(a)

The night after I came out of the columbarium of Nishi-Otani Temple, I had a very complete and clear dream at the hotel where I was staying. Pen? Interesting? Pavilion wWw. ｂiquge。 When I woke up, I remembered it very clearly, as if I had experienced it myself.

That night, I dreamed that I was a female mountaineer and that I was climbing the north face of Mount Everest.

In between two snowstorms, I climbed the last 1,000 meters alone.

I was exhausted and felt the separation of soul and body.

No oxygen cylinders were carried.

Breathe desperately, but you can't feel the oxygen entering your life.

The lobes of the lungs are one by one. It expands dramatically and contracts sharply.

At this altitude, the air is so thin that even the propellers of helicopters cannot be agitated at high speed to gain the power to lift levitation, and only goshawks and vultures can soar in the sky.

Red blood cells throughout the body are highly stressed. Each of them carries the maximum amount of oxygen, and in a whistling lifecar rushes to countless cells that are on the verge of death all over their bodies.

It is clear that the natural environment is no longer suitable for human habitation.

My body kept making calls to turn around and go down the mountain.

There is no such thing here. There is no history. There is no sympathy. There were no bystanders. No comments. There is no echo. It does not matter. There is no record. There is not everything.

It's just me and the mountain. It's either up or down. Stop or go. Win or lose. It's either life or death. Simple. Sheer.

I kept kicking the crampons under my feet, trying the last of my strength, hoping to embed each extremely heavy step into the ice cliff, hoping to stand firm, hoping to gain a foothold.

Scraps of snow and ice splashed in the sun. Life is full of unfathomable fatigue.

The headphones in the helmet were intermittently heard talking about a couple.

Somewhere nearby, a climber who was trapped at an altitude of more than 7,000 meters by a recent snowstorm and was about to freeze to death, consumed the last of his batteries, and had an intermittent, indistinct conversation with his wife, who was thousands of miles away.

They parted between life and death at an unbridgeable distance and height.

When their call stopped, it was when death sent them farewell.

Signs of death have been shown everywhere. The trapped climber described himself as completely blind, with a drop in body temperature, difficulty swallowing, and stagnant digestion.

His young wife was crying in the distance, but nothing could help.

In this gut-wrenching dialogue of life and death, I climbed to the highest point alone.

I forgot where I came from, I forgot my name, I forgot my gender, I forgot my age, I forgot my country, I forgot all the desires and disappointments of my life.

I have only one thing in my heart: one more step. Just one step.

Finally, my ice axe hit the last edge.

Finally, I was on the roof of the highest point in the world.

The foothold around me was only 60 centimeters wide.

60 centimeters away, on both sides are steep ice cliffs several kilometers deep. If you stumble, you may fall all the way to the other side of the globe.

So, I can't look down on either side. I looked up into the distance so that I forgot about the narrowness of my feet, the limitations of my choice.

So, I saw a half-spherical sky covering the planet, with white clouds, and I believed that I saw half a world away.

For the last 100 steps, I was more excited and excited than ever.

But it was also the longest 100 steps of my life, and it took me 10,000 years to feel the presence of the ground at each step, so long that I couldn't tell whether I was walking on the clouds or on the ridge, and I could feel myself alive and dead, dead and alive.

When I finally walked those 100 steps, my whole body was almost freezing.

The staccato conversation in the headphones has been completely stopped at some point. There was silence.

In this way, the universe is trapped in a dead silence and presents a great vitality.

I stood alone on the highest point on the planet, and standing at that point, I took off my helmet, took off my snow goggles, I wore a protective mask, stood in the wind dozens of degrees below zero, and breathed hard with the almost frozen lobes of my lungs.

At this time, I saw a flying multicolored flag.

It flutters in color over a sea of stratolayers of clouds in the sunlight of the snowy peaks, against the backdrop of the thick clouds of the next blizzard, flying high on the planet.

My tears froze in my eyes before they could come out.

I realized how close I was to heaven at the moment. How close I am to where you are. I'm close enough to hear your voice, echoing clearly on a planet without you.

You say, "Actually, I've always been there for you." ”

You say, "Actually, you don't have to go so hard to come and see me." ”

"Actually, I've always been in your memory, like I've always been so far away."

You say, "Actually, every butter lamp you light in the monastery at the foot of the mountain can convey to me the warmth from you." In fact, every tear you shed everywhere in this world can fall on my heart. In fact, every prayer you put into every prayer wheel, I can hear it from the voice of faith. ”

You say, "Actually, it's been quiet, it's cold, it's empty. In fact, there is prosperity in such quietness, warmth in such coldness, and all-encompassing in such emptiness. ”

You say, "Actually, I'm doing just fine here." You don't have to worry about it all the time. ”

You say, "Actually, I've been watching you from above." Actually, you've never been alone. Actually, I'm glad to see you climb alone, trampling all kinds of hardships under your feet, and finally relying on your own strength, to come to a place so close to me. Actually, someone knows about your hard trek. In fact, your heart and affection are understood. ”

You say, "Actually, you've always been sober and never crazy." ”

I just stood alone at the farthest point of the planet, closest to space, listening to you say these words.

