a. It's not a good habit to get up early to read, please wash your face, brush your teeth, put on makeup, eat breakfast, then go to work and class, and come back to see after 9 o'clock...... Thanks)

b. The books read on the mobile app can't be updated, and the author doesn't know what the app is...... Judging from the jack's book review: "Everyone use the tube of the mobile app, pay attention, after the anti-theft chapter is refreshed, you can read the text by pressing and holding the chapter name in the table of contents to download it again, note that it is about an hour after refreshing, you don't need to delete the book, and everyone reads it and puts it up so that others can see it."

If there are special circumstances, the book can only be deleted and re-added...... As far as I know, the average mobile phone reader can see the newer......

Okay, here's the joke......

1. Just after withdrawing money from the bank, when she turned around, she accidentally bumped into the aunt behind her, and smashed the money in her hand to the ground, she scolded angrily: "The frizzy ones don't have long eyes!" I panicked and said sorry while quickly helping my aunt pick up the money together, and returned the money to my aunt, who counted the money and said, "The money is just right, you go!" I exhaled, fortunately my aunt is a good person, I didn't rely on me to say that the money is less, I went home happily, I always feel that something is wrong when I get home, why did I just withdraw a thousand yuan?

2. My son was just born, and my nephew was less than two years old, and he came to my house to see my brother, and I liked it so much, my sister said, "Give my little brother away," and my nephew's head shook into a rattle, and then my brother-in-law said, "Take my little brother for candy and eat?" The nephew immediately nodded excitedly, what kind of broken child am I:-[

3. Husband: Wife, have you ever been sorry for me in the year I have been out doing business! Wife: Don't ask, it's useless! Husband: Don't be afraid, knowing your mistakes can improve a lot. XsHuoTXt, you name one, give you a hundred dollars! Wife: Get out, I'm still missing a few thousand dollars!

4. When I transferred my driver's license, there was a senior brother who had already taken the test 11 times! Later, the driving school couldn't stand it anymore. Decided to give him a relationship. During the road test, we saw his amazing driving skills. I saw that the senior brother got into the car, sat down, and was just about to speak. The invigilator gave him a blank look: "Fasten your seatbelt first!" Panicked and fastened: "Report to the examiner, everything is normal." Request to take off! The examiner's face shook a few times: "You fly a plane!" Do you want to go to heaven?! "Ten meters ahead! Stop the car! Get down! It's over! Get lost!!!

5. The company hired a Japanese to do the planning.

On his first day on the job, he told his colleagues, "I was an overtime workaholic when I was working in Japan, and I came home late every day, and I hope everyone can keep up with me." ”

A month later, he resigned and returned to Japan, throwing out the following sentence: "It's inhumane for you to work overtime like this!" ”

6. Funny older leftover girl than her best friend, she has never been in love, looks good, has a good job and family, and has failed countless blind dates for unknown reasons. Until recently, I met a humorous and funny man, and after dating for more than two months, I watched movies, played games, went shopping, and ate delicious food, thinking that this was love, but in the third month, the guy finally couldn't help it. said, sister, if this continues, we should insert three pillars of incense and kowtow to worship the handle...! Later, I asked her, to what extent has it developed, and she said ignorantly that it is the same as falling in love with others, playing shopping together, watching movies and eating, I asked if it was okay? She excitedly said no, did you hold hands? She actually rolled her eyes and said how to eat holding hands............???!!!

7. I can say that yesterday I was squatting in the toilet in the Qingyin Expressway service area, and I was looking at my phone and, and a miracle happened, and a lady pushed open the door. Surprised, grandma's, hurry up and leave. Come out and take a look, yes, you guessed it, I ****** in the women's toilet in the service area during the day, and I was also dizzy

8. Fresh, the cotton swab that ran out of ears was about to be thrown into the trash can in the distance, when my boyfriend was coming out of the room and said that you can throw it in. Whatever you want, I replied with a look of disdain. Straighten your posture and run to the trash can without saying a word. Accurately put it in,,Put it in,Ahaha,Witty as me,Don't ask much,,You cleared the goods in the shopping cart for me,My boyfriend beat his chest next to me,God,Don't play games with women,,

9. I asked my girlfriend, why did you choose me when there were so many men pursuing you in the first place?

I saw her shyly say to me, because you are rich and coarse and you are an honest person

10. My girlfriend just went to work in a company, because the new employee doesn't know anything, but Manager Wang takes special care of her, it's not more than eleven o'clock, and the manager is still training her alone, alas! It's hard work, if you're free, please ask Manager Wang.

11. Beep the dog! Driving today waiting for a red light, there is a tricycle in front. I lowered my head and made a WeChat effort, and suddenly I heard a sudden sound, and the tricycle moved forward. I followed with one foot on the accelerator. I walked to the middle of the intersection, and when I saw it, the red light was still Nima for more than ten seconds to end! Nima!! Since you're going to run a red light, what are you doing stopping in front of me for dozens of seconds??!! I thought the light was green!!

12. I remembered playing online games in the past, and one of my classmates was troubled! 2000 bucks to buy a weapon! All kinds of B! A few of our classmates ran away and stood next to him! Ask him if he dares to throw his weapon out? Watch us pick up and cry to death for you! He started pretending! After running for a while, he said I lost it! Then throw it out and pick it up yourself! Throw it away and pick it up! And laughed! Come and pick it up! And you get the idea! Thrown out! The power is out at the Internet café! Good guys ignored us for weeks!

13. Drunk and peed in front of the goddess on the street, but she confessed to me the next day

14. The emperor put on a new garment made by two crooks.

The liar said, "Your Majesty, what a beautiful pattern, what a beautiful color, soft as a spider's web......

