(a)

I met Kaohsiung in the courtyard of the hospital. Pen, fun, pavilion www. biquge。 info

His eyes were fixed on the book in my hand.

He asked, "What kind of book is this?" ”

I handed the book to Kaohsiung. He looked at the cover. He said, "You guide, he's watching?" ”

I shook my head: "He let me see it." ”

Kaohsiung flipped the book back and forth slightly. He said, "He told you to count how many people died in the book, right?" ”

I looked at him with wide eyes in surprise. I said, "How do you know?" ”

Kaohsiung gave me back the book.

"He loves you so much," he said. His love for you is something that you can't fully appreciate and understand at your age. ”

"The older you get, the more you realize how much he loves you," he said. ”

I looked at Kaohsiung.

He patted me on the shoulder and said, "Go back, lucky girl, and hope you will know your luck and not always focus on your misfortune." ”

He said, "I'll go up and see him." ”

I looked at Kaohsiung, still wondering why he would know that you asked me to count the number of deaths.

He walked about 20 paces, and suddenly turned around and said, "Tell you, there are more than 1,100 deaths in this book." ”

He grinned at me and said, "Don't believe me, you can count it yourself." ”

"I'm a top-notch reader," he says. I'm a very cultured person. Don't belittle my soul because I'm brave and fierce. ”

(b)

"Xinxin, are you here?"

"Well, how do you feel today?"

"It's good, I haven't had any pain in days. It's ok to eat, too. I think I'll be discharged in a few days. Your winter break training has begun. ”

"Well, it's been two or three days. Everybody misses you. Director Wang is really busy. ”

"I know. I'll be able to go back and help him soon. It's almost the New Year, and he can't find a replacement. ”

"So, he hasn't been able to come and see you for a few days."

"My sister-in-law comes over every day to bring me delicious food. My illness has caused him a lot of trouble. I told my sister-in-law a few times that I would just eat the meal ordered by the hospital. But she disagreed, saying that stomach problems need to be nourished the most, and the nutritious meals in the hospital, although they are nutritious meals, can they compare to the well-made meals at home. ”

"Instructor Wang and Mrs. Wang are really good."

We sighed together and were deeply grateful.

(c)

"Xinxin, did you finish reading that book last time?"

I took the book out of my bag and put it back next to your pillow.

I said, "I'll count it." From beginning to end, more than 1,100 people died. (Sure enough, as Kaohsiung said, there are more than 1,100 people, did he really count?) What does he do when he reads a book and counts the dead? I'm curious about him. In fact, everyone in it dies in the end. ”

You say, "Look, heart, this is literature, this is history." Its meaning is to tell us that everyone is going to die. ”

I said, "So? ”

You say, "So, how can we expect our dear ones not to die?" How can he be expected to stay alive? How can we expect him to die only when we are ready? ”

I'm looking at you. I bowed my head and said, "So, what should I do?" ”

You say, "We can only expect from ourselves, we can only expect ourselves to be ready at all times." You can only hope for yourself, ready to say goodbye to everything at any time. Say goodbye to the people you love, the world you love, the body you love, all your opinions, all your emotions, all your feelings, and your favorite self. ”

You say, "Just as you marvel at my appearance, you can marvel at my disappearance in the same way." They are all magical landscapes. Right? Just like when we take the train, the appearance of the scenery in front of the window and the disappearance of the scenery in the window are the same. Tell me, would you be ecstatic for the scenery in front of you to appear in the car window? Will you be devastated by the sight disappearing from the car window? ”

You took my hand.

