(a)

The copper basin is filled with clear, cold well water. Two white handkerchiefs are soaked inside. I took it out of the water and gently wrung it until it was not dripping. I carefully fold it into long strips and gently place it on your forehead.

You move, but you don't open your eyes.

I've helped you sort out your pillow to make your sleep more comfortable.

I take another handkerchief out of the water and gently wipe your arms, neck, and chest.

Your mouth is full of blisters. The lips were blood-red and chapped with a persistent high fever, and the ravines were densely furrowed.

I dipped the cloth in the water, carefully avoiding the blisters and moistening your lips.

I watched as it became moisturized, and then, very quickly, was dried out again.

Your whole body is still very hot. However, the doctor says you're getting better.

I'm watching over you day and night, waiting for you to regain consciousness, waiting for you to open your eyes.

Watching your lips go from moist to chapped and then from chapped to moist, my heart is sometimes bright and sometimes dark.

Outside the window, the sun rises and sets, the moon appears and then disappears, and I don't even notice it.

I can only feel the flame of life in your body and consciousness. I could only feel it glowing steadily, crumbling at other times.

I don't remember how long I've been guarding you like this. I don't feel tired either. I can barely feel anything except your every breath and heartbeat, and even my own body seems so strange and distant.

I watched you fall asleep like this. I closed my eyes.

I clasped my hands together and silently prayed in my heart: "Let me be my example." Let me have a high fever, make me unconscious, make me feel pain, let me endure all kinds of physical trauma, let me bear all the pain, please let him go. ”

I was devout and single-mindedly immersed in this wish until it filled all the worlds, the immeasurable and boundless worlds.

Then, I heard something slight. I opened my eyes.

I see you're looking at me. Your eyes are open, and clear.

Thank God! You're finally awake! I want to stand up.

You moved. You say very weakly, "Don't go." ”

I said, "I'll call the doctor to come in and see you." How do you feel? ”

You say, "Don't go." It's just us. ”

I felt a tingling in my heart. I gave up the idea of calling a doctor.

I'll sit down next to you again. I said, "Okay." ”

I sit down beside you again. You move again. You feel something slipping around your neck. You reach for your chest and try to grab it. But you don't have the strength in your hands, and you have a little blurred vision, and you can't find it.

I'll take it and put it in your hand for you to hold onto.

You perceive it as your mother's talisman.

You look at me. I said, "Don't excuse yourself." You're still wearing it. Without your peace, there is no mine. ”

"I miss you so much." You say weakly.

Tears welled up in my eyes. It drips onto the skin of your arm. I bit my lip and tried my best to endure it in my heart, but I couldn't stop it, and the tears kept rolling down.

I feel you touch my hand. You gently took one of my hands. You hold it gently and slowly move it to your chest. You hold it and let it stay in your chest.

You don't have the strength to speak anymore.

My hand rests on your chest. I feel the heat in your body, and the fast, tired beating of your heart.

You slowly close your eyes again. Your hand is no longer able to hold lightly, and it slowly slides downward.

I took your hand with two hands. I hold your hot hand tightly.

I said, "You sleep a little longer." I'll always be there. I'm not leaving. Just us, together. ”

You nod your head faintly, and then you don't move.

I watched as you breathed quietly and fell asleep again.

Dear you, you're so tired. I really need to sleep. Then you can sleep well. I will take the place of your parents, watch over you, and let you sleep peacefully.

Listening to the sound of your breathing, which gradually became more even, I finally felt tired too. It fell down like a snowy mountain and soon overwhelmed me.

So, before I knew it, I was lying next to you and fell asleep.

We just like that, holding each other's hands, fell asleep peacefully.

I don't know how long we slept, but when my uncle came in to see you, we were still asleep like this.

My uncle stood in the doorway and saw us shaking hands with each other.

(b)

On the days when Linshui was seriously ill, when you woke up, we often spent time alone.

I deeply feel that while you have hit the war hard, the war has also hit you hard. To the extent that you have hit the war, it has hit your body and soul to the same extent. The wounds on the body are visible, but the wounds on the soul are not visible. Yet, though invisible, it haunts you like a poisonous snake, doubling your physical pain and tormenting you even more.

There are some of our conversations about that time each day, which I have forgotten. But there was a conversation that I remember vividly.

That day, you said to me, "Qin'er, I'm no longer the same person I used to be. Now, my hands are covered with blood and my heart is full of sin. I feel like it's a sticky black that can't be washed off from the inside out. ”

You say, "Many times, after falling asleep, I dream of my mother. She looked at me so sadly. She asked me, "Son, what are you doing now?" ”

You say, "When I went to meet the King of Han in Tongcheng, I was very sure that I was right to do so. Now, however, I'm not so sure. When the white-haired woman knelt before my horse and begged me to spare her children and grandchildren, I was not sure whether what I was doing was right or not. I see in her your mother, and my own mother, and all mothers. ”

You say, "There must be a better way, a less bloody way, a more peaceful way to stop the war, so that everyone does not kill anyone else." Doing so now is definitely not the best. ”

You say, "But, I don't know what a better way to do it." I also don't know where to find such a method. I don't know what to do. ”

You say, "If I could know, I would give it my all." It's worth it to give everything and give your life. ”

You say, "It's worth it." ”

I deeply pity the pain in your heart. I couldn't help but want to soothe it and make it stop.

I said, "You'll know." Heaven will hear you. It will let you see the road. ”

I said, "I'm willing to die to know the answer." ”

Tell us, O merciful God, what is right?