(a)

I went back to my room.

When I came back, I had difficulty walking, and I had difficulty walking.

Big brother is like a black shadow, he always follows me.

I almost fell to the ground as I crossed a high threshold in pain. Big brother grabbed me. I moved my shoulder and broke free of him.

He grabbed my arm again. I was sweating all over my body in pain, and I didn't have the strength to fall off him again.

The eldest brother grabbed my arm and took me all the way to the gate of the small building.

He looked at my face and said, "Qin'er, go back and eat something, sleep a little, tomorrow will not be so uncomfortable." ”

He said, "Supper and water have been placed on the table in your room, and your maid has been arranged, so that no one will disturb you tonight." ”

"It's actually normal to have a little bit of blood, and women bleed the first time," he said. You don't have to be afraid. If it still bleeds at night, and bleeds a lot, come to me or my mother. ”

He said: "You don't have to worry about the future, just let me handle it." When you confirm that you have my child, the mother will go and tell the father. ”

"Then, you're going to have a grand wedding worthy of your status," he said. ”

"Until then, you can act as if nothing happened," he said. Tonight's events, no one knows but us. ”

He reached out to touch my face, and I tilted my head away. He hung that hand in the air for a moment. He withdrew his hand. He said, "In the future, I will be as good to you as I was in the past." ”

I went into my room. I closed the door and shut out my eldest brother and his babbling.

I stood with my back to the door and heard my eldest brother still standing in front of the door for a while, and then footsteps rang out. He went downstairs. He walked out of the yard.

I looked at the room. On the desk in the room, a sumptuous dinner had been put up, and red candles had been lit.

Drops of candle oil wept down, like flowing blood, and the color was terrifying.

I threw myself on the ground and blew out the candle.

The room was dark.

I knelt before the spiritual seat of my parents.

The world has always been dark. It was, it is, and it will always be.

This darkness comes from the human heart. From the heart of each of us.

(b)

I don't know how long the time has passed. It looks like a lifetime has come to an end.

I suddenly woke up from my stupor. I found myself lying on my stomach in front of my parents' spiritual tablets, and my entire lower body and the prayer mat under my body were wet. Sticky blood flowed everywhere. There was a smell of blood in the room.

I've never been so disgusted with my body, and my soul.

I felt that all my internal organs were black dirt, full of incomparably ugly.

The medicinal properties are slowly fading.

I found myself waking up because someone was outside gently knocking on the door.

It's you! It's you! It's you're back! It only took you two days to get back. However, it was all over. Whatever news you bring back, it's already too late.

I hear you calling my name outside.

You say, "Jean?" Did you sleep? Open the door? I'm back, and I have important things to tell you. What about your handmaidens? Why are you alone? ”

You waited for a while, but you didn't hear me.

You ask, "Qin'er?" What happened to you? Why don't you speak? Are you there? Did you sleep? ”

I still didn't make any sound.

Shame makes it impossible for me to face you and speak up.

You waited a little longer. You don't think so. You're getting a little anxious. You start shaking the wooden door.

You say, "Qin'er, give me a little sound, okay?" I know you're in there. I can feel you. Did something happen? Why don't you open the door? ”

You shook the wooden door with a little effort. Under your shaking, it looks so thin and precarious. But you don't really want to break it.

I know I have to respond to you. Otherwise, you won't leave.

Sure enough, you shook the door with more force.

Just as the wooden door was about to be opened, I said, "I seem to have a bit of a cold." I fell asleep. ”

You say, "Are you not feeling well?" Does it matter? How can there be no one to take care of you? Have you called a doctor to see it? ”

You say, "Qin'er, you get up, open the door, I'll just say a few words, see if you're okay and leave, I'll let you rest, okay?" ”

You shake the door again.

I said, "The doctor has seen it." Let's go tomorrow, I drank the medicine, I was too sleepy. I'm already asleep. I'm about to fall asleep. ”

You say, "Qin'er, what's wrong with your voice?" Are you feeling bad? Let me come in and see you, just one glance, okay? ”

I said, "Please." Let me sleep. I'm going to sleep. ”

You hear that, and you don't shake that door anymore. You are silent outside for a while, and then you say, "Well, you can sleep well." We'll talk about that tomorrow. I'm leaving. ”

I sat down on the mat in despair.

I hear you leave the door, I hear your footsteps into the courtyard, you hesitate in the courtyard for a moment, you seem to take another step or two back, and then, you turn around and go on.

I was in the dark, listening to you just like that, leaving me and walking away.

From that moment on, my youth was over. It's just begun, it's already over.

I sat dry and exhausted like a person with chronic insomnia.