(a)

That day, Kaohsiung told me that he had been waiting for my call, but he had not waited for anything. Pen ~ fun ~ pavilion www.biquge.info

I said, "No one has ever expected anything from you, and although you have helped us a lot, I have never promised to summon you, to make you wait for anything." ”

Kaohsiung said, "What do you think I want to wait for? What I want to wait for is the idea that you can change your mistakes and come back for support and help! ”

Kaohsiung said: "Xinxin, ask yourself, over the years, in addition to remembering those warm moments and painful moments in his past, what else have you done for him?" Are you on the right path? From the time you quit the shooting team, from the time you never returned to your alma mater, from the time you never contacted Director Wang and all the other teachers, from the time you never kept in touch with your classmates, from never participating in sports activities and class reunions, I watched you make mistakes again and again. I've watched you choose again and again what he didn't expect. I've watched you bruised and bruised and bleeding over and over again on paths that are not suitable for you. ”

He said, "I know in your heart that this is not the right path for you. It's only because you're so lonely that you're in a hurry to get out of your old ways. You just want to get out of your original state and stop being so lonely. But inappropriate changes bring you more new pain. ”

He said, "I'm just watching you go farther and farther. As I await your consent and call, I see you slowly walking into the darkness by yourself. ”

He said: "I am waiting for you in the crevices of your various mistakes, waiting for the opportunity to approach you again. Your mistakes are one after another. So, I feel like if I don't say these things to you again, I'll never get a chance to say them. This is how the best years of your life will pass. So, I don't care if you agree or not. ”

"I have to tell you in a way that impresses you," he said. ”

He said, "Please understand that I never wanted to hurt you. The worst I've ever approached you is what happened at the ball. ”

He said, "Compared to the damage I've seen you inflict on myself over the years, is that touch really painful?" ”

Speaking of this, there was a flowing sparkle in Kaohsiung's eyes.

He looked at me and asked again, "You say, is it really painful?" ”

(b)

I'm really miserable! Seeing Kaohsiung appear, this in itself is a huge pain!

It's like a wound that hasn't healed yet, the scars have been uncovered again, and the blood is gurgling out again!

But this is not Kaohsiung's problem, this is my own problem.

Because his relationship with you is too close, when I see him, I think of your unfortunate end, and I can't accept his approach, nor can I accept his help.

I said, "Thank you so much for keeping an eye on me all these years, but I didn't ask you to stay with me all the time." ”

I said, "You can leave at any time and live a life that is completely unrelated to me." ”

I said, "Actually, I've been saying that to you all along. ”

I said, "There is no rope that binds your freedom." ”

Kaohsiung said: "Yes! You didn't tie me up, you didn't ask me. But I used to promise......"

Speaking of this, Kaohsiung suddenly paused. He paused for about 5 seconds. Then he skipped over here and continued.

"And, that's what I want," he said. ”

His pause was like a spike into my heart. I felt that there was something in that pause that I couldn't stand it.

I must have looked very sad at the time. Therefore, Kaohsiung's tone immediately became very soft.

He abruptly stopped his agitated tone. His arrogance vanished all at once.

He looked sad and said to me, "I'm sorry. ”

Again, he said, "I'm sorry. ”

Then he collapsed on his back to the bed. The springs of the bed made a writhing sound.

Kaohsiung lay there on his back with his hands over his face.

His desperate posture made me feel a pang of guilt. A vague sense of familiarity welled up in me. I suddenly felt very sorry for him. I suddenly felt that I had always owed him a great favor.

I watched dumbfounded, as he fell on his back and covered his face. I don't know what to do.

It was then that I heard him say wearily, "Tell me, how can I stop you from running away from me?" ”

He said, "How can I help you?" How can you stop yourself from taking a path that you don't actually want to take at all. ”

"I don't really know what to do," he said. I didn't know I was useless like this. ”

"From the first time I waited for you at the back staircase to tell you the bad news, my efforts to comfort you, never stopped, but never succeeded," he said. The more I tried to comfort you, the more frightened you ran away. ”

"I don't know why that's the case," he said. I have never lied to you, nor have I ever harbored malice. But you're afraid of me. You're afraid of me telling the truth because you don't want to face it. Will you ever see me and change what has happened? Why do you keep thinking about the problem so naïve? ”

I've never seen Kaohsiung so helpless.

Again, I felt very guilty.

I whispered, "That's not it. I once went to your house to look for you. I've asked for your help. The first time we bumped into each other on the stairs, I was going to ask for your help. ”

Kaohsiung looked at me. He said, "That's right. But, that's all for him. It's for him that you're asking me for help. ”

(c)

Kaohsiung was depressed and couldn't dispel my fear of the past. If he can't dispel my fears, he won't be able to approach me and help me.

It was as if there was a glass cover separating him from me. He could only watch me from the outside. He couldn't touch me. He watched me sink into the darkness like I was slowly swallowed up by quicksand.

He could only watch like this from the outside. He could only slap the surface of the glass cover.

His power cannot work on me, and his voice cannot reach me.

In those years, Kaohsiung was in such an embarrassing situation. He is in such a situation, and he has been trying to keep his promise to you.

He should be the person I can rely on and trust the most after you leave. But the last thing I wanted was to get close to him.

I pushed him so far. Farther than any stranger.

It pained him.

(iv)

The bruises on Kaohsiung's calves and the inadequacy he showed that day prevented me from taking harder action.

But my horror at him didn't change in the slightest.

The more he was so eager to help me, the more anxious I was to leave him.

So, then I used women's methods. I silently walked up to him and sat gently next to him.

I said, "I'm sorry, Brother Kaohsiung. ”

My docile approach made his blood boil. He lost his intellect just like that.

I went outside and brought two cocktails when he lost his mind.

With a very calm and friendly expression, I handed him one of the glasses. He didn't even think about it, so he took it. Then he drank it all under the soft gaze of my reconciliation.

When he finally drank the cocktail, I said goodbye without saying goodbye. I put a sleeping pill in it that I usually take.

By the time Kaohsiung woke up, I had already left the wedding.

And then we had a long time without seeing each other in person or talking to each other on the phone.

Kaohsiung called me several times, but when I saw that it was an unfamiliar phone number, I silently pressed the ignore button and did not answer his call.