Chapter 49 Psychological Counseling by Dr. Shu Xiang (D)

Shu Xiang silently took the oranges away, she closed the door and went out, and turned back in less than five minutes, holding a glass of boiling water in her hand.

"Find one downstairs." She smiled, "It's not good to find someone to ask for tea, so there is only white water." ”

Fang Wuying took the glass of water and thanked him.

Shu Xiang returned to the high-backed chair, she looked at Fang Wuying: "Can you continue?" ”

Fang Wuying walked back to the sofa from the window and sat down, staring at the liquid in the transparent cup.

“…… When my sister first met me, she was very happy. "I haven't seen her for three or four months, and it seems that she is in much better spirits than when we first met." In my heart, I can't help but take credit for this. ”

"Sister, what did you say?"

"At first, I just asked about the long and short questions, whether I ate well, how I slept, and if there was anything unsatisfactory...... I said I was all right and got a lot of babes. Fang Wuying smiled, "I brought her a jade pendant made of jade, a good water seed, bright green...... I've been looking in a jewelry store for the past two years, and I've never seen anything like that. I gave the jade pendant to my sister as if it were a treasure, and she was very happy when she saw it, and I thought that a girl of that age, no matter what state she was, would have her eyes light up when she saw the jewel. ”

Shu Xiang smiled: "You should say, women of any age are like this." My sister took the jade pendant and said something? ”

She was very happy, and asked me where I got it, and then she casually hung the jade pendant on the pomegranate skirt, the red dress and green jade, which was really beautiful. She said that she also got a bunch of jewels, but she didn't have such a good jade pendant. Of course, there is only one piece of this jade pendant in the entire Forbidden Palace, Fu Jian took it off from him and gave it to me directly, and no one else could get it. ”

Shu Xiang didn't say anything for a while.

"But when I asked where I got this jade pendant, I couldn't answer. I was going to casually say that someone gave it or picked it up somewhere else...... I didn't lie since I was a child, and this faulty sister knew, and she knew that I was lying, so she forced me to tell the truth. ”

“…… Did you say that? Truth. ”

After a long time, Fang Wuying nodded: "I said." ”

"How?"

I said...... It was given by Fu Jian. ”

Shu Xiang held his breath!

“…… My sister's face changed at that time! She asked me if I was ...... Is it really as the rumors in the palace say, committed to serving Fu Jian. She said that she always heard such rumors, but she refused to believe it, and her sister said that as long as I said no, she would believe me. ”

"How did you answer?"

"I wanted to say 'no,' but I wasn't going to lie, I stood in front of her, I couldn't say a word, and the whole body became transparent."

"Sister, she ......"

Fang Wuying paused for a long time before speaking again.

Her face looked as if she had died. She gritted her teeth like crazy, saying that she had made a sacrifice in vain, and that all the hard work she had done was to ruin my ignorant brother. Later, she dragged down the jade pendant and smashed it on the ground. said that Fu Jian was insulting our Murong family, and I took it without shame. ”

Shu Xiang frowned slightly: "My sister will be so angry, have you carefully considered the reason?" ”

"It was that jade pendant that stimulated her." Fang Wuying tugged at the corners of his mouth and disguised a smile, "That jade pendant, Fu Jian deliberately asked someone to carve it into a Xiangfeng pattern......"

Shu Xiang was stunned for a moment, and suddenly it would be interesting!

Murong Chong's small character "Fenghuang", "Book of Songs. Daya "Cloud: Phoenix Emperor Yu Fei, plucking its feathers. It is said that when the phoenix flies, the phoenix head is high, the wings are spread together, the long tail is elegant, and the posture is extremely beautiful.

The room was quiet, but in Shu Xiang's ears, there seemed to be the crisp sound of jade shattering thousands of years ago......

"The jade pendant was smashed by my sister, and I fell on the ground and tried to pick up the broken part. But my sister rushed over and stepped on my hand......"

Shu Xiang exhaled softly, the corners of her eyes and eyebrows were full of unbearability.

