(a)

You hugged me.

You hugged me tightly as I fainted.

With your whole life, you hugged me tightly and hugged me as I fell into the abyss.

Every time, every time, it's like this. In the process of my fall into the abyss, you will suddenly appear in my field of vision like this, and pull me with your life. Our lives will always merge with each other at such moments, suddenly, and suddenly. Then my life will rise and my soul will go from the abyss to heaven. I will become like the full moon of the Mid-Autumn Festival, bright and full, clear and bright.

How many times have we met like this?

How many times have you been in my field of vision like this? Like how many times have you disappeared from my sight?

I fell into your arms like a drop of water back into the sea.

From then on, I was no longer a drop of water. I have the majesty of the sea, the depth of the sea, the power of the waves and the endless rise of the tides and waves of the sea, and the courage to overwhelm the mountains and the sea.

(b)

Through my eyelids, I feel the temperature of your gaze.

I feel you coming out of the cells of your body.

You fill all that I am, from the outside to the inside, in every tiny corner, in every dim, bright corner.

You are watching me in all directions. You are watching me in the depths and inside of my life. You have watched me in all your history and in the future.

I opened my eyes. I'm already in my bedroom.

I look at you in the vicissitudes of life. In the days after parting, all these years, everything you deliberately concealed from me, everything you and Liu Shen deliberately concealed from me, all appeared in front of my eyes in an instant.

I had a mist in my eyes.

There are ten thousand knives, no, billions of knives, stirring in my heart. That kind of painful stirring can make the sun and the moon dull, and can make the three thousand worlds flood agitation.

Death and illness, please don't torture him like this! Come and torture me! Come and slaughter me, come and kill me, crush me!

I don't want to be put in the peace by you, and nothing happens! I'm willing to go straight to hell and bear all the unbearable, and bear all the unbearable for you!

The reason why I was born here now, and what I have been through, is because I wished to do so at that time. I still wish so sincerely.

Thinking that this is what you share, all the pain will no longer be suffering at all. I will be able to have a warm, soft, quiet, peaceful, bright heart, in the midst of all pain, and be at peace.

Being able to share it for you, these are nothing.

When a person has the truest, deepest, and most firm desire to free himself from the pain of another life, all the swords and fires, all the broken bones, these are nothing at all.

(c)

You look at me. You say, "They told me that you haven't spoken since you lost your child." You didn't say a word again. ”

You say, "Let me hear your voice again, Jean." I haven't heard you speak to me in years. ”

I can't refuse you, just like a plant can't refuse the sun, rain and dew.

How can I refuse you? Even if you want me to spend my life with a strange man, I can't say no to you.

So, I said, "Are you real?" Or is it a dream? ”

You say, "It's me." I am back. ”

You say, "I came back to be with you." Makes you better. So that you don't feel so sad anymore. ”

I said, "Could it be, wait a while, when you wake up from your dream, you'll disappear again without a trace?" ”

You say, "No." I'll stay here. I will come to the palace every day to see you. If you want to see me, call me. You can see me when you're asleep, and you can still see me when you wake up. ”

I'm looking at you. I said, "Really? Don't lie to me. I've been tormented by your lack of news. My heart is full of fragments. ”

You say, "It's true." You say, "I promise." This time, it's true. ”

But can I trust your assurances?

Who knows, what exactly is real and what is just a dream?

When you don't wake up from a dream, whatever isn't true looks like it's all true.

The so-called dream is to think that all illusions are real.

(iv)

I said, "Why didn't you tell me for so long?" Why are you hiding it from me? ”

I said, "Why don't you let me share your fate?" Why should I be kept out all the time? ”

You say, "Why create more suffering?" Why get involved with you? You didn't have to sink with me. ”

I said, "But you can't isolate me, no matter how far apart, when you go through it, I will go through it at the same time." We are one. ”

You say, "Well, you need to be brave and calm." Not being brave and not being calm will only make us more embarrassed in the face of pain, not more powerful. Sorrow and despair, they do not improve anything, they only make us more vulnerable. ”

You say, "Jean." This ending was born with me. My vow to you, from the beginning, was only what I wanted to do, not what I was able to do. The happy ending you were hoping for, it never existed. We couldn't have grown old together from the start. I can't be with you through this life. It's always been like this. ”

You say, "There is nothing to lose, nothing to lose, and nothing to lose." We can't afford to lose what we don't have in the first place. ”

You say, "Qin'er, everyone who lives will break up with us." We cannot afford not to experience separation. Everything would have been lost. Parents, lovers, children, everything. Loss is just a common thing. ”

You say, "So, don't let such a matter of course defeat you." ”

On the day we were reunited after a long absence, in our last days together, you said to me that everything would have been lost. You say, "Don't let such an ordinary thing defeat you. ”

You say, "Qin'er, please be brave." We can't afford to be defeated by what is normal. ”

When we think that everything is normal and abnormal, we are abnormal.

You are such a person: when I am abnormal, tell me what is a normal person.

You love me. Liu Shen also loves me. There is a lot of generosity and warmth in Liu Shen's love. However, there is no power like you. He had the warmth to keep me from falling, but he didn't have the strength to get me back up on my own.

And me? What can I give you?

What have I given you?