"Qin'er, do you have anything important to see me?" You stand in front of me.

This is the first time I've seen you since the marriage letter was signed. You look like you've lost a few more points. I felt sorry for myself. If it weren't for the two ends, you wouldn't have to rush back and forth like this.

"Why are you so pale? Is there anything uncomfortable about it? Uchitaku told me that you are recovering well. You ask.

I shook my head. I said, "Why didn't you tell me?" ”

You say, "What? ”

I said, "You already knew." ”

You look at me. You bow your head for a moment. You didn't speak.

I said, "Even you can't be trusted?" ”

You look up. You say, "Yes." I know. ”

I said, "Dr. Sun and my father all know about it." ”

You say, "Yes." However, your body has not fully recovered, and we are afraid that you will know that your mood swings will be difficult to control your emotions, which will endanger your mother and child, so we decided not to tell you for the time being. ”

I laughed self-deprecatingly. I said, "Even my aunt who can't go out knows it." I thought she had figured it out, wanted to restore the reconciliation of our mother and daughter, and thought that she was sending all kinds of nourishing things here these days, and asking people to come to greet and visit her twice in three days, because she felt that everything she had done wrong before. I also feel sorry for her. Unexpectedly, it turned out to be because of this. It turned out that she was not concerned about me, but, but, ......." My breath became rapid, and a wave of sadness pressed against my throat.

You hurriedly said, "Qin'er, don't be so emotional. You sit down first. You sit down and listen to me. ”

You pressed my shoulders and made me sit in a chair.

You say, "Qin'er, it's nothing. Nothing has an impact. I won't care. ”

I look at you, and I say, "But I care!" I care! I'm alone! It's not a container that anyone can use! It's not a container that anyone can put in it! ”

Tears welled up in my eyes. I said, "I don't want this man's stuff in my body, I don't want his dirt to stay in my body!" ”

I said, "I'm sick of all this!" I hate all of this! I'm disgusted with myself! Why didn't I die just then! Why! ”

You knelt down in front of my chair. You say: "Qin'er, Qin'er, don't be like this, don't get excited, please, we can discuss anything well, don't make decisions under such boiling emotions, let's calm down and discuss it together, okay." ”

I shook my head and I said, "This matter is not discussed. I don't want this to happen to me. ”

You say, "No." Qin'er, don't do it, don't think like that. The existence of this child has no effect on our future or our affection. Everybody thinks it's my child. He will not be a shame and a laughing stock for your life. You can give birth to him justifiably. You're still a shallow month, and even if it's time for the wedding, you can't tell it. Once the wedding is over, this thing won't hurt you anymore. ”

I said, "How is it possible to stop hurting me?" From now on, I will have to face the consequences of this act day and night, and the consequences will bring me back to that night all the time. I'm going to be stuck in that moment and can't leave. I can't accept this kind of thing. I had to make it stop. I would never have given birth to this child. I'd rather die right now! ”

I said, "I can't decide anything in my life, I can't decide where I was born, I can't decide my marriage, I can't decide my destiny, if I can't even decide this for myself, then, in this life, what else can I decide?" What else can I decide?! ”

As I said this, large tears rolled down my eyes.

You look at my tears, and you feel like your heart is going to break again. Why does our family bring so much humiliation and pain to Qin'er? Again and again, endlessly.

You say, "Qin'er, I know your feelings very well. I can feel the pain in your heart. But you can't afford to have a miscarriage right now. You're badly wounded. Your situation is actually very bad. You can't afford to have a relatively large damage in a short period of time. But miscarriage is such a relatively large injury. Although the fetus is still very small, the entire interior will be peeled and shed, and there will be another tear. There is a good chance that you will have another major bleeding in the process. If you had to do it again, you would die. ”

You say, "Qin'er, you promised to marry me and spend this life with me." Please, don't let me go through the fear and heartache of losing you again. There are so many people in the whole family, these days, it has been a lot of hard work to get you out of danger and slowly recuperate and recover to such an extent, you don't want everyone's efforts to be in vain. Besides, this child, he is innocent. He has no ill will towards you, and he will not hurt you, it is also a life, and you are his mother. ”

The word "mother" made me shudder. I said, "I'm not!" I said, "I'd rather die than never!" ”

You say, "Qin'er, calm down." ”

I said, "I'm calm. ”

I said, "Brother, there are many things, and I will listen to your advice and do what you advise." But this is the only one, and I beg your pardon, I can't do it. This is non-negotiable. You can only choose to help me, or not to help me. I was determined to do it. I've figured it out, and I'm going to do it. If you don't help me, I'll do it myself. ”

I look at you and say, "There's no one who can make me change my mind!" Even if it's you, you can't. ”

You look at me. You are silent. You know, it's useless to say anything.

After a while. You stand up from your chair. I followed you and stood up.

You say, "Okay. Jean. If this is your deliberate decision, and if you do not regret it, then, I will help you, and I will face it with you. ”

You say, "You promise me not to do it yourself no matter what." I promise to help you. I'm going to talk to Dr. Sun and arrange this matter. Believe me. ”

I nodded.

You say, "But, Jean, you have to understand that you don't have no choice. Until the last minute, you have other options. You gave up on a safer option, and hopefully you won't regret it in the future. ”

I said, "I don't have any other choice. I can't live with such a shame. I won't regret it either. ”

You say, "No." You have. Anytime, whether to forgive a person or a thing, we will always have a choice. ”

I'm looking at you.

You say, "Since I promised you, I will make arrangements." I won't tell my father either. I'll come back to you when it's arranged. You do what I arrange, and that's it. The father, and the aunt, will think that it is just a natural miscarriage and will not know the inside story. I need a few days. Until I'm ready, don't think about it anymore, don't get emotional because of it, don't torture yourself anymore, don't hold a grudge against your aunt or big brother. You have to let go of this unexpected thing completely, rest well, and make your body stronger and better. The better you recover, the easier and safer it will be. Can you promise me? ”

I nodded. I said, "I promise you." ”

You take a step back. You say, "Qin'er, I'm sad. ”

You say: "We, the Cui family, have made you experience such physical and mental pain again and again, persecuted you again and again, and come to the brink of life and death." This is something you shouldn't have to bear at your age. ”

You say, "Our Cui family, really, I'm sorry for you, I'm sorry for your parents." All of this that you have experienced, even if I want to make up for it, there are many of them, but there are many of them, and they cannot be made up. ”

You say, "From the time I was born into this world to the present, I have never felt so bad except when my mother died." ”

You say, "I hope to put an end to your suffering." But no matter what you do, I can't save you from suffering. ”

You bow your head. You say, "I feel helpless." ”

With that, you turned around with a heavy heart and left me.

I watched as you walked out the door and down the stairs.

This sorrow, this heaviness, I inflict on you.

I obviously want to give you gentleness and happiness. But why, in the end, does it make you sad and heavy? God, why is all this?!

You're so good. I can't let you, shamed again because of me. I can't, do that to you.

The humiliation can only go so far. It can no longer spread to others.

All of these heartaches. They cannot be expressed and described in any language.

Only when you have experienced it will you really know and empathize.