Confucius said: It would be good if people's morality was as good as they were about women. Princes should not choose beautiful women among their subjects as wives and concubines. Therefore, the gentleman is not greedy for women, and sets an example for the people. Therefore, men and women do not kiss each other. To drive a car for a woman, you should step forward with your left hand. When aunts, sisters, and daughters return to their mother's house after they are married, the man no longer sits at the same table with them. Widows should not cry at night. If a woman is sick, you can ask her if she is mild or severe, but don't ask her what she is suffering from. In this way, the people are educated, and the people still mess with the relationship between men and women and corrupt morality.

Confucius said: According to the rules of the wedding, the new son-in-law should personally go to the woman's house to greet the relatives, meet the father-in-law and mother-in-law, and the father-in-law and mother-in-law hand over the daughter to the new son-in-law, and ask her to be filial and obedient after seeing the mother-in-law's family. In this way, people are educated, and there are those who are not filial.

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(31) Moderation

"The Mean" is an essay on Confucian sexual cultivation, which is said to have been written by Confucius's grandson Si, and is an important treatise on educational theory in ancient China. Zhu Xi, a physicist in the Southern Song Dynasty, called "The Mean", "The University", "The Analects" and "Mencius" as the "Four Books". After the Song Dynasty and the Yuan Dynasty, "The Mean" became an official textbook and a compulsory reading for the imperial examination, which had a great impact on ancient education.

The way given by God is called sex, and the act of following the nature given by God is called the Tao, and the way being cultivated and made to be imitated by others is called teaching. The Tao cannot be left for a moment; If you can leave, it is not the Tao. Therefore, the gentleman is also consciously vigilant and cautious in places that people can't see, and he still trembles in places where people can't hear. There is no secret that can not be discovered, and there is no small thing that can not be revealed, so the gentleman is also very cautious when the two are alone. People's joys, sorrows, and sorrows have not yet been expressed, and they are called medium; Manifesting and conforming to the norms everywhere is called harmony. It is the greatest foundation of the world; Harmony is the universal law of the world. When neutralization is achieved, the heavens and the earth will be in order, and all things will develop and grow.

Confucius said: A gentleman insists on moderation, and a villain violates moderation. The reason why a gentleman insists on moderation is because he has the virtue of a gentleman, so he is always appropriate; The reason why the villain violates the mean is because he has the heart of the villain, so he is unscrupulous. Confucius said: Moderation is probably the highest moral standard! It's a pity that people rarely do it for a long time! Confucius said: The reason why the golden mean cannot be practiced is that the wise man has overdone it, but the stupid man has not yet reached it. I know the reason why the golden mean cannot be revealed: the sage has overdone it, but the unsage has not yet reached it. There is no one who does not eat or drink, but very few can taste it. Confucius said: The golden mean probably cannot be practiced!

Confucius said: Shun is probably the wisest person! He is not ashamed to ask questions and is good at examining superficial words, covering up what others say wrong, and praising what others say is right; He grasped the two extremes of the past and the under, and took the middle ground so that both the stupid and the wise could practice it. This is the reason why Shun is Shun!

Confucius said: Everyone says that they are smart, and they want to be driven to the nets, traps, and traps but they don't know how to dodge. Everyone said I was wise, but they chose the golden mean, but they couldn't stick to it for a month.

Confucius said: Yan Hui is a person, he has chosen the golden mean, and if he has made a little progress, he will keep it in his heart and never lose it. Confucius said: The country under heaven can be governed, the title can be resigned, and the sharp blade can be stepped on, but the golden mean is difficult to do.

Zilu asked Confucius for advice on what is strong. Confucius said, "Are you asking whether the south is strong or the north is strong?" Or is it your own strength? Teach people with generosity and gentleness, even if others are the most unreasonable, and they will not retaliate with a tooth for a tooth, this is the strength of the south, and only a gentleman can do it. Wearing armor, waiting for the day, and not regretting the death in battle, this is what the strong people in the north and the strong temperament can do. Therefore, the gentleman is harmonious and obedient and does not follow the crowd, this is the real strength! Neutrality and impartiality, this is the real strength! When the country has a way, it will not change its ethics when it is poor, this is the real strength! When the country has no way, it will not change its ambition until death, this is the real strength!

Confucius said: Seek the hidden truth, make strange actions, and future generations will have a description of this kind of deception and fame-stealing behavior, and I will not do this. A gentleman walks on the right path and gives up halfway, but I can't stop. A gentleman acts according to the golden mean, and if he encounters no way, he has to hide in the world, even if he is not known, he will not regret it. This is something that only a saint can do. The way of a gentleman is vast and subtle. In general, even ordinary men and women can know one or two; When it comes to its highest level, even a saint doesn't know it. In general, ordinary men and women can do it; When it comes to its highest level, even saints can't.

Heaven and earth are so big, people still feel some regrets. Therefore, the greatness that the gentleman said cannot be carried by the whole world; said that it is small, and the whole world can be analyzed by five people. The Book of Songs says: The eagle spreads its wings and flies to the sky, and the fish swim in the abyss. This means that the virtues of the saints are evident in heaven and earth. The way of a gentleman begins with what ordinary men and women know and do; When it comes to its highest state, it is known between heaven and earth.

Confucius said: The Tao cannot be far from people. If a person practices the Word and is far away from him, then it cannot be a Word. The "Book of Songs" says: Chop the handle of the axe, chop the handle of the axe, and the style is in front of you. Holding the handle of the axe to chop the handle of the axe, holding the handle of the axe and cutting the handle of the wooden axe, squinting at the two of them, still feeling that the difference is very far away. Therefore, the gentleman's governance of people, even if it is the way of others, also governs the body of others, and if there is a mistake, it can be changed, and it will no longer be blamed. the spirit of forgiveness; It's not far from the road, and others let them do things they don't want to do, and don't let others do it.