(a)

That day, Kaohsiung received a call from Mr. Yichen during working hours. Pen @ fun @ pavilion wWw. ｂｉｑUｇE。 ｉｎｆｏ

Yi Chen said that he would fax him an important text later, and suggested that he take a closer look at the last part.

Yi Chen said: "I think you need to see this thing, and you will definitely be very willing to see this thing." ”

Confused, Kaohsiung put down the phone. A few minutes later, I saw some text spit out from the fax machine.

He unfolded the scroll and saw that the title was "Koharu".

After reading the first few lines, Kaohsiung immediately realized that the text might be related to me. This grasped him firmly.

He read the whole story in one sitting. His gaze stops at the end of the story. He lingered for a long time at the end, and he felt like something was being gouged in his heart.

Kaohsiung forgot all the work at hand, and he watched the ending twice.

Then, he called Yi Chen and asked, "What is this thing you asked me to see?" ”

Yichen said, this is an attachment to an email I sent him. This attachment was supposed to be an op-ed, but I sent the wrong document.

He said the words were either what she was writing or what she was reading. Either way, he felt that there was a bit of a problem, and he felt that Kaohsiung should also take a look.

Kaohsiung said, "Thank you. I really should have looked at it. ”

Putting down Mr. Yichen's phone, he decided to call me.

On the phone, he said bluntly: "Where are you?" I want to see you. ”

I asked on the phone, "Is there anything important?" ”

"It's important," he said. Vital. ”

He said, "Don't say you're not available. If you don't come, I will kidnap you, even if I kidnap you. ”

(b)

Kaohsiung and I met at an agreed hotel.

When I arrived, Kaohsiung was already waiting there.

When I sat down, I noticed that Kaohsiung was staring at me intently.

I secretly gathered all my strength and endured his gaze.

I suppressed the nervousness in my heart.

Whenever Kaohsiung appeared, I felt an indescribable nervousness.

But I wasn't able to hold out for long under his gaze.

Finally, I twisted my head away a little.

I said, "What the hell is going on in such a hurry?" Why are you looking at me like that? ”

Kaohsiung's eyes continued to look at me, and he reached out and pulled out a roll of fax paper from his pocket, which he handed to me.

I looked down and it was like I had been scalded by boiling water, and my face was red. It felt like being bumped into while bathing naked.

I instinctively reached for the piece of paper, and I wanted to hide it.

Just as I grabbed the paper, Kaohsiung reached out and pressed the roll on the other end.

I tugged lightly, but the paper didn't move. I tugged hard again, but Kaohsiung didn't mean to let go at all.

A corner of paper detached from the paper roll with a tearing sound.

I grabbed the torn corner of the paper and gave up trying to get it back. I lowered my eyes.

Kaohsiung asked, "Do you know what this is?" Are you writing, or are you reading? ”

I bowed my head and said, "Both." I'm adapting it. From a novel to a screenplay. ”

I said, "But I haven't even submitted it yet, and no one knows it exists except myself!" How could it be in your hands? ”

Kaohsiung said: "We don't talk about this, I can know what I want to know." ”

Kaohsiung said: "What needs to be talked about now is that your mentality is very worrying. ”

My lips moved, I didn't lift my eyes, I didn't speak.

Kaohsiung said: "You haven't been able to get out of that state for many years, you can't let go of that shadow, you can't get rid of the inner torment." You have failed to live up to his expectations. ”

Kaohsiung said: "Are you going to live your life like this? ”

I said, "It's just a text, it's all fiction, it doesn't mean anything." ”

Kaohsiung interrupted me and said, "I know what fiction is. Fiction is also based on elements of reality. It is impossible for a person to write what she does not have in her heart! ”

Kaohsiung said: "So, don't tell me that these words are just imaginary emotions. Even a child can see that this is the sustenance of the author's emotions, and I will not believe your various justifications. ”

I looked up at Kaohsiung. I suddenly felt a sense of resistance that I didn't want him to intervene.

With a bit of resistance, I said to him, "Everyone can have all kinds of emotions, all kinds of inner struggles, what does that have to do with you?" ”

I said, "I don't need to be told what emotions I should have!" ”

Kaohsiung said: "I don't care about your emotions, I just care about your promise!" You promised him to face it calmly and live strongly! How can you bear to let him worry about disappointment under Jiuquan? ”

Kaohsiung said: "Year after year, I have watched you from afar for him, waiting for your own recovery and refreshment, because you do not welcome my approach, and I am afraid that forcing me to approach will interfere with you and deepen your suffering." However, I've waited so long, and you haven't changed much. You don't have the will to start a meaningful life all over again. ”

I said, "There's nothing bad about my life right now, at least, it's quiet." ”

Kaohsiung said: "But that silence is buried, a quiet like a grave!" ”

He said, "Don't make such a fool of yourself! What he expects from you is not such a calmness! You ask yourself, is this his desire? ”

I looked at Kaohsiung. I said, "It's none of your business, why do you keep meddling so much?!" ”

Kaohsiung looked at me, and he took two deep breaths. His hands clenched into fists on the table. He didn't know how to answer the question. He was silent like this for a moment, and suddenly he slammed his fist lightly on the table. Then he stood up. He walked to the window with his back to me. I saw his back and shoulders heaving.

After a long time, he lowered his head. He rested his head against the glass window and looked at the ground.

I felt the pain in his heart.

He said, "Because he asked me to take care of your body and mind in this plane that he couldn't reach. ”

He said, "Because, more than once, he has asked me so solemnly. ”

He turned around, looked at me and said, "Xinxin, you can not accept my help, but please don't forget everything he taught you and don't ruin your life." ”

"That's your own life," he said. ”

"That's the only life everybody has in their life," he said. ”

(c)

I don't want to say anything more.

In fact, I didn't think about what a good life was and what a bad life was.

I'm equally tired of life, both good and bad.

What I have forsaken is life itself.

I don't want to go on with my life at all. So it doesn't matter at all whether it's good or bad.

I just want to be quiet, away from the crowds, away from the options, and not really anything near me.

I don't want that "only" at all, because my real hope is that I don't even have that "only".

It's hard to explain this kind of thing, and in the end it doesn't make sense of what it is.

So, I was silent.

During that time, because I was always silent and evasive, trying to keep my distance from everything, Kaohsiung never achieved anything.

His concern was like an arrow that could not hit the target, whistling through the wind, and then, disappearing.