In fact, when I was four years old, I was only aware of the family's secrets.

That year, I had a very serious problem.

The cause of the problem turned out to be because of going to kindergarten.

At that time, according to my father, because my parents baby me, I have never been handed over to outsiders to take care of, nor have I hired a nanny, often just ask my aunt to help, but I have been raised until I am three years old, I always feel that it is not good, and my aunt is also in college, so I can't be a full-time nanny, so my parents decided to send me to kindergarten.

The first day of sending to kindergarten was a catastrophe for our whole family, and Xiaomo was not born at that time, so this, the "whole family" also includes the aunt and uncle who just got married.

Although it was just a child, he went to the seventh chapter of the Murong Xuan Garden. But it is also a great event for modern families, first of all, parents have to choose a suitable kindergarten: good quality and good reputation, but also close to home. Then you have to sign up with your household registration booklet, and you have to do everything for this and that, because it's going to send a toddler away from home – even though you can come back the same day.

On the first day, chickens fly and dogs jump.

My aunt witnessed the whole process, and she described it as follows: "...... All the children, all crying. Others rolled on the ground, rubbing mud and dirt, and snot wiped all over their faces. Twenty children, the sound can really tear the roof over. But there's no voice in it. ”

I was surprised, "What? I didn't cry? ”

"Crying, crying the same, but you cry differently than others?" The aunt sighed. "I remember the day you sat there in a red coat and clenched your little fists and burst into tears. The other children are all howling, just you, there is no sound at all, and when you shed tears, you almost hold a sign in your hand. The words 'Dad save me' in the book can make your dad feel distressed to death. "Round reading the latest shroud, please go to the next Z to watch the roar

I know this Murong Xuan Chapter 7 Dao, Dad once described the sound as like a slaughterhouse, with adults standing outside. I watched my own child howl, but I couldn't go in and help......

"Hmph, looking at him like that, it's like parting with life and death!" My aunt said disapprerovingly, "So I'll count down your father: Oh, your daughter's first day of kindergarten was miserable, and no one is biological?" Who knew that he said that he didn't care about that, and he couldn't watch his leap girl cry and not care. ”

My mother said stupidly next to her, "So, I'll take it back!" ”

"Got it back?" I was even more surprised, "Not going to kindergarten anymore?" ”

"Your dad said you were pathetic like that. He couldn't stand it, he said that even if he asked someone to watch at home, he would bring you back anyway. ”

But under the persuasion of my mother and aunt, my father sent me to the kindergarten the next day, but the tragedy happened again, and I cried as soon as I arrived at the kindergarten gate, crying like a little tearful man, so he took me back again.

Dad's behavior was "laughed at" by all his colleagues and comrades-in-arms.

Uncle Li Jianguo said that it is very troublesome for children to go to kindergarten on the first day, but they have to hold on, a week, at most half a month, it will be fine, if they are relaxed and compromised at this time, the child will not go to kindergarten again.

Director Lei said that the kindergarten is not a netherworld, is my father so worried, and besides, he threw Lei Lei into the kindergarten so ruthlessly. What else can I do? Bringing kids to work?

My uncle said that my dad had a delusion, and he regarded me as a three-year-old as his own child, so he refused to "abandon me", but then again, my uncle also felt that it would not work like this, and my dad really wanted to overprotect me, and the trouble would be even greater.

My mother blamed my dad for being too pampered and not going to kindergarten when the child cried, so how could I go to school and get along with my peers in the future?

In short, all parties agreed that their father would be ruthless and send me to kindergarten. Others simply said that my dad's behavior was wrong. Children have to hone and endure hardships, and when they are young, they are cruel to their children, and when they grow up, they can become talents. As a result, my dad became angry when he heard this, saying that he was cruel to his children when he was a child, and that when he grew up, children can only become perverts, and he also said that he would suffer and let that guy's children suffer, and he would never hone his own children. It's not a soldier, hone a fart.

But the opposition was too loud, except for grandpa. No one seemed to support him, and my grandfather even said that he would simply let him take care of me, and he was almost retired anyway. It is said that grandpa also hated the perverted place of kindergarten, and I used to think, grandpa didn't like kindergarten so much, was he too naughty when he was a child, and was punished by the kindergarten teacher?

If he is punished to stand, according to the character of the grandfather. I'm sure I'm going to sneak plasticine into the teacher's chair, hehe!

