(a)

I have now understood that everything will be irretrievably gone. Pen ~ Fun ~ Pavilion www.biquge.info parents, relatives and neighbors, you, Liu Shen, loyal courtiers, new kings who have just ascended the throne, my sons and daughters, grandchildren in school and in swaddling clothes, once prosperous dynasties, and everyone in this palace, everyone in the street, everyone in the field, all the flying and wriggling, even the sun, moon and stars.

I can't keep you. Even if I stayed in the place where you embraced me for the last time, doing my best to preserve the memory of you, I would not be able to keep anything. I can't stop your bones from decomposing and disappearing in the abyss below the cliffs. I can't stop you from becoming a god in the temple of war and a statue of the guardian of the emperor's tomb in the history of the dynasty. I couldn't stop all the joy from flowing like water.

In the same way, I can't stop all kinds of strange situations from pouring in like a tidal wave. I can't stop Liu Shen from coming into my life, I can't stop him from becoming my husband, I can't stop him from pressing me down on this table, I can't stop the birth of our son, I can't stop spending a long life with him as his wife, I can't stop him from breathing, and I can't stop him from breathing and become a tablet in the temple, a majestic imperial mausoleum.

In fact, all kinds of struggles are useless in the end. In the end, it didn't work. The only sensible attitude is to accept. Peacefully, quietly, peacefully, peacefully, and accept it all. Accept the arrival of all things that go well or don't go your way, and accept the end of all happiness or sorrow. That's what we can really do.

As a new widow, at the age of gray hair, I sat here alone, watching the reluctance and clenching of people outside.

My son is clinging to the honor of his new king, he is thinking about how to make this dynasty rise to the top of his ancestors, he is thinking about how to guard against and eradicate potential threats, and he has his eyes set on new territories. His wives and concubines were thinking about how to maintain their safety and honor during and after his death. They will try to win the favor of their son so that he can be made crown prince. The farmers, they were thinking about how to get more land, better harvests, how to renovate and expand their houses, how to marry their sons. Merchants in the market are thinking about where to get better goods, increase the profit of each product, and beat the competitors around them. And those who read have dreams of leaving a name in history.

All of them are desperately trying to hold on to something, what to have, what to keep, and even the newborn baby will cry and clench his little fists.

However, they don't know that all of this will eventually come to naught.

(b)

"Whoever you used to be, it's just the wind that I came back to my senses and disappeared in the palm of my hand."

(c)

I was sitting in that warm pavilion that was open on all sides, and I saw the end of everyone. I saw prosperous streets turned into deserts, and glorious palaces in ruins; I saw graves appear, then bulldozed; I saw babies born and then buried. I have seen the borders of the land constantly changing, the people changing their languages, the faces on the throne constantly moving, and the crops in the fields growing and harvesting.

I'm just an ordinary old woman. I don't have the eye of heaven, I don't have supernatural powers. I, like you, like all people, am an ordinary, fleeting, insignificant passer-by between life and death. However, on that day, I saw the vastness that I could not see with the naked eye, and I also saw the past and the future that the physical body could not pass through. All the time and space, all unfolded in front of me.

I sat in the middle of this vast panorama of time and space.

That day, I knew that all of this would come to naught.

This is the most realistic insight I have ever realized in my life.

(iv)

The door of the warm pavilion was pushed open again. In the bright light, a tall man walked in.

This time, it was no longer Liu Shen who came in, but our son, the emperor of this country.

"The Queen Mother. Please mourn. You have been sitting here for a long time, they say. ”

Oh, yes. It's been a long time coming. If I had not sat here for thirty years, I would never have seen this incomparably grandiose spectacle.

I looked at my son, at his black beard. Sometimes, being too blessed is also a misfortune. If he is not the new emperor, if he is not so busy, if he can also sit here for thirty years.

If they are willing to stop, if they are willing to be less busy, if they are willing to settle down, and if they sit for thirty years, they will understand that, in fact, even if they spend their lives like this, they have not missed anything, and they have not lost anything.

But I also know that this is not necessary to be said to them. They won't do that. They feel that it is unreasonable and abnormal to sit here quietly and do nothing like this. They were anxious that their mother was in such a situation.

They won't understand that, in fact, this is normal.

However, I don't have anything to worry about. All the roads, no matter how long, eventually lead to this. Someday, after countless heart-wrenching losses and failures, they will all get here. I'm sitting here quietly. Waiting for a reunion after a long time.

It turns out that the best thing in this world is to know that everything in this world is colorful, in fact, there is nothing good.

(5)

"The Queen Mother. Please, say something. Seeing you silent like this, the sons felt very sad in their hearts. "The emperor said to me.

But now, I really don't feel any sad. Because the grief and despair I see are so common, too grandiose, too boundless, and in the midst of such an infinite vastness, the sorrow of the individual is imperceptibly diluted to almost nothing. It's like a drop of water falling into the sea, and it's hard to find it again.

I said to the emperor, "Why should you be sad? Don't you feel happy to see your mother finally be able to face such a change by herself, so quietly? ”

I looked at my son. I got up from the circle chair.

I said, "Look into my eyes, Your Majesty, do you think Mother, has lost the strength to stand up?" ”

This power is not easy to come by. But, once acquired, it is not lost again.

"Your Majesty, don't stand so worried. You can also feel the warmth of the sunshine of the peaceful and prosperous times, and let this warmth enter the body and mind. This warmth is your father's life and your father's body temperature. He is still with us. I said.

"There is no force in this world that can turn what exists into non-existence. Everything is just, in a constant stream, from one existence to another. ”

Therefore, gains and losses, life and death, are just illusions.

(f)

"In this life, I came to discover myself. In this life, I came to meet myself. (Kanjiro Kawai) (To be continued.) )