(a)

In the midst of depression, I wrote all sorts of things. Pen | fun | pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 ｉｎｆｏ

Since that essay award, I've been writing columns and haven't stopped for a day except when I'm sick. At its peak, five or six columns were written at the same time.

Later, it expanded from columns to novels.

It was in the process of writing columns and novels that I got to know the versatile Mr. Liang Yichen.

He was my teacher of writing and a close friend.

In addition to writing excellent articles and poems, proficient in many Chinese, Mr. Yichen is also a famous illustrator and photography master. In terms of calligraphy, he is also quite accomplished. He copied the calligraphy of Master Ryokuan and Emperor Saga, and he had both gods and forms, and he was deeply accomplished by the calligrapher's samadhi, and he could confuse the real with the fake.

Mr. Yichen and Kaohsiung's father are very good friends and have a close relationship with Kaohsiung.

Later, I learned that from the day I signed up to write a column, Kaohsiung was silently helping me behind the scenes. I was able to meet Mr. Yichen as the responsible editor and partner illustrator, also because of the behind-the-scenes operation in Kaohsiung. He intended Mr. Yichen to guide and help me.

From the time you passed away to the time I found a stable job in the magazine, I wrote a lot of gloomy and dark things, and these things, published and unpublished, Mr. Yichen, have read them all. He is the person who reads my words the most in the world.

He read all over my heart, warm, cold, old, new, bright, dark.

(b)

Here are some excerpts from what I wrote during that time:

"For me, there is no happiness or misfortune right now. It's just another day, and that's it. ”

"The evil spirit has finally possessed the body. Hollows are everywhere. Everything was unpleasant. Nothing moved. ”

"Why write? Asked many times. But the truth was never told. Sometimes the answer is for money. Sometimes the answer is ideal. Sometimes the answer is for interest. Sometimes the answer is for the sake of creation. But that's not the real answer. In fact, there is only one reason to write. That is: revenge. To fate. to everything. ”

"Writing, after all, can't be the enemy of life. Whatever I create, it can't cure the despair in my heart. ”

"I wore a mask and danced the story. I playfully entertained the hell in my heart. When the audience started applauding, my heart couldn't stand it. ”

"I'm the one who went to the guillotine. I gradually felt that there was no other way but to die. ”

"I swallowed a lot of sleeping herbs, but I didn't die. Do I still have to suffer here? ”

"Christ said unto him, I have only in my heart the afflictions of the man."

"Do you want to go alone to the path you have decided? Alone. ”

"Faith is eternal."

"You're only one companion on my journey."

(c)

And this:

"One day, a madwoman in rags came to the village. Her face is dirty, but that's not the hideous. The most hideous part: her long hair is green. In the light of the moon, it looks like countless wriggling pit vipers. Moreover, her hair does not fall downward. "They are all upright. It's like being viciously held in the hands of an invisible devil. ”

"This mad woman begged from the people of the village. The children of the village ran away screaming. Then they started cursing at her and throwing stones at her. ”

The madwoman began to laugh bitterly. She laughed and snapped, "Ridiculous, ridiculous." ”

She said: Seeds are planted in the earth, and flowers climb up the forest. The moon hangs in the sky, and the shadow sinks to the bottom. Who knows the good and bad of this world? Is my hair reversed, or is your angle reversed? ”

(iv)

And this:

A father and son were escorted to the court to be executed. It was snowing heavily. ”

"My son is seriously ill, with a high fever and shivering in the snow."

When the father saw this, he walked over and tore off one of his long sleeves and put it over his son. It seems to want to take care of him and make him warmer. ”

The crowd around was thrilled by the action. Someone said to his father: It's all like this, what's the point of you still building this for him. ”

"My father said, 'Although I know that death is in sight, as long as there is a breath left, how can I abandon him.'"

"Father said, "It's good to warm up for a while."

(5)

"When the rebellious samurai poured up to the top of the mountain from all directions like a black tide, Lady Ryuji hugged the young king."

The young king trembled and turned pale, like a white cloth under a fluorescent lamp. The muscles of his bladder shivered in stiffness, and the urine ran hot down his pant legs. ”

He asked Second Lady Long incoherently: You, where are you going to take me?"

Second Lady Long cried and replied: "Your Majesty, there is also a capital city under the waves."

Then the second lady of the dragon hugged the young king and jumped off the cliff. Their vast long sleeves flutter in the swirl of air. Then, under the many unsheathed swords, they died together in some blooming waves. ”

(f)

"May 9th. Ah Wei was attacked by illness and fell into hell. In desperation, he poured cold water on the bamboo board and put Ah Wei on it, but it didn't work. ”

After a morning of rolling and tossing, he was suffocated. Finally, I went to another world. ”

"Now, I'm the only one left."

(g)

At the beginning, looking at these endless streams of words, Mr. Yichen still dealt with them according to the job responsibilities of the responsible editor and illustrator.

However, they have been surging and overwhelming.

Mr. Yi Chen was gradually shaken by the black tide. He felt a deep sense of inner unease. He began to feel that it was difficult to continue to draw illustrations with text. He couldn't paint that dead world.

He wrote me an e-mail and warned me in earnest terms: "Recently, the writing has been very bleak and gloomy, and there are corpses everywhere, and there is no reason. ”

I replied, "There is life and death, and it will not be easy. If there is no living man, what is the need for reason? ”

He replied again: "Strong words are unreasonable, unreasonable." If you want to be smooth, please be reasonable. ”

I replied, "The lure of money is unreasonable. ”

He replied helplessly for the third time: "There are women in the world, that is, there is no reason." ”

I read the reply, smiled, and stopped arguing.

(viii)

I thought that Mr. Yichen's concern would end there.

Who knows, he is a soft-hearted and warm-hearted person, and he has been worried about my psychological condition.

In the middle of the night, after he finished working on the manuscript, he called me and said that if I felt lonely, I could talk casually.

Once, after reading my text, he was so uneasy that he flew to my place of residence. I was out singing all night, the door of my apartment was closed, and my phone was silent. Mr. Yichen waited for me alone at the door of my apartment for two hours with his luggage. I returned from my night trip and was surprised to find him standing in the hallway.

He said: "When I read the words you sent, I felt very uneasy. You know, I've been reading the manuscript in the early hours of the morning, and at that hour, I really can't stand the despair and coldness in your words. After thinking about it, I feel that I still have to see you in person to be able to settle down. You okay? Need someone to talk to you? ”

I watched his tired face as a powerful warm current passed through my heart.

Now, I will never encounter such a sincere and benevolent editor who treats people again.