No way, most people didn't support my father's decision, so my father had to send me to kindergarten again, but this time my aunt thought about it, so she took the sketchpad to the kindergarten, and sat outside the fence of the courtyard wall, and when I was in the kindergarten, I could see my aunt through the railing.

When I saw her, I stopped crying.

So, my aunt sketched outside the courtyard wall of the kindergarten for a week, and I finally stopped crying as soon as I went to kindergarten.

I seemed to accept the life of going to kindergarten, which made all the adults breathe a sigh of relief.

But no one expected that half a year later. The bigger problem came up: they found out that I wouldn't speak.

Not only does he refuse to speak, but he doesn't look at people with his eyes, he always plays with himself, I don't react when I talk to me, and I don't look at people when I am told to look at them. I'll eat when I drag me to eat, and I'll sleep when I take me to sleep. Suddenly, I became a puppet.

At first, my parents didn't notice much, but they thought I was well-behaved, and I was like a little bully at home before, and I always made a lot of trouble. But after a long time, they felt that something was wrong, and the kindergarten aunt even told my dad that she suspected me of being autistic.

It has been scientifically proven that autism is not acquired, but a problem that occurs during conception of a congenital embryo. At present, foreign statistics are one in every 150 children, although most of them are boys. However, the possibility of such problems in girls cannot be ruled out.

The whole family was stunned by Auntie's words!

In those days, my parents fell into complete despair.

Autism is not well treated, it can only be improved, but for the rest of his life, he must have someone by his side to help him live, for normal people, such a child is abolished.

I became like this, my mother felt that it was her problem, she didn't raise me well since I was born, she was always displaced, either the Warring States or the Spring and Autumn Period, she and her grandfather patronized the escape, and didn't focus all their minds on me, so it caused the current result.

My father's idea was even more ridiculous, and he even thought that he had a genetic problem, because I inherited his mental instability, which is why I was like this - in his early years, he had always suspected that he had bipolar disorder.

A few days later, the results showed that I was not autistic, but because of some sudden incident, I had an autistic stress response.

What is that "contingency"?

It's very simple, Mom and Dad want a divorce.

It was the worst conflict between them, and the only one in years.

It wasn't until I became an adult that my mom told me about that incident, and I couldn't imagine the possibility of divorce between the two of them.

"Well, of course it's possible, and it's really almost gone." My mom pondered for a moment and then said. "However, the problem is mine, not your father."

In my mother's words, she found that she couldn't adjust to life as a mother.

She didn't feel so uncomfortable before, because that "before" was in the deep 1 small said α. tidying

In the old forest. She gave birth to me on the battlefield of Qin and Zhao in the Warring States Period, and then fled to the Spring and Autumn Period with me in her arms...... No one told her how to raise a child, and no one taught her how to be a mother. There was no direct comparison, so she raised me to the age of two in a foolish way, completely guided by nature.

But back in the modern world, that doesn't work. The female companion around her told her that raising a child casually like that would be a problem, what the child eats every day, how to eat, how to sleep, and how to educate...... It's all about it.

"All of a sudden, I became an idiot." My mom said, "I always feel like I can't do anything, and I get wrong with my hands." ”

"That's it?"

"Also, I can't fit in with the crowd." She smiled wryly, "I've been hiding from the crowd for three years. Suddenly, it's back, and the identity and role have changed...... I can't be so casual. I'm not alone anymore, and once I have a husband and a child, it's like a rope tied to my body. ”

"So serious?" I really didn't expect that.

"Actually, the postpartum depression when I first gave birth to you has not been completely thorough, and ......" my mother paused, "I have suffered setbacks in this area before, I mean, marriage, and having children or something, I have been ridiculed and neglected, and I still feel that I am not worthy of being a mother." ”

Thus, the seven-year itch was shortened to two years. Not long after I came back, my mom suggested that she wanted to go back.

"Go back to the Spring and Autumn Period, I want to go back and take you back to the deep mountains and old forests to stay, but as soon as I told your father, he became angry."

Of course he had to get angry, his wife was going to divorce and go back to ancient times, and he was going to take the children away, and my dad was simply driven crazy by my mother.

"But I can't do it, it's not something your dad can do to help me solve it. I feel like I'm suddenly stupid, I can't do anything well, it turns out that what I did before was not right, and if I go on like this, I might as well go back and be my mother monkey. My mom laughed at this.

