Since I really broke up with Ding Yuxin, I always can't help but recall the bits and pieces with her. As a result, I tend to be extremely restless and irritable, and I feel depressed all the time. I can't help but secretly hate myself for not being angry, just a woman, why is this so? But feelings are not something that you can not think about. Some clips of being with Ding Yuxin always pop up in the dead of night, which always disturbs me from falling asleep.

I tried to restrain my thoughts, not to think, not to think. But the more I didn't think about it, the more I couldn't forget, so I indulged my mind and let it think about it thoroughly. I think just thinking about it makes my brain go nowhere. I naively thought that there was really no way to think about it, but the fragments of memories evoked countless thoughts. It makes the mood more and more irritable and restless, as well as infinite guilt.

Looking at the fragments of memories, the warmth of happiness fascinates me, and some unpleasant things make me disgusted from the bottom of my heart. In this mood of joy or sorrow, I am like a woman who has entered menopause, with a capricious temper and difficulty in holding back emotional outbursts. But I had to restrain this suppressed emotion, and in this back-and-forth, I actually lost sleep.

The days of insomnia are torturous, and you want to sleep but can't. As soon as you fall asleep, you will be cranky, and you will not feel sleepy. In this kind of torture, I chatted with many friends QQ, just so that I could have someone to spend the long night with me. But often in the end, everyone can't hold back to sleep, leaving me alone to look at the night and sigh.

I had no choice, so I thought of sleeping pills. Of course, it's not that I can't think about it, and I'm looking for a short-term view. I just want to sleep peacefully, but the ideal is beautiful, and the reality is helpless. I went to the school infirmary alone, and the reason why I went alone was because I didn't want too many people to know about such a humiliating thing as insomnia. When I got to the infirmary, the doctor asked me what was wrong? I told the doctor that I couldn't sleep at night and had insomnia. Trying to get some sleeping pills, the doctor looked at me with strange eyes for a long time.

He solemnly told me, "Sleeping pills must be certified by the hospital before they can be sold to you." "I begged the doctor to give me a few pills, but the doctor wouldn't give me anything. I had no choice but to leave the infirmary. As I walked, I guessed that the doctor might be afraid that I would do something stupid, or that I would have a serious accident by pouring sleeping pills into the water that had a friend drinking. Thinking about it, I really don't think about it, if I am a doctor, I am afraid that I will not dare to give sleeping pills. After all, if an accident occurs, the doctor is also responsible, and providing the drug for the crime is also a big crime.

I reluctantly returned to the dormitory, still irritable as before, probably caused by the recent severe insomnia.

In order to stop thinking about Ding Yuxin, I finally found a way. There are many activities and competitions in the school. Like singing competitions, cooking competitions, English recitation competitions, hosting competitions, and so on. Posters of all kinds of miscellaneous competitions were plastered all over the campus, and I decided to participate in them all.

One by one, I called the people in charge of these competitions and said that I wanted to participate in them. Of course, these games are staggered and do not cause time conflicts. First, there was the singing competition. The competition has to go through three stages: preliminary round, semi-final and final. Since it was the first time I participated in this kind of competition at school, I was nervous in the preliminary round, so I forgot the words, and of course, I was eliminated in the preliminary round.

This has always been a big blow to me, who has always had a strong sense of self-esteem, and I no longer think about Ding Yuxin when I lie in bed at night, but I am full of embarrassment and shame that I forgot to say in today's preliminary competition. This image of shame was played out in my mind over and over again, and my strong personality made it impossible for me to admit defeat. I said to myself from the bottom of my heart, come on, Lu Fan, you are the best, and I can do what others can do.

In this way, I fell asleep full of fighting spirit. In my dreams, I dreamed that I was standing in the final of a singing competition, and I was calm and self-contained. I laughed in my dream, it was the first time I laughed so cheerfully after breaking up with Ding Yuxin. I laughed so hard that I couldn't stop crying. When I woke up late at night, I found that it was all just a dream, but the wetness in the corners of my eyes and the water on my pillow told me that I was really crying. I still cried with joy, maybe there were other reasons.

I woke up from the dream, but the heart that decided to challenge me didn't. The next day, I searched the Internet for videos of singing competitions. I studied the expressions and movements of the best racers carefully. There are also the various body language, how to speak, how to start the first sentence, how to introduce yourself to the judges, and so on. After watching the video, I realized that it wasn't that difficult to make it to the finals, right?

As long as you are confident on stage and show your truest side, then making it to the final is nothing more than that. With this mentality, I participated in the English recitation competition, and as for the singing contest not long ago, I was not able to participate, after all, I was eliminated in the preliminary round. Participated in the English preliminary competition, which required us to prepare English essays by ourselves, which could be written by ourselves or English texts, etc.

In order to be well prepared, I wrote my own English essay and prepared to use it for the competition. After waiting for a few places, it was finally my turn, I took the English essay in my hand and introduced myself loudly with the opening words of the English jack-of-all-trades. Then he quickly looked at my article and read it out clearly, because it was written by himself, even though he was still very nervous, he still completed the preliminary round fluently. got off the stage and silently gave himself a thumbs up.

Sure enough, I made it to the semi-finals. The semi-finals are about memorizing English, and you can write your own essays. For the sake of convenience or laziness, I still use the articles of the preliminary round. The reason why I dare to be lazy is because there are so many articles, how can the judges care or remember that it is a preliminary article?

For many reasons, I was able to recite it calmly during the rematch. I unexpectedly entered the finals, and the rules of the finals of the English contest are that the organizer of the contest provides English articles, and then let the contestants make their own PPT and enter the articles into it, and they also have English music.

Due to many reasons, I successfully made a PPT and so on, but I couldn't memorize the article. Because the article is two and a half pages in English, I always get the next paragraph and forget the first paragraph. It was in this anxiety that the time for the final came. I still didn't know how much I could memorize, and like me, there were many people who couldn't remember all the texts, so they quit the competition and didn't go to the finals.

I also want to quit the game with them, after all, it will be really embarrassing then. But then I thought that I came to compete to challenge myself, so how could I back down? So I waited for the competition in order, watching the wonderful recitation of the contestants in front of me, I was scared or nervous at the same time.

Finally it was my turn, listening to the host call to invite No. 9 player Lu Fan to come on the stage to bring us a wonderful English recitation. There was a burst of applause at any time, and although their applause was so warm, my heart was already nervous to the limit. I kept asking in my heart what to do, what to do?

Finally standing on the stage, looking at the dense heads under the stage, I couldn't help but feel a little dizzy, but I didn't faint yet. Look at the two rows of judges at the front desk, all of them are teachers or deans of instruction and so on. I couldn't help but feel a little weak on my feet, I really wanted to run away, and I regretted not quitting early. But now I have to go up.

I can't memorize English, I can't memorize all the articles, and my mind is blank at this time due to excessive nervousness. At this time, how should I deal with this crisis? How can we avoid an embarrassing situation?

Suddenly, a bold idea surged into my mind, perhaps, this is the way to get through this difficult time!