(a)

When I was stuck in a war with yours and those who weren't, the boys in Nakamura's class were making a bet if anyone would ask me out for a dance. Pen, fun, and www.biquge.info

They don't believe that no boy can charm more than those tomes.

They took turns asking me out in all sorts of ways.

But none of them succeeded.

Once the sea was difficult to water, except for Wushan, it is not a cloud. Compared to you, even compared to Kaohsiung, the temperament of these boys is too ordinary, and I can't get guidance on the true meaning in them. For me, it was just a distraction that disturbed my peaceful and distant travels. I had no interest in continuing to engage with them, but I was patient and experienced out of politeness.

However, this has stimulated the male fighting spirit of the courtship of men.

They do this persistently and repeatedly, as if if the date is successful, it will really prove that their youth as men is also successful.

It makes me laugh.

In order to avoid harassment and pestering, sometimes I don't read in the reading room. I found a nice quiet place. I used to hide there and spend my lonely days seeking enlightenment, as if it were a refugee camp in the red dust. I was banished from the crowd of my own free will.

It seems to me that all people are like rivers, with a roaring waterfall in front of them, which will soon fall into the abyss, break apart, but they do not know it at all, and they do not want to get out of danger.

I am deeply sympathetic to this.

(b)

Nakamura, at first, did not participate in this game. He was a good student who studied hard.

I once asked him why he wanted to study in China, where the automobile industry was backward. He said that although the technology and management of China's automobile industry are relatively backward, the market is coveted. In the case of the saturation of the automobile market in developed industrial countries, China's automobile market has just kicked off a magnificent prelude. He hopes to familiarize himself with the future gold market in advance, make contacts, understand the demand, and so on. He hopes that after graduation, he will be able to be sent to the Chinese market to engage in sales or R&D.

I couldn't help but be egged on and off by the men of the polytechnic industry, and Nakamura finally had to try to ask me out for a dance.

He was cautious and not as reckless as other rough men in engineering. He represented the honor of the boys of the school, and quietly followed me, looking for the right moment, and as a result, he found my hidden hiding place.

That night, he saw me alone, holding a book about war, hidden in a deserted corridor of the labyrinthine experimental building, sitting in the doorway of a closed laboratory, with some newspapers and a small cotton cushion, sitting on the stairs, turning on a small portable lamp that was charging, and reading the words of the book intently.

The hallway looked inaccessible, and the light bulbs and light switches were all broken.

He stood there looking at my words, watching me read them with tears in his eyes.

He was hidden in the darkness, watching me look at the book without a sound, crying.

He looked at me crying silently and trembled.

He watched me cry and wet the pages with his handkerchief.

He watched, and he accidentally touched something under his feet in the darkness, and made a little noise.

Then he saw me look up and saw that I lit up the little flashlight on the keychain and shone it in that direction. Our eyes met.

Then he turned around and ran away, disappearing at the end of the hallway.

The sound of his stumbling footsteps echoed through the hallway for a long, long time.

(c)

Nakamura was the last boy to ask me out to dance.

The boys' tricks never bothered me since.

I knew it had to be Nakamura who did something in it, but I don't know what he did. I didn't ask him for details, and he never took the initiative to mention it to me.

He didn't ask me why I was alone there reading about the Peloponnesian War, why I wept so much over that book.

That's how I unknowingly filled my mind with all sorts of wars. When I started writing the story, and had already written it very deeply, they themselves flowed like a spring from the ground to the surface, through my fingers and keyboard, into this story with you.

And so they bubbled out again and again, one after another, and merged into the stream of war in the first story.

They are every stone I have ever stepped on as I crossed the Styx and the barriers of time to you.

(iv)

After Nakamura graduated, he returned to Japan.

Since then, they have cut off contact with each other.

After graduating, I rarely thought about him, and the matter of borrowing notes quickly blurred in my memory. I don't even remember what he looked like, and I don't remember what his full name was. I didn't expect him to be in my life, and I didn't expect that we would get closer and closer to each other, intersect more and more, and eventually become close partners at work and close friends personally.