"I wanted to cry, it hurt and I was wronged, but I couldn't. I argued that I didn't want him to bully my sister, so I did it, but my sister said she would rather be ruined by the thief than let me save her in this way. Her appearance, it's terrible, hysterical...... After scolding, she hugged me and cried bitterly, saying that she was sorry for me, and that she was not good or something......"

Shu Xiang looked at him fixedly and asked softly, "How do you feel?" ”

Fang Wuying took a deep breath.

"Confusion. It's a mess, I thought my sister would hurt me, I worked so hard for her, and endured so much humiliation, even if she didn't agree, she should at least be considerate, we were originally an alliance of victims, right? But it turned out to be completely different, and even backfired: even my sister began to hate me. ”

"Hate you?"

Fang Wuying nodded: "I went back to my residence, and the place where the back of my hand was stepped on by my sister at night was swollen, and it hurt so much that I couldn't sleep and cry, he found out and asked me how I got it, I refused to say, and then a little yellow door quietly told him that my hand was stepped on by Princess Qinghe, and he said that the jade pendant was smashed." When he heard this, he was furious, and broke into his sister's house late at night, warning her not to be rough with me again—none of which I knew, and by the time I knew, my sister had already come to the door. ”

"Ah......h

"Well, when my sister came, it was like a different person." Fang Wuying thought about it. "Have you ever seen someone who speaks in a mask? The face does not move, and the voice comes from the body......"

"Sister became like that?"

"Yes. Her expression was very strange, and she couldn't see any joy or anger. A tablet, I've never seen her like this. She also said that she neglected to take care of me in the past, so she plans to come and care for me often in the future. ”

“…… She was forced, after all, she was also afraid of Fu Jian, you have to think of that. ”

Fang Wuying was stunned for a long time before he said, "Later, she really always came to my side." I was quite happy at first, we were siblings of the same mother, but we had been forced to separate in different palaces before, and I was so excited that I couldn't sleep every time she came, and if she hadn't smashed the jade pendant last time, I would have taken all the treasures I got to please her. ”

Shu Xiang smiled bitterly.

“…… But then, I became afraid of her coming. ”

"Huh? Why? ”

Fang Wuying was silent for a long time before he whispered, "...... Every time she came over, she always asked the little yellow door beside me about my situation: what rewards I have received recently, how Fu Jian treats me, where Fu Jian took me to play, and what treasures and delicacies I have been given. ”

“……”

"I don't want her to know this, every time she inquires about these details, I feel very uncomfortable, especially since she always asks the palace people around her: How long did Your Majesty stay with me last night, and how late did you get up this morning...... I, I listened to it, and I felt the pain of burning all over my body, like ten thousand steel needles piercing my body. One time I fainted in pain. When I woke up, I found myself on the ground, mud and blood all over my face. ”

Shu Xiang nodded: "Caused by emotional trauma." ”

"Whenever that happens, I want to die. When my sister spoke to them, her tone was gentle, but the eyes that looked at me were like sharp knives, and the words she said in front of me were also very ......"

"What?"

"For example: Your Majesty is going to spoil my family Chong'er, does Your Majesty want to put my family Chong'er in a cage wrapped in splendid embroidery? Baby like this, you can't call me brother in the future, you have to call it sister. ”

“…… Ever wondered why she did this to you? ”

"All I can say is that she's probably worried that I'm going to be that kind of person, the kind of thing that the concubine curses." Fang Wuying said slowly, "She hates me like that, thinks that I have tarnished the proud reputation of the Murong clan, hates me for having no ambition, losing my iron bones, and not like a man who fights to the death...... Once, he brought me a fragrance made of a hundred flowers. ”

"Xianglu?"

"For bathing and cleansing."

Shu Xiang couldn't understand for a while: "What did she send that thing to you for?" ”

“…… Only the unclean need to bathe. Fang Wuying paused, "Fu Jian's stupid × can't understand these secrets between our sister and brother at all, and praises her for being careful—only I understand what my sister means." That's how we communicate with each other, you know? Stinging vs. being stinged. ”

"Do you accept her definition of you?"

