(a)

On the third day, I met Liu Wenli, who came to visit you at the training ground. Pen × fun × Pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 info At the time I didn't know why she came.

When she came, she was carrying a thermos in her hand.

She said to you, "A relative from the countryside came and brought two old hens, who had already been killed, and they could not be released." ”

She said: "I have a small family and can't eat so much, so bring some over and you can taste it too." ”

You've never told her the story of that black hen.

You open the insulator and take a look. The head of the chicken inside rolled its eyes. You feel a strong nausea. You try to suppress the sourness that rushes up. You pick up the spoon and hesitate for a moment.

Liu Wenli said: "Is it fragrant? I did. I'm afraid it's too greasy to digest, so I filtered all the oil stars in it with gauze, a total of five times, and now this soup should be relatively light. ”

When you listen to her, you will not hesitate any longer.

Liu Wenli watched you drink two small bowls of soup with the small bowl in the thermos cone, and was deeply grateful. She said, "Take the rest home and eat it." With this soup, order some noodles, and you don't have to cook your own dishes at night. ”

You say, "It tastes good, you're very good." Sure enough, it was very light, only umami, not a little oily. ”

Liu Wenli looked at you and smiled, but her tears appeared in her eyes.

When she left, she met me in the hallway.

She said hello to me.

I asked her, "Sister Wenli, why are your eyes swollen?" ”

She said: "Because the movie you invited me to watch the day before yesterday was so touching that I cried while watching it." When I got home, I couldn't help but cry when I thought about that episode. ”

She said, "You say I'm not stupid. As a result, my eyes were swollen from crying, and I still can't look at them. ”

She said: "This kind of film is really unwatchable. Luckily, you're not an adult yet, and you can't watch. ”

She said: "For some films, it's better not to know the plot." ”

That day, I watched Liu Wenli walk out.

Did she really cry because she watched the movie? I don't think so. What happened between you?

(b)

After training, I look at you.

I said, "You're drinking chicken soup now?" ”

As you clean up the things on the table, you say, "People always change." It's hard for her to be so careful, in order to make this soup, she spent at least half a day. Can't let her feel that her heart has been let down. ”

You say, "Besides, I just felt very hungry, so I don't pay so much attention to it." ”

I said, "Didn't you have breakfast and lunch again?" ”

You look at me, you look down and say, "Eat a little." ”

I said, "You asked me to promise you one thing before, remember?" ”

You say, "Yes." I tell you not to starve yourself from now on, and not to faint in front of me again because of this. ”

I said, "Now, please do it for me." Eat regularly so that your stomach doesn't feel uncomfortable. The more irregular it is, the more likely it is to regurgitate. ”

You say, "I'm sorry. I know, I'll eat regularly. ”

Again, you say, "Don't worry, I'll do it." ”

(c)

The name "Golden Ring Eclipse" has been remembered by me ever since.

In the days when I miss you, this name often haunts my heart.

Three years after your death, when I was in college, I found and watched the film "The Eclipse" at a local film studio.

In order to get this kind of special screening, I worked for them for half a year of odd desk work without taking a penny.

Its plot is still very good, and it can also move people, but it doesn't seem to have the charm that can move people to cry and swollen their eyes, and it doesn't swell for two or three days.

After I finished watching the film, I sat alone in the darkness for 20 minutes before I got up to leave.

The jumble of countless memories haunts me.

I've always been like this all my life.

When something important happens, I always find out after the fact.

I'm always living at a different time than you.

By the time I knew, everything had been gone for a long, long time.

(iv)

You carry Liu Wenli's insulated cylinder back to your residence.

You scoop up the carcass of the chicken from inside. You look at its rickety body and claws, rolling your eyes. You find a carton and put it up.

You poured the chicken broth out of the thermos.

You take a shovel, go downstairs with the cardboard box, find a place in the nearby woods, dig a small hole, and bury the cardboard box.

You cover the floating soil again and press it tightly with a shovel.

You know that in the near future, you too will be buried and disappear into the earth.

All life is a prisoner between life and death, and in the end, it will end up in the same place.

(5)

I'm always lyrically oriented towards a "you".

Oh, yes. I'm always facing you. It was like confronting the true source of my spiritual life. The beginning of my soul's self-realization. The beginning of my spiritual scrutiny.

You are not a tool, you are not a signifier, you are not a symbol. You are a living being that once existed.

You have breathed the same air as me, enjoyed the same sunshine as me, you have shared the same troubles with me, and you have shared the same joy with me.

Before I entered my youth, the darkest moments of my life, the most confused moments, the most troubled moments, the darkest moments, you were the one who accompanied me, you were the one who illuminated my path. You are the one who uses your actions and warmth to make me see the meaning and value of life, and you are also the one who guides me to see the meaninglessness and worthlessness of life at the same time with endurance and death.

You are still the one who, in the last hours of your life, in the great agony before you died, tried to use your already feeble life to tell me that there is a great world beyond life, that there is a deeper truth beyond life.

You are also the one who left me many life-saving ropes before I died.

You left me a brother and friend like Kaohsiung, you left me a persistent commitment to writing, you left me a lot of books and art, you left me a lot of memories about you, and you left me all the wealth of your life, although you didn't have a lot of wealth at that time.

You said a lot to me in my lifetime that you want me to hear after you die. You know I will remember them and will recall and savor them over and over again in the years to come without you. Then, my pain will be lessened by this, and I will understand your intentions more and more.

That's how you used your wisdom and strength, which is 11 years older than me, to help and guide me.

Yes, I grew up in this guidance, in this guidance that transcends death, in this guidance that reverses time.

I grew up thinking about you and understanding you.

That's a process of following and discovering you.

It was in this process that I gradually reached the same age as you.

This book is a record of this process.

It is written for you, and it is written for all life.

I sincerely hope that one day, all beings will meet an enlightener like you, such a guide, to guide them, that nectar-like path beyond life and death, so that they can give up their rejection and doubts, follow the guide, and move forward. (To be continued.) )