You say, "Heart, be a little stronger, be braver." Do not tremble at my presence, nor fear my disappearance. Watch me appear with poise and watch me disappear with poise. ”

You say, "Standing still is the deepest love and the most powerful rescue you can give me." ”

(iv)

I said, "Why is fate always so cruel?" ”

You say, "That's to help us." If we are always comfortable and smooth sailing, our inner strength will never grow. We can't get stronger. ”

You say, "The more chaotic the world is, the more we can test the level of peace and tranquility in our hearts." In a peaceful and quiet paradise, there is peace of mind that many people can do. But in a world full of unforeseen pain and blows, it is not so easy to do. Without such a test of the world, we would not have known how stable we were. ”

(5)

"Did you let her read the book?" Kaohsiung asks you.

You nodded.

Kaohsiung asked, "Did she really count the number of dead inside?" ”

You nodded. You say, "She really counted." ”

Kaohsiung said: "Does she understand what you mean by asking her to count the numbers?" She was still a little girl. When people are young, they always don't feel much about death, and they lack the pain of their skin. ”

You say, "I think she understands." She also has a lot of skin pain. ”

Kaohsiung said: "Women are always more vulnerable. Not all women can be worthy of your deep love, worthy of such a direct and true love. ”

You say, "She can handle it." If you've seen how she silently shoots at the pursuers who are chasing the black-armored knights, if you've seen how she pulls out her needle and climbs down the drain on the second floor alone in the dark. ”

Kaohsiung said: "She is special. Although I didn't have much contact, I had a gut feeling that she was already very powerful inside. I thought she would break down in a panic this time, but she was sad, but she didn't. She was able to get such a score in such a situation, and every subject was close to perfection. ”

You say, "Yes." But she often doesn't know this, so she often doesn't use her own strength. ”

You say, "The best way to love her is to let her see the truth, not to cover her eyes with warmth and catch her off guard when the truth appears." ”

You say, "It's more important to give her strength than to make her happy." ”

Kaohsiung said, "That's right. That's what I thought, too. ”

(f)

"I brought the book you asked me to borrow. This book is known to very few people. Kaohsiung took out a small book from his leather pocket.

"I went to the provincial library and searched through the drawers for a long time before I finally found it," he said. ”

He said: "If you look at the library card in this paper bag, almost no one has borrowed it. It's still pretty much new. ”

You say, "Thank you, bother." ”

You take the little book, the cover of which is dark blue, with the huge skeleton of an elephant depicted on it, with its striking long, curved tusks that pierce the outside of the screen. Next to it is the title of the book in white letters: "Elephant Mound".

Kaohsiung sat down on the edge of your bed.

He said, "Is this book good?" ”

You say, "Hmm." A book I loved reading when I was a kid. It is a heroic elephant who sacrificed himself to protect the mother and calf in the herd when faced with the hunt of hunters. Write about the last moments of its life, how calmly faced the pain of a serious injury, how calmly faced its own death. In the end, it said goodbye to all its dependents and calmly walked alone to the elephant mound, which has been the common destination of all elephants for thousands of years. It will be there, like all elephants before, quietly and alone for the end of life. ”

You say, "This was the first book I read when I was a kid and brought tears to my eyes. ”

You say, "These days, I often close my eyes and think about it." Would love to read it again. ”

You say, "I can't imagine that I can borrow it." I thought it was so old that I couldn't find this book anymore. ”

Kaohsiung said: "As long as you want to see it, I will help you find it at the end of the world." It's just a book, not a mountain of gold. ”

You look at Kaohsiung and smile warmly. You say, "A lot of people will have the ability you have." But it doesn't have to be a good friend like you. ”

You say, "Death is a natural thing, and I am not afraid." But, if it were possible, honestly, I don't really like dying in plain sight. ”

Kaohsiung said, "Me too. Dislike. ”

Kaohsiung said: "To die alone, to avoid the crowd, is more noble and dignified. ”

You say, "It's quieter and more beautiful." ”

You look at the book, you smile and say, "Unfortunately, I'm afraid I don't have such a blessing." ”

Later, I heard about this conversation from Kaohsiung.

Did you already know then that you were going to die in plain sight?

Don't you even have a quiet and holy end?

I mourn deeply.