(a)

I know what you see in the painting "Crow on the Rye". Pen, fun, and www.biquge.info

What you see is the world you saw when you rode a horse and galloped all night on the wedding night between me and Liu Shen.

You're right about everything, but there's one thing that's wrong.

You were influenced by the name of the painting at the time, and you always thought that the golden yellow was a wheat wave. But it wasn't Van Gogh's wheat waves, it was the sea of flowers in Jinfeng Village.

That is the sea of flowers where we got off the train together at that small station and entered and stayed together.

You remember the pain in your heart that night and your intense dizziness. You also remember the name that always came to you that night.

You and your premortal heart were connected that day. You held my hand in this life, and you remembered the pain of love in your previous life.

I have witnessed the physical and mental pain you experienced alone on your wedding night in my previous life.

I feel the same and feel sorry for it, but I still can't do anything about it.

One more thing I can do than in my previous life is to hold your hand tightly.

(b)

Since that exhibition, Van Gogh has become a special symbol between us.

Every time we speak of Van Gogh, there is a common throbbing in our hearts at the same time.

Later, we watched a lot of Van Gogh together.

Every time you see Van Gogh in Arles, in Saint-Rémy, and especially in the time of Auvers, you feel that inexplicable sadness.

So, although I have always been very fond of Van Gogh, I have always liked only his Parisian period.

Because only Van Gogh of that period was calm and rational.

Because there is only Van Gogh of that period, there is neither the gloom and gloom of the Nuenen and Antwerp periods, nor the whirlpools that make you sad.

Only Van Gogh of that period resembles a calm, reflecting the colorful landscape.

Since then, the paintings "Starry Night" and "Crow on the Rye Field" have become a symbol of special significance to my life.

I often carry them in my purse or hang them on the wall of my home.

To others, it was just a painting, but in my heart, it was an unforgettable memory of two lifetimes.

They're your pictures.

It's only I know about your photos.

(c)

The exhibition that I saw with you, because something happened to you, I didn't see the end of arrondissement 6, I didn't see Van Gogh's death in the painting.

Eight and a half years after you left me, there was another exhibition of Van Gogh's paintings in that city.

That time, I went to see it alone.

Because Van Gogh is already dead and there will never be any new works, most of the things on display are the same as last time, and they are still arranged in the order of last time.

This time, there were a lot more people going to the exhibition than last time.

A lot of people linger in front of the paintings.

But in the midst of that bustling flow of people, there will never be you again.

I went through the last panel by myself.

I witnessed Van Gogh's death.

I saw him in the swirl of the canvas and shoot himself. But he didn't die right away. He also suffered for a long time. He was still in the agony of being penetrated, and he talked about art with his brother.

In the early hours of July 29, 1890, Van Gogh finally stopped breathing when he could no longer support him.

Before he died, he said one last thing that brought tears to my eyes. "Grief never stops," he said. ”

(iv)

When Van Gogh died, he was 37 years old.

You've never lived to that age.

You haven't lived to that age in many lifetimes.

This is what fate asks you for the 150,000 dead Begi people.

After so many years, it hasn't let you go.

You knew it wouldn't let you go. But when you know this, you do it without hesitation. Because you don't know how to keep more people alive than that.

(5)

Later, I went to the Kingdom of the Netherlands.

It was a gloomy day in Amsterdam that afternoon, with scattered light rain in the sky.

I rode a bicycle alone to Van Gogh's former home to visit his memorial.

I walked along the newly opened exhibition area in the basement, looking at the early paintings that were on display for the first time, one by one.

I took the elevator to the upstairs exhibition room.

I stayed in front of the two pictures "Starry Night" and "Crow on the Ryefield" for a long time.

I felt a strong sense of loneliness, and an infinite emptiness within.

I stayed there and looked at the two paintings until it was time to close, when the security guard came up to me and asked if I needed any help.

Yes, I need help. But I needed help that he couldn't give as a mortal.

I stood there, watching the flow of people around me, and who could help like that?

I want to be that kind of helper.

I came out of the memorial and returned the rented bike.

Holding an umbrella, I walked slowly along the banks of the city's rivers, past houses, boats, bridges, and through the city's red-light district, watching the unclothed women stand in glass windows to greet the guests outside.

Am I the only one who feels lonely in the turbulence of life and death?

No. They were all equally lonely.

It's just that many people don't have the courage to face that kind of loneliness. I don't have the courage to break through that loneliness.

(f)

That day, I walked long along the banks of the creek and ended up in a café.

Passing through the whispering crowd in the café, I met Kaohsiung at a table.

He sat there in a rainproof trench coat with a glass of red wine. He's been waiting for me there for a while.

He saw me coming and said, "As soon as I receive the call, I will drive from Paris to meet you and invite you to dinner, can't you give me a slightly more obvious smile?" ”

I sat down across from him. I said, "It's not so easy to smile on a rainy day. ”

He said, "How did you get here?" Why don't you let me pick you up. ”

I said, "Walk over from the Van Gogh Memorial." I wanted to walk along the river alone. ”

"Life is a long road," he said. Always walking alone, don't you feel lonely? ”

I said, "I'm not alone." I walked with the flow of tourists. If there are many people, can you not be lonely? ”

"Walking with the right people, at least, when you walk together, you don't feel so lonely," he said. ”

I said, "Who's the right person?" ”

"It never has to be me anyway, right?" he said. ”

I said, "You're someone else." ”

He said, "What kind of other people?" ”

I said, "The kind of person who eats together and pays for it." ”

Kaohsiung grinned.

"When did it become so realistic," he said? ”

I said, "Didn't you always want me to be more realistic?" ”

He said, "It doesn't matter what you say. You're here after all, and you didn't leave me waiting here. No matter what you say or how you reject it in your heart, I know that you don't hate me. ”

He pushed the menu in front of me and said, "Let's see what you want to eat." Good food warms people's hearts. Especially the kind of food that someone pays for. ”

It was on that day that Kaohsiung said: "Xinxin, one day, you will miss me, you will miss such moments." ”

He said, "Because, I won't sit across from you forever." (To be continued.) )