(a)

After a few months of writing this long story, almost a million words, I returned to the warm pavilion again.

Before I was able to tell this story so calmly and so calmly, I had been broken many, many times.

There is no way for a person to write about something that he is truly deeply saddened by. Because when grief comes flooding, he can't write anything. He can only be as crumbling and precarious as a dam in a tsunami, and he will lose the composure he needs to write.

Therefore, writing is also a major weapon to overcome suffering. It can turn the pain that controls our lives into something we can control and control.

All the writings that human beings have ever written have been heroic efforts to overcome suffering, or struggles. That's how I've always seen it.

All the writing is the sails of another sinking ship in the sea of death.

Yes, now I am not Chen Qin'er in the story, I am the idealism who writes the story. This is the voice of my heart.

Now, let's get back to the story.

(b)

Warm Pavilion.

The sky was getting darker and darker. It was quiet in the room. There was wind blowing in through the window. I heard the sound of the curtains fluttering, and the paper on the desk was gently lifting. Then, it penetrates the gaps in the bones of the whole body. It made me feel a terrible sense of emptiness that came from within, that melted everything.

You slowly sip the tea from your cup, and I watch your every subtle movement.

The room was quiet and we could hear each other's heartbeats.

You put the cup back on the table. You look at me. You say, "Jean." I have to go. Let's say goodbye. ”

I stood up.

You look at me.

I took a small step to the side and left my seat. I bow my head and bow deeply to you.

You move in your seat, and you stand up. You stood there and didn't stop me.

I prostrated myself on the smooth and soft floor of the Warm Pavilion.

I said, "Right now." Brother, what I want to say to you most is: thank you. ”

I said, "It's so beautiful when you see the little flowers blooming on the side of the road, and then you come to mind when you hear the chirping of autumn insects." I still see a crescent moon hanging in the sky, and I will want to share it with you. Even the noise, which I don't usually like, can't help but smile when I think that you will come to me in that noisy voice. ”

I said, "Every morning when I wake up and see everything around me, I can't help but think of you." When the wind is strong, think about whether you will catch a cold in the north, and when it rains hard, think about whether they are pouring on you at the moment. When I sleep, I am still praying, hoping that you are safe and can appear in your dreams tonight. ”

I said, "I don't even know what I'm talking about." In conclusion, I want to say, thank you. It was you who gave me such a soft and warm mood in this life. So, it's time to say goodbye. Wanted to say thank you to you. Thank you so much for making my life so beautiful. ”

I said, "Thank you for leading me here." ”

I said, raising my hands above my head. Overlap each other, and then, with the formal etiquette of a wedding to your husband and a king, solemnly, bow down deeply to you again. Touching the ground with his forehead, he could not be silent.

(c)

You reach out your hand.

You say, "Get up." Jean. ”

You take my hand.

I feel the strength of your arm. I followed this force and stood up silently.

You laugh a little.

You say, "The last time you bowed down to me so solemnly, I thought there would be no next time in this life." I thought I'd never see you again. You'll never be in front of my eyes again. ”

After a while, you said, "I remember you were on your knees and refused to get up." The look you look up at me is still fresh in my mind, as if it had just happened. ”

My vision blurred immediately, and tears poured out like a river bursting.

You say, "Don't cry." Jean. Say, "Don't cry." You say, "I've come back from a journey of thousands of miles, just to tell you, don't cry." ”

I choked up and said, "After a while, if you walk out of this door, I will never see you again before I die." ”

You shake your head. You say, "No." No, it won't. I'll always be here. in this room. In this seat. ”

You say, "Whenever you want to meet, I'll be here." Just like now, watch your every movement and hear every word you say. ”

You say, "So, don't be afraid. At any time, don't be afraid. ”

You say, "I believe you have the strength to watch me walk out of this door." ”

I struggled to suppress the head-to-toe tremors. I nodded.

You say, "So, I'm leaving." ”

I wanted to say yes, but I couldn't make any sound.

(iv)

Just as I was about to go limp, you suddenly pulled me by the punch.

Before I could react, I was already in your arms.

You gave me a tight hug, you hugged me so hard that I felt my arms cuffed and couldn't breathe.

When I realized what was happening, my mind went blank.

I feel your body temperature, the strength of your arm. Your breath landed on the skin on the side of my neck.

I heard your voice whispering in my ear, "Qin'er, I like you so much, and I am so reluctant to leave you." Live well and protect the peace for us. You can do it. ”

Before my body and soul could react, you let go of me and turned to leave the room.

By the time I recognized your words, you were gone.

That's me, the last time I've seen you in this long life.

That year, I hadn't turned 22 yet.

(5)

Thank you, Master, Dao Ji. This farewell is because of him.

After you leave, I will only have two choices left for my life: just collapse to the ground, or stand my own.

I chose the latter. Because, I can't let your hopes fail. Can't let your last hug fall short. So, it is necessary to stand.

(f)

I came to my senses. I rushed out of the warm pavilion like the wind.

With a sleepwalking look, I asked the attendants beside me, "Where is the highest place in the palace that can be overlooked?" ”

The chamberlain replied, "If Mrs. Huijun speaks, the highest place is on the top floor of Wenyuan Pavilion. ”

(g)

I stood on the top floor of Wenyuan Pavilion, looking out at the huge, bustling city below.

I saw your horse caravan galloping out of the gate due north through the wide, straight streets and checkerboard-like residential areas and markets of Yunjing, and galloping out of the city gates to the vast snowfields outside the city.

I saw Wu Shun riding a horse, leading the way at the front of the line, and the moonlight mane followed him with flying hair.

You're in the wagon in the middle of the line.

All I could see was the carriage of the carriage and the dust and smoke it kicked up. I didn't see you.

I watched you go away from that huge city, until you became black lines, until you became black dots, until you disappeared into the edge of the communication between heaven and earth, disappeared into history, disappeared into my world.

This situation can be recalled, but it was already clear at the time.

(viii)

I turned around and saw Liu Shen's mother, Concubine Wang, standing at the door of the top floor of Wenyuan Pavilion.

She saw me turn around, and she walked towards me. She stopped in front of me. She opened her arms to me.

She said, "Jean." My daughter. ”

"Mother understands," she said. My mother was also at such an age. Mother, also loved deeply. Mother, too, is a woman. ”

Tears flowed down my eyes. I choked up and said, "Mother." ”

So, I was embraced by Liu Shen's mother.

I was lovingly embraced by her with tears streaming down my face. (To be continued.) )