I was in a bit of a trance for months after learning the truth, and I tried hard to connect the facts with what I had always known, but it was too difficult to make that connection.

I don't even know what to make of them, the ancients, because my concept is almost incompatible with the concept of ordinary people.

In the eyes of ordinary people, Empress Li is the Emperor of Words. It is a king who writes words to the death of his country; But in my eyes, this person is just an ordinary civil servant, and his most powerful ability is not to write words but to write horror, and he can blow bubble gum very big without breaking.

In the eyes of ordinary people, Huo Quzhi is a famous god of war. It is the great Sima of the Western Han Dynasty who has won a hundred battles; But in my eyes, Huo Quzhi became a physicist, and he was keen on destroying household appliances Chapter 8.

In the eyes of ordinary people, Bai Qi is a human slaughter. In the Battle of Changping, he killed 400,000 Zhao troops; But he's my grandfather, the good old man who always secretly stuffs me pocket money and won't tell my parents.

In the eyes of ordinary people, Huang Chao was a rebel general in the Tang Dynasty and a rebel emperor who killed countless people; But in my eyes, Huang Chao is the director of the Audit Bureau, very good at red wine, and likes wood carving, by the way, it is said that he is Cai Qin's diehard, the kind of diehard who can follow the tour concert tour all over the world, once Director Ling and my dad laughed and said that this is a typical old house on fire, because her husband "has no experience in chasing stars in adolescence at all".

In the eyes of ordinary people, Yang Guang is the Emperor of Sui Yan, a tyrant through the ages; But in my eyes, he is a good gentleman, he has a very good heart, understands the minds of children, cooks very delicious, and his biggest dream is to open a small restaurant by himself...... Emperor Sui Yan's restaurant, will you visit?

As for Mom and Dad, alas, if one day you suddenly realize that you have to look at even the two closest people in a different light, then how do you face the whole world?

My confusion reached its peak at a family and friend dinner at the end of the year. At the end of the year, there will always be a lot of people in our family, and Murong Xuan Chapter 8 is just a colleague before his parents. Because my father stayed in the control group, his comrades-in-arms have always kept in touch with each other, which is a kind of intimacy that is not related by blood, so I have always felt that I have a lot of uncles, my family, every Chinese New Year is always the most lively, my favorite thing is to get around my father, let him play cards with Uncle Li and Uncle Xiao, but later. My dad was very "guardy" against me, because the only person who could see through my dad's old man was me.

During that meal, I stared at everyone uncontrollably, and that gaze seemed to be trying to see a hole in the face. In fact, I want to find the organic connection between history and reality from the details I observe, and to put it bluntly, I want to see where Director Lei resembles Emperor Sui Yan, for example. In fact, he was no longer the director of the bureau at that time, and he had already been transferred to the ministry, which was considered a high promotion, but we still habitually called him "Director Lei".

But my efforts ultimately failed, and I really couldn't see how the man who was being persuaded by his subordinates to drink resembled the tyrant in the history books.

Later, I finally got tired of looking at the balls, so I retreated to the corner with a plate of fried chicken chips.

After a while, Xin suddenly came over with a Coke, he sat down next to me, and then shook the Coke: Training, or? ”

I nodded, and raised my hand to hand over a cup.

He poured me a full glass of Coke and set the bottle aside.

“…… It's like Halloween, isn't it? He stared at the group of people in front of him and said suddenly.

"Huh?" I looked at him, obviously it was the third day of the Lunar New Year, where did Halloween come from?

"A room full of thousand-year-old ghosts." He laughed, "They're all alive." ”

I'll be relieved, by the way, and suddenly he learned the truth, he was a year before me.

"You shouldn't talk about your dad like that." I deliberately said, "Even if it's a lively old youkai, it's better than dying at the age of 23 early." ”

Suddenly nodded: "It's that I'm not used to it." I can't forget his past. ”

I took a sip of Coke and didn't speak.

"In fact, on the whole, he just took the time to go to the Western Han Dynasty and became a god of war for two years." Suddenly laughed again, "Then I got tired of my profession - or realized that I had made a mistake in my profession, so I came back." ”

"Well, your explanation is fresh." I laughed, "Reversing cause and effect." ”

"Don't you think?" Suddenly looked at me very seriously, "I think, it seems that they are not on the right track of life until now, you see, they are living more happily than us modern people." ”

Live more happily than modern people? Maybe.

But not every ancient person was really "happy", at least, the two families I know of all have different degrees of scars.

After the Spring Festival that year, Yang Lei returned from Africa.

As an orthopaedic surgeon, she spends many years in Africa, where Médecins Sans Frontières (MSF) is on a mission to save lives in the most remote and impoverished places. That's why I always have to stay years apart to see her once.

Yang Lei brought me a beautiful stone carving. She also said that she hadn't seen me grow up for a few years, and that was of course, the last time I was in the third year of junior high school.

"The little doll is gone." She smiled and said, "Aunt Su is so happy to be a big girl!" ”

She looked tanned, her cheeks were rough and the marks of the sun's wind and sand for many years, her fingers were thick and her eyes were marked by the vicissitudes of time......

What a beautiful and lovely girl she was! I thought sadly that my family still has a photo of her and my mother when she was just in college, and Yang Lei in it is as youthful and moist as a red apple.

At the moment, she looks much older than her mother.

Her mother asked her why she didn't come back earlier, and she happened to celebrate the New Year with her parents, Yang Lei said that the plan could not be arranged, and there was no holiday until now.

