(a)

Now, I'm 86 years old. The long white hair www.biquge.info became more and more sparse and thin, and the teeth in the mouth were almost gone.

The story of my life, though long, has been told in its entirety.

The thing I wanted to do most in my life, I had done it, and I felt relaxed and tired.

More and more obviously, I felt a dullness in my mind and weakness in my limbs. I want to sleep for a long time. I want to lie quietly in bed all the time, not to get up, not to see people, not to talk, and even breathing has become a burden on my body. Sometimes, I don't recognize the people around me, and sometimes I can't even remember my name.

The tiredness that goes deep into the bone marrow is largely caused by the barriers of time and your love.

This strange love is really complicated.

You stop at the end of your youth because of death, and I keep going, first closer to you, then overtaking, and moving farther and farther away.

Now, I can be your grandmother at my age.

The way things would turn out is something I never imagined when I was younger. Every time I think about something, something in my heart is deeply touched, and then it causes a tearing pain.

Since then, I have lived in a world without you for almost 70 years. Every day, I think of you.

You're right. Memory is unreliable.

Your face has finally become more and more blurred as the years go by. Just as you were so bitter that you had forgotten your mother's face, so I have gradually lost your face.

In the long past 60 years, the world has been a stagnant pool in my eyes, and there is no new idea, and you, who have been stagnant, are always new and constantly changing.

Every day, every day, I see a different you. With different looks, from different lights, they show me different smiles.

There is what I understood when I was 25 years and 3 months old, I understood you when I was 46 years and 9 months old, and I understood you when I was 70 years old and 1 month. There are as many days as there are you. There are as many states of mind as there are you. Over time, what I miss is far from being a singular you, but a large group of you.

All kinds of you overlap and intersect with each other, and in such a strange mirror palace, I am more and more unable to discern which is the real one.

I tried my best to remember you. But the ruthless years used such a game to make me lose you helplessly between my fingers.

When I turn 80 years old, I don't remember you every day, but I remember to miss you every day, and I want you to live with me in my memory. I've been doing this tirelessly, not letting you disappear into the black hole of memory.

This is a sacred secret in my heart in that life.

I don't want you to be alone.

Although, in fact, I cannot relieve you of your loneliness before and at last.

All my life, I have been like this, doing such futile resistance and struggle in the passage of time.

(b)

That porcelain jar, as white as snow, has been in my bedroom in Shangyang Palace for many years.

I endure the weariness and boredom of old age every day, and I continue to do this. I don't know how long it took, but finally one day, the stone inside had been loaded to the edge of the porcelain jar. The whole porcelain jar is already full.

That night, holding a pile of white stones in my wrinkled and age-spotted hands, I trembled to the side of the jar, and when I sprinkled the pile of stones into the jar, they slipped off the edge of the overflowing jar.

They landed on the ground in a series of crisp sounds.

I watched dizzily as many white shadows jumped and rolled on the ground, and I no longer had the ability to bend down and pick them up one by one.

I know that everything I should do in my life has been done and completed. My last moments are coming soon.

I let the white stones fall on the floor of my bedroom, and I didn't call the chamberlain in to clean up.

I staggered past the rocks, brushed over them, and climbed into my bed.

I calmly lay down on the bed, put my head on the jade pillow, pulled up the quilt, and soon fell asleep.

That night, I didn't look back on how many good things I had done throughout the day before I went to bed, and I didn't think about you. It was the first time in my life that I didn't think of you before I fell asleep since I met you. Because, I know, I'm going to see you. I can finally leave this world and go to a new world, to meet you.

We are about to be reunited and reunited.

Since we parted in Jinfeng Village, since we said goodbye by Baojing Lake, I have waited for such a long, so long, such a long time, and now, I have done everything you expected, I have given this country an excellent son, I have guarded the peace behind you, I have lived to the children and grandchildren around the knees, Shoubi Nanshan, I have sent away all the old things of our time, and I am the last to leave. I have seen the prosperity and peace of the world, the peace and contentment of the people, the good-neighborliness and friendship of all ethnic groups, and the exchanges and learning between the East and the West. I spent more than 40 years to understand the laws of this world, to observe its truth, and then spent more than 20 years trying to take care of and help other life in this world every day. I have not betrayed your love for a day, I have not betrayed my loyalty to Liu Shen for a day, and I have not forgotten my responsibility for a day.

I have done my best, both physically and mentally, to make your last wish come true.

Now, it's time to say goodbye.

I can also be like you and Liu Shen, leave with peace of mind, and calmly say to myself, in this life, everything I should do is complete.

That night, I slept soundly and deeply, but I didn't feel like I was in a dark state of ignorance. I fell asleep in the light. On the one hand, he is sleeping, and on the other hand, there is a very smart thing, and he is awake all the time. I could see myself snoring in bed, and I could see a little bit of saliva coming out of the corner of my wrinkled mouth and onto the pillow. Before, I had never seen myself asleep, and I had never been awake to the fact that I was asleep. It's a truly amazing feeling.

I had a hunch that the new world I was going to would be so wonderful.

My heart is full of anticipation for the journey ahead.

With a sense of relief and curiosity, I waited for the last day of my life. (To be continued.) )