When my dad found out that my mom was really planning to divorce. The impact on him was not insignificant. Marriage was a very good thing for him. He was able to find spiritual solace in a normal marriage, and it had only been two years since he got him back. His wife was about to divorce, and he couldn't change her determination......

"During that time, we quarreled every day. I forced him to divorce me, but he refused, and I said that since the divorce would hinder his career, he would not divorce. Just let us go, but he still refused. He didn't understand my pain, of course, and he wouldn't get postpartum depression. ”

I burst out laughing.

"In the end, your father said that it was okay to leave, but I was not happy to leave you behind. The daughter was born to him, so why should he leave it? ”

"So, it was noisy until midnight?"

My mom nodded: "The louder it is, the higher it is." All the hurtful words came out, and I was so angry that I cried. Your dad was trembling with anger, and just then, you pushed the door open and came in. ”

I appeared outside my parents' bedroom door in the middle of the night, bare feet, howling vigorously, I heard their quarrel, although I couldn't understand it, but I also understood that something was wrong.

When the two adults saw me like this, they immediately stopped arguing and hurried to coax me, but my crying could not be stopped, and it was not until almost dawn that I stopped.

"Not long after that, you had a problem?" My mom said.

"And then? Are you still divorced? I asked, and I never forgot it.

"What kind of divorce are you still divorced?" My mom smiled wryly. "The children have become like that, I have to find a way to treat you first, how can I still think about divorce?"

In this way, I saved the marriage. Although in such a terrible way.

I became like that, I couldn't go to kindergarten anymore, my mother could only ask for leave to stay at home with me, this is the advice of experts, I can only do my best to accompany the child, take the time to talk to her and have parent-child interaction with her, and untie the knot of her autistic heart, otherwise the situation will only get worse.

During that time, my mother washed her face with tears all day long, and when I had problems, she blamed herself even more, thinking that if my life continued like this in the future, she was so frightened that she couldn't breathe. She told my dad that if he didn't want to bear the burden, he would send her and me back to Chunqiu, and my dad would start a new family on his own. This situation is very common, and in families with autistic children, almost all fathers are the first to give up and run away.

My dad's answer was the same as before, he refused to divorce, let alone want me, he said that he forbade my mother to mention the word Spring and Autumn again, and said, don't say that the doctor proved that I am not autistic, even if I really become autistic, he will still raise me.

It dragged on for months like this. Key characters come out.

That person was my grandfather, who had been on a business trip to attend a short-term manager training course, and when he came back, he heard that I had a problem.

When my grandfather came to the house, I was sitting in the corner playing with blocks. When he came in, I didn't get up and pounce as I normally would, and I didn't even lift my eyelids.

Grandpa said I was like that, as if I didn't see him.

No matter how he called my name, how he looked me in the eye, or even touched my blocks, I ignored him. The block was pushed to the side by my grandfather, so I continued to stand up again, my eyes were only on the block, not at him.

Mom and Dad were watching from the side, and you can imagine how sad the two of them were!

Later, my parents told my grandfather about my situation carefully and told him the doctor's conclusions. And then. Grandpa walked back to me, bent down, and looked at me carefully for a while, and then he straightened up and said, "He'll come back tomorrow and drive me out."

Grandpa thought that I had been locked in my room for a long time before I had a problem.

Although I completely disagree with him, my parents didn't refute it at the time, anyway, relatives and friends are trying to find a way, and they have to try anyone's way.

A dead horse should be a live horse doctor.

So at noon the next day, my grandfather drove his broken jeep to pick me up, and he told my parents that he would take me to the city's national forest park for a day.

It was said to be late spring and the weather was excellent. The sun was shining brightly, and my grandfather carried me into the car. Then he drove to the forest park. When he got to the place, he stopped the car, picked me off the car, and put me on the grass. Then take out food and drinks such as cakes, straws, and water.

That day, my grandfather didn't do anything, he just sat on the grass with me and fed me. Talk to me, though I don't look at him at all, and I don't say anything.

In the forest park in the late spring afternoon, my grandfather and grandson sat on the grass, my grandfather was holding me a half-bite cake next to me, and I was staring at the grasshoppers in the grass, without blinking.

In the eyes of others, this is a family picture that can be seen everywhere, and no one will think of who this person is, let alone the beautiful little girl in front of him, in fact, there is a serious problem......

After eating, my grandfather took me to the forest, I was held by his hand, like a doll with a rope, no matter what my grandfather said to me, I didn't make a sound, he asked me to look up at the birds, the blue sky, the flowers, I didn't listen to anything, except to look down at the mud under my feet. I didn't look anywhere, and my aunt said I was "like a little fool."

