces, and I was slightly drunk, 27 pieces, I was half drunk and half awake.........

The world is so big, it makes my pain smaller, I warn myself: Zhang Yixi, you can play decadent, but you must be behind people, in front of people, you must be a strong style, because no one wants to see you decadent, and no one will pity your decadence.

........

It was another night after work, I didn't drink, I took Chen Qingyi's clothes back from the balcony and sent them to the dry cleaners to do dry cleaning, originally I was going to complain to Chen Qingyi, complaining about why she didn't get her clothes back earlier, but after having such thoughts, I immediately felt selfish, because Chen Qingyi can also say: Then why don't you give it back to me? Do you want me to get it?

In fact, all of us are very busy with work, so we ignore this matter, and no one can complain about anyone! And this also seems to have its own providence, if Mo Han appeared a few days later, Chen Qingyi took away these clothes, and there would be no such things.

If it's if, after all, I don't think about what if, I believe more and more, God's will cannot be violated, and I accept it happily, but can I still meet a woman who makes me so excited? God knows, I don't know!!

After sending Chen Qingyi's clothes to the dry cleaners, I didn't want to go home, but where could I go? Furubashi? Don't want to go! Going only adds to the pain.

"Utopia by candlelight"? My mind was reminded of this corner of the world that I had named, and I wanted to see if there was a utopia in the material world, but if there was a utopia in the emotional world, would there also be a utopia in the emotional world.

If there was also a utopia in the world of feelings, what would it look like? Love loyalty, freedom, happiness, never betrayal, bondage, pain! Probably so.

........

It was dusk, but because of the dark clouds, the sun did not even appear, and the sky was gray, and I stood on the top of the mountain, blowing a cool wind, drinking a frozen beer, looking out into the distance of the city.

Today is different from usual, even if I climb high and look far away, I don't have a feeling of pride in my heart, I know that I have been numb, I jumped on the guardrail, sat on the guardrail, at this moment I am not facing the world, but the utopia under the candle fire in every inch of land.

Eyes moved down slightly, you can see the big stickers that I and Angel took pictures, but many of them have fallen to the ground because of the washing of the rain, I smiled, and took another sip of beer, it turns out that the illusory utopia can't stop the erosion of the rain, there is no absolutely safe place in this world, we have been living dangerously, isn't it? Just like me, it was like stepping on a mountain of knives all the way, so I never believed that my future would be safe!!

I took out my phone and found Angel's phone number, and I can't remember the last time we were apart, whether we were happy or unhappy........ Whether it's happy or not, call her over first, I'm used to seeing her here.

I dialed her phone number, and soon there was a call to get through.

I took several sips of my beer, but the phone didn't go through until I was told that no one answered. I didn't give up, I set up an autodial, then put the phone aside, tore open a can of beer and drank it.

Finally, the familiar and irritable voice came from the phone: "Zhang Yixi, are you sick again, don't call me when I have a meeting!" ”

I put the phone to my ear and smiled, ignoring Anqi's displeasure, and said, "I didn't know you were in a meeting." ”

"Idiot, if I don't answer, there must be something, why do you keep fighting?"

"Then don't you take it too?" I said with a smirk.

Angel on the other end of the phone was silent, obviously brewing anger, I didn't give her a chance to fire at me, and said in surprise: "The big sticker you put up last time was all washed away by the rain, do you want to come and see?" ”

"I don't have time today, I have a meeting, and I have a date........ I've been busy lately. Angel said in an impatient tone.

"Cut, aren't you just busy falling in love, what's the big deal!!"

"Do you care?"

"Am I too lazy to care? ........" I said as I lay down on the guardrail, and there was a "beep" on the other end of the phone.

"It's amazing to be in love, me! ~~~" I smacked hard into the phone and drank the beer from the beer can.

I was a little sleepy, I was afraid that I would fall off the guardrail if I fell asleep, so I jumped off the guardrail again, ready to squint on the ground for a while, I think this is a good place to sleep, with the sky as the quilt, the ground as the bed, and very quiet, very satisfying to my needs.

Before I closed my eyes, I saw those photos taken with Anqi, in fact, she was really beautiful, just splashed a little, but I am not bad, and I am quite handsome, such a self-affirmation, I smiled proudly, laughed at someone who left me, I don't know how to appreciate me, cherish me!! When I figured out that I wasn't worth it, I would go with another woman........ I thought so with Ah Q's Spiritual Victory Method.

Thinking, thinking, I get sleepy, and when I am sleepy, I sleep!!

........

I didn't sleep too hard, but the light smell of perfume stimulated my sense of smell, and I woke up, and I opened my hazy eyes, and a familiar and beautiful face appeared in my sight, and she crouched on the ground and looked at me with a stupid expression.

"Why are you here?" I asked, half-drunk, half-conscious, but my hand groped around me, if I remember correctly, there should be a can of beer left undrunk, and I have to invite her to a beer when a guest comes.

"Are you looking for this again?" Angel picked up the beer can behind her and asked me.

"This beer is so exquisite, when I see you coming, I will roll to you, drink it....... I'll ask you to drink it. ”

Angel didn't drink the beer, she handed it to me and said, "If there's only this bottle left, you might as well drink it, I think you need it more than I do." ”

I didn't reach for the beer can in Angel's hand, and asked suspiciously, "Why do you say that?" ”

"I am much happier than you, and if I am happy, why should I drink wine to drown my sorrows...... So you drink it. Angel said as she shoved the beer can into my hand again.

"Why are you happier than me, because of love??" I asked.