(a)

In the face of Liu Shen's good news, I don't know whether it should be sad or happy. I'm looking at you.

Looking at your weakness, Wu Shun said for you: "There is still one behind." ”

So, I read it again.

Liu Shen said that he would leave for the Huanglong Fortress in three or five days, where he planned to convene a national military conference to arrange the final phase of operations on the northern and southern fronts. When you arrive, the meeting takes place. Liu Shen asked when you would be able to leave from Yunjing.

My heart sank. I looked at your weakness, your pale and bloodless, and a pain in my heart.

The front line needs you. The country needs you. But how can you go back to the war when you are so sick that the pain is no longer a few months, not a few times a month, not even a few days, but so severe that it occurs several times a day? How can you afford another long journey?

I wept and said, "Let me write a letter to the King of Han." The King of Han did not see your situation. You must stay in Yunjing to recuperate. You can't go back to the war. ”

"Qin'er, dying in the rear is a shame for the soldiers." You look at me.

You say, "I'm going to help King Han, the last one." ”

I shook my head. I cried and said, "No." No. I can't let you go like this. My parents can't bear to let me send you away like this. What if something happens on the road? What to do? ”

Say, "It is the duty of a man to die in the affairs of the kingdom." ”

You watched my tears fall down like pearls with broken threads.

You say, "I won't have an accident on the road, I will, I will live, see, King Han." ”

You lie there, gasping for breath with difficulty. You're panting and can't speak anymore, and your entire lungs are on fire because you're having trouble breathing.

(b)

Wu Shun turned his head. He looked at me. He looked at me pleadingly.

I can't oppose you anymore. So, I returned Liu Shen's letter to Wu Shun.

I said, "Okay. You have a good night's rest, and tomorrow, if you are a little better, we will go back to Yunjing. After resigning to Concubine Taishu, you should go to see the King of Han. ”

I can't keep you anymore. I have to be separated from you. If I keep you, you really won't have a chance to stop the war. It took Liu Shen so long to conquer Jiancheng on the southern front, if he loses you, the speed of the war will slow down quickly. If the battle situation is like this, and you suddenly die in the rear, Liu Shen will lose an arm as if he was in the middle of life and death in the field, and the variables behind him. Who could have predicted?

Just as the King of Han does not belong to me, so do you not belong to me.

I must leave your last time to Liu Shen, to the military, and to the country.

In the last moments of your life, no matter how much I want to stay by your side, I must get out of the way.

Not only is it impossible for me to spend this life with you, but it is also impossible for me to reunite with you. There is no possibility to grow old with you, and I will accompany you for the last mile. Looking at your last breath, holding your hand, and sending you out of this world, there is no way to get it.

I must let go of your hand, look at your back, and walk towards the final war.

Right the moment I said "okay". I suddenly remembered my parents. My mother's mood when my father hurried back to say goodbye to her, saying that he was about to lead his troops out of the city to end the war. It's exactly the same as how I feel at the moment.

The feeling of watching a loved one disappear from the world, the feeling of having to let go, is exactly the same.

All mothers, all wives, all daughters, all children, that kind of feeling, that kind of feeling, that kind of pain, is like this. And you are here to calm this pain, so that it will not have to go on from generation to generation. As the Great Lama predicted, let it be at least temporarily calm for more than 200 years.

Indeed, killing cannot be stopped. However, in order to stop suffering, it is often necessary to exchange it for suffering.

Yes. In this life, I voluntarily married Liu Shen after consideration. Although no one had asked for my consent before making the decision, I did it voluntarily. I also volunteered to say goodbye to you after consideration, although I was reluctant to give up 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,

It's easy to know what to do. However, it is often difficult to actually practice it.

(c)

The second night at the monastery.

You fell asleep from the pain and weariness, and I, awake all night because of the imminent goodbye.

The snow outside brightens the night sky brighter than usual.

I listened to the monks in the monastery getting up early and doing their morning services in the main hall.

As I listened to their chanting and drumming, I felt the fatigue of life and death, and that there was nothing in the world, not pain.

(iv)

The next morning. I got up early.

I dressed up in the mirror. I used fat powder to get rid of the big dark circles. I want to look my best and look my best.

Before, it had never occurred to me to groom my face in front of you, and this is the first time I've done this for you.

I want you to see the most beautiful me in my life, so beautiful that I am worthy of your deep affection.

I put the hairpin on my head in front of the mirror on the makeup box. I see you in the mirror. I stopped and looked at you in the mirror.

After a day and a night's rest, you look better and your lips are a little bloody. But your eye sockets are still sunken, and even your cheeks are sunken.

I'm looking at you. My heart hurts like stepping on the tips of countless knives.

You said to me in the mirror, "Qin'er." ”

You say, "This hairpin is very beautiful for you." ”

Only a few times in your life have you said that I was beautiful: when I tried on my riding costume before I first entered the barracks, when we galloped side by side among the flowers, when I came home from marriage, when you saw the little flowers in my hairpin, and now, right now.

But you've seen so many of my bad moments, and you've fallen in love with me in so many of my wretched moments.

You watch me unable to move because of the heartache. You watched the hairpin swaying gently in my ear.

You say behind me, "Have you seen the real me?" Jean. ”

You look at the image in the mirror with me.

You say, "That tired me in the mirror makes you sad, doesn't it?" But you can't see the real me in there. ”

You say, "The real me is not in that tired me." ”

You say, "To see the real me, you have to know that the image in the mirror is not real." You have to be able to know that it's not me. ”

You say, "When you are willing to leave the image in the mirror and look back, you will see the real me." ”

You say, "It's just a small mirror." And the world outside the window, it's a big mirror. The truth is not in the mirror, but it is also in the mirror. Don't pay too much attention to the mirror and get stuck in it and can't turn back. Otherwise, you will miss out on the truth, and stand quietly behind you. ”

I looked back. I'm looking at you. I said, "So, is it true that I'm facing this tired you now?" ”

I said, "Am I facing the mirror now?" Or with your back to the mirror? ”

You smile tiredly. You reach for the lid of the makeup box.

You say, "You know that what is in front of you is just a mirror, but you have turned your back to it, you have turned your back." ”

I stood up. I'm facing you.

We stood opposite each other, looking at each other. My lips began to tremble.

I trembled and said, "Hug me again." ”

You look at me trembling and you say, "Okay." ”

So, I threw myself into your arms. You hugged me tightly. We hugged each other tightly.

I said, "I love you." ”

You say, "Live well." ”

We hugged each other tightly and in this way, we integrated each other into each other's lives. (To be continued.) )