I'd rather turn into a fallen leaf, let the wind and rain blow everywhere;

Or a flowing cloud, in the clear blue sky, and the earth is no longer involved.

But hold on to the sad sign and touch the melancholy of unsettled;

At dusk, night shifts, tiptoeing, all emptiness, no tenderness;

Forget that there was a world; There you are; mourn who has ever been in love;

Falling like flowers, forgetting to go, the emotions in these tears.

On that day nothing remains, less than a flash of light, less than a breath of wind

Traces, you have to forget me, once lived in this world.

—————— Lin Huiyin's "Willingness"

Holding the report card, Yunsu's heart was mixed, and he finally came, thinking about whether he could take the college entrance exam to go out and play, leave this annoying city, and leave this home that made him sink. Still didn't give himself this opportunity, from the first year of high school to the third year of high school, Yunsu recalled the basketball court and the game machine room the most, as well as the big video recorder of his classmate Lin Zijia? I don't remember anything from the books, the whole person is like an empty city there, gray and can't see a little life, ruined and dilapidated.

In the words of their chemistry teacher, Shi Jingzhuan, you might as well go out early and find something to do, at least you can prove that you have some value elsewhere, here you are a ruined building, an empty city, you don't even know what you want in your heart, what to do, and what ideals to talk about.

When he got home, Yun Su skillfully found a washboard and knelt at the door to cover the door.

He thought: "If he beats me today, I will run away from home, anyway, there is always a place where I can walk in this world, not to mention that my brother is still outside, it's a big deal to go to my brother." ”

The sound of footsteps sounded in his ears, and he was still so procrastinating, and when he heard it, he knew that he was in a bad mood today.

"Dad, my grades have come down, but I didn't do well in the exam, and the teacher suggested that I repeat my studies to see if I have a chance next year." Yun Su didn't dare to look up, for fear of seeing those perennial fire eyes, he had seen these eyes in the game room more than once, obviously every time he went out from school Yun Su was very careful to observe, to confirm that no one came out, but every time he entered the game machine room less than five minutes ago, he could feel someone staring at him, and when he looked up, he could see the eyes staring at him at the door of the game machine room.

"Got it, are you going to repeat or be a soldier?" After a sigh, his father's helpless voice came from Yunsu's head.

"I haven't thought about it, but I don't know a lot of things, I'm afraid of embarrassing you when I am a soldier, and I heard that being a soldier is too hard, and it will take at least three years to come back, I am a little reluctant." Yun Su timidly knelt on the washboard and whispered, the voice was so small that only he could hear it.

But it was still heard by my father. "You also know that you have embarrassed Lao Tzu? Do you still remember when you were in the third year of junior high school, if it weren't for your head teacher Cao Yuhong grabbing you like a chicken every day, you would have gone to work a long time ago, and you could still finish these three years of reading? The father roared and raised his leg to kick him, but his foot lifted up and trembled a few times, and then he put it down again.

Yun Su shrank in fright, his perennial experience had taught him how to protect his important parts, and just as he was trembling, his father dropped a word and went out. Think about it, it's okay to repeat, but you have to study hard, even if you go out, you still have to rely on yourself, counting on us two old people, it is impossible to accompany you for a lifetime.

Yunsu got up from the ground, and when her mother saw her father go out, she hurriedly walked out of the kitchen, touched his head, and said earnestly: "Your father is right, you always have to face society, son." ”

At night, Yunsu lay on the bed, looking at the ceiling with his eyes open, and the conversation with his father in his ears was still in his ears.

"Being a soldier? It's very bitter, and I have to stay outside for a few years, can I do this shit? Perhaps it touched the knot in his heart, and tears flowed down his face.

"Yunsu, did you sleep?" The door slowly opened, Yun Su quickly sat up, looked at the old man who was reluctant to turn on the light, groped, and slowly sat on the edge of the bed.

He said with tears in his eyes: "Grandpa, I don't want to leave, Dad, if you want me to be a soldier, I'm afraid." The 86-year-old grandfather looked at his youngest grandson as if he saw himself back then.

Gently touched his grandson's face, wiped his tears little by little, and said slowly: "Don't think too much, don't think too much, back then, during the Anti-Japanese War, little Japan, I took your grandmother with me to Q City, and I didn't know what to do, just thinking about going out of the city to avoid it first, and then coming back when the devil left, but I was afraid that this bit of belongings would be burned by the devil, and even a place to settle down was gone, and then I came back again and again, and there was nothing, no way I built a shed with your grandmother, I wrote letters to others, and taught the children to read and write, Your grandmother washed people's clothes, did some casual work, barely made ends meet, after a while like this, at that time the days were difficult, it would be good to have a potato to gnaw, I thought, people, as long as you live there is always a chance to get up, I'm afraid you give up, as the old saying goes, rather suffer in the world, don't bury it in the soil, grit your teeth and get through. ”

"But, but I'm just afraid, growing so big, the farthest is when I followed my father to Jinling when I was a child, and I was accompanied by my family, I ...... to be a soldier" Yunsu said and lowered his head without confidence.

