Chapter 63: Dr. Shu Xiang's Psychological Counseling (E)

Some time ago, there were always days when the temperature was very high. Occasionally, it will climb to 20 degrees at noon, which makes people wonder if the winter has long gone, but the weather station does not know.

The warm sun came into the house, Shu Xiang had already turned off the heater, she didn't open the window, but lit a thin Japanese incense stick in the corner. When burned, it smells like wood and green tea.

It was Fang Wuying who bought it back from Hong Kong and gave it to her, only a small box, packaged in light moonlight Japanese flower cloth, but the price was very expensive.

"You always seem to find these things." Shu Xiang handed over a glass of cold boiled water, it was too hot today.

"What do you mean by 'these things'?" He asked.

"It's lovely, but it's hard to spot. It's special. Shu Xiang thought for a while, "Even if it is so subtle that it is not easy to call out the name, the person receiving the gift will remember the gift for a long time." ”

Fang Wuying shrugged: "It's your reward for sending me the book." ”

Shu Xiang laughed.

"Guess what I bought for Su Hong?" Fang Wuying said suddenly.

"You bought her something too?"

"To show my gratitude...... Thank you to her for running for me, accommodation, and airfare. Fang Wuying said seriously, "In fact, she feels that she has lost a lot until now." ”

"So, what did you buy?" Shu Xiang looked at him with a smile.

"A piece of women's clothing." Fang Wuying said, "Embroidered antique tops inlaid with silver wires." ”

He sneered.

"Is she happy?"

"Happiness is probably proportional to the degree of irritation." Fang Wuying thought for a moment and gestured with his hand, "The placket is buckled, but the slits on both sides reach the armpits, it is estimated that she can't wear it to work." Maybe I should say that she had a hard time finding the right occasion. ”

"Why did you buy this kind of dress for her?"

"I think she'll look good in that dress." Fang Wuying blinked, "If your hair is fluffy and tanned, she will be very charming to wear...... Well, if it's at a summer ball. ”

"Did she take it? What was said? ”

"I took it, and said, thank you for my teasing of her."

"Oh, she thinks you're playing tricks on her...... Are you trying to trick her? ”

"No, I'm just," Fang Wuying paused, "to see how she didn't look so serious." You know, every time you see her, it's OL professional attire, it's boring. ”

Shu Xiang stared at Fang Wuying with great interest.

He paused and made a gesture of surrender: "Well, I'm imposing my personal tastes on others." ”

"No, that's not where my focus is." Shu Xiang shook his head, "You've always been far away from everyone else, right?" But what happened to Su Hong just now, I feel that it is obvious that you are trying to invade her domain. ”

"Invasion?" Fang Wuying was stunned for a long time, and nodded slowly, "Maybe yes, maybe it's because she has invaded my domain." ”

"You mean, the thing that knows who you really are?" Shu Xiang asked, "But she is not the only one who knows." The control team now knows everything. ”

Fang Wuying smiled: "But no one has had any deep friendship with Fu Jian, except for her." ”

"Su Hong?" Shu Xiang was a little surprised, "She and Fu Jian? ”

On the day she went to the Sixteen Kingdoms, she encountered an accident and fell off a cliff to meet Fu Jian...... But what the two of them talked about that night, Su Hong didn't mention it to me. ”

"Hmm......"

"But looking at her relationship with Fu Jian later, I feel that the two of them have reached a consensus in some aspects." Fang Wuying said, "It's obvious that it was that night. ”

"You mean...... The relationship between the two of them is extraordinary? ”

"No, no, I'm not referring to them having an ambiguous relationship." Fang Wuying hurriedly denied it, he changed his sitting position, "I mean, the feeling that they seem to have 'talked about something' makes me ......"

"Displeased?"

"It's not that serious." Fang Wuying paused for a moment, "It's a little pimple, that's all." ”

Shu Xiang smiled and changed the topic: "Fu Jian, how is it?" ”

"It's still like that." Fang Wuying smiled, "It's still the same, it hasn't changed at all, saying that he knows that he is actually very confused, thinking that he is really confused, and occasionally I find that he is very clear." ”

"Hmm, that seems pretty good?"

"What's good?" Fang Wuying rolled his eyes, "It's a mess, I don't even want to mention it." ”

"Briefly?"