Fang Wuying raised his eyes, his expression was a little confused: "What can you do if you don't accept it?" Can I really be proud of where I was? Isn't that really self-depravity? ”

"What can you do if you don't?" Shu Xiang looked into his eyes and said seriously, "I don't intend to excuse you, Paul, but I really can't find a solution: my father and sister have become hostages, my mother and other relatives have been imprisoned, and the life and death of the country are unknown, at this time, what can a 12-year-old child do?" Tell him to risk his life to fight against the powerful? ”

"He may choose not to meet ......"

"Well, tell me, then, how can you not meet the flattery—disobey the order? Hunger strike? Self-harm? Or go and assassinate the enemy? If that's going to be the case, Paul, what are you defending? Can you really represent a family by yourself? ”

“……”

"You are now far away from that period - my sister hates you like that and hurts you like that, isn't it obvious why?"

"You mean, she's blaming herself? Is she hating herself? ”

"What do you think she's going to think of herself? Committed to serving the enemy......"

"But I'm also her ally......"

"It is precisely because you have suffered the same misfortune as her, that you and her are like people in the mirror. She can't bear the anger of herself, so she will transfer her anger to you so easily-" Shu Xiang said this, gasping slightly, "But it's not your fault, she also knows this in her heart." ”

“…… Does she really understand that? I do not know. ”

Fang Wuying said slowly, as if he was pondering something, "I only know that I am more and more afraid of her, I can't stay in the Forbidden Palace, I asked to leave, I forced Fu Jian to let me out, saying that if I don't agree, I will die, at that time, Wang Meng happened to persuade very diligently, and Fu Jian agreed. ”

"Went to my mother?"

Fang Wuying nodded: "The day I let me go, my sister didn't come to send it." I went out of the palace alone, with two servants...... Like a shameless thief who sneaks away. ”

Shu Xiang sighed: "I feel sorry for you, Paul." I'm really sad to hear you say that. ”

"But I'm really happy to come out, even if the people of Chang'an are laughing at me, you know? At their own dinner table, they treated me as a joke, and I became the laughing stock of the world, a disgusting symbol. A faint smile tugged at the corner of Fang Wuying's mouth, "But I'...... I finally don't have to stay in that palace, I'm finally no longer his confinement, I'm finally no longer in touch with him—so my sister should change her opinion of me from now on, right? ”

Shu Xiang thought for a while and changed the subject: "How do you feel when you meet your mother?" ”

Fang Wuying smiled: "Very good." No, I have to say: it was good at first. ”

"How do you call it good at first?"

"When my mother learned that I could come back, she couldn't sleep for several nights. During that time, she personally supervised my meals, helped me bathe with her own hands, and asked me to sleep with her at night......"

"Isn't that great?"

"Yes, that's good." Fang Wuying narrowed his eyes, as if smiling, "It's as if nothing happened: the country didn't die, the father didn't be defeated and captured, and the children weren't sent to serve the enemy...... But this is all a hallucination of her own making, her mother is a person who can't bear reality, and my return only reinforces her illusion. But the illusion will eventually be shattered. ”

"How?"

Fang Wuying picked up the cup, took a sip carefully, and then put it down, his face was very calm.

"Because Fu Jian is here again."

Shu Xiang was dumbfounded.

"It's right to let me out of the palace, but it doesn't mean that he has completely given up on me. From the Forbidden Palace to Afang City, where his mother is located, the distance between the two is not too close, but it definitely can't stop him from coming here privately. Fu Jian broke into the residence late at night, and his mother was greatly surprised! She still thought that she had something that angered the emperor, and it wasn't until Fu Jian said, 'The widow is here for your family's Fenghuang'er,' that she finally understood what was going on......

Shu Xiang felt that her neck was a little stiff, and she turned her head uncomfortably, only to realize that she had maintained a posture for a long time.