That's how things are in life. You don't know what's going to happen in the future, you don't know who's going to be the very important person for us.

(5)

I wrote at the beginning of this volume, and for a while, I had a desire to die. I have seriously considered the question of ending this life. I went to see S, I visited your cemetery, and I visited the cliff that blew up a big crater.

At that time, I often went to some suicide websites to find empathy among other unloved colleagues, and learned the methods and techniques of closing.

During those days of wandering suicide websites, I came across a man's writing.

It reads like this:

At the age of 14, I lost my dearest sister. She was just over a year younger than me. We grew up together and had a very good relationship. She died in a high heat.

At that time, our family lived in a remote countryside and the economic conditions were not good, so we did not dare to send her to a large hospital for treatment, and the treatment in the small hospital did not produce obvious results.

My sister soon fell into a state of exhaustion, and when she died, it was a snowy winter night. At that time, she was already suffering from extremely high body temperatures.

She kept talking nonsense. She was in pain. She kept saying that there was a fire burning inside her. She wanted to eat a little cool snow and ice.

She kept repeating her desires in a straight voice.

She said hysterically, "Give me a bowl of snow to eat." Give me a bowl of snow to eat. ”

I remember shooting into the snow outside like a bullet out of my chamber. I took a bowl for eating, and a spoon, and with tears in my eyes, I desperately filled the bowl with white snow.

I'm stinging, I'm stinging, the snow is piling up in the bowl, and I'm not aware of it.

I was full of hatred for everything, I lost faith in everything. I was horrified by everything, I felt like I had no strength at all.

I prayed in my heart, O god who had fallen so white and beautiful, please help her to get rid of this pain, and lead her to a place where she would never have to go through such pain.

When I ran back to the hospital bed with snowflakes all over my body, I found that the atmosphere in the room had changed. The relatives of the family gathered around the bed with tears in their eyes. But the busy doctor is gone.

I froze as if I had been hit on the head. The bowl in my hand fell to the ground at once, and all the snow fell to the floor at once.

When she was dying, her sister, who was only 13 years old, looked very conscious. I could not bear the thought that at such a young age, that she would have to embark on the dark path alone without a partner, that she would have to walk alone through the strange fields full of poisonous weeds and bewitching mushrooms that shimmered white, and that no matter how frightened, lonely, and tired she was, I could no longer help her, that I could no longer accompany her, that I could no longer cover her behind.

I felt like my head was ringing around. I was filled with violent impulses all over my body. I'd love to kill something that is so persecuting us. But I don't know where to grab that thing's chest.

That night, my sister smiled sadly. Although no one told her what she was going to go through, even if a person was young, at this time, he would know what was going to happen without anyone.

So, she asked her mother, "Isn't my current appearance ugly?" ”

Mom said, "Not at all." You are beautiful. You are outstanding. This is especially outstanding today. ”

"Even your hair is darker, and your face is rosy and radiant, just like the first day you were born," said Mom. ”

The mother held back the heart-rending cry and said to her, "You are like being born in my arms on the first day, like a fairy in the sky." ”

Mom said, "You'll be born from heaven." Our whole family will love you and pray every day and night that you will be born again from heaven among us soon. ”

So, my sister asked, "I haven't taken a bath for a long time." Now my body is full of bad smells. When I come home again, will I still smell like this? ”

Mom was choked up and couldn't answer.

So, as the eldest son, I replied, "Not at all." You will be as fragrant as a small white flower that blooms in summer, and as white and clean as the snow falling outside. ”

As I said this, a sad expression appeared on her face. Then, something in her eyes went out. Her head tilted to the side. Her saliva flowed out. Her mouth opened. Her eyes just left me.

I shouted frantically, "Don't leave us." All at once it pounced on her.

I clutched the clothes on her shoulders, my grip digging deep into her stiff muscles. I tried my best to get her back from that thing.

But I found that I couldn't do anything. She slowly grew cold under my grip.