(a)

We made tea together in the room. Pen @ fun @ pavilion wWw. ｂｉｑUｇE。 ｉｎｆｏ

Mr. Yichen wants to drink some strong tea to refresh himself, and I want to drink some strong tea to sober up.

Watching the iron kettle steam on the stove, we chatted about the recent words.

Mr. Yichen said: "Since you started writing columns, your writing has not been particularly sunny. But, anyway, it's still relatively normal. ”

"Now I feel more and more that something is wrong with your mental condition," he said. ”

"Some of the things you've written in the past are pretty eerie, but they're not cold-blooded. But what you write now is not only gloomy, but also very cold. All of the characters look like a pile of cooled ashes in motion. ”

I said, "Really? ”

He said, "Yes." You probably don't feel it yourself. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, when I stay alone in the office and read your things, I will feel that the ghosts and ghosts around me are full of ghosts, and I don't know that the hairs on my body stand on end. ”

He said: "Sometimes, looking at your words, I want to call you and ask: your temperature! What about your temperature? Where did your warm body temperature go? Reading the story you're writing now is like stepping barefoot into a whole bunch of hibernating snakes. ”

I laughed self-deprecatingly and said, "You're so polite." It's a dead snake. Step barefoot into a large pile of dead snakes. ”

Mr. Yichen said: "Don't let these dead snakes swim in the blood of the characters. ”

I said, "What's the right thing to swim around?" ”

He said, "Warm blood, blood as it is." Your readers include all kinds of people, from people who are on the verge of despair and looking for death, to children who are struggling with youth, to elderly people who are dying soon. You have to consider what kind of influence and impetus your words are exerting on them. ”

I said, "I'm as warm as I can." My heart is colder than words. ”

Mr. Yichen said: "You are a female author, a young female author. You shouldn't write about this kind of thing, you shouldn't write it all over the world. These things, perhaps popular in the market, can stimulate readers with mediocre and boring lives, but it is very bad for yourself. ”

He said: "Just because readers like to read it, I don't agree that you keep writing and can't help yourself." ”

I said, "What is it that all the characters are like ashes?" Isn't that the truth? When time passes, that truth will be revealed. ”

Mr. Yichen said, "Yes. It's the truth. However, it is not the truth that is at issue, but your attitude towards the truth. Shouldn't we face the truth with a calm and calm heart? Do you ask yourself, are you calm? Calm? Is it detached? No. Your heart is gray because you resist, and you are unwilling to face this truth. You know it's true, but you can't accept it, you can't be satisfied. You don't want to go along the way. ”

I was silent. He was right. I'm not glad that this is the case. I'm looking forward to the other endings.

Mr. Yichen said to me, "Heart." Life is precious. Youth is especially precious. We should let such a priceless time, body and mind be filled with the right attitude. Writing is not a catharsis of personal emotions, and we should not dump the garbage of our hearts in the public space of our hearts. We should give good things and warm things to others, and we should inject these into their bodies and minds. Because our words want to have a positive impact on them. We write about suffering, not to stimulate their sorrow and fear, but to exercise their courage and strength. We don't write about happiness to reinforce their greed and paranoia, but to remind them that there is gain and there is loss. When writing, we should not use the pen in our hands to lick and soothe our own wounds, but should take care of the pain of all people. That's the right writing. Only in this way can you benefit yourself and others physically and mentally. ”

He said, "Do not cut yourself with the knife of words, and make others bleed." ”

He said: "Xinxin, your words are like a sharp sword, it can save people, it can hurt people, it can protect itself, it can also hurt itself. You have this sword in your hand, and you have to use it correctly. In this way, it is called to live up to talent, talent, life, and the person you want to remember. ”

He said, "Can you give me a suggestion?" ”

I said, "Of course." Looking forward to your suggestions. ”

He said, "You don't miss that person so much because you love the dark side of him, right?" ”

I said, "Of course." There is little human darkness in him. He does not have many of the bad and low human emotions: vanity, extreme, hatred, pride, ignorance, laziness, cowardice, indifference...... None of this, he had. ”

He said, "So what do you like most about him?" ”

I said, "Calm, thorough, courageous, kind, gentle." ”

He said, "Then go and write about him." Write about these bright places where He illuminates you. ”

He said: "Don't use your pen to write about those dark things, to write about what you love and admire, let him be reborn in your words, let his light shine as it once illuminated you, illuminate more hearts, illuminate more life journeys." ”

He said: "Use your pen and your story to pass on his bright lamp." ”

He said, "If you do that, your heart will be filled with strength and light again." ”

(b)

After that tea party with Mr. Yichen, my writing style changed slightly.