I was frozen at the end as I listened to you say these words.

My ice is frozen on the roof of the world.

That's how I blended into the glacier we came from.

That's how I mingled with the mountains.

I just went back to the dust, to the stone, to the state of being I had before I was born.

That's how I achieved the same as you.

(b)

Just as I was dreaming that I was frozen and unconscious, I heard the phone on the bedside table ring softly. The red light on the landline kept flashing.

I woke up and found myself sweating profusely, my silk pajamas were already drenched.

I struggled out of the dream and came back to reality.

I reached for the microphone.

Mr. Yi Chen's voice came from the next room.

He said, "Heart? Are you okay? I hear you sobbing over the wall. Are you having nightmares? ”

He said, "Do you want me to come over for a while?" ”

I took the microphone and was silent for a while, I calmed my rapid heartbeat and my breathing. Your voice in my dreams still rings in my ears.

For a brief moment, I couldn't tell what was a dream and what was reality.

Where the hell am I? Who the hell am I?

It's all confusing and all looking very suspicious.

Only your image and voice, through all the chaos, are exceptionally stable and clear.

You are like the anchor of this universe, keeping the whole universe in order.

Mr. Yichen asked again on the phone: "You don't matter, right?" Do you feel sick to your heart? I'd better come over and have a look, can you get up and open the door? ”

I nodded silently. I whispered, "Okay." ”

(c)

Wrapped in my pajamas and stepping barefoot on the carpet, I went over and pulled the chain off the door and opened it.

I saw Mr. Yichen also standing at the door of the room in a long nightgown.

I stepped back and let him in.

He looked at me, pale. He said, "Xinxin, are you okay?" ”

I didn't say anything, and threw myself into his arms.

Mr. Yichen reached out and hugged me, and he gently patted me on the shoulder and my back like a father comforting his panicked daughter.

He said, "It's okay, it's okay. Just a dream, nothing happened. That's all an illusion. Nothing can hurt you. ”

I leaned over his shoulder, trying to calm the ripping pain that was raging within.

I said, "When I was a kid, I also had terrible nightmares. I fell into his bosom like this. He comforted me in the same way. He also said that it was just a dream and that everything was an illusion. ”

Mr. Yichen said, "Women are afraid of nightmares. Men should comfort women. ”

I said, "I can't forget him." Even if it's a dream, I can't forget him. ”

Mr. Yichen said, "I know, I know. Unforgettable feelings are not forgotten so quickly. ”

I said, "I can't go beyond mundane feelings. ”

Mr. Yichen said: "Who knows what will happen in the future. Everything is possible. ”

"During the day, we went to Nishi-Otani Temple, and that scene sparked memories in your heart, and the seeds that you had hidden in your heart began to sprout again," he said. This is quite normal. ”

"You've been doing a great job," he said. I've read so many of your words, and I see that you've been working in the right direction. You just sometimes feel like it's too hard to trek. ”

He grabbed me by the shoulders and looked into my sparkling eyes.

"Every wound heals, it takes time," he said. Before healing, you have to hold back the pain and wait for your inner strength to refill. ”

In Mr. Yichen's comforting voice, my emotions gradually returned to calm.

I left his arms.

Mr. Yichen said, "Go wash your face, I'll sit in the living room and wait for you." If you can't sleep, I'll talk to you at night and won't leave. When you feel sleepy, I'll go back to my room. ”

(iv)

I came out of the bathroom, my face as clean as new.

I sat down on the sofa chair next to Mr. Yichen.

I was ashamed to say, "I'm sorry to wake you up so late." ”

Mr. Yichen said, "It's okay. I am a night owl, a biological clock formed by the editor of the Chinese New Year's Eve class. I wasn't asleep and was still writing, otherwise how could I hear your movements. ”

He said, "Have a cup of warm milk, I'll call it for you." You will feel better after drinking. ”

I took the milk cup from his hand and said gratefully, "Thank you." ”

I said, "I'm much better." ”

Mr. Yichen said: "We must look at everything optimistically. This dream is still enterprising. You've been climbing on your own, trying to get close to his heights. The omen is also very good. You will eventually reach the top and reconnect with him at the top. ”

I drank my milk and nodded silently.

Mr. Yichen said, "You will definitely reach his height." I believe you. ”

Listening to Mr. Yichen's words, I remembered once again what you said: When we reach the peak, we should go to the abyss,—— go to the abyss, and save everyone who is still there.

(5)

I've always remembered that dream of a night in Kyoto.

That day, after drinking the hot milk, I said to Mr. Yichen that I was fine.

We said goodnight again at the door, and I watched him walk out and go back to his room next door.

I went back to my bedroom and pulled back the curtains.

I watched as the light of the room poured out of the window, illuminating a small courtyard in the darkness outside, stepping stones in the drizzle, emitting a faint reflection.

In this small garden, at the moment when I leaned against the window and stared, countless lives and deaths were happening quietly and silently in the grass and in front of the stone lamp.

This has always been the case in nature.

I was born before, after I was born, and I will continue to be true after death. Constant.

Hu is sad and happy?

Idealism, you, Hu Wei is sad and happy?