After you leave, the room seems very empty.

The sadness, self-blame, and heaviness of your departure tightly bound my soul and mind.

I sat there alone, looking at my body in the mirror. I gently stroked my abdomen. It doesn't look the slightest different from usual. However, it's strange that a few hundred days later, a baby who looks like me and Jingyun will be born from here. The thought of having a baby who looked like me and Jingyun at the same time made me feel sick again, and I couldn't help but clutch my chest, and I felt sick and vomited.

The world has never been so complicated. I couldn't understand what was happening to me.

Now, in there, there is another life.

If it's my body, why can't I control it, or even know what's going on inside?

How can something that I cannot control and know about be my thing? But if it's not my body, whose body is it? What is it?

I sat there dumbfounded, filled with incredible surprise and deep bewilderment.

Ever since I was a child, I had no memory of what a biological mother was, and I imagined thousands of times how my biological mother would feel when she looked at me. But now, all of a sudden, I'm already the biological mother of a life.

As someone who longs so much to see my biological mother, I am not at all happy to be the biological mother of another life at the moment.

I had thoughts of hatred in my heart, feelings of disgust, and I just wanted to stop it.

I just want another life, the loss of my biological mother, and at the same time, the loss of life.

I think there's a deep absurdity in this.

Vaguely, I knew I was doing something wrong, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.

The thought of the existence of something from Jingyun in my body to this day made me unable to restrain my nausea.

I was in a state of physical and psychological disgust, and I fell into a great state of confusion.

What exactly am I doing wrong and why is this happening?

I sat there quietly, trying to feel the life coming from within, but I felt nothing but bouts of nausea, chills of nausea, grogginess, and dizziness when I moved.

Maybe it's all in a dream, and it's not real. But who will mercifully come and wake us up? Who will mercifully bring about our awakening and put an end to this boundless nightmare?