(a)

After your mother returned, you stayed in the hospital for a while to maintain the effect of the treatment and recuperate your body. www.biquge.info During this time, your condition is relatively stable, and you have recovered again. Everything seems to be calm again, but we all know that you are getting weaker and weaker each time, and you are getting closer to that final ending day by day.

My heart was filled with a sense of apocalypse. I have never felt so strongly and truly that every person who lives between life and death, in fact, is a condemned prisoner waiting to be executed since birth. And we, with great interest, have come up with so many ambitions, so many deceits, such a complex and dark and tangled chaotic life in the period of undecided.

During your recuperation, your main daily pastime in the hospital is reading and drawing.

When I go to see you, I always see you start a new painting.

In addition to your favorite oil and gouache paintings, you started experimenting with ink painting again. You have a good grasp of each style of painting, the picture is beautiful, and the skills are exquisite. You're as talented at that as you are at shooting.

During that time, I borrowed a large number of picture books from the library and brought them to you. We immersed ourselves in those beautiful pictures together and spent the last quiet and warm years.

(b)

"Guide, why do you like to draw?" I asked.

You say, "Because, drawing can train a person to focus on the good side of everyday life at all times, and it can also lead other people to project their attention to the beauty of everyday life." ”

You say, "In fact, being able to open your eyes and see all these natural scenery and cultural landscapes is incomparable in its own right." However, people often have to lose their eyesight or life to understand that there is such beauty in this ordinary way. ”

I said, "You have painted so many good paintings, have you always taken the initiative to show them to others?" ”

You say, "Hmm." ”

I said, "Why don't you consider showing it to the connoisseurs?" ”

You say, "I didn't think about it before, and I don't think about it now." No one has seen it, and nothing will happen. If it's okay, don't make trouble. ”

"Painted?"

"Hmm. It's drawn. ”

"Show me? - Wow! It turns out that you can also paint Chinese ink painting so beautifully. It's been unbelievable that no one really taught you to draw. ”

You say, "It's just not." But I have a lot of albums at home. My mom loves to look at all kinds of paintings. Although she can't draw herself. I've seen a lot of paintings of all kinds since I was a kid. Sometimes, I follow the tracing. Gradually, it became a habit. When I was alone, I painted when I had nothing to do, and I didn't plan to become famous and start a family, nor did I plan to show off in front of others, but I just cultivated my temperament, and I didn't take the initiative to find a teacher to learn. Sometimes, when the connoisseur sees it, he will point out a thing or two, and this is how it accumulates. I don't know if I'm good or bad at drawing, but when I paint, my heart is very clear and calm. I think that's good. Obsessed with it, with utilitarian thoughts, the paintings are inferior. ”

I couldn't agree more with you.

I said, "I think your paintings are more beautiful these days than they were before." ”

I'm telling the truth. Even if you are in the midst of death and sickness, on the verge of desperation and crushing, your paintings not only do not have the dark and oppressive nature of Van Gogh's early paintings, but on the contrary, they become clearer, more elegant, light-filled, and the composition is simple and subtle, which makes people look at it and clarify it with great clarity.

These paintings show the state of your heart.

Your heart is always sunny and full of energy. Otherwise, you will never be able to draw such a work.

I said, "After you are discharged from the hospital, you can collect all the works you have painted these days and make a picture album." ”

You say, "I didn't even think about collecting." From the day I started learning to paint, I usually threw away my paintings, and every time I moved, I emptied them, and I don't remember how much I threw them away. There are a lot of them, some people say they like them, and they give them to him casually. It's useless to keep it, it still takes up space. ”

I said, "Keep it all." I'll keep it for you. ”

You say, "Why bother?" Push open the window, this world, everywhere is painting. ”

I said, "That's different. ”

You say, "It's just moving from the window to the paper." ”

You say, "Actually, if you keep it, you won't be able to keep it." It turns yellow, or fades. Or, you're not in the mood to watch it anymore either. ”

I said, "How so?" ”

You say, "A lot of things that we thought weren't going to happen, at the end of the day, will happen." ”

I sighed and said, "It's a shame to just throw it away." You went to great lengths to draw it. ”

You say, "It's not a pity." Once you've seen it, it's always in your memory, and it's a part of you. Merge with you. ”

You say, "They're always going to be with you in your life from now on, they're always going to be with you." ”

(c)

"Chinese painting is very different from Western painting." I say.

"What's so different?" You ask.

I said, "Chinese painting always paints landscapes so big, but the figures are so small. ”

You say, "That's realism." The ratio of mountains and rivers to people in nature is inherently like this. Western painting is arrogant to paint people so big. The Chinese, on the other hand, have a much more comprehensive and accurate grasp of the truth of the natural world. ”

You say, "When I was younger, I was very fond of Western paintings, their brilliant and subtle colors, their beautiful outlines, and the details of their characters. But now, I like Chinese painting more and more. ”

You said: "Chinese painting itself is a kind of subtle edification and education. If you look at Chinese painting for a long time, you will unconsciously understand that you should not get entangled in small personnel and live up to the vast scenery of mountains and rivers. ”

You say, "Every man, and all the joys and sorrows attached to his ego, are insignificant in the face of the vastness of nature. ”

You say, "It's not worth taking too seriously." ”

(iv)

"I love this one. Oh my God, it's like a photo. ”

I pulled one out of it, and this one is a picture of the glass window of your hospital room with large raindrops flowing on it. You express the transparency and haze of the glass very well, the raindrops are lifelike, three-dimensional and rounded, and look full of uncertain movement, as if they are about to flow down from the picture.

"Give it to me?" I say.

You say, "Okay." As long as you like. ”

I said, "Give me an inscription." ”

You smile and say, "Between us, do we need this?" ”

I said, "I really adore your paintings." ”

You smile again and say, "As I said before, I don't deserve the highest level of praise from you. ”

I smiled and said, "I'm not exaggerating." ”

You say, "Well, I'll write it on the back." ”

I nodded, "Okay." ”

You pick up a paintbrush and say, "I wrote?" ”

"Hmm."

So, behind the picture, you write this sentence: "Raindrops: Make the world hazy." Clear the mind. ”

(5)

It was really raining outside the window.

We looked at the painting together, listening to the raindrops outside the window on the windowsill, on the balcony, on the glass.

I said, "Suddenly, it feels so familiar." ”

I said, "Have we ever heard the rain together like this before?" ”

You say, "I think I have." ”

I said, "Well, will there be any more in the future?" ”

You say, "Of course." Because, at this moment, it is eternity. ”

I said, "I didn't know the sound of rain before, but it sounds so good." ”

You say, "It's always been so good." It's just that you haven't heard the rain with such a peaceful heart before. ”

I said, "By your side, I will have such peace." ”

You say, "No." ”

You say, "There is a deeper serenity in you than this." ”

(f)

"Your stability is as bright as a lamp."

(g)

"You emerge from all things and fill my soul."

l