(a)

I said, "Will you come into the palace to see me before you leave?" ”

You say, "I will come back to you tomorrow before I leave." ”

I said, "Okay." I'll be waiting for you in the Warm Pavilion. ”

Say, "After I leave, you will write a letter to the king of Han saying that we have gone to pray for the country and its heirs." ”

I said, "Okay." I understand. I will reply to the king of Han and tell him the truth about the process along the way. ”

You nodded approvingly and said, "Over the years in the palace, you have grown up." ”

I said, "Not only have you grown up." I feel very old now, and I can't even walk anymore. ”

You say, "Jean." ”

(b)

I said, "Actually, that's not what I want to say. ”

I said, "I actually, just want to say that I'm scared right now." I was terrified. I'm terrified to see you go back to the north. I'm terrified to watch your back disappear in front of me. ”

I said, "I just want to say that I've never been so scared." ”

I said, "Even in the worst of moments, I never felt so scared. In those moments, although the world was hideous, and there was malice and violence in my limbs, there was still hope in my heart. This hope is that you are still in this world. Although I can't get close to you, you still exist in the same world. Thinking that there are still warm and kind things in this world, although I am afraid, my heart will not be pitch black, and I will be completely hopeless. ”

I said, "But, now." I feel that the pillars of the world are about to be gone. It was a kind of desperation when the sky was falling. I was very scared. ”

I said, "I know I shouldn't say that." I know it's useless to say it. I know there's no way you're going to stay. You're going to disappear before my eyes. You're going to make me watch your back disappear forever, never to be seen again. I will definitely repeat my mother's fate. Watch the man you love turn around and leave, never to be seen again. ”

I said, "I know we don't have time. I know all of this happens. It will run over my heart as if I were a fallen leaf on the ground. ”

I said, "Sooner or later, everyone will be crushed by life like this. At the end of the day, no one will be able to get away with it. ”

I said, "I'm not saying this to keep you. Just because. After saying it today, in this life, until goosebumps and old age, I will never have the opportunity to say such things again. ”

I said, "From now on, in this life." I'm going to say a lot more. I would say the weather, I would say the seasons, I would say the etiquette, I would say the scenery. I could say a lot of things. However, there was nothing I really wanted to say in my heart. What I really want to say in this life, I have said to you today. All the words after that were insincere. ”

You say, "I know." ”

You say, "Jean." I know you're scared. Very scared. I am afraid of the bottomless loneliness, and the boundless years, all the days in it are not what I want to live. ”

You say, "If you're scared and it's hard to hold on, come to me in memory." I'll always be there. You push open the door and I'll be there. ”

(c)

I cried and said, "Don't leave me! Don't leave me! That's all I want to say. But I knew it wasn't possible. ”

I burst into tears.

You look at me. You say, "Jean." ”

You say, "You are so brave. Jean. In the barracks. All the soldiers of the New Han Army have seen you so brave. You don't want to lose control of yourself. Don't be defeated by the fear in your heart. ”

I said, "I'm not brave. I'm just a woman. I'm just a woman who can't do anything. ”

You say, "You're not." You say to the Great Lama. You want to defeat death. You have the courage to challenge even death, you have that strength. You have power. ”

I said, "Can anyone tell me why we were born into this world?" ”

You say, "In order for us to understand, we can take responsibility for all that is going to happen." ”

You say, "That's why we were born into this world." ”

You say, "Qin'er, don't think you'll never see me again." That's not the right angle. You have to think. The war will soon be over. From then on, countless women no longer have to be separated from their men like this. They don't have to be separated alive. Countless men no longer have to be turned into bones on the steppe and under the city walls. And it all happens because of your patience and letting go. ”

You say, "It's your tears and heartache that get their smiles." It's you who have lifted up all their pain. ”

You say, "Sometimes, standing in one angle, we can't do something." Think about it another way, and we will know what is right to do, and we will have the strength to do the right thing. ”

You say, "Thinking in the right light is the source of strength that we can take on everything." ”

You say, "Qin'er, overcome the fear, loneliness and sorrow in your heart, live well here, and give birth to some excellent sons to the king of Han." If the king of Han did not have excellent sons, the peace of the world would be very fragile, and it would be lost in an instant. And I, as well as countless brothers of the New Han Army, will die on the battlefield in vain. ”

Your words continue to pour into my heart.

I listen to every word you say.

You've almost never spoken the language of the weak, in your life.

I am ashamed of your bravery and fearlessness.

My tears stopped.

I bowed my head. I said, "I see." I was wrong. ”

(iv)

I look up at you.

I said, "That's all wrong. Let me recap. ”

I said, "If you have come back with all this difficulty, if it is to comfort me, to relieve me, to give me strength, then now, you have done it." ”

I said, "You've done it all." ”

I said, "I will live bravely, give birth to many excellent sons to the King of Han, raise them to grow up, protect the peace of the world, and promote the prosperity of the world." ”

I said, "I will be worthy of my father, worthy of you." ”

You look at me. You smile. You tapped me on the shoulder. You say, "Good." ”

You say, "Good." I know, you will say and do so. ”

As you spoke, there were some tears in your eyes.

You say, "Now, then, can I go back and complete my mission?" ”

I took a deep breath and swallowed the bitterness that was clogging up my throat.

I said, "Okay." ”

You say, "Then, wait for me tomorrow in the Warm Pavilion." ”

I said, "Okay." I'm waiting for you. ”

You say, "I'm going back." There are still things to deal with before departure, and Mr. Xu and Brother Fu are still waiting for me outside the palace. ”

I said, "Okay." Go back. Don't get too tired, it's going to be the road. ”

You say, "Yes." ”

You take a step back. You say, "Well, we'll see you tomorrow." ”

I said, "See you tomorrow." ”

You laugh again. You take a step back. You turn around, and you're gone.

(5)

I watched you leave me.

I leaned against the railing where the beauty leaned.

My hand unconsciously let go, and all the food in my hand was scattered on the water.

I looked at Koike. I can't see anything. Petals are not visible. You can't see the fish. I can't see you. The world was darkened in an instant.

I just sat there all day, dumbfounded.

I didn't have the strength to stand up. There is no strength to speak. Without the strength to do anything, it's like the whole life has been completely drained.

It was a kind of dry land that had dried up for thousands of miles.

There is a big distance between knowing in theory and doing it in behavior. It's not that we know what's right that we all have the power to do. There are many times when we don't have the ability to do the right thing. We will be overwhelmed by the pain and will not be able to get up and take on what we are supposed to do.

It was on that day when I didn't have the strength to stand up that I had a heartfelt desire in my heart. I hope that one day, I will have the strength to stand up from all the pain, and I will have the strength to return to my responsibilities like you and accomplish what should be done.

I sincerely hope that there will be such a day. (To be continued.) )

PS: Note: Because I am not familiar with the operation after it is put on the shelf, this chapter was sent out in advance, and then the title cannot be modified. I had to confuse a chapter. This chapter should be after "Fatigue of Life and Death" and before "Return to Yunjing". As a perfectionist, I feel quite uncomfortable to see this kind of confusion. But the platform doesn't allow you to adjust the order, so that's it. Excuse me.

Note: This chapter should be divided into volumes in Gino Scimitar Volume VIII: Farewell to Life and Death