Du Kill looked at Zhang Wensu who was lying unconscious on the couch in a daze, I looked at them, and I only felt empty in my heart. There used to be times when I was lying in bed, and Ruoxiu was so concerned about me?

I remember that Zhang Wensu once said that one day even if he died at the hands of Du Shu, it would be worth it, and now he got his wish, and Du Shu personally plunged the sword into his chest.

If it were me, even if Xiu killed me, I would be like Zhang Wensu, just smile lightly, and then say "It's okay", and it would be enough.

I promised Ruoxiu to accompany her to keep the New Year, but I waited in the room for a long time, and I didn't see her coming, the cold wind outside the door poured into the house, and I was reluctant to close the door, what if I didn't hear Ruoxiu's knock on the door?

I suddenly remembered the night I married Ruoxiu. I was so drunk that I made a mess of the new house very ungracefully, and I didn't expect that the face behind the light veil was Ruoxiu.

What is the Green Pavilion? What cabinet rules? I don't want any of them, and I don't want you to keep them, this Qingyu Pavilion order is just a piece of broken copper and iron to me, and it is an accident that I got it, and I won't feel a pity if I lose it. But why are you so persistent that you have to let me keep it? I just want you.

But why haven't you come yet? You promised to keep the New Year with me.

The candles in the room flickered on and off, and suddenly there was a "whirring", and it was blown out by a gust of wind, and I still sat in the room and didn't want to get up, it didn't matter what happened anyway.

There was a sound of footsteps coming from outside, and the lanterns in the hands of the visitors gave a little light to the gray world. Li Xuanba's thin body trembled in the wind, and it took a while to walk in front of me.

He slammed the door shut, and the room suddenly fell silent. He re-lit the candle and looked at me with a sad expression.

I still looked out the door in a daze, always feeling like the Monk would suddenly appear in front of me like when we were newly married.

Li Xuanba looked in the direction I was looking at for a while, tugged at my sleeve and said, "Big brother, sister-in-law won't come." His words were very indifferent, but full of sorrow.

I turned my head to look at him, shook my head, and said, "She promised, how could she not come?" ”

Li Xuanba suddenly coughed violently, and when I came back to my senses, I found blood on his sleeve.

I panicked, stood up with "Teng", pointed to the bloodstain and said, "Xuanba, what's going on?" ”

Li Xuanba was puzzled by my questioning, and said after a while: "Big brother, sister-in-law...... Say it's an old disease. ”

I was startled, looking at his thin body, only to feel that my body was weak and almost fell to the ground.

This feeling of powerlessness tormented me and left me at a loss - I could not do anything as I watched my mother's life pass by little by little; If Xiu dies in front of me, I still can't do anything; Now that Li Xuanba is sick like this, there is nothing I can do...... Why is this always the case? Why?

I looked at Li Xuanba sadly, and he disguised: "Big brother, this ...... It's okay, Master has carefully diagnosed and treated me in the past, but it's only been these two days...... It's a little cold, so the eldest brother doesn't have to worry. ”

I have no way of judging how much of what he said is true, and if it is cold, it was much colder a few days ago than it is now, but I would rather believe his explanation than think about it again.

On the first day of the first month of the ninth year of the great cause, I came to the Daxingshan Temple before dawn, the monks in the temple have not yet gotten up, I stood alone in the temple, slowly walked towards the Guanyin Hall behind in the snow, I did not dare to go in, only wandered outside.

I often come to repay my vows, but the Buddha has failed me again. I didn't want to go in again, and I even wanted to take back all the gratitude I had expressed when I knelt in front of the Buddha statue.

After pacing for a long time, a Zen master came slowly in the twilight sky, folded his hands and saluted me: "The donor is wandering in front of the Guanyin Temple, but what is the difficult thing to solve?" ”

His voice was unusually familiar, and when I looked closely, I realized that he was actually Zen Master Zhiyue.

When I saw him, I almost thought I was hallucinating for some reason, and it took me a while to try to stabilize my mind and say: "Zen Master Zhiyue, Luoyang is goodbye, I can't imagine meeting here." ”

Zhiyue looked at it carefully, and recognized that it was me, and said in a soft voice: "Little boy, can you talk about it in the meditation room?" ”

I nodded, and followed Zhiyue to the meditation room, the way to the meditation room I vaguely felt familiar, but when I thought about it, I felt that everything was very long. It wasn't until Zhiyue opened the door and let me in that I realized that this meditation room was the same room where Yan Cong and I used to talk.

I don't know why, touching the scene, I couldn't help but shed tears, what I said to Yan Cong at the beginning here, all of them were related to Ruoxiu - we met for the first time, how she tricked me, but I wasn't angry at all, how to reunite in Daxing City, how to separate again, why I came to Daxingshan Temple to go to the Guanyin Temple, everything, as if in this meditation room, as if yesterday couldn't help but stimulate my nerves.

Zhiyue helped me sit down on the futon, and he didn't persuade me or reason about it, but just sat across from me and looked at me.

For a long time, the snow outside the meditation room reflected the rising sun, and the meditation room was also brightly reflected.

I finally asked, "Why?" ”

Zhiyue looked at me kindly, his eyes seemed to contain infinite compassion, and he waited for a while before saying: "The little boy has this calamity in his life, and this is the ear of heaven's destiny." ”

I didn't expect that a monk would say such worldly words, and I was a little annoyed, but I just said lightly: "Do people outside the Zen master also believe in fate?" ”

Zhiyue shook his head and said, "The poor monk doesn't believe it. ”

I said, "If you don't believe it, why do you have to explain all this with your life?" If everything is destined and life is in vain, wouldn't it be better to die? ”

Zhiyue said: "Little boy, destiny is constant, but personnel are impermanent. The old man Ziyi once calculated the fate of the little son, and the little boy was willing to hear it, and the poor monk said that he would hear it with the son. ”

I waved my hand and said, "No need." ”

Zhiyue said: "The little boy mourns. ”

I closed my eyes and thought back to the night when Ruo Xiu died the day before, the faces of the group of people around me, and thought of the sentence "Don't take revenge" that Ruo Xiu said, my heart was hot, and I actually vomited a mouthful of blood. An Ping and Cheng Ping's little hands kept shaking in front of my eyes, and I wanted to hold them, but I couldn't grasp them.

At this time, Zhiyue's voice came: "Little boy." ”

His voice was like a reassuring pill, and I came back to my senses from my imagination, and it was the first time I really remembered my children and Ruoxiu.

I had done my best to keep them out of my mind, thinking that this would protect them, and I could even pretend that they were still alive.