(a)

We sat side by side on a bench in the corner of the gallery's courtyard. Pen, fun, pavilion www. biquge。 info

I also forgot about the need to avoid acquaintances.

You hold your head in your hands, hunched up, your elbows resting on your knees.

You're pale and you've just thrown up in the bathroom.

After you vomited, you were a little more conscious.

After you threw up, I panicked. I sat with you on that remote bench at a loss. My tears kept flowing.

Your bike is parked quietly between us and the world.

(b)

Your face gradually returns to normal.

You say, "I'm sorry, I must have scared you." ”

I said, "Guide, are you feeling better now?" ”

You say, "Now it's all right." ”

I said, "What happened to you just now?" ”

You say, "I don't know what's wrong." ”

You say, "I suddenly feel very sad. That sadness exploded in my mind all at once. It blew me up in one fell swoop. ”

You say, "Then I felt everything around me spin around." While spinning, I had some strange feelings. On the one hand, I felt that I was not myself at all, and on the other hand, I felt that I was who I was. ”

You say, "I feel like I'm floating dust and debris." They began to coalesce in a very powerful spin. They grew tighter and tighter, squeezing together like an iron hoop. ”

You say, "They get so deep into my head that they create a lot of stress. ”

You say, "The pressure of them made me boil from the inside, and then, as they swelled at high speed, I felt like I had been torn apart by the explosion." ”

I said, "Is it caused by the many swirls on that painting?" ”

You say, "I think so." ”

You say, "I've never felt so dizzy, so uncomfortable." ”

You say, "That scene is so familiar, I must have seen it sometime." ”

You say, "I seem to remember a lot of things." But I can't remember. ”

I said, "Is there anything else that's uncomfortable right now?" ”

You say, "There's still a little bit of discomfort in my stomach." But it doesn't matter. ”

You have indeed seen the world that spun at high speed beyond recognition, at the time of your premortal illness, at the moment of your dying in your premortal life.

(c)

Together, we returned to your residence.

The Chinese manual of the exhibition is unfolded and placed on your desk. We sat side by side and watched it together.

On the inside page of the exhibition, another of Van Gogh's masterpieces, "Crows in the Rye", is printed.

I see you taking a deep breath. Your sadness roars again. You can't resist getting caught by something in the painting. You feel dizzy again in that grief. You're so sad that you can't move on your desk.

You quickly threw up again.

(iv)

You collapse on the bed, still clutching the instruction manual with "The Crow on the Rye" printed on it. But you can't look anymore with your eyes closed.

I see a tear slip quietly down the corner of your eye. It runs silently down your cheeks. It falls on your sheet with a thud. It's soaked up on your sheets.

Dear you. What do you remember? If it makes you so uncomfortable, then I want you to forget all about the past and never think about it again.

I said, "If you feel uncomfortable, don't look at it anymore." ”

You say, "These paintings remind me of the past." I want to remember more. ”

I said, "I don't want to see you feel so bad. My heart is going to be shattered. ”

I gently broke your fingers gripping the instruction manual and gently removed it from your hand.

You grabbed my hand tightly as I took the manual out of your hand. You hold my hand tightly. Your strength keeps me from breaking free.

You're like that, you close your eyes and don't speak.

You've been holding me tightly. I will stay in your hands like this, accompany you, and sit beside you.

That day, we stayed together like this for a long time.

Before you fell asleep, you whispered in a daze, "Qin'er, don't leave me." ”

Your words rolled through my heart like a thunderclap.

The wheat field in my heart immediately swayed and fell in the wind, setting off golden waves. Its waves immediately overwhelmed me. Tears flowed down my eyes.

There is a price to be paid for sobriety.

In order to gain sobriety, we always have to pay various costs.

(5)

As for what you see in the painting "Crow on the Rye", it was a few days before you could tell me calmly.

When you said it, you looked very confused, and it made me feel very sad in my heart.

You are pierced by its ancient thorns.

I'm right there with you, watching you get pierced by it over and over again.

Because it penetrated you, it pierced me.

You say, "This place on the screen, or a place that is very similar to it, I've been to it before." ”

You say, "I've seen the same large expanses of golden yellow wafting in the wind." Above the fluctuating golden yellow, a blue light shrouded it. They quickly retreated backwards, with a rapid jolt. ”

You say, "There's some deep black pressing in my head. They weigh as heavy as lumps of lead. But they're flowing like mud. ”

You say, "There is a silver light hanging in the sky." It's spinning rapidly. Even the smooth earth is fluctuating and bending. ”

You say, "At that time, I seemed to be with something, flying forward against the earth, and a strong wind was blowing in front of me. In the quiet wilderness, it was as if something had flown up in terror from my disturbance. Some black thoughts, flapping their wings, followed me in droves. ”

You say, "I'm flying and flying in front of those black thoughts at the speed of a meteor." It was almost tearing my soul apart, but they kept chasing after me, their claws grabbing my back again and again, their screams digging into my ears. ”

You say, "Behind those black wings, there are some friendly things that are also following me." But those friendly things run slower. Not as quickly as those black thoughts came to mind. As a result, they were left far behind me. ”

You say, "I am surrounded by black on all sides in a sea of gold." They covered me as countless black wings screamed and landed around me. I was swallowed up in pain and dizziness in the blue and silver light, and I collapsed in the screaming black. Their pecks ate me in an instant. ”

You say, "That's when a name welled up in my heart." : Jean. ”

You say, "This name has been rippling in my heart." It's like a long-ago thing. It's like a lost relative. ”

You say, "I know in my heart that I am about to say goodbye to her forever." That goodbye is already happening. I couldn't bear her to leave, but I had to push her away. ”

You say, "You took my hand just when my heart was in turmoil." ”

You say, "It seems like I've been longing for this contact for a long time." It seems that I have been longing for this contact for many years. But I lost it in the end. ”

You say, "When your hand touches me, I begin to fall into a bottomless abyss." (To be continued.) )