The emperor stood in front of the mirror, twisted his waist, and said, "Very good...... Make one for all the women in the country......

15.QQ has a girl called "eyebrows and eyes with a smile" online.,It seems to be a student in the College of Finance in college.

Me: Hello, are you also from xx university?

Eyebrows and smiles: yes.

Me: I heard that you are a beautiful woman, or a single beauty.

Eyebrows and smiles: yes.

Me: If you have time, let's go out tomorrow and play together.

Eyebrows and smiles: yes.

Me: Can you be my girlfriend?

Eyebrows and smiles: yes.

Me: You're very reactive...

Her: Hmm.

Me: Could it be... The legendary... Autoresponder?

Her: Hmm.

16. My son wants to buy toys, and his father says you call my wife and let's go together. My son said yes happily, ran to me, tugged at the corner of his clothes, and said to me with a little face: "Dear wife, let's go!" Then he turned around and yelled: Daddy. I've called for you...... Emma, this father and son, what a treasure!

17.

The son is taking a bath. My stomach hurts and I want to poop. I went to the shower room and called: Wash it quickly, it's almost good to wash, Dad is in a hurry.

My son opened the door immediately, shirtless, and there were still a lot of foam on my body, I couldn't care so much, go in and solve it first, and in less than two minutes my son called outside: Dad. It's almost finished, it's almost good.

18. True Story~~~ Premise............ Our manager stayed with us! Plant! One day deliberately looking for me and my colleagues...... After work, my colleagues and I took the manager's cup and toothbrush to the bathroom to clean the toilet~~ but we were busy~~~Wash~Wash~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

19. My girlfriend is 7 months pregnant, and she often complains to me: "People inside want to get out, but can't get out, people outside want to get in, but can't get in!" During this time, the skin of the mouth is almost worn out!

20. I read a domineering comment on Taobao today, and the general content of the express delivery is as follows: I work in the traffic police team~ Today, my colleague detained a car with an illegal YTO Express~ I bought a pair of pants from Taobao, and checked the logistics status to be delivered, but after waiting for two days, I suddenly sent a message to me: I am YTO. Your courier will come to our company to pick it up, and I will never send the express mail of your traffic police force in the future......... I don't send it.........

21. Yesterday I was shopping with friends, and at noon she was hungry and bought a few meat buns. When I was eating, she gave me a bite to eat, and I couldn't eat it, and when I asked her what was wrong, she said, "I just want to try what is called meat buns and dogs."

………… Don't run, I promise I won't kill you......

22. The queen stood in front of the magic mirror and asked, "Magic mirror magic mirror, tell me quickly, who is the most beautiful woman in the world." "Snow White."

"Huh?" The queen was furious and said angrily: "How old is this little girl to become a woman!" Who did this to you! ”

23. Someone who lives in a hotel calls me and asks if I want a lady. I told him to come and have a nice one, and ten minutes later there was a knock on the door. I opened the door and saw that it was my brother and his girlfriend. What do you say I should do?

24. When I was naughty when I was a child, I always thought about not going to class, so I quietly smeared Mao Lizi on the teacher's bicycle fart seat. The next day we had a holiday, saying that the teacher had something to do temporarily

I tasted the sweetness, and I wanted to do bad things again that day between classes

It turned out that one of my classmates was more witty than me, and he was caught by the teacher who was hiding nearby......

25. Wife is reading a book about horoscopes...... Beautifully cut...... She is a Cancer, and she saw that the book said that Cancerians are getting prettier the longer they get. Then she said to me, "I think so too, I find that I'm much prettier now." I said, "How ugly you must have been when you ****** a child!" ”

26. The colleagues who came in together last night had a dinner, and went out to say goodbye to each other after they were done. I saw a girl standing still, so I took the initiative to go over and say, "I have a tram to take you off." The girl kept saying no, no, no, and finally she took out a key and pressed it gently, and an Audi not far away flashed its lights.

28. Today I took the bus to the company, and a little girl stood beside me halfway, holding the apple in her hand and smiling at me and saying, "Uncle, is it okay for me to exchange my apple for your seat"? I looked at such a cute little Lori and agreed. When I was about to eat the apple I had just changed, the little girl quickly said to me, "Uncle, don't eat it yet, and I'll change it back with you when I get to the station."

29. Forcing a working girl to work a piece of paper, everywhere to see who is a single dog! I couldn't find a partner or something, so I wondered why no one cared if I wasn't single? Nima once chatted with a colleague and talked about this, and he replied to me in surprise, aren't you married? I'll rub it, which **** rumors dare to cut off my sales, let me know that my mother will cut off your life!

30. An old man drove a donkey cart into the city, met a woman on the way, the woman asked for a ride, the old man agreed, the weather was very hot on the way, woman: Why don't we go to the big tree to enjoy the cool, let your donkey go to graze, this time and then hurry, the old man agreed, to the tree the woman put the old man qj. Continuing to hurry, the woman proposed to go to the cool again, and the old man was secretly happy and agreed. Coming to the county seat soon, woman: We're here soon, are we going to enjoy the cool? Old man: Roll the calves!! After walking five miles, I have been cool for more than twenty years! I'm so cool, I can't be cooler, I'm going to graze, you let my donkey and you be cool......

ps: Remind again, please watch again after 9 o'clock, and watch again after 9 o'clock...... The important thing is said three times, and the author is also forced to be helpless, and if he can't return to 1000 orders, he won't be able to push the big seal...... (To be continued.) )