"To put it simply, Su Hong fell off the cliff in the battle between us and Han Yan's men, and was separated from the army overnight, and she came with that guy at noon the next day, and I had a fight with that guy as soon as we met, and I almost killed him......"

"Huh?"

"Well, then at this moment, Han Yan will bring men and horses to arrest us."

"Isn't that very dangerous?"

Fang Wuying nodded slightly: "Nearly a thousand, including people and horses, surround our hidden bamboo forest in three directions." ”

"How was the crisis resolved?"

Fang Wuying didn't answer her immediately, he picked up the cold water, took a big sip, and put it down.

"I revealed my true identity, played a trick, and scared him away."

Shu Xiang looked at him meaningfully.

Fang Wuying was silent for a moment and shook his head slightly: "At that moment, I thought, maybe both sides can't cover it." ”

"What do you mean you can't cover both sides?"

"Han Yan can see that I am not the real Murong Chong, this is a weight; Li Jianguo, they found out that I was Murong Chong, which was twofold. The corners of his mouth curled slightly, "This is the worst result." ”

"What do you think you'd do if that were the case?"

"will be caught by Han Yan, and when the truth is revealed, he will be spurned by the people in the control group, and everyone will betray and leave."

Shu Xiang blinked: "Don't you think these two results are actually contradictory?" ”

"Now I realize it's contradictory, but that's what I thought at the moment. I came up with the worst straight ahead. ”

"Or maybe the bottom of my heart is inclined to this result: as you say, both the old and the new have all turned their faces with you."

Fang Wuying was stunned for a moment, and nodded slowly: "It seems that for me, that is the thing that is taken for granted." ”

"You're already aware of it." Shu Xiang whispered, "Can you dissolve it?" ”

"I ...... I don't have that kind of confidence. ”

"Unless you benefit from the habit, if you enjoy it, you won't want to get rid of it." Shu Xiang's body leaned forward slightly, "What benefits has this way of thinking brought you?" ”

"Benefits?" Fang Wuying raised his face, his gaze was a little confused, "Everyone betrayed their relatives and left...... What are the benefits? ”

"Don't you think it makes you special? There's no one around you, just you. ”

Fang Wuying looked at Shu Xiang in a daze!

The woman straightened up, picked up her teacup and walked over to the water cooler, pouring another glass of water.

"You told me one time before, have you forgotten?" Shu Xiang put the cup in front of him and sat down, "Forever out of place, no matter who you are with, no matter where you are - when you say it, your expression is painful and proud, it seems that you are enjoying this kind of incompatibility?" ”

“……”

"If you really welcome the 'betrayal' so much, it will come back sooner or later." Shu Xiang said softly, "This is a fact, you know it." ”

Fang Wuying didn't say anything for a long time.

Time passed little by little, Shu Xiang stared at Fang Wuying, and she wondered in her heart whether to break this long deadlock.

But in the end, Fang Wuying broke the deadlock for her.

“…… Shu Xiang, let me ask you something. ”

"What?"

"Remember what I told you about my sister smashing the jade pendant? I said it a few times ago. ”

"yes, yes."

Fang Wuying raised his eyes and looked at her with confusion: "Do you remember the expression on your face when I said this?" What kind of tone was I at the time? As far as your personal feelings are concerned, you think I'm in a ...... What kind of mentality is talking about that jade pendant? ”

Shu Xiang looked at him silently, and after a long time, she spoke softly: "...... Flaunt. ”

Those two words, like a sledgehammer, hit Fang Wuying's heart hard!

"I still remember your original sentence at the time: There is only one piece of this jade pendant in the entire Forbidden Palace, Fu Jian took it off from him and gave it to you directly, and no one else could get it—that's what you said." Shu Xiang said, "Your tone makes me feel strange, because I realize that you are showing off. You told me it was a humiliating experience, but you used a show-off tone, and the contrast struck me. ”

Fang Wuying lowered his head, and after a long while, he whispered, "Fu Jian said the same thing." ”

"What?"

"He said, I just like to show off, and the jade pendant was smashed because of my show-off...... He said so. ”

Shu Xiang looked at Fang Wuying for a long time.