"I guess that night will be a nightmare for my mother, right?" Fang Wuying's smile looked cruel and tired, "Seeing my son being carried into the room by the enemy, I can't stop it...... The courtyard was so quiet that I don't know what she heard or when she went to sleep, but her bedroom wasn't far from there - maybe she didn't sleep at all? I do not know. All I know is that at dawn the next day, when Fu Jian was gone, and when I came out of the house, my mother was standing outside the door, looking at me with a miserable white face and big black eyes, her expression was like a zombie. ”

Shu Xiang made an apologetic gesture, stood up, and walked to the window and pushed open the glass window. The early spring wind blows in, and it is slightly cool. She felt she needed a temporary lucidity.

“…… Can't stand it? Fang Wuying asked suddenly.

"It's a little." Shu Xiang turned his head and smiled bitterly, "I accidentally brought it in, just now." I brought in your mother's feelings. ”

She closed the glass window, returned to her chair, and sat down: "Sounds like your mother's expression at that time stimulated you deeply?" ”

Fang Wuying thought for a while, and said slowly: "Yes, and her words and deeds in the future." ”

"What happened to her?"

She stared at me like a zombie, and for a long time, I didn't dare to come out because of her eyes, and the pain all over my body seemed to be about to attack again...... At this moment, she suddenly turned around and said to the maid beside her: Send Da Sima back to the room to rest. ”

"Da Sima? Has your mother always called you by your official name? ”

Fang Wuying shook his head: "Never." This was the first time she had called me by an official title. Then, with that, she pulled her legs and walked away, as quickly as if fleeing from a haunting nightmare......"

“…… Her hallucinations were shattered. Paul, she must have been in a lot of pain. ”

"But am I not in pain?!" Fang Wuying suddenly shouted, "Why did she leave me alone?!" What I've suffered, doesn't she understand?! ”

Shu Xiang didn't say anything, she waited for Fang Wuying to calm down.

After being emotionally excited, Fang Wuying didn't speak for a long time, and his wheezing was a little uneven. The air in the room was filled with the smell of fire.

Speaking again, his voice was a little hoarse: "...... After that, she suddenly refused to see me again. ”

“……”

"My life was left entirely to the next person, and my mother shrank like a snail into her shell that broke at the touch of a snail. It's as if I've become transparent, as if she can act as if nothing happened to her as long as she doesn't see me. ”

"She can't bear it, as you say, your mother is weak as a snail, and if you force her to face it, she may break down......"

"Crash? Hum. I was the one who suffered something, and she didn't suffer anything. Fang Wuying said coldly, "She just watched, always just watched." ”

"Isn't that enough? She is a weak woman, loved by your father because she is beautiful and obedient, and your father did not marry her because she was brave and strong--he has seen so many tragedies, and especially to see his own ...... Her young son was ravaged, and as a mother, didn't she suffer enough? Of course you want her to protect you, after all, she is a mother, but in that case, she can't. ”

After being silent for a long time, Shu Xiang heard Fang Wuying's low voice: "...... Do you know what pains me the most? ”

“……”

"Being insulted by the enemy, of course, is very painful, but I am not a woman, and I will not live or die because I am being bullied. Men have a wider heart in this regard, I can ...... I could have thought of it as if I had fallen into the mud while hunting, or had my left arm slashed on the battlefield, I could have thought so. But what I couldn't stand was my mother's attitude towards me, like what I was...... What disgusting filth, pickled monsters, she didn't even dare come near me. ”

"If she really faces you and faces all this, doesn't that mean she has to admit her dereliction of duty and incompetence?" Shu Xiang said softly, "For a mother, the most terrible thing is to disqualify her as a mother. ”

"So she disqualified me as her son?" Fang Wuying stared at Shu Xiang with strange eyes, "What did I do wrong?" It turns out that I am a Godzilla that she raised in another courtyard? Dirty stuff from an alien planet? She just needs to know that I'm alive and doesn't even want to look at me? ”

Shu Xiang didn't speak, she remembered a sentence in a book: Mother's love is the foundation of everything in life. Questioning the authenticity of maternal love is the most terrible thing in life, and children who have no way to ask for help and are completely abandoned by the source of life can be completely defeated with confidence.