I secretly speculated that she didn't want to come back for the New Year with everyone.

"Today I'm going to Aunt Su and Uncle Fang to hide." Yang Lei said with a smile, "Otherwise, I will face my mother when I go home, I can't stand her wiping tears all day long." ”

When she said this, my mother was also sad, Yang Lei's mother, I called her Aunt Jane.

"You're not settled, your mother has to wipe her tears for the rest of your life," my mother sighed, "Leilei, when are you going to come back?" ”

was asked by my mother, Yang Lei's face showed a bitter smile.

"I'm afraid it's not going to work in the past two years. Let's talk about it in two years. ”

"Two more years? Lei Lei, you will be almost forty in two years, do you really plan to live alone like this? ”

"There's nothing wrong with living alone." She laughed again, "It's easy to be happy, marriage is in me, and it's not as simple as finding someone to talk to." ”

Yang Lei's smile was so heavy, and it was sad to look at.

“…… Why not, consider Xpeng? Mom didn't give up, and added, "Isn't he with you?" ”

Yang Lei was stunned for a moment, but laughed: "Aunt Su, what are you talking about?" I'm in Africa, he's in Palestine, the two poles, how can they get together? ”

"Huh? Didn't he just go to the Middle East? Didn't I go to see you last time, and I spent half a year in your medical center? ”

I was a little anxious when I listened to it. Mom was trying to pull the fiber, and she was going to pull two unrelated boats together.

When my mother said this, Yang Lei was silent for a long time. Only then did he smile again: "He came here because he had to be busy, but not for me, but there are acquaintances nearby, and it is inevitable that people will say hello, Aunt Su, don't think too much." ”

The Xiaopeng they are talking about is the son of his mother's former boss, Director Ling, who was rescued from the Tang Dynasty. He was sentenced to prison for obstruction of official duties and intentional wounding (the victim was my father). After serving seven years in prison, he left China and returned to England to finish his years of study, but to everyone's surprise, he did not become an artist or art researcher, but joined an NG (non-governmental organization) and worked in some extremely dangerous places.

I don't know exactly what he's doing, except that it's about humanitarian relief.

He had to use crutches because one leg was useless.

After dinner that day, Yang Lei and my father talked in the study for an afternoon, and my father did not tell me the details of the conversation, but at a later dinner table, Yang Lei said that Yang Lei was doing what Sisyphus did.

Sisyphus, I know, is the Greek mythological figure who was sentenced to push the boulder up to the top of the mountain, and when he was about to reach his destination, the boulder slipped out of his hand.

"All the efforts she made could not really free her." "But she had to do it, because if she didn't, she wouldn't be able to bear it." ”

"Can't bear anything?" I asked.

"The curse of the family, I think." Dad paused, "Of course, this is also what she automatically and voluntarily carried on her body, if she wants to be a simple and happy woman, like everyone else in this city, of course, she can, but for Lei Lei, then doing it is equivalent to giving up her family identity, forgetting who her father really is, no longer carrying their sins and even being a member of that family." At the moment, Lei Lei can't do it again. Xuan Xuan, I'm afraid that even the concept of life and death, she is already different from you children. “

I was still thinking about what my father said, but my mother frowned beside me and said, "Why don't you persuade her?" People don't come to you to add weight to that big rock. ”

"No one can dissuade her." Dad thought about it. "She also knows she's in a loop, but she can't stop." All I can do is, I'm afraid, persuade her to be Sisyphus. Try not to judge the big rock and give up, 'Maybe if I do this, things that have happened will change'. ”

Hard-to-understand!

But my father said that sooner or later I would carry the boulder on my back and walk on my own path of Sisyphus, and then I would understand.

Because every human being is a Sisyphus.

But I don't know how her parents, Director Lei and Aunt Jane, will feel when Yang Lei keeps pushing the boulder of her life like this.

But I know they don't feel easy. When their daughters are suffering, they are also suffering, especially when they know very well what their daughters are asking for themselves.

That's why I often admire Director Ray from the bottom of my heart, and his life is perhaps more difficult and painful than anyone else's.

But her mother later said that even if Yang Lei refused to come back, it would be good if she could be with Xiaopeng. The two of them are of the same age, and their family situations are so similar, the key is that they are both children of the ancients and have the same thinking background.

"Even if the two of them don't come back, even if they are each other's companions, Lei Jun and Ling Juan will feel better."

That's what my mother thinks, but I don't think that's likely.

Yes, Yang Lei is the daughter of Emperor Yan of Sui. Shi Yunpeng is the son of Huang Chao, and even he himself has the experience of "Shi Chaoyi", but this does not mean that the two of them can be combined.

I know that feeling deeply, as if I am the same as Xin Ranran, and even Huo Shan and Li Xiaomo, we are a group of people who come together because we are all born to have something.

It's still the "it", the one Shanshan said, that's what we were born to follow. Even if no one speaks to us, we can feel its presence from our breath.

We will come to a consensus on a strange bottom line, and even depend on each other for our lives, just like Xiaopeng and Lei Lei, who are also in Africa.

But that doesn't mean that we can be combined, and even the existence of that kind of thing will weaken the possibility of intimacy, because once we have an intimate relationship and live an ordinary life, we have to give it up and become an ordinary, modern person with no background.

It's something in our blood, buried in our bones, and at least so far, I haven't seen a child of the ancients who have succeeded in stripping it away.

To make matters worse, I witnessed an example of "trying to strip it away and failing miserably" that had far-reaching consequences for the remaining children!!