“…… He said, "I like to show off in front of someone who loves me, to show off what I have received from another person who loves me, to show off that someone else loves me, a hundred times more than the person in front of me, and the more sad the other person listens, the happier I am." Fang Wuying raised his head, the expression on his face was a little strange, "I never knew I was like this, when he said this, Shu Xiang, do you know how I feel?" ”

"Huh?"

"Furious, angry to the extreme." He paused, "It seems that the deepest secret of my heart has been revealed at once, and that kind of humiliation makes me unbearable." ”

“……”

"I can't argue with it, even from my fury. Otherwise, I wouldn't be so hot. ”

"Paul, what happens when you show off to someone who loves you, and then stomp the love he gives you with disdain?"

"The other person feels hurt and leaves." Fang Wuying said, "Generally speaking, this is the logic. ”

“…… Now you understand the results. ”

Fang Wuying nodded: "Everyone betrayed their relatives and left, Shu Xiang, this is the final result." ”

Shu Xiang exhaled deeply.

There was another unbearable silence, and Fang Wuying looked at his fingers repeatedly, as if there was some deep secret on them.

Shu Xiang stared at him. Wait for him to speak again.

"He doesn't love me enough. She too, doesn't love me enough. It's not even close to what I asked. Fang Wuying suddenly said, "I can hear what I said in my heart. ”

"Who? Who doesn't love you enough? ”

"Anyone who loves me, no matter what kind of love." He slowly raised his head and looked at Shu Xiang, "Fu Jian, sister, mother, father, brothers, subordinates, favorite concubines, left and right generals......"

"So, what do you want them to do to meet your requirements?"

Fang Wuying's eyes were a little dull: "...... I do not know. ”

In the consultation room, there was a deathly silence, and even the wall clock on the wall seemed to have stopped swinging.

"I often have a dream."

"What dream?" Shu Xiang asked softly.

"I dreamed...... I'm a magician. Fang Wuying's voice was like a dream, "And he is a very famous magician-Liu Qian is so popular, as soon as he takes the stage, the magnesium lights surround me, shining dazzlingly." ”

Shu Xiang looked at him intently.

“…… I don't know why I'm a magician, but I know I am. Albeit...... Even though in real life, I hate magic so much that I never watch anything like it. He lowered his head slowly, "But in my dream, I was standing on the stage of a magic show, dressed in ...... You know, that black dress, with a magic wand, pretending to be mysterious, with a smirk on his face. ”

Shu Xiang made a "continue" gesture.

Fang Wuying swallowed his saliva: "I...... I am a very famous magician, and I can feel the thunderous applause and the enthusiastic atmosphere when I walk on stage. Every pair of eyes was firmly fixed on me. I know what that means: Quick! Show us! We have been looking forward to this ......"

"Looking forward to your performance?"

"Yes." Fang Wuying's voice suddenly weakened, "I hate this, but they all want me like this, I can't resist, I can't help but do what they expect." ”

Shu Xiang frowned slightly, staring at the man in front of him with his head lowered.

"Then I started acting, performing all sorts of tricks: taking a rabbit out of a hat, conjuring flowers out of the air, taking an egg out of a fish tank...... It's all out of nowhere, I don't know how I did it, I just performed, and the reaction from the audience was even more enthusiastic until ......"

"What?" Shu Xiang looked at him a little nervously.

"I'm starting to make a big trick." Fang Wuying's voice was a little pretentious, "...... Great change of life. ”

"It's the kind of thing that puts people in a closet and ......"

"Then, saw with a hackknife." Fang Wuying's voice became softer, and his eyes were staring directly at Shu Xiang, but it seemed that he was not looking at her, but went directly through her and went to somewhere behind her.

Shu Xiang looked at him cautiously: "What happened later?" ”

"I won't." Fang Wuying shook his head, "I suddenly didn't want to, I think it's too dangerous, you know, I actually ...... In my dreams, I don't know how to do magic at all, and I don't know how I did it, the rabbits, the flowers, the pigeons. Actually, it's all fake, but no one seems to notice. I don't want to make a big change, I don't know how to do it. But they didn't want to. ”

"They? Who? ”

"The audience, the people in the audience, the people who kept their eyes on me." Fang Wuying paused, "When they found out that I had the intention of stopping the performance, they were unwilling, and the audience became quieter, and that atmosphere ...... Shu Xiang, there is an oppressive, cloud-covered atmosphere forced over, as if I don't follow their wishes, they want to see a big change of life, I must satisfy them, otherwise ......"

