(a)

In the summer of the second year after the establishment of the new dynasty, on the anniversary of the end of the Battle of Xiyuan, Liu Shen, in the name of the country and the royal family, arranged a 49-day transcendent puja for the 300 warriors of Xiyuan to pay tribute to and recommend the souls of the dead. The decree confirmed that the Yuanjue Temple, where you and I had been to the last time, would host this transcendent puja, and that the emperor and empress would personally attend the memorial.

When Liu Shen's will was conveyed to Yuanjue Monastery, the messenger of the decree discovered that the transcendent puja had begun.

Grand Lama Tubudan had already led the monks to begin a solemn ritual in the Yuanjue Monastery for all the dead in the final battle on the Northern Front.

720 days is a long time, long enough for many of the deceased to be forgotten by their loved ones, and the voids they leave behind are filled with the trivialities of daily life.

Later, I often wondered, after I lost my breath, after 720 days, how many people in this world would be sad because of my disappearance?

Probably, there won't be a few people.

At the beginning of the last seven days of the 49-day festival, I followed Liu Shen to Yuanjue Monastery again to personally participate in the memorial ceremony and to represent the royal family, offering to the monastery, scriptures and monks.

Along the way, I touched the scene everywhere, and the pain in my heart is really beyond any words to describe.

Although I was silent all the way and did not express it, Liu Shen knew everything that I did not express.

We rode in the same horse-drawn luang chariot, and he sat opposite me, and he kept watching me silently, without talking to me or touching me.

I looked under the seat, I looked at the curtain, I looked elsewhere, and I avoided making eye contact with Liu Shen.

I have a vague hopeless fantasy in my heart: as long as my eyes don't meet Liu Shen, I still have room to imagine, to be able to imagine, the person sitting opposite at this moment is still you, just like last time, there is still you, still alive, sitting in a car with me.

That's how bad I've been for a long time since you left.

Don't dare to face reality. Unwilling to face reality.

You can't bear the pain. There is no power to transform it.

For a long time, I didn't dare to go back to all the places where the past happened, I didn't dare to go to the place where you were buried for so long, I didn't dare to go back to Yantang Pass, and I didn't dare to go to Jinfeng Village again.

It's as if you don't face it, you can assume that the separation didn't really happen.

In the face of the ruthlessness of fate, I was too timid.

(b)

Again, I sat in the original scripture hall in the Yuanjue Temple and copied the Heart Sutra again.

According to His Holiness Tubudan, this is a prescription for the pain and fear of people's hearts.

I hope that through copying, the effect of this elixir will penetrate into every cell of the body and mind, and calm the painful waves in every cell.

I hope that through copying, all such torments and pains in life can be cured by good medicine.

However, I could not resist the grief in my heart.

Your shadow keeps coming out of my mind, filling every space I am.

Your face appears between the lines.

Your voice begins to echo in the distant past.

My tears flowed again and again, and more and more.

In order not to let tears fall on the scriptures and deface the manuscript, I had to put down the golden scripture pen, move it backwards, and sit far away from the table, waiting for my mood to calm down.

I clutched my handkerchief and sat there silently, waiting for the tearing grief to pass so that I could begin copying again.

(c)

In a trance, I returned to the mansion of Uncle Yantang Guan's house.

On the high platform with arrows in the garden, the song and dance of "Wuding River" is being performed.

Poor and uncertain riverside bones, still like a boudoir dreamer.

And we were on the top of the book, away from the sound of music, facing each other.

You ask me, "Later, how did the people in the boudoir deal with this bad news?" ”

I said, "I don't know." The song and dance only shows her grief when she heard about the nightmare, and does not say what happened to her. ”

I said, "Perhaps, she doesn't know what to do next." ”

You look at me. You say, "What would you do if you were her?" ”

I said, "Shouldn't those who love each other live and die together?" ”

You shake your head. You say, "No." It's not like that. ”

Say, "The living should use their lives to benefit all those who are living and die, and to all those who are involuntarily self-conscious." It should not be wasted dying in vain. You should not be buried because you can't resist the pain of your heart. ”

Say, "Even a woman should not be so cowardly." We should bear the pain of our hearts, overcome it, transform it, and calm it, instead of allowing it to be our master. ”

I'm looking at you. I said, "That's what you want from me." ”

You say, "Yes." ”

I said, "No." I don't want to. I don't want you to be a bone by the uncertain river. ”

You say, "In this, in our body, there are bones." Wherever it is revealed, it's all the same. Whether in the wilderness of the Wuding River, or in the warm bed of the boudoir, it will be revealed in the same way sooner or later. ”

We sat side by side on the high stage and watched the performances on stage.

I was deeply touched by the tears of the singers and dancers, and I couldn't help but cry like rain.

You look at me from the side.

You say, "Crying? ”

I turned my head away from you.

You say, "On stage, that's just acting." The actors, they're all fine. ”

(iv)

I opened my eyes.

The garden, the high platform, the Kabuki, the audience, and you all disappeared into a mist of water.

I found myself in tears.

There are many lamps in front of me. Many small flames burned steadily on the lamp.

On the table, there is an unfinished copy of the Heart Sutra.

"So the general is right. All this is just a play that is enough to be fake. Life is a drama. ”

Grand Lama Tubudan's voice rang out behind him.

I hurriedly wiped away my tears and bowed to him.

I said, "The believer is ashamed and disturbed for a while, and she doesn't know that the archmage is coming. ”

Grand Lama Tubudan looked at me and said, "The matter has come to this, time has passed, and I ask the queen to let go of the past and restrain her grief." ”

I said, "Since the Archmage has a clear understanding of what is going on in the hearts of the believers, can you ask the Venerable Master for some guidance?" Since the death of the late general two years ago, the believer has been very dull and has been very painful in her heart, and this pain, which has penetrated deep into the bone marrow, makes people feel like falling into a cold hell, which cannot be said to anyone, and no one can explain it. ”

Grand Lama Tubudan said, "Amitabha. Queen, there is light in the world, there is darkness, there is cold, there is warmth. Every thing has its opposite. In this way, there is the pain of life and death, and there will be medicines and methods to treat this pain. ”

The Grand Lama said, "The pain of the body needs to be relieved by medicine, and the pain of the heart also needs the help of medicine to relieve it." Queen, please come with the old man. (To be continued.) )