I started trying, to write a story about a warrior.

Actually, what I have in mind is to write about you. But I can't. Your shadow comes to mind, and my heart bleeds.

I don't have the courage or the strength to re-go through our heart-warming moments, those heart-wrenching moments. I can't resist the intense grief or longing that overwhelms me internally.

I can only "talk about him left and right" first, and I can only write other people's stories first, so that the shadow you leave in my heart can be projected on other countries, other times, other people and other events.

All the stories in my life are just writing about you, directly or indirectly, and writing about your nostalgia, and that's it.

(c)

From Mr. Yichen's visit, I learned a fact.

For a sincere, dedicated writer, once you start writing, you can't stop your heart from flowing from the hidden to the page or the screen. Sooner or later, you will always expose the most secret parts of your heart.

At that time, in our literary cooperation, when writing novels, I didn't just write with a pen, but read as much as I wrote to Mr. Yichen. Generally speaking, I write a "story embryo" first. In this case, it's called an "outline", but it's a slightly more detailed outline.

From this rough embryo, you can see the overall context of the story, the main dramatic conflicts, and the style of the climactic chapter.

Nowadays, the mode of industrialization permeates all human life, and the field of writing is no exception.

Writers often play the role of assembly line workers throughout the entire industrial chain. He is usually not the center of value of the entire value chain.

After many years of working on this line, I realized that writing for publishing and reading for the masses was irreparably flawed in reflecting the true state of mind.

As the price of mass circulation, writers often have to accept many heavy shackles, such as public taste, return on investment, censorship, and so on.

That's exactly why I'm bored with it and tend to fade away from business writing.

I don't want to sacrifice the fundamental spirit of writing for the sake of the reader's pleasure and the commercial interests of the publisher.

I've always valued the value of "facing the ultimate, facing the eternal, and sticking to the monologue".

Everything follows the same principle. The same goes for writing. You can only truly be free when you completely stop thinking about readers' tastes, aesthetics, publishers, sales, etc. In other words, when you don't have the concept of "readability" in your head at all, what you write may instead gain real deep readability.

At that time, the workflow between me and Mr. Yichen was usually like this:

He regularly proposes some topic directions to me according to the needs of publishing, and then I choose the direction that I am interested in and good at, write this kind of "story embryo", and then choose what he thinks is suitable from the "embryo" I provide, so that I can form a fine story according to the specific requirements of word count, genre, etc.

During that time, Mr. Yichen should have been the person who read me the most and most deeply in the world, and I became a person who knew him very well because of his frequent contact with his choices, and we became acquainted with each other in this way, and gradually formed a long-term friendship.

It is difficult for a person to completely hide their heart and their own life in their writing. In the same way, it is difficult for him to do this in the sifting and modification of the text.

At this point, it can be said that it is this industrialized process that prompts me and Mr. Yichen to open our hearts to each other in our work.

In the period after your death, except for Kaohsiung, who knew the cause and effect well, among the new acquaintances, Mr. Yichen was the one who knew my mentality the most.

He was deeply touched by the darkness and despair in my heart.

He saw the vipers wriggling in my heart, he saw the flames of hell, he saw the jagged rocks, the frozen ice fields, the dry deserts.

He was depressed because of what he saw. But he knew that he knew ominously about the cause of this gloom, and he could only comfort and dissuade him in general terms, and he did not have enough strength to solve the problem.

So, he thought of Kaohsiung.

He wanted Kaohsiung to come and help. He was sure that there must be a more effective, one-size-fits-all solution in Kaohsiung.

What he needed to do was to show Kaohsiung what I was hiding from Kaohsiung at that time, so that he could see it clearly.