"What will happen?"

"Otherwise, they will all leave, and no one will look at me again, and they will be gone."

Shu Xiang looked at him silently, and her posture remained unchanged for a long time.

"I had no choice but to go on with it: the box was pushed up, the metal box was more than one person high, and when the audience saw that I was going to continue the performance, they all started to stir, and the atmosphere was even more enthusiastic than before, and I was encouraged by this atmosphere, and I seemed to suddenly have confidence that I could probably do it, right? I smiled and waved at them, then lifted the box and got inside, except for my head...... You've seen it like that. ”

"Is that you? Are you the target of the living people? ”

"It's me." Fang Wuying nodded, "I'm the only one on that platform, so I have to get into the box, I got in, leaving my head outside, and then, I saw the steel knife......"

“……”

"The snow bright steel knife is cut in the air...... It was only then that I finally began to scream, because I suddenly realized the steel knife...... It's true. ”

Silence.

"Before, dreams always woke up here." Fang Wuying wiped his forehead tiredly, a layer of fine beads of sweat oozed from his forehead, "Countless times I woke up from the screams, and the dream stopped here, but yesterday, the dream changed. ”

"What's changed?"

"Someone rushed up, and just as the steel knife was about to cut me, someone rushed up to the stage......"

"Who is it? What kind of people? ”

"I don't know." Fang Wuying smiled, "I don't know who he is, I don't even know if it's a man or a woman." The man rushed up and shouted, "No! Stop it! Dangerous! ”

Shu Xiang exhaled softly.

"That's it." Fang Wuying made a gesture, "The man smashed the box open and dragged me out, I was embarrassed, there was a lot of chaos in the audience, the knife was inserted into the empty box, and the dream ended like this." ”

There was silence for a long time.

"I think the meaning of this dream is very profound." Shu Xiang whispered.

Fang Wuying nodded: "I think so too." The symbolism of everything is clear. But I was very entangled with the person who rushed up. ”

Shu Xiang thought for a while: "If you are part of this dream, if you are the person who rushed up, what kind of message do you think your words and deeds want to convey?" ”

Fang Wuying was silent for a long, long time before he slowly spoke: "...... Don't do that. ”

"Don't do that?"

"Stop pretending, stop pleasing others with self-deception, you're going to die."

Shu Xiang asked softly, "That's ...... Your inner voice? ”

Fang Wuying nodded.

"But really, they don't like it." Suddenly, he laughed softly, "The real me is too boring, too incompetent, too ugly, too ...... Not to people's hearts. ”

"They? Who? ”

"Everyone. In fact, I already knew that I would still be alone when the show ended, and everyone betrayed and left, I knew the result. ”

"What if the show ends? Paul, is there really no one who wants to accept the real you? Shu Xiang asked softly, "But you see, someone stopped your self-destruction, at least in your dreams." ”

"Maybe it's because someone finally ...... recently I mean, accepted me unconditionally. He lowered his head again, "That person said, even if I am not the Zhongshan King and Da Sima of Dayan, I am not good-looking, it doesn't matter if I have no name, no surname, no penniless, as long as I can be in one place...... As long as it's me, it's fine. ”

Shu Xiang looked at him unabashedly with a gaze close to pity: "...... Fu Jian? ”

"Hmm." Fang Wuying raised his eyes and wandered around the room blankly, "Shu Xiang, I cried at that time." ”

"Why?"

"I don't know, I just want to cry, it's the first time I've cried in front of him. After he said that, I felt something, a click, falling from the bottom of my heart, something and then it ended, I mean, between me and him. He smiled, "I was looking forward to this end, for many, many years, but when it came to the end, I was so sad that I ...... I can't help myself. ”

"Why?"

“…… I said I don't know. ”

"Think about it."

"Why did you force me to think about that? I've said everything I can. He threw the cup on the table and weakly muttered a * or something, and he used the word angry but did not get angry.

"I want to know the roots, Paul, we've been entangled at some point for a whole decade." Shu Xiang stared at him, "What are you sad for?" ”

Then, Fang Wuying lowered his head and was silent for a long time.

"He accepted me. For the first time, there was someone who loved me unconditionally. He whispered, "He loves me no matter who I am—even though I don't love him." ”

"I know, I know, I know, the word you use: over."