One day, just like that, it went by.

My grandfather sent me back in the evening and told my mom that I was "improving" and that I was occasionally able to respond to his inquiries, eat, or go to the toilet or something.

Personally, it's my grandfather comforting my mom.

Then, every two or three days, my grandfather would come and take me to the park, and we all went to the parks in the city, and in short, he would try to find some places with good scenery and few people in the village.

My dad and my mom said what Director Bai was doing? Just take me to the park like this, does it really work?

My mom doesn't know, but I don't care about anyone at home anyway, maybe grandpa will take me out. It can make a difference.

The unexpected happened more than a month later.

Grandpa brought me back from the park that day, and it happened that my dad had just come home, and my dad said that he would take me up directly, so he didn't bother grandpa to carry me upstairs.

When my father reached out and hugged me, I cried!

Dad thought he had inadvertently hurt me. Taken aback! He checked it, and my arms and legs weren't hurt, and then he was relieved. You're going to carry me upstairs again.

I continued to cry, crying while tugging at my grandfather's sleeve and not letting go.

Dad was confused by me, and Grandpa said he would just carry me upstairs.

When they got to the door, my grandfather wanted to put me down, and I started crying again, and I grabbed him and refused to let go, and kept crying.

My reaction was so strange that my parents couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. There was no way, grandpa said that since this was the case, then he would take me home and let me stay with him for one night. Read the release of the four friends again, z stared at her four m

So my grandfather carried me, milk powder, cakes, handkerchiefs, a change of clothes, towels and toothbrushes...... Back to his home.

My dad later said that it was the first time since the problem that I had reacted to the people around me, even if it was just crying.

I stayed at my grandfather's for the night. The next day, the two of us sat in the car, and as soon as he drove to my house, I cried, so I tugged at his sleeve, "mm-hmm" and asked him to change directions.

Grandpa had to take me to the park again.

……

From that day on, simple words came out of my mouth, and after a few weeks, I gradually came out of my autism.

My dad said that my grandfather was a fairy, and he was able to cure me in such a simple way, which was amazing.

Grandpa said that the reason is not complicated, I still can't stand getting along with the crowd, and the kindergarten teacher must be too strict and control the children too much, "I have long told you not to send the kindergarten, there are too many people and too noisy." The teacher asked for complications again, and Xuan Xuan was confused, so she had to be autistic and use this method to hide" - Dad later said that Grandpa was softer than him, and according to Grandpa's opinion, I should never go to kindergarten for the rest of my life.

Because my grandfather said that I must have mistakenly thought that my father was going to send me to kindergarten when he hugged me.

In fact, I was afraid that as soon as my father hugged me, I would have to go back to the world "here" - that's how he hugged me back then.

So later, they discussed it. Abandoned the institution kindergarten that had been rated as a priority. Sent me to a private Montessori kindergarten. It was in that way of education that was more respectful of children's nature that I gradually returned to normal.

What the adults say sounds like ups and downs. It was thrilling, but I didn't remember it at all.

It can even be said that those years were hellish for my elders, but for me there was the joy of being in heaven.

I feel like I'm going back again, back to a world full of greenery, no dusty houses, no alarm clocks that go off when the time comes. No one yelled at each other to hurt each other, no one forced me to learn this or watch that, no one left me in a strange environment, and asked me to honestly put my little hands behind my back, sit on the bench, and learn to read. Learn some inexplicable nursery rhymes taught by the teacher...... I really don't understand, why can't I run in the forest as much as I used to?

I miss the first green of life so much. It was a peaceful and happy paradise, but I knew that I had lost it, that I could never go back, so I had to shut myself up in my imagination. Let yourself live in the illusion of the past.

All I remember is a glimpse of the sun quietly falling on my grandfather's shoulder, and he was peeling a peach for me, and he saw that he was still beside me. I seemed to wake up suddenly, and when I saw his face, my heart calmed down, and I realized that my grandfather was there, my mother was there, and the trees were in the green grass...... I didn't leave.

I thought I was still in that forest. I miss it so much, I am free and boundless in my native land, I am there, I understand every grass and tree, every bird and beast there, I am not "here", I can't understand here, everything here is incompatible with me, my destiny God is there, it pulls me there.

Maybe one day, I'll have to go back there.

Back to my Spring and Autumn Period, back to my Wuyue Forest!!