(a)

Liu Shen, accompanied and guarded by me, closed his eyes for the last time. This closure never opened again. He slept peacefully this time and never woke up again.

In the second half of the night, Liu Shen, the eternal benevolent monarch who had become the inner saint and the outer king, stopped breathing in his sleep. He walked so peacefully, without showing any pain, that when he stopped breathing, the guardians didn't immediately notice it.

The imperial doctor found the abnormality, came over to carefully examine, and confirmed that he had lost his breath and was unable to return to the sky, and the dormitory suddenly howled and wailed.

The crown prince hurriedly sent his chamberlain to Zhaoyang Palace to deliver a letter to me.

When I woke up from my daze, half-asleep, hurriedly put on my cloak, and hurried to his side, he had left me forever, no longer in this world.

His limbs were cold. Only there is a faint amount of heat near the heart socket. He looked calm, his muscles stretched, he seemed at ease, without any regrets, and the corners of his mouth were slightly upturned, as if with a smile of satisfaction, and there was no sign of feeling the pain of dying.

I held his hand, which had begun to stiffen, and felt the coldness spread from him to my body.

All the important people of the harem and the outer court gathered in his dormitory, and knelt down behind me and the crown prince.

In front of everyone, under the leadership of the head of the Imperial Hospital, all the imperial doctors carefully examined Liu Shen again, then knelt down in unison and announced to me with unbearable grief: His Majesty the Emperor has passed away.

The whole Miyagi was once again mourning. Whether it was the important ministers of the foreign dynasty, or Liu Shen's concubines, the elderly and young children of the clan, and the palace attendants, they all burst into tears and cried uncontrollably.

In the midst of a resounding cry, I looked at this man who has accompanied me all my life, this man who has been grinding with my ears and temples countless times, this man who is with you with all my heart, the father of all my children, the person who tolerates me the most, the person who loves me the most, and understands me the most, I can't help but cry.

I fell beside him.

I was so grief-stricken that I couldn't speak.

I felt extreme depletion and desolation.

Farewell, my husband. Farewell, beloved Nioh.

All glory will fall, and all achievements will become a thing of the past.

All the heroes of the world, all of them, can conquer everything, but they cannot, conquer death.

(b)

During the long years of living with Liu Shen, I once imagined the moment of saying goodbye to him.

I thought I wouldn't be particularly sad. Because of his death, I can finally be released from the confinement of Liu Shen's wife. I finally went back to being without a husband. This used to be something I thought about day and night when I was younger.

Now, my dream has finally come true. However, I did not feel the slightest relief or joy at the release of the prisoners. I only felt heaviness and suffocation. My heart was clung tightly to emptiness and loneliness, and even the air was thinned out by it.

The solemn wakes and funerals, the enthronement and canonization of the new monarch, the union of the monasteries throughout the country, and the unprecedented grand uncovered release of life have all passed like a marquee.

I followed the etiquette and did everything I was supposed to do, but inside, I was always in a trance, everything on the outside seemed so unreal, everything was fluttering, and I couldn't take root in my heart.

During this period, I was honored as the Empress Dowager by the son of the newly enthroned emperor, and the crown princess was canonized as the empress of the Middle Palace. It stands to reason that I should move to live in Shangyang Palace, where the Empress Dowager Wang once lived, and vacate Zhaoyang Palace for the new Empress to move in. However, my son and daughter-in-law looked at my sad appearance, I really couldn't bear to touch my sore spot again, considering that I have lived in Zhaoyang Palace for so many years, everything has been very accustomed, and there are traces of Liu Shen's life everywhere, the memories of our common life, so, after they discussed, they decided to rebuild the Zhongxiu Palace located on the central axis of the rear of the palace city, the palace where Liu Shen was the emperor and the concubine, into a new Zhaoyang Palace, and the current Zhaoyang Palace was changed to the Shangyang Palace where the Empress Dowager was raised for the rest of her life. The Shangyang Palace, where the Empress Dowager of the Wang family lived, was changed to the Zhongxiu Palace where the concubine was drafted. In this way, I don't have to move with sadness.

When the new emperor came to report on this arrangement, I was very pleased to hear it.

I'm really reluctant to leave Zhaoyang Palace. I am very grateful to my son and daughter-in-law for their understanding and proper arrangement. In this way, I don't have to leave the warm pavilion in Zhaoyang Palace.

This place, for me, is so important.

It is the last place where you leave me, and it is also the source of life for the new emperor, and the place where Liu Shen and I gave birth to the new king.

It is the home of my soul.

I'm glad to be able to stay here in the twilight of my life, and let it continue to be the way it was the day you left.

Looking at my relieved expression, both the new emperor and the new empress breathed a sigh of relief.

(c)

On the 50th day after Liu Shen's death, I walked into this warm pavilion again.

"Open the door." I said to my attendants, "No. No need to close it. Just let it open like this. Go and open all the windows to let the sun shine in. ”

The smell of sunshine is everywhere.

I sat alone in the warm pavilion with the doors and windows open. Watch the bright light flow through the air.

I sat on a circle chair in the middle of the pavilion and looked at the table opposite. That's where you used to sit. That's where Liu Shen forced me. It was in this place that he gave me a son. This son is now the king of the world.

Where have all the time and space we experienced, all kinds of people and things, disappeared?

I want to know the answer. I want to know the answer to life and death. javascript:

I know that not many people in the outside world care about this. They were thinking about how to win the favor of the new king, weighing the interests of the family, worrying about their daily livelihood, chanting the wind and the moon, and seeking pleasure in wine, they were all swept by the waterfall of life and death and rushed to the steep cliff, but they didn't care about this at all.

Before I met you, before I lost you, I was one of them. Seeing their chaotic hearts is like looking at the image of my own youth in a mirror, and I can't help but feel a soft and affectionate pity.

They don't desperately thirst for answers because they haven't fallen off the cliff yet, or, if they do, they don't remember.

I understand.

But I can't go back to them.

It's like a person who wakes up from a dream and can't go back to his dreams.

I want to know what life and death are, I want to know where life comes from, where I want to go after death, and I want to know if there is a way and a way to leave the predicament of life and death.

I must know about this fundamental confusion of life! Be sure to know it completely and clearly! (To be continued.) )