(a)

The days flew by. Pen × fun × Pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 ｉｎｆｏ

We were so close to each other that we couldn't touch it alone that we ended the second half of our training camp in Bossan.

During these days, I don't see much of you except during morning jogs, training, and eating. And when you go for morning jogging, training and eating, Coach Wang is almost inseparable from you. As long as my eyes are on you, I can see Coach Wang's eyes wide open and his eyes staring straight at me. I had to quickly look away again.

In those days, Coach Wang was like an insurmountable Great Wall, standing between us, firmly blocking us from transmitting our feelings and blocking our further contact.

Without your proximity, sweet days would be boring in no time.

I became a man of few words and rarely laughed. I completed my daily training plan in silence, closed my homework and reading books in the evening, and no longer participated in various group activities in the living room. I went to bed early.

I turned off the light, hid under the covers with my eyes open, and listened intently to the movement from your room.

I often hear that you are released very late, you open the door of the hut with the key, step into the porch, check the fire, check the lights, and finally, you carry the boiling hot water, pour it into the thermos, you go back to your room, close the door.

The cells all over my body break through the walls and follow your every move.

I long to speak to you alone again. Longing for you to appear in the light of my room. Longing for the crook of your arms, your embrace, your breath and your kisses.

But I also knew very well that I had to quench that desire.

Since we met, I have caused you too much trouble, and I have also added a lot of trouble to Coach Wang. I can't bother you like that anymore. I can only accept the mistakes of fate, I can only endure the limitations of our age and identity, and I can only wait patiently for me to grow up and gain the power to choose freely.

I was in a dark room, thinking about you alone. Think back to every detail and scene from the first day we met to the present. You shine in my memory, and I, relying on this light from memory, survived the cold and loneliness of this long night.

(b)

Soon, the day of farewell to Bosan came.

We successfully ended the intensive training in Bosan and embarked on the road back with full harvest. The night before parting, we both held a gala party, and both sides performed programs.

On behalf of our varsity, you gave the base 20 landscape paintings that you painted during your time in Bosan. The base leader accepted your gifts and said that they would be hung in the hallway of the Bosan base office building to remember our friendship.

Later, they actually hung the paintings in the hallway of the office building.

However, when I returned to the Bosan base many years after your death, the paintings were no longer there. The original office building has been demolished and rebuilt. I saw another taller, shiny silver building on the spot where the original office building was located. I've tried to find out where your paintings are. I asked several people, and finally a retired logistics chief told me that when the old building was demolished, they had planned to throw the paintings away, but a local dealer came and said that he had a friend who liked the 20 watercolors in the building and wanted to buy them. So, they sold the paintings to the interested dealer for 500 yuan each.

I left the base with an endless sense of loss.

After a few more years, one day, Mr. Chai from the art class came to me. He said that there are some things that he has collected for many years, and now he can finally return them to Zhao. He gave me a big box. When he left, I opened the boxes and burst into tears.

I've seen a whole box of your paintings when you were alive. From the art assignments I did for me, to the watercolors in the corridors of Beausan. There are so many paintings, I watched you finish them by your side. And then there's the ones I haven't seen before. However, in the corner of the picture, there is a familiar signature and a date written by you. Mr. Chai carefully framed them, either in a book, or framed, and cleaned them up exquisitely and beautifully. This is how deeply he misses you. This is also his deep sympathy for our love.

So, the painting you gave to Bosan back then is finally back in my hands.

In the dead of night, I often go to the attic of the house, open this box, sit on the floor, and look at the paintings you left behind when you were alive, one by one. The old days are like a spring of water pouring into my heart.

Mourning and nostalgia are unstoppable.

I've never forgotten you. Not a day.

(c)

We boarded the station wagon where we came.

I sat in the car. I leaned against the glass window.

I saw you and Director Wang put the heavy equipment and our luggage in the luggage compartment one by one.

I watched you stand at the door, counting the number of players who had boarded the bus with a roster in hand.

I watched you talk to Director Wang. You talk to the teacher from the base's logistics office. You talk to the driver.

The driver got into the car. Director Wang also got in the car. The doors closed. The car started.

You weren't placed in this car.

Director Wang deliberately arranged you and the security guards in the equipment car behind you, escorting firearms and other things. You'll have to wait an hour later for the local police to arrive before you can go.

I saw your gaze in the car window following our car.

The teachers at the base have been talking to you.

You nod in agreement, take one last look at the car, and then you turn away.

You've just disappeared from my sight.

I looked out the window at the snow-capped mountains and verdant slopes, and the vast expanses of fields and lavender, all of which receded and vanished.

Bossan. Bye. Our last paradise.

(iv)

You are standing alone in the woods.

The bright-eyed fawn, with moist lips and an innocent expression, stands beside you, patiently waiting for you to open your pocket.

You pour a bag of carrots over the fawn's frequented place. You reach out and pet the deer that is concentrating on eating the carrot.

You look at its big eyes that are warm and friendly.

The fawn sticks out its tongue and gently rubs it against you with the top of its hornless head, licking your palm one at a time.

You reach out and put your arm around its neck.

You say, "Separation is always uncomfortable." The more spiritual and sensitive the heart, the more uncomfortable it will be. But we don't have to be sad, can we? We'll see you again in the future. It's just that it will be a long, long time later. ”

You say, "This is a protected area, and no one will hurt you." You'll also have new friends, you'll find new food, and you'll have new surprises waiting on the road ahead. ”

You say lovingly, "Live well, little thing." I won't come again tomorrow. Don't be disappointed. I'm going a long way away. We'll see you soon. ”

(5)

Year 2006. Once again, I reached the glacier in the area of the Bosan Snow Mountain.

I wore a down jacket and two pairs of gloves and waited from 4:30 a.m. until 10 a.m. until the clouds cleared.

The silhouette of the snowy peak, which we have looked up to many times, gradually emerges from the mist, and in the sunlight it glistens like gold.

I stood alone on the ice that had been formed eons ago, looking up at the golden snow-capped peaks that appeared in the blue sky.

I just looked at it like that, with Laicra's camera in my hand, and forgot to take a picture.

I miss you so much. I think so much, I think so much. (To be continued.) )