Although what Grandpa said made sense, he didn't understand how Grandpa was willing to let his youngest grandson go out alone. After all, this is not the past, there is no invasion of foreign enemies, everyone is well fed and clothed, and they still have to go outside. He just wanted to repeat his studies for a year, then find a college to study for a few years, and come out and find a factory to work.

"Don't think too much, sleep, you're tired, I finally finished three years of high school, rest for a few days, I've been listening to your dad for the past few days, I'm going to enroll you in a repeat class first, see if you can learn to go in, sleep." The old man stroked his grandson's head, groped slowly, walked out of the room, listened to the coughing sound coming from his grandfather's room, Yunsu lay on the bed and slowly closed his eyes.

I don't know how long it took for Yunsu to feel that someone was pulling his hand, and when he opened his eyes, his classmate Xiaoli pulled his hand hard and wanted to pull him up, Yunsu was very strange, Xiaoli, who is usually active and friendly, why is she so anxious today, it seems that something is going to happen.

"What's wrong? So urgent. Yun Su said and sat up, but Xiaoli didn't answer him, pulled Yun Su and left, just a few steps away, Yun Su heard the roar behind him, the original position of the bed, there was a big pit, along the crack of the pit, the ground is still collapsing.

"What's going on?" Yunsu was so frightened that he ran out desperately with Xiaoli, the surrounding rooms slowly twisted, the sky was still so dark, a bright light appeared in the distance, the two of them followed the bright light, ran forward, and gradually the roar behind him stopped, strangely, Yunsu did not feel tired, and when he stopped, he found that the two of them were standing on the stairs of the school teaching building.

Yun Su just wanted to ask Xiaoli what happened, but there was a loud reading sound upstairs, but the content of the reading really made him unacceptable, it was what their homeroom chemistry teacher told him at the beginning: "Go out and find something to do, at least prove that you are still worth something!" ”

"What's going on!!" Yun Su held his head frantically and thought, just when Yun Su was at a loss, Xiaoli next to him walked to Yun Su and stretched out her tongue, sniffed his face, and then licked it again.

“…… What are you doing," Yunsu pushed Xiaoli away hard, and Xiaoli glanced aggrievedly.

What's going on! Yun Su sat up violently and opened his eyes. The bed is still there, there is no pit, the orange cat at home exploded, lying on the pillow, with yellow and red gem eyes, looking at Yunsu innocently.

"It turned out to be a dream,......" Yunsu reached out and hugged the orange cat, rubbing its head and muttering to herself. How to choose? Repeating? Or ...... soldier"

"Up? Let's go, accompany your mother to buy some food, don't peuke like a 120-pound steamed bun, go out for a walk, and want to buy something delicious for your mother. My mother's voice came from outside the door, "Give you ten minutes, I heard that fried chicken is sold in the vegetable market today, and I don't have to buy it if I'm late." ”

"If I repeat it, it will take a total of 365 days, and I will be a mess in mathematics, chemistry, physics, Chinese, and English, and I will barely be better at biology and sports, and I don't know if I can make up for it." Yun Su thought while brushing his teeth.

"Hurry up, when will the problem of procrastination be changed." Mother stood beside Yunsu with a vegetable basket and urged. "Oh~" hurriedly brushed his teeth and washed his face. Yunsu was dragged out of the door by his mother.

"Don't think about it too much, your dad is also for your good, so you can choose, after all, now when the soldier comes back to the package distribution, at most two or three years of hard work will come out, if you want to repeat your mother also support you, your mother and I entered the factory when I had a secondary school education, I haven't finished reading, just right, the unit is being built, and I requisitioned your grandmother's house, I entered the factory, at that time I didn't understand anything, the factory was built with foreign aid, but it was advanced, and the pump couldn't hear the sound, I would count the number, and the leader arranged me to a group of transportation, I sat in that little house for ten years, and every day I was looking at the piece counter, watching the numbers on it, and sometimes the numbers would jump wrong, so I had to listen to the transport plane, correct it, and then continue driving.

Ten years, I haven't made a mistake, I haven't been fined, it seems very simple, but it's uncomfortable to stay up late, and I can't see it all night, so I'm afraid of making mistakes. Later, with you, my mother and I went to the workshop, looked at the goods every day, and inspected the goods now. I just want to tell you, there is no hurdle that cannot be passed, be careful, be serious, always find the problem, always be able to step through, don't pestle, pick a big one" Mom said while pulling Yunsu to let him pick a bigger roast chicken.

"Oh......" Yunsu didn't expect his mother to become so nagging today, usually unless she does something wrong, her mother, who spends most of her time doing housework, has never had the opportunity to talk to him so much, and with so many truths, Yunsu remembers that what her mother said the most is "eat, take a bath, don't be pestled with stinky sweat, and the bed is messy......"

"They won't think I can't open it, how can I be so fragile, I can't do well in the exam, I'll come back next year, I can't do well in the exam next year, it's a big deal to be a soldier, no matter how bad I am, I can still go to the field to find my brother, how old am I, I can't think about it, I have a lot of things waiting for me that I haven't played, how can I do something sorry for myself and my family so easily, sometimes these adults are more naïve than me." Yunsu was picking up the roast chicken, and he was thinking about it.