"Hmm."

"What...... It's over? ”

“…… I don't know. ”

“Paul……”

"I don't know!" He suddenly started a fire, "What the hell are you going to listen to?" You want me to admit that I love him?! Admit that I am? You decided on that at the beginning, you dug a hole and waited for me to jump in and said, "Look! And you really are! But I'm not! I! No! Be! ”

"I never said you were, why are you so angry? When did I say, you, Paul—did I say that? ”

"But Shu Xiang, you also said that we have been arguing about this issue for ten years! You know, I don't have to please him anymore! Don't use those disgusting tricks to please him anymore! So don't put your damn theories on my head ......"

“…… Magic, gone? ”

Fang Wuying suddenly quieted down! He stared at Shu Xiang with wide eyes!

"It's your magic that ends?" Shu Xiang whispered, "When he acknowledges and fully accepts you, including when he shows that you don't have to please him at all, the necessity for you to perform magic is also canceled at the same time......"

"What magic? What magic did I do to him? ”

"All kinds of ways to please him, ways to disguise yourself, and ......" After being silent for a long time, Shu Xiang opened his mouth again with difficulty: "...... Charm. ”

She saw Fang Wuying's face turn blue in an instant!

“…… In exchange for protection and security, as you say, please. It's like a currency that you hate but you have to use it in the first place, or your life is threatened, and once it pays off, it becomes a habit......"

"I want to smash this cup in your face."

Shu Xiang looked at Fang Wuying in surprise, he was clutching the cup, his nails were turning white!

Then, she laughed: "You reach your imagination through description, so this action will not be realized." ”

In the room, the silence was frightening!

Finally, she saw Fang Wuying slowly put down the cup and snorted from her nose.

"You know what? I noticed that you described the end of the dream with one word: embarrassed. It sounds like it's better to be cut off with a knife. ”

Fang Wuying said word by word: "I should say, it's better for me not to describe these to you." ”

"Why?"

"I thought it was going to be so much progress this week, so you're going to appreciate my progress and tell me how well it went between us."

"Isn't it going well?"

"I'm so angry right now that I just want to beat people."

Shu Xiang laughed.

Fang Wuying shrugged, threw away the cup, and stood up: "Okay, it's time." ”

Shu Xiang also stood up: "Maybe it's because you successfully touched the key that you get angry." ”

Fang Wuying's expression was noncommittal.

At the end of the consultation, before leaving, Fang Wuying suddenly stopped and looked at Shu Xiang suspiciously: "Actually, I have always had a question, Shu Xiang." ”

"What?"

"Why has there never been between us?" He winked at Shu Xiang, "Are you not attractive enough, or am I not attractive enough?" ”

Shu Xiang couldn't help but smile: "Do you think it's a pity?" Paul？ Or do you mean, questioning my qualifications as a woman? Saying that a woman is not feminine is the most serious attack. ”

"No, I didn't mean that."

"Well, that's it...... Do you feel that your charm is being questioned? What a pity that the knife is so beautifully sharpened that it is useless to cut apples, and once there are no apples to cut, the knife is sharpened so beautifully......"

"Can you stop talking about any more charms?" He smiled awkwardly and unhappily, "I just think that one of the few beautiful men in Chinese history has sat in front of you for nearly ten years, but he has not been able to capture your heart, and I can't help but feel some kind of fiasco from the heart." ”

"It's better for you to fail fiascoly than mine." Shu Xiang smiled, "If that happens, I'll question my professional ability - God, you captured a woman, but you made her pay the price of the failure of your entire career, don't you think it's really a cruel thing?" ”

"You're exaggerating." Fang Wuying waved his hand at her, "Okay, I'm leaving." ”

"Be careful on the road, proud boy."

Closing the door, Shu Xiang was still smiling, but he couldn't help shaking his head and sighing.

There were serious things that gradually came to her mind. She sat back in her chair and began to think for a long time......

_________________

The author has something to say:

Strictly speaking, this only says one thing: the psychiatrist is not qualified for professional competence. By law, there should not even be any personal contact between each other that extends beyond the consultation room. The doctor who has a relationship with the client only exists in fiction, and the doctor in reality will not do it even for his own safety.

Welcome to the majority of book friends to come and read, the latest, fastest, and hottest serialized works are all here!