"And that's not all." Fang Wuying snorted and sneered twice, "It didn't take long for my sister to be allowed to save her relatives and come back to visit her mother. I don't know what they talked about, Godknows. There's always something bad going that I didn't expect...... Anyway, after that time, my mother became more indifferent to me and took it for granted. I think my sister told her the rumors in the forbidden palace, it was my fox kung fu that made Fu Jian come in the middle of the night from so far away, everything was my fault, if it wasn't for me, how could Fu Jian be stubborn about me? ”

"Do you think my sister would really say this to her mother? Is there any evidence to do so? ”

"Evidence? Since she came back, even the people in the other courtyard began to spread this kind of rumor, and every time Fu Jian came, the rumor spread more fiercely. Until ......"

"What?"

It was quiet for a long time, so quiet that it seemed as if everything around me was gone.

Fang Wuying suddenly stretched out his hand, took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, shook out one and put it in his mouth, but did not light it.

“…… I ordered the rod to kill two maids. ”

Shu Xiang couldn't help but shudder!

"They spread the rumors about me in the forbidden palace, saying that even my sister can't compete with me." Fang Wuying exhaled and took down the cigarette, "Mother soon found out about the death of the maid with the cane, she came to me and was furious at me, and it wasn't until that moment that I understood what she was thinking. ”

"What did she say?"

"She warned me not to be too presumptuous, not to be too rampant, my limelight was too prosperous, hindering my sister's glorious future, she said that my sister originally had the hope of becoming the queen, but now because of me, this hope has become slim, she advised me to be more restrained, saying that this is for my good and for the good of the Murong family."

"Do you see what your mother meant?"

"Of course." Fang Wuying nodded, he took out his lighter, lit a cigarette, and took a deep breath.

"She put all the blame on me: Fu Jian came here because of me; My sister can't be the queen, it's also because of me; The reputation of the Murong family is still because of me...... She didn't blame me for my father's defeat and the relocation of her clan to Guanzhong. If she could, she would do it. ”

"Because you were the weakest at the time, couldn't you see it? Her status is too high, but as you said, her personality is too weak, and she can't bear so much self-blame and guilt, so she passes on their coefficient to you. Because you are her child, the closest person to her......"

"So she can treat me like that?" Fang Wuying said coldly, "Compared with my mother's cold words, I am even willing to come over, but I have never slandered me mentally. I'm sure he must have been amazed during that time, I had never been so conscious......"

Shu Xiang silently looked at Fang Wuying, who had a complicated expression, and she suddenly felt a strong emotion from her heart......

What a good boy! He subconsciously heard the voice of his mother's heart, so he complied with his mother's request and took all the fault alone: since his mother "needed" him to be a bad boy, then he fulfilled his mother's wish and became a bad boy.

By the time there was no way to say goodbye, it was completely dark, the clouds had dispersed, and a little starlight was sprinkled on the earth.

"I really want to drink tonight, even if I can't get drunk." He laughed, "If you talk too much, it's hard to fall asleep." ”

"Have a drink." Shu Xiang patted the back of his hand with a smile, "But don't go with sleeping pills." ”

"Oh, I don't want to kill myself yet." Fang Wuying laughed, "The Nazi concentration camps have escaped, how can they die in peacetime?" ”

"Alright, drive carefully on the road."

"Yes."

The room was quiet again, Shu Xiang returned to the table, she turned on the radio next to her, and there was a beautiful song full of anger, floating into the night sky with the faint smell of tobacco remaining.

Shu Xiang fell into a long contemplation......

Appendix

Little Yellow Gate: A eunuch lower than the Yellow Gate in the Han Dynasty. Later, it generally refers to eunuchs.

The last song Shu Xiang listened to was Nickelback's Savin'Me, given to the young Murong Chong, and it was also the